h inandout

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Everything posted by h inandout

  1. Cute is a big compliment. BTW friendship is also a big compliment, and not at all an insult.
  2. In Non-violent communication, we would teach not to use blaming language, but to confidently speak your emotional experience. "When you leave wrappers laying around, and when you leave dishes in the sink, I am overcome with anxiety and annoyance. I need a clean living environment in order to feel at ease, happy, and respected. Can you please help me come up with a solution so that resentment doesn't build over this?" Try your hardest to avoid calling him a leech, but do tell him what behaviors are creating you so much distress.
  3. Sounds like a toxic person for you. I would be resentful too. Now you know. I hope you are able to find more compatible roommates or a studio next go around. I like having my studio, and have become really quite happy about literally having 100% responsibility about how it looks. I've seen cohabitations that are very tidy and peaceful, but I think this takes a lot of work and requires people to have already matured and stabilized significantly.
  4. @Moon Cute! So true too, my ears are super sensitive
  5. I swear to god I have had intense orgasms with a guy touching every part of my skin that was not erogenous, even refusing to go too fast. I call it a respect-gasm. So much safety and trust! So much build up. Girls, have you ever experienced this or wish to? Guys, would you ever try this?
  6. Hoping someone somewhere will benefit from learning "cooler" forms of sexual expression like sensate focus or tantric meditation.
  7. I think it makes sense for you to feel crazy. I'm really sorry you are experiencing this, and sorry his defensiveness is blocking genuine understanding at this moment. Having been through complete devastation of my life due to someone superimposing their paradigm over mine, even negating my own, I have to say this really sucks to experience. I think one landmark that brought me both frustration and relief was in catching my own self in a lie (specifically, I was lying to my judgemental mom). I didn't suddenly excuse the ex-abuser, but I did have deeper awareness at the process that creates these warps in reality.
  8. I agree with morning hours being the most productive hours, and should be used for the most important "hard" work. Other than that, if someone offers me good money for an appointment, and my bank account needs it, darn straight I will prioritize that! However, if I notice a pattern of certain types of appointments or certain times of day that don't work for me and cause me such anxiety that I start making mistakes and lose track of my healthy habits and the quality of my work goes down, then was it really worth the amount of money I gained? Sometimes it is, more often it isn't.
  9. At first, I thought, teach middle school or high school. When I am mentoring young people, I find it helps that I know what psychedelics are all about, but it also helps being able to gently steer the kiddos back to reality and grounded healthy habits like showing up to class on time, sleeping right, healthy relationships, etc. But then you mentioned you actually want to do more WITH psychedelics What about learning EFT? You can get certified to teach many different healing modalities. I am learning how to teach/practice Ayurveda at the moment. I've also taken the listener training at 7cups.com, which was super helpful to me as a massage therapist. The listener training was free.... There are many others you can pay for and not pay for too. Just throwing out ideas that might help!
  10. You sound like you have a great attitude! Kris Godinez on youtube helped me a lot. A really good therapist also helped me accept that I had to find another way and build up courage to make that happen. Talking to people on online forums and on 7cups.com helped. It's important to find places where you can keep your own nervous system calm and collected so you can think clearly about what you want and find your way without retaliating. For me those safe spaces were nature or my car mostly.
  11. He cooked me diner and started a puzzle with me beforehand, which I'm sure helped. Who says respect isn't sexy? I want to heal my CPTSD, and it scares me that men unconsciously believe that lying and cheating and hurting actually work. So I am coming out. No more shadow. No more self esteem stuff around sexuality. I know what I like, and really what I like is respect and slowness.
  12. This is such a complicated question. The obvious answers are: Contribute in a way that is already needed and you are already qualified. Have confidence that good work in this job will help you grow and feel good about yourself. Build skills a little bit at a time based on what seems most relevent and impactful over both the short and long term.
  13. @Carl-Richard dang
  14. What do you think this is? Hehe, sounds crazy... at least the microwave worked!
  15. Learn the basic anatomy of the brain and nervous system.
  16. Yes, thank you. Tiny action. I need to read that book "One Thing" and choose the one thing I can do literally right now that would make everything else a little bit easier.
  17. It's a long movie, so to summarize in gifs...
  18. I believe my looking at my family dynamic after realizing that my life wasn't working out was me taking responsibility. It is me reparenting myself. In my case, I would actually say my step-Dad is a freakin badass and did damn good by us, even adopted me. I have a better relationship with him than my mom or biological dad. My mom, however, had remaining fears and traumas and shame that I repeated unknowingly. I have to believe that there are men like my step-dad out there, but even he went through quite a bit of darkness before he adopted me and my family.
  19. Well, as someone who wound up with one of those dickheads and destroyed my life as a result, I can sincerely say, I regret that. I wish my mom had taught me it's okay to pursue relationships, then I wouldn't have had to wait for a literal con artist before I opened up to the idea of dating. I also wish the way more awesome young men around me hadn't chased me away by saying unnecessary shit like, "I'm better than you at math." Or, "Seriously, condoms aren't necessary," or really even just neglecting to date me properly. I hope I can find someone who has the courage to turn up the heat, but the awareness to cool it down too. Oxytocin enmeshes you in bad decisions. As soon as you put pressure on someone to do or engage in something they are not totally okay with, they shut down on a subconscious level and then do it anyways even though it feels aweful. Respect has something to do with recognizing that we are creating a relationship bubble in the real world where potential for pain is so very real. I would say respect combines the courage to turn it up and the awareness to cool it down. It's like riding waves of moving closer and stepping back. It also requires self-respect on both parties. Unfortunately it takes a long time to learn self-respect. I think Scott Pilgrim versus the world is a good movie for this.
  20. Do you really believe this? Maybe we have different definitions of respect.
  21. I see that you have healthy skepticism and are willing to engage with uncomfortable opinions for the sake of cultivating a broader perspective. I see no issue with this. You aren't going to take this stuff so seriously that you damage your own integrity by applying it out of context, or by not really assessing the roots of the theory. If I'm at a coffee shop and waiting in line, I don't care what age or gender you are, if you stop to create small talk with me, I will engage with you because ATTENTION is a human need, and is especially appreciated amongst women. I hope that your end goal with me isn't meaningless sex or manipulation. I am learning to bring more of that radiant solar energy to everything I do in life because it actually feeds me back to "pick-up" acquaintances. I have an issue when a guy is talking to me and then tries to guilt trip me about talking back to him like I was just being a tease. For f's sake, I can't have a conversation even? Guys also should be using conversation to assess long term compatibility. But especially, remember that if you want something REAL with someone else, you have to recognize that relationships require serious time and energy on both ends. So, while getting to the goods might be a nice image in your head, really RESPECT should prominent. Respect is so insanely sexy. Respect is soooo sexy. Just talk with women because they enjoy talking and you are being kind to them, and then lean in gently if it feels right. Like seriously, if you respect me more than I've been taught to respect myself, it gives me permission to feel safe, to open up around you, to trust you. If you lean back gently sometimes, it helps me feel into the work you are putting in, and makes it easier for me to genuinely cultivate respect for you.
  22. Hold an intervention group for her. Seriously. Seriously. It is hard enough to accept a reality of having made a poor decision. But admitting it to others is unbearable shame. If she is held by a group of people who genuine care for her, and are committed to full conversation with her, where she gets to speak up for herself too. Damn, that would make it so much easier for her to feel at ease with making the 'right' decision. Think back to any time you've ever had to suck the poison out of a wound, and how weird it felt to reverse the mistake you had made. It helps when you know you are doing the right thing, even if it's embarrassing at first. It helps to know you're not the only one either.
  23. Send her Jill Scott's Rolling Hills Admit that you don't know how to help because you don't understand her personal psychology, and she is in charge of her life. It may be difficult to look at how painful life is, but if we make better choices in challenging circumstances we will at least spare children from needless entanglement in our drama. Encourage her to get angry. This is bullshit after all. She is just as beautiful and worthy as any woman she's ever looked up too and she's getting conned into being denigrated by someone's poor behaviour.
  24. Try not to argue with her because it will cause her to identify deeper with his ridiculous logic because she empathizes with him. She is grateful to him for showing her that she is not obligated to her parents' paradigm. She still only sees his charm, and is blind to his misdeeds because she thinks they are fair. She will only argue back harder. Instead remind her of the person she was before, and what she is being forced into now. Pure evidence. Which way of being feels more real, integrous, joyful, and future oriented?
  25. Remind her that she is not bad because of him. HE is bad. Yes, she and all of us have to grow up and are learning as we go, no shame in that, and even her situation is not unique. She is mighty and powerful and there will be a way out. Send her the lyrics and music video for "That Thing."