dew

I feel like there are some people that are highly unaware and very toxic and they will affect you no matter how hard you try not to let them affect your state of mind. It's best to walk away and try not to blame yourself if you have someone like that who's disrupting your peace of mind.

Looks like I'm the only one from Nepal, birthplace of Buddha but I'm currently in Melbourne, Australia.

I cannot pull off the retreat thing yet. In fact I was trying to do that the other day and I got really bored and even more tempted to distract myself with music. I dont want to give in because I recently realised I never sit alone with my thoughts, I always play music to tune out the thoughts and it has become a serious addiction. I do like the idea of using it as a time for learning new stuff. Think I'll try that. Thank you. Still feeling low-key disturbed by the perpetuity of chores though ?

I'm new to self-actualizing although I've have been watching Leo's videos on youtube for months now. I've been meditating for 2 weeks and I have also cut down my internet use. I used to have music playing in the background all the time while doing the dishes, cooking, etc but not anymore. I feel so tempted to turn on the music but I know that it's just me trying to avoid and escape my own thoughts. This afternoon, I was thinking and making a to-do list in my mind and I realised that I'll never really be finished. There will be a new to-do list tomorrow, the day after that and on and on forever. I had to do grocery shopping three days ago and had to go again today and will have to go every three days till the end of my life. Its like life is an endless sequence of mundane to-do lists that despite their pointlessness we cannot avoid. I don't know where these thoughts are coming from. Maybe its because I used to be so immersed in mindless stimulation all the time and my ego is just trying to force me to go back to that? Did anyone else go through this? I know I should be strong but these thoughts are very upsetting.