Waves

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Everything posted by Waves

  1. Thank you all for your suggestions! Yeah I've been working on my self-esteem for quite some time now, and as I grow it gets more solid, but I'm nowhere near to an unshakable confidence. I do speak a lot in one-on-one conversations, but I tend to filter much more what I say in group settings. As always, the obstacle is fear. @Rigel Hehe I like to do that, but I somehow always choose to sing high pitched songs, which are not best suited to my voice. I started to practice singing my favorite rap songs to develop a better "flow", pronunciation and modulation. It's fun but I feel I strain my voice a little bit due to lack of technique. @Timothy Since I learned about diaphragm breathing and practicing it when I meditate, I started spotting the tension in my stomach during the day or when I'm speaking. I actually got a massage to my diaphragm, but it wasn't that tight. I'll keep focusing more on awareness. @Spiral Thanks! I was looking for something like this. So far he seems a bit a try-hard, but I'll consider taking the course. @Leo Gura I usually speak out loud when I study, I like it, but my voice tires quickly somehow. I'll check out Roger Love's resources, thanks! @ivankiss Man, I love that. Thank you. @Thewritersunion It's not that my voice is quiet, it's just not powerful and whole as I feel it could be. The fact that I became shy growing up didn't help with developing a strong voice.
  2. Yeah you're right, I've noticed this and what I do is just grab my phone and lay in bed for some time. I'll schedule my Saturday on Friday night this weekend, and see how it goes. @nistake In the past I would spend the majority of my weekend time playing video games, but now I reduced it to the bare minimum. What I do instead is watch Youtube videos, so it hasn't changed much. I know I need some of that to wind down from the week, but it still feels like wasted time looking back, even though in the moment I wouldn't do anything else. It's a weird state of mind. @LastThursday The thing is, I don't know if this apathy in my downtime is a by-product/symptom of my lack of direction or just a natural part of the week that I don't want to accept. Probably both. I'll contemplate those questions. Thank you all, I appreciate your inputs
  3. There is a weird pattern in my life I'm trying to understand: during the week I'm occupied with school work, exercise, meditation, cooking, reading,... and since I have a kind of daily structure I feel I'm moving, and even though it's not close to the life I want to have, I have direction. Then weekends arrive, and even if I have the intention to study or to exercise, my attitude and experience of life changes quite dramatically. Because I have the freedom to choose what to do in a whole day, I feel lost and end up wasting my time. I probably need some time to relax, but honestly I don't work that hard during the week. I just lose direction. I'm still on shaking grounds in terms of my purpose, and that doesn't help. I tell myself that I'm still testing the waters, but I'm doing that in a very apathetic way. What I do during the week acts a small compass that gives me momentary direction, but it's also distracting me from the feeling of lack of purpose and direction, and as soon as external obligations fall down, I dive into apathy. Even if I want to work on finding my passion, my mental state is in a place where it looks pointless. Can you help me see something that I don't?
  4. The idea is to first build and develop an healthy, strong ego, and then (after years of work) to dissolve it. It is the same concept as Maslow's pyramid: first fulfill basic needs (self-esteem, relationships,...) and then you can think about going for transcendence. You learn to strengthen your ego by working on your self-esteem and self-love, doing shadow work, facing your fears, taking responsibility for your life, being proactive, following through on your desires, achieving your goals,...
  5. I've started drinking coffee more and more mainly because it gives me an energy boost for studying and working out, but also because I started to enjoy sitting down with a nice cup, taking in the aroma, appreciating the moment of stillness and presence, and maybe writing some thoughts in my journal. What I've noticed is that it makes me more focused, curious, and engaged with life. And that's a dangerous association right there. I have to be careful not to link not being caffeinated with being unable to function properly. I try to avoid drinking coffee on one or two days per week, so that it doesn't become a daily routine, and it serves me as a "proof" that I'm still able to do what I need to do without external aids. I guess I could substitute it for something less aggressive, but for now it's just too convenient and pleasant. I must be hooked already
  6. This is your problem. Figure it out, deconstruct what it means for you to be happy. In which environment/context are you? Who is there with you? How is happiness manifesting in your body/experience? What does it smell like? Where are you? How are you dressed? Paint pictures in your mind. The more detailed and diverse, the better. Happiness is tricky, maybe start with something more simple, for example you desire having meaningful friendships, which will make you happy. You could see yourself in a nice park, relaxing under the sun. You can smell the springy fragrance of grass, you're sitting next to people you feel connected to and at ease with, you're laughing, there are some delicious snacks around that you and your friends made with love, you're listening to chill music, to the wind, to other people cheering in the park, and you notice that a feeling of joy is expanding from your heart, you feel so grateful for being alive and there with those people you love. I don't know, something like that. Try to be specific and make it as real as possible.
  7. Yeah it can be frustrating to work in an environment like that, I find that too much music, especially if doesn't resonate with you, can be pretty draining. You could use earplugs if you don't have to talk to anybody while working, or at least do that when you need to focus. If you're allowed to, you could wear headphones/earphones, not all of them have noise-cancelling properties. Confront them and ask them to lower the volume or move the radio closer to them, or something like that.
  8. @Michael569 What shift in perspective allowed you to go back to still eat a tiny bit of animal products without feeling "guilty"? I have been full plant-based (whole foods as much as I can) for 4 months now, after a slow transition of 2 years, but I even though I don't have cravings I sometimes feel that I'm too strict with it, and we know that strictness and nutrition don't go well together. I just wonder if going back to eat some cheese in special occasions (we love to eat fondue and raclette here in Switzerland in the winter) will lead to a negative cascade of going back to old habits. I can see I fear going back to eating animal products because it would take away my clear label of "healthy, sustainable, independent from animals" nutrition and somehow change the identity I built around being vegan, even though I'm very careful about being ideological about it and about how I communicate my choice. Do you have any insight that helped you?
  9. How do I teach myself to be creative? How do I discover my creative talents and passion?
  10. That's a good initiative, these kind of activities can be really empowering. I remember being in the same situation (feeling a bit weird for eating alone), while I was travelling, and with time it got better to the point where I enjoy more eating alone than being in bad company It comes with paying less attention to what other people think, with being comfortable with who you are, with being alone, with doing what you want. You can also take the chance to savor your meal/coffee and learn to enjoy these alone moments.
  11. I get a good portion of my protein from soy and I don't see negative consenquences. The reason soy is stigmatized is because it contains phytoestrogens which are thought to bind estrogen receptors in your body, although their effect is much weaker compared to estrogen. (Google around, and check out https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/soy/) Some other caloric options I consume besides the amazing legumes: Potatoes: roughly cut them, spice them up with paprika, chili, garlic powder and bake them. Oats: very nutritious and cheap, eat them with fruit and plant-based milk. Any kind of seasonal fruits, maybe with some peanut butter. Nuts and seeds: add them to salads or have them as snacks. Careful with walnuts though, those are energy bombs (100g --> 650 kcal). Couscous derives from wheat as well. I do eat whole-grain wheat products, I like them and I don't feel bad after eating them.
  12. I'd add this to the good advice already given above: Go to sleep and wake up around the same time everyday. Drink a glass of water as soon as you're on your feet. If you want to get all analytical, you can start paying attention to sleep cycles, which last for about 90 min but vary among people. To wake up refreshed, you want to set your alarm for the time at which your last sleep cycle ends. Try to sleep for 7h30 (5 cycles) and see how you feel, then play around with it, and keep in mind that in average we need 15 min to fall asleep.
  13. That's very exciting! It reminds of the inspiring idea and model of the Renaissance man/woman. I'm curious though: what was your approach to learning all that stuff? I imagine you were always driven by interest and curiosity, but did you go about it as a "dabbler" (jumping from one ability/field to another and coming back to it multiple times) or by immersing yourself and focusing on one field at a time until your interest waned/was fulfilled and your skills developed? I'm just trying to understand how an artist's mind works here
  14. @Dumivid Unless you're a tiny person () 1700 kcal is really low. You can calculate your TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) here https://tdeecalculator.net/. It's basically the rough amount of calories you have to take in in order to maintain your weight. So if you want to put on mass you should add 10% (or 200-300 kcal) to that and try to eat that amount. Just focus on what you want to do in the gym. Focus on executing the movements properly, on feeling the muscles work and on your conscious effort. Don't pay attention to the judgement of other people, they're just thinking about themselves. It will all develop with time, just be consistent
  15. I was worried about this issue as well. I've been tracking what I eat on https://cronometer.com/ for the last month and I've seen I can reach 130-150g of protein with little effort, on a plant-based diet, no protein supplementation. I admit I eat a lot of food (around 3200 kcal equivalent daily, 71 kg of weight), but most of it contains a good amount of fiber and water. You just have to know which foods have a good amount of protein and include them in every meal you have. Some of my usual sources are: tofu, beans, lentils, oats, soy milk, whole wheat products. As a general gym advice I want to stress the importance of mind-muscle connection, which is basically the ability to feel a specific muscle work and to recruit the highest amount of its fibers during an exercise. The stronger the connection, the more efficiently you can use and train your muscles. Another important factor is the intensity with which you train: what's going to give the stimulus to grow to the muscle is the intensity of the exercise and the effort you put in to perform it. Make sure you learn the perfect form of an exercise before you load the weight. Pay attention to your stability, posture and symmetry. If you don't know where to start, it might be a wise choice to buy a 90-day program that fits your needs. (Athlean X's ones look solid), otherwise just start with what you've got, and continue to educate yourself and work on your training plans. There is so much to say about this topic, I've been trying to figure it out for 2 years now.
  16. Oh boy, I've just prepared this bean stew for dinner and it was delicious! It might take some ingredients, but you just have to throw them in a pot/pan and let it simmer, and they're not all necessary for great taste. It's perfect for batch cooking as well once you know the ratios. Bean Stew (avantgardvegan - https://youtu.be/zGMuSVITO3I?t=140) Put in a pan in this order: Onion, garlic & chili pepper until soft (with a splash of water) Red pepper Spices & Herbs Coriander, Oregano, Thyme, Cinnamon, Chili, Garlic Chipotle paste (I dind't have it ) Tomato purée Soy Sauce Beans (2 cans): pinto/black/garbanzo/… 2 cups of water Salt & pepper, let it simmer 15-20 min
  17. Soo quick question after my first mushroom trip (1.5g), which was rather mild: in one week I have the chance to trip again and it will be the last one for a while. What would be the next dosage, keeping in mind that I could still have some minor tolerance after 6 days? Should I go for 2g or 2.5g?
  18. I don't know much about brown flakes, but couldn't you simply have oats with fruits and some milk atlernative? You could also sprinkle some peanut butter, chia, flax and hemp seeds on top for 'em healthy fats.
  19. I think quorn is a good first substitute to meat. It's delicious and packed with proteins. Bear in mind that it's still a processed food: it consists of myco(=fungus)proteins and commonly egg albumen, but at least is not classified as probable carcinogenic, as red meat is. I love to prepare ground quorn as a chili con quorn or simply have quorn cubes with some kind of sauce, veggies and rice. If you're looking for even healthier alternatives, go for beans and lentils
  20. Background In two days I'm going to begin my solo journaling retreat of 7 days. I decided to do this because for the first time in two years I have the time to decompress and put what happened into perspective, especially since these last 4 months have been more intense than usual. I'm at a point where I still lack a compelling vision for my future. I only know here and there what I want to do or could be doing, but right now I feel like everything could be open, and I want to get to the bottom of what I want so that I can choose a proper path for my life purpose and personal growth. I'm also in a very lazy period, my motivation is low, although I'm traveling around in the US. It feels like I'm wasting my time and money here, whereas I thought of coming here to experience, explore and meet new people. So, on the advice of the latest @Leo Gura's video, I decided to cut to the chase and get real about what I'm here on earth to do. I've already been on a solo retreat before, trying to find my life purpose by taking a core portion of the LP course and reading a book, but I think I got distracted a bit there. I wasn't completely alone because of that and I didn't get a lot out of it, but it was still useful, and now I know how to organize the logistics. The plan What I'm going to do is think about my life and introspect. I want to get in touch with my authentic self, my desires, my motives, and with who I really am (not existentially, but as a personality). I'm going to meditate at least 1 hour, maybe 2, with Do Nothing and Mindfulness with Labeling. I'll do some stretching and basic strength exercises, not to get lost too much in my mind. I'm still unsure about how I want to structure the journaling though, and here I am asking for your advice: Would it be wiser to go for quality or for quantity of questions? Some core questions would be: What do I want in life? What have I been doing? <--Analyze what my past 2 years Who am I (as a personality)? What do I love the most about life? What is my greatest gift I could share with the world? Other than contemplating these questions, I think I'll do some sessions at the end of the day where I just let it all out, going with the flow. Additional questions: What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do I fear? How do I play victim? What truths am I refusing to accept? What am I grateful for in my life? How am I being a weak human being? How am I lying to myself? How am I full of shit? Is there another way you would go about it? Other fundamental questions you would contemplate to figure out stuff about yourself? I want to make the most out of this. I'm open to any advice
  21. @Leo Gura Thanks! You have no idea of how precious and relevant to my current situation your two latest videos are ? Or maybe you do ?
  22. @ivory Thank you very much for your insights! I will keep these in mind as I go through the next days. The hope is to get out some authentic truths about myself, anything will be considered a success. Then I'll continue my travels and exploration process.
  23. Nothing? Not even a tiny question?
  24. I think Leo's latest video is really relevant to your current situation, especially the first 25 minutes: Life Unfolds in Chapters & Phases
  25. Yeah, I know what it feels like. I'm in the same situation right now and I've been digging into this for some time. My situation comes from not having a father figure growing up (he passed away when I was 4) and being brought up by a deeply emotional wounded woman, who I sense didn't go through the sorrow in a healthy way. She closed her heart to love, she turned defensive and protective, with the only subconscious goal of shielding her children from hurt. But after all, how can I blame her? She went through an immense pain I can't even imagine, and she didn't have the tools or resourcefulness to cope with it. I, as a vulnerable child, grew up absorbing this defensive behavior. Vulnerability meant pain and getting hurt, so better not to be open to the world and not to risk, better to play it safe. As you can see, with this kind of deep, repetitive conditioning, it's pretty hard to remove the layers of this toxic shield. Being vulnerable can be an attitude, you can push yourself to share more of yourself with others, but I'm still inhibited in multiple ways, especially in social situations and with women. I can think of all the good reasons (logical and emotional) to socialize and talk to women, which can help to some extent to get you out there, but as you say, as soon as I see I can connect with people, I feel resistance, I perceive a block, a bomb of bullshit explodes and I don't end up expressing my authentic desire of connection, of intimacy. This is fear, and its role seems to protect us from hurt, and that's why we try not to be vulnerable. That's what I understood so far, but I have a lot more work to do. I now know what I have to do and I managed to push myself in certain situations. You can overcome this. These are some books that helped me shine awareness on the problem: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem - N. Branden <-- The foundation No More Mr. Nice Guy - R. Glover <-- Emotional maturity Models - M. Manson <-- Dating, where the word "Vulnerability" struck me for the first time Good luck man! You've already made the first step to solve this.