h inandout

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Everything posted by h inandout

  1. Only $20!? I'm glad you know we're all still poor. But I'll be there if I can!
  2. I've seen a gua sha used. You can gua sha you palm with a cutting motion dry or while in the shower. Your pericardium 8 point (which is in the center of your palm) is directly connected to your heart. Imagine yourself cutting etheric ties while you do it. You can gua sha your whole body while you're at it. It has been called the "sacred knife" before because of it's action on the lymph and limbic systems. If you can't afford a gua sha, you can use the edge of your hand for the cutting motion, or just use your whole hand for squeegeeing the rest of your body.
  3. "I'm sorry for my unconscious or unaware behavior in the past, thank you for showing me how ignorantly I was speaking. Please forgive me." Can this be said and received with a confident smile?
  4. $20,000 in debt. 29, and have never really rooted myself in any job for more than a year. I would like to continue studying Ayurveda and massage therapy. I just signed up to be an online ESL teacher with VIPKID, and have to wake up at 1am to teach kids in Beijing English. Pay is $20/hr, so if I live with my parents, I could have my debt paid down in 1 year. But am I really passionate about it? And can I remain conscious enough to remain at peace with my TV-caffeine-meat-addicted-and-emotionally-dissmisive family for a whole year? If I go on to do more studying, will I be guilt tripping myself for, again, asking my Dad for more money, epecially since he is aging rapidly? I have to finish my beginner Ayurved course in January-Febuary, but don't really have the money to survive California for even that long. I think I need to advocate that I should be allowed to at least borrow enough money to finish the course. And then I can come back and be an online ESL teacher until my debt starts disappearing (or I go bananas). I can just feel so much potential for self-sabotage in my dreams and in my financial life. Why can't I just commit to the job that pays well (and is genuinely fun!). The shadow reason why I am studying Ayurveda in the first place is because it helps me to understand the resistance and ignorance of Americans, which is what I really wanna escape. My shadow desire here is to just, for fucking once, have my mom actually engage me lovingly and supportively. I work so hard to elevate my consciousness, but she's the type of person who kind of despises self-helpers for their mightier-than-thou attitudes. I just want to remain as present with my parents as possible for them to see that I am not a threat, but a boon, but I also don't want to fall in to a rage with them ever again.
  5. @BobbyLowell Meditation helps you pay attention to the subtle inner workings of your own mind, which is where things like what @Shiva said start to incrementally make sense. Get any meditation book at the library, and it will open you up. Really learn the theory behind the practice first. You might prefer a meditation practice that centers around love. I do a loving-kindness practice sometimes when I'm bored or unfocused during my morning 1hr sit. Maybe look for that key word.
  6. Just talked to an Ayurvedic practitioner, and she really clarified for me that in order to take care of myself financially, a massage license is step one. Forget about yoga, forget about nutrition and herbs, for now. And get that license. THEN I can continue my education by taking classes and going to conferences. Now that I have an action item, the plan will fall into place as quickly as it is meant to. I have to secure some employment (teach ESL with VIPKID $20/hr), and then I can start to consider asking for financial help from my family, if it becomes clear that a massage job would help me stabilize my debt and align with my vision faster. Yes, I wanted to help people through singing the first time I took the LP course. But who says KIRTAN isn't going to be a part of my life, even as a massage practitioner?
  7. I guess I just get really triggered when my mom acts like I don't love her because I don't want the same lifestyle. And I don't always wanna eat her cooking. Also my budget issues are really complex, so I will be sure to try to factor in sustainability when I review my budget again. And then not guilt tripping myself for asking for help is key, so I just have to ride a very thin line between self-advocacy and self-reflecrion.
  8. Oh also, I have childhood trauma around this. My mom would always use my apologies as a way to nail home her frustration with me Okay, selfless life purpose = I wanna help people with their health issues = I have to shut up and study health even more than I have been already, and consider other people's bodies not just my own. I don't think it really matters whether or not I've apologized. It's more that I'm acknowledging my own areas of ignorance, and, potential expansion!
  9. @BjarkeT In this scenario, I know my friend needs validation more than anything. He has some visceral fears coming up - needs a precancer screening he can't afford), and I have a lot of experience with people blowing their health issues out of proportion, so I told him not to worry about it, and shared some advice about healthy options to consider, like reading the book "Cancer is not a disease." Naturally he clicked right into the old "You're more priveleged than me, so you can't possibly have anything valuable to say to me" attitude. Which I understand, because I've also had this attitude towards other people. I would have let my guard down waaaay faster, if someone had just acknowledged and validated what I'm going through, and I would have solved my own problems and done my own research, without any fucking useless advice. I have no problem offering validation, especially since that's step one to letting it go. I think apologizing would just cut off the conversation or increase the anger. Maybe what I want him to do is to get angry at me and actually use me as a sounding board for all the shit he thinks he's going through alone, which would probably be enough to say I helped. How does apologizing serve me? Well, at least I am helping myself stay accountable to the realization that I can't just go around willy nilly giving people advise when they are in serious distress and aren't asking for specific advice. Unless I can really back myself up, and support them thoroughly. But I have to really work to get to that place before I can consider myself a bonafied healer. This knowing that I was being a pain in the ass came up as a pretty strong sensation of sourness, which is when I knew I had to sit down with Eckhart Tolle for a minute. I guess, I don't need to help my friend anymore (and really can't), but maybe I can use this as a point of reflection of where I'm at on my path.
  10. My experience is that apologies trigger the same old pattern, probably because I'm still attached to being perceived as good, and still afraid that I won't be heard or seen for the concerns I may still be having. I think I just need to make them clean clear and then move on completely to create space around it for a while. @egoless yes, I believe you represent a lot of people, when they are having moments of clarity and when they feel safe. Thank you for letting that old shit go!
  11. I feel like I kind of want to be a version of Deepak Chropra, and just pops all kinds of holes in naive materialistic thinking, but gear it towards my parents and their generation, but do I really wanna be arguing with baby boomers for the rest of my life? Can I channel my frustrations for babyboomers into creating space for my own generation to flourish? Or do I wanna actually contribute something more tangible and immediate, like, say language skills and teaching children (which has so many transferable skills!)?
  12. I was interested in the LP course because I have a fundamental personality trait: I get invested in everything, and then nothing ever pans out. The deep cause for this, is a whole lot of "I'm not good enough" which comes mostly from my mom and older brother. I took the LP course about 9 months ago and wanted to be a singer. I have too many health problems that affect my ability to sing, so I started researching health. Obviously when I run into an opportunity to sing (like going to vocal workshops with friends, or singing in the car, I don't hold back). Now I think I want to study Ayurveda and massage therapy. I am drawn to these because I have a really creative, compassionate mind. And I also come from a relatively unhealthy, and RESISTANT part of America. BTW I also have a degree in civil/environmental engineering. And half of a teaching certificate. And I'm also considering teaching English online as a way to make money for now to get out of debt. I mentioned my mosaic of experiences and interests to a respected individual once who responded that she too also tends to draw on a rich tapestry of experiences. Here husband (and co-business owner), however, wanted to impress upon me that I didn't seem committed, and that's why I failed at engineering. If you read a New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle. He talks a bit about micro-purposes. I would prefer to live presently and dynamically and vibrantly celebrating all that I am, when I can, and as responsibly as possible. Right now, I'm feeling some looming decision making though, and I need to deal with it!
  13. Gonna rip this addiction off at the root! Send me some distance Reiki if you're feeling me lol!
  14. @ppfeiff I like to mention water because often it's a really good guess at where people are starting from, and where they need to go next. I honestly believe duality is the root cause of all health issues (as per Andreas Moritz), but good god, it is a pain in the ass to figure out what the fuck that means! You could also say lack of emotional integration is the root cause (as per Teal Swan). I prefer to talk about water because chronic dehydration is such an easy battle. Then we can talk about some more esoteric philosophies. I was raw vegan for two months a year ago. It did not integrate well at all with my lifestyle and was very painful and very costly. That doesn't mean that I didn't learn anything from it. I now eat organic raw + cooked roots/grains. I try leave my oils raw. I just think it's really important to take lifestyle changes one day at a time. Otherwise they are not sustainable. Here is a passage from Yogi Ramacharaka on Hatha Yoga. "We intend to leave the matter of the choice of food an open question with our students. While, personally, we prefer certain kinds of food, believing that the best results are obtained from the use thereof, we recognize the fact that it is impossible to change the habits of a lifetime (yes, of many generations) in a day, and man must be guided by his own experience and his growing knowledge, rather than by dogmatic utterances of others. The Yogis prefer a non‑animal diet, both from hygienic reasons and the Oriental aversion to eating the flesh of animals. The more advanced of the Yogi students prefer a diet of fruit, nuts, olive oil, etc., together with a form of unleavened bread made from the entire wheat. But when they travel among those who follow different dietary rules from themselves they do not hesitate to adapt themselves to the changed conditions, to a greater or less extent, and do not render themselves a burden to their hosts, knowing that if they follow the Yogi plan of masticating their food slowly their stomachs will take good care of what they eat. In fact, some of the most indigestible things in the modern menu may be safely eaten if the above mentioned system [chewing well] is adopted." Thanks for your testimonial on the worms! I think I might need to try something similar. But like I said, I run so goddam dry that maybe I could get on board with a master cleanse in the foreseeable future. I'm also not a fan of over cleansing. Some people really do need nourishment, and right away! Take Crohn's patients for example.
  15. Yeah, I used to be a barista. I would get so exhausted from rapidly dealing with the demands of the growing line of customers that I would announce, "Maybe it's time for another cup of coffee!" Not really even thinking about it, until one day, one of my coworkers got annoyed and told me to drink a cup of water. That's when I first really picked up on the fact that I was in a vicious cycle. When I quit coffee two months ago, it was very hard. I would experience extreme energy lows in the middle of the day, and I actually started having PTSD symptoms at work. (Extreme moments of fight flight or freeze mode). That's when I knew that my lifestyle was generating the cause for the adiction. It was very confusing and not easy to disentangle myself. I accidentally forgot to order decaf the other day, and my cellular memory brought me back into intense anxiety, as if my body innately knew that coffee was causing it harm. Drink warm water to start your day, and then maybe coffee. It will slow put a gentle wedge in the destructive cylce.
  16. @WelcometoReality I think the cholesterol question is more on the specrtum of correlation than causation. I personally do no worry about numbers. Finding the root cause of a dis-ease is pretty simple. What are you addicted to? How do you know what you're addicted to? Whatever you can't seem to go without. Then health is just a matter of maintaining dynamic homeostasis, aka a healthy balance. Of hot/cold wet/dry activity/rest. This is much harder said than done because it requires long-term and consistent awareness of your habits and patterns. I am not opposed to engaging in detailed scientific questioning because it can be revealing but I do find that I can do much more by viewing health from a psychological perspective. Thanks for helping me practice my shpiel. ?
  17. I'm so sorry I can't make this more comfortable for you. lol. Go ahead, you deserve reciprocation! Honestly! Rip it off like a bandaid. Text her right now. I just think it's really funny because I had a similar issue with a guy recently, so I tried getting him in the shower first, but it was so contrived and awkward. I finally realized that it wasn't gonna work out between us because he'd given up hope on life, and I was too much hoping he would figure it out. I think the real issue was more related to our own lack of happiness in our own lives. I could have been more mean, and just told him, but I don't think that's what he needed to hear. There was another guy however, who totally had imbalanced ideas about reciprocation, and left me feeling gross. I should have left him immediately.
  18. Is your apartment clean? Is your bathroom clean? Do you shower before sex? Do you massage your balls and anus with soap regularly? Do you do your dishes right away or let them pile up? Do you have fresh towels and linens available at all times? Do you continue to develop yourself and look at how the people you attract are your mirror? If you do all these things, then you definitely deserve a better girlfriend. If this one seems alright, then make sure you establish some safe space for her to grow into, and then you can confront her.
  19. There needs to be baby wipes next to the toilet at all times. Lol. I don't think there's any polite way of mentioning this to her. Just shower her with compliments, and her boosted self-esteem will cause her to examine herself more closely.
  20. telling my pursuers to go to the library and read. Especially about tantra and sex. They think they can get this with out studying first!? Shiiiiit....
  21. @Spiral Thanks. I'm totally witnessing the ego in it too, but also, like seriously, sometimes I feel like I'm doing womankind a service. I had no idea about the ignorances of both men and women until I found it out the hard way, which makes my pursuers seem laughable. Maybe for now, a better approach would be to ignore uneducated men altogether. Is god really trying to tell me that life would be more fun celibate? I still certainly have an image in my head of raising a family in a cute house with a red door and a garden and an office for my own massage practice and a life partner who is independent but who weaves his life with mine well, and who wants to raise a kid or two. I think maybe I should be detached from the partner aspect of that image, and see how much happiness I can bring me first. I suppose faith alone can guide me into the happiest version of myself, whether it means remaining completely independent or if it means manifesting a partner who really enjoys and pursues education as much as I do. I suppose the excessive ego here is covering the fact that I still don't have a viable fulfilling career, which I really do struggle to believe will ever come to me.
  22. Do you think this lady is for real about the worm she pooed after dry fasting? I have trouble believing this. Personally, I don't think dry fasting would be so good for me because I already run super duper dry, but I could see it working for someone who lives in Florida or who has a particularly wet gut. If this were Ayurveda, I would almost call her Vata-deranged because she has no stability to her manner of presentation, but then again, maybe that is what's really normal for her.
  23. @Sahil Pandit What kind of merch do you have? Is there a way that you can market it through educational sales? Do you think your merch is going to fulfill some legitimate human need for someone out there? There's a use for everything. Even rubbish that we really didn't need can serve the purpose of teaching us to be more mindful of our shopping habits and of internalized pressures we may feel to spend. Hopefully you're not selling rubbish though.
  24. Ask yourself where it is in your life you are anxious and in pain? What void of yours is she filling? What has made you a vibrational match to someone like this? What is the Universe trying to teach you that you haven't got yet? The best thing you can do for her is to let her go, with confidence and love. Why can you not free her? Why are you so greedy for her drama? Do you see that you are taking from her by using her to fulfill your savior complex? She must find her own way. She absolutely can find her own way. Send her off with a blessing.
  25. Man, I'm getting this really bad today, probably because I've been cupping out a lot of the tension I've built up in my back over the last several months. Feels like I've been trying to ram my head through a wall!