Cammy

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  1. wonky thinking
    Journey to Nothing
    I woke up in a funk this morning. There is still definitely an undertone of not wanting to pander to the crap of life. I need a permanent escape from it. Anyway, that was the first time I woke up. The second time (after I had disabled my alarm) I was a lot brighter, and just got on with my daily routine. 
    And that is something I have to keep reminding myself of. That however bleak things appear in one moment, they can seem completely different a few days or hours or weeks later. The feeling of doom and gloom ebbs and flows. And anything which is not permanent in life is hallucinatory. The doom and gloom is not "out there" it's all "in here". 
    So thinking is the cause of bleakness, but it can also be the way out, or at least a stabilizing influence. I like to label it "wonky thinking". It's really because the process of thinking is completely relative to itself. As such it is ungrounded or can be, and left to its own devices can easily wind itself up into a tight spiral and go wonky. What stops the wonky thinking?
    Mostly wonky thinking stops with input from other people. Other people point out your wonky thinking and this gives you a point of reference, an anchor for your relative thoughts to tie themselves to. In other words your thinking is corrected by other people. But, it should be borne in mind that two people's relative thinking doesn't necessarily stop all wonky thinking, it may actually amplify it. But on average, there will be a smoothing effect. That is why having relationships is critical to good mental health - and why being open and receptive to criticism is also beneficial (you don't have a monopoly on being right). It doesn't need a lot, just that one person who is willing to honestly give you their two cents now and then. How scared a lot of us are to upset the balance of a relationship and not speak up, but that really is detrimental in the long run. We shouldn't tolerate the wonky thinking displayed by others, but aim to correct them and help them.
    So what is really causing my funk? Mostly a distinct lack of novelty, fun or joy, and just the self absorbed nature of all the people I care about. How can I connect to people that don't want to connect? I don't blame them, they just weren't the people I thought they were, or at least they changed along the way. So in a word: people.
    Getting out of the funk involves having some strong anchor points for my thinking, to stop it spiralling away. And that in turn will allow my sensible executive functioning to kick in and to plan a way out of and into something more desirable. I will need to connect with people who will be long term fixtures in my life, who will reciprocate my love, and who will correct me when I go wonky. From there I will have a springboard for a better more joyful life. Amen.
     
     

  2. Books to read
    How to be happy without a girlfriend?
    @Caterpillar
    Self-love all the way my friend.
    Even if you find a girl she will not be able to give you what you are looking for, the only one who can truly give you love is yourself, everything else is just a bonus.
    It is a deep subject and there are so many ways to get better at loving yourself, just do some research into it.
    What really helped me with finding it is Teal Swans book "Shadows Before Dawn".