B Clear

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About B Clear

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    Butt Monkey

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    Queensland, Australia
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    Female

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  1. I had extreme physical trauma done to me when I was young as well as witness many violent acts so I did go through periods of time where I can relate to how you have felt. My advice would be first of all to fully accept who you are, you spoke a lot about not wanting to be the way you were and not accepting this. You cannot move forward from the point where you are at, without accepting it first.. Be very careful at this point to not compare yourself to other 'normal' people. Comparison at such times can be deadly, and no one is 'normal'. Something that might sound strange to do now is to look for the interesting, beautiful, beneficial aspects of what your current state provides, and then spend some time observing those. One I can think of, is that you are able to tell us of a completely different perception of reality, which is something a lot of people here are interested in. Like the way you perceive time. Yes, it is different, it is strange but it is interesting too. Maybe there is a wisdom you can gain that we who do not perceive this way cannot. Look for it. And lastly, I really do recommend you find a therapist to talk to. Maybe not a psychologist who will diagnose you if that is not want you want, but maybe just an intelligent open minded (preferably enlightened) counselor you can talk to, share your thoughts with and receive some feedback. You are going through something significant and isolating as you try process could become too overwhelming. Just knowing you have someone to talk to, even if they are not there to cure of diagnose you, can make a world of a difference. <3 (*also only use my advice if it feels right to you*)
  2. Nettle tea is excellent for fasting as it is filled with minerals and iron
  3. I did it this morn and OMG it was so uncomfortable, I could barely stay under, but I'm going to keep at it. Thank you for the awesome post!
  4. Joseph I have been doing the same. I aim for an hour but at 15 mins or 20 mins or 30mins. I feel like forcing myself will backfire on me as I always feel not great after when I do I am going through a lot in my life at the moment so I think that is why I am so restless. @The White Belt are you going through something big as well? Or maybe it's your excitement about your life purpose that is bringing all that energy.
  5. Hi @RichardY I do not yet know much about NLP other than you are supposed to do different body movements and gestures so the programming is supposed to enter into the subconscious. So I am not yet sure how NLP and Snow White or the Magic Mirror are similar. But I did love your your article about Narcissim and found it quite interesting in the realm of how it applies to everyone and also since in my counselling practice I do often work with partners of pathological Narcissists and pathological Narcissists themselves those new perspective are ones I could think about and ponder and incorporate. I like how the mythological characters represent different archetypes within us, and how the author has interpreted them, and the warnings. I do not know much about Ayn Rand, recently I read something about her being someones lover and that relationship turning into hate because she was so self obsessed. I'm hesitant to delve too much into Freud, as I found him quite sex obsessed, but I will relook at his model. An agony aunt? What do you mean by that? I do have people I can correspond with, but I miss having family near by and a partner. I live on a beautiful rural property, its quite enchanting, but its so far from everyone, friends who travel do come and visit every once in a while which is nice, though after my last visit I missed my solitude once they were here, strangely. Oh and Theta healing is when you go into a meditative state and access Theta brainwaves then bring your client into that space and in that open receptive state begin removing unhealthy beliefs that bring harm. But I do believe in techniques that can enter into and reprogram the unconscious aspect of the self and I really want to start working with that as I try actualize through awareness and effot and hope I can get some guidance there.
  6. Hi @Serotoninluv I have been experiencing similar, though not provoked by aya or lsd which I did in the past, but provoked by intense, dedicated self inquiry and self exploration. I have shared my perceptions resulting from it - that no belief or value is real and no reality is the real one - and it has agitated friends who think I'm having some sort of a mental break down. I mean I am breaking down mental constructs through experience, so I guess they are right in a way. But despite peoples reactions, I find that sharing what I am going through with people, who get it, helps ground the experience, also meditation does, and personally I am needing some solitude to process it all. It is all a bit scary, but as you know the unknown always is. I wont lie you could risk loosing all the illusory roles you have attached to in this life, which is happening to me to some extent, but I think there is a way through it without completely detaching form all obligation and responsibility and for me it is the practice of humility and reminding myself that I don't know, and whilst not knowing to just do the best with all of my responsibilities until I get more clear. not sure if this helps, but those are my two cents.
  7. Hello, So I have been working as counsellor for years and I have used some methods such as Theta Healing to reprogram conditioning in the subconscious mind when it seemed necessary. (Theta is putting oneself in a theta brainwave (through a type of meditation) which influences the person in ones presence to go there and then stating the removal or input of beliefs, feelings etc.) The funny (or maybe not so funny) thing is that I mostly only facilitated this for clients - hardly ever for myself - and it did work well for them. This is because I remembered as a teen how I would go to hypnotist shows and all my friends could get hypnotized but I could never. Which is sort of similar to what you do in theta - putting them in a sort of brainwave with meditative talk - so I assumed I was one of the few who could not be hypnotized, and I felt it was due to trust issues because in my early childhood I had been manipulated so much that I had later created a defense to suggestion when I was aware it was being directed to me But now in starting to try apply things to myself properly for the first time - since dedicately starting my personal journey towards self actualization - It is like Im brand new in this area though I have been studying it for years to use with clients. It may sound strange but I think Ive been this way due to past traumas and upbringing etc, as I for most of my life just saw myself as 'something' here to serve others. It is hard to explain but I will leave that for another post. Anyway I am listening to one of Bruce Liptons talks on reprogramming the subconscious mind. (He wrote the Biology of belief and has validated his methods with the use of an EEG machine recording the change in brainwaves). A friend sent it because I have been finding that whenever I have to sit down to do administrative work. For example, last night when I was filling out a mock application for a new business grant asking me all kinds of basic questions about what I was planning on selling, how I would market etc, I feel this massive resistance to sit and complete the written work. It feels like I am wading through thick tar, and there is a tension in my stomach and throat, and I feel very emotional and I suddenly start comfort eating and looking for distractions and then I cannot sit still and it takes an hour to complete something that should take 10 mins. It is exhausting! So, I often stop before I complete anything and then take weeks to get back to it fearing the memory of how bad it felt. As a teen I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and mild dyslexia so I always just attributed it to that, but last night I decided to lay down and really feel and go into the feeling in my body and my emotions.. and oh my lord did it open up a can of worms, not only did every current pain I am experiencing, like my recent break up, my recent move across country and feeling overwhelmed and wanting to isolate, my feeling alone and vulnerable with all my family in another continent far away, my questioning if there is something wrong with me because I don't currently have enough income to support myself, and on and on, and this tidal wave of negative, fearful emotions and damaging thoughts, all sparked by looking at that feeling that comes up when I try make myself do something (mostly admin work) I think I should be doing or have to do when I'm not inspired like writing a business structure or an essay etc. As I looked deeper I realized this phrase my parents said over and over to me as child underlies alot of what I was feeling or why. Because I was very different to them, very sensitive and spiritual and I could not lie, they worried for my well being in the world which they thought cruel, deceptive and harsh because they had grown up in Warsaw during world war II and then through the Russian occupation for years after and had been programed with a hostile worldview in their formative years. So they often said to me "Bianca you will never survive in this world the way you are" "You should have been born a hundred years ago when the world was still a good place" So even though I know consciously that that is nonsense, I know as well that it was said enough times in the first 18 years of my life that is had entered into my subconscious and influencing my choices and actions. I also know like I have massive trust issues because I was manipulated a lot by them trying to mold me into something that could 'survive in this world'. So alot of the therapeutic techniques like Kniesiology have not worked on me as I developed a defence mechanism to not let anyone in if I realized they were trying, and I feel like to use these techniques such as EFT (emotional freedom technique) or NLP (neuro linguistic reprogramming) or even Theta one needs to be open to the suggestion or the method, but if your unconscious unconsciously blocks you from suggestion or being open to it how does that work? So I think asking others here about how reprogramming their subconscious has affected them in general, may help me open? I also was wondering if any of you who had trust issues had success with these kind of reprogramming or any other subconscious reprogramming for childhood conditioning? Or any kind of guidance about any of it would be helpful. Thank you for reading and much appreciation for any responses
  8. I used to listen to some of her talks but I personally believe she has some kind of personality disorder, possibly something like narcissistic personality disorder. Watch some of her intereviews with other people such as with Matt Kahn and you will see a different side to her than in her recorded talks
  9. this thread is disturbing
  10. Thank you @hundreth I was actually looking for something like that. I just need to get a new phone and then I shall download And I loved your poem @Nexeternity ! I have been bringing awareness too and playing with my boundaries of limitation so it really resonates
  11. @Arkandeus thank you for this response. It really resonates with me, and is quite eye/mind/heart/being opening
  12. Ps I LOVE Nina Simone! And thanks for the creative response, its how my mind thinks so I appreciate Actually thank you everyone , I appreciate everyone's responses <3
  13. Shit ok I need to go meditate... It is still hard for me to understand how there can be no reason for the work, the work to surrender, the work to be authentic, the work to notice and eliminate addiction and distraction. My reason used to be a deep yearning for union with the Divine... that 'Something Greater' and more loving that me... now I am questioning whether a divine even exists, the way I felt it did...? So all I can come up with now as my "reason" or my "aim" is to just experience who I am in the moment, as fully and without filter as I can. I did that after our initial forum chat. I went to go lay on my bed and just felt myself perceiving myself interacting with the environment the everything that was in the environment and all environments beyond, it felt activating, almost arousing but not in the usual way that leads to intimacy with a person. Just waves of energy moving up, and then I fell asleep. That is all. But then I went to my interview - for a volunteer position - and had the most beautiful expansive interaction with the interviewer (which is not common for me as I have been socially distant from others for while feeling unseen and different to them), the same thing happened with the man selling me the lottery ticket on the way home, and everything just felt pretty.. amazing.. it's settling a bit now but I still feel happier than I have in ages. I wonder if that's the "point", but yes I hear you there is no point, but I still need to embody that So for me, right now, I think it has to still be 'about something' and that something for me now, is just to experience the moment and my self and my being interacting with it... Thank you for the responses, I feel a shift has happened and it continuing to happen.. ~Bianca
  14. So from what all of you said... It seems to me the only point of self actualization and enlightenment, is to have a good time whilst alive...? hmm.. I guess I could see value in that...
  15. Hello all, I am definitely on and working towards staying on the path of actualization and of awakening to enlightenment. But, a thought has come up often and today again whilst I was listening to @Leo Gura's latest video on distraction, so I wanted to put this question to you all… If when we die, the individual ends, the personality ends, the self ends and goes back into the substrata that makes the all, what difference does it make whether we attain enlightenment or not? I mean if you believe in reincarnation of the self - I can see why it would matter because then the self ‘comes back’ with a higher consciousness and therefore incarnates into a more evolved state.. But, I have come to a different understanding of reincarnation and it no longer involves a continuation of self… that old version of reincarnation satisfied my ego very much as it saw it just as a continuation of itself, but as I realize the self, the ego is a finite ‘thing’ that lasts one lifetime and can be reduced greatly in that life time, then what would the difference be if I actualized if I attained enlightenment or not…? Is that not still just a state of achievement for my ego’s experience in this life and it’s hope to continue after? I really do not have the answers and only questions and to be honest have been having a bit of an existential crisis regarding all the beliefs that have carried me thus far.. for example the power of prayer, or the assistance of more evolved beings/forces… at the moment I don’t even know if those things are ‘real’ sigh.. Ok any helpful insights would be lovely, Peace, B