Maya_0

Personality is shaped by environment, genetics, and upbringing.

I brought a 12 pack of whippits to the lakeshore one time. The experience was spiritual, very profound. It reminded me of MDMA but instead of a profound sense of love, N2O was a profound sense of deep peace. A sense of Eternity. I felt as though I could contently sit in that spot on the beach for my whole life and forever afterward. I noticed a potential for addiction with N2O so you have be cautious. I believe it's worth trying but that's it.

I have experimented with it in high doses and have had extraordinary experiences. The sense of love and mystical profundity during the peak is surreal. You have to be careful using it though. It really taxes your serotogenic system. And if you take it too frequently or dose too much, it loses it's "magic" after repeated use. There was even a moment where I experienced ego death on it. I wrote about that in this post:

Death is not some event at a future time, but right here now.

In truth, we don't choose to do anything but we still must pretend that we do.

@Shaun You should try MDMA.I find it is a forcefully positive experience that has a good chance of correcting the frame if mind you're in. Basically, it seems you got some real insight but it's incomplete. You see what you and every one is not, but you do not see what you and everyone and everything is. You see the emptiness but do not recognize the fullness.

Life is Dukkha. Dukkha not only means suffering but also unsatisfying, and ungovernable.

Buddhism proposes that if you end the craving in the mind, you won't come back identified as a form. Though, the issue I've always had with that is that this is something that you can't verify.

I was wondering if it had anything to do with Kundalini energy being activated. It felt fairly stimulating from just 2 grams of mushrooms.

Just be present. Stay as what you are. That is enough. When your body dies, you'll have the option of coming back for another life somewhere. Just say no.

Why does God allow suffering?

Yes the world is meaningless but by applying a negative connoltation to that fact, is a meaning that you're projecting onto meaningless ; you're personally assigning a negative value to meaninglessness when meaningless just means meaningless -- it's not positive or negative. I think it's worth being grateful for having seen through the illusion. Now you're free to live however you like. You don't have to suffer and take it as real like everyone else. Isn't that what you've always desired anyway? To do whatever you want with nothing stopping you? You can still play the game with the knowing in the back of you're mind that it's just a game. Video games aren't "real" but people still love to play them. You can create your character and play but know it's just that (a play). And hey, if you don't want to play the game, that's an option too. There are some nice quiet mountains in warm countries with spectacular views that would be most suited for just basking in the bliss of God. And you are God.

One wouldn't even know how to self-actualize or why their self-actualizing if their not intent on Enlightenment.

What happened here was the ego got a taste of it's non-existence. This is what the ego is terrified of the most. The entire function of the mind/ego is to preserve it's assumed existence; it does everything it can to guard against finding this out, from lifting the veil off duality. You're cry here is still the ego holding on, denying what it saw, that is, it's non-existence. It's like the ego is still hanging in a limbo zone. It's understands it's really there, but it's still there enough to complain and be afraid about what it saw. I think you just need to work on coming to terms with this truth. Try not to see it as a negative (what I am not, what things aren't). But instead see it in terms of a positive (what things all are, all that I am). By only dwelling on the negative side, your experience here sounds incomplete in that sense. What you're missing is the positive: the felt being-knowing of all that there is, what everything is, what you are, that is God. And you are God.

You're attached to beliefs -- probably one that says that people should be raising their consciousness.

Free will is only an illusion because the you that you believe you are is an illusion. It entails that everything that happens is inevitable. That means even the fear that you feel is inevitable. Knowing that, the wise one let's go.

To put it simply: You're addicted. Addicted to bliss. A meditation junkie. Addiction to silence & meditation is a real thing, just like addiction to cocaine or porn. And just like the cocaine addict, it sounds like your life is falling apart in a similar fashion to any other addict. You probably had a very pleasant experience in meditation which got you hooked. Now you have to work to unaddict yourself to these states or else you'll never get anywhere, not even Enlightenment. Look up: Buddha on the mountaintop syndrome The truth is your desires will always cause you suffering. You don't want to be chasing bliss you're whole life, do you? Bliss works the opposite way of that anyway. Blissful states come as a result of letting go.

Yes it does suggest a duality but it's just written like that for the sake of writing convention

Doi Sutep has a retreat center if you're in Chiang Mai. Make sure you book in advance for it.

Expectations can lead to disappointments, so yes. You can make plans, just don't be attached to the plans. With some awakening experiences, you'll see that everything is in flux, out of your control. Knowing that, you see the only thing you can do is be present in the moment. Expectations are all ego, thought arising in the mind.

It is a useful map of spiritual development. The categorization is not done with a disparaging intent.

This is like one of the most common troubles people run into when first venturing into spirituality. Suddenly they realize the whole idea of themselves and Reality is blown apart! The ground beneath them shatters into a million shards of glass and now they are free falling in empty space! Let me guess? This was your first time taking a psychedelic? You are only disoriented because you lived your whole life in a dreamed-up reality and idea of yourself and now you've been shown that may be false. I've been there, so have countless others. This forum and all spiritual forums are full of people who make posts about this predicament. So you're free falling and trying to find you're bearings. You're panicing, flailing your arms out, trying to ground yourself, trying to find some bearings. Understand that effort will not work. You need to stop struggling and trying to find ground. That is the key. In that, you will become grounded. Trust in that. Relax and let things unfold without struggling and the urge to control and find some ground. I always recommend the book "The End of Your World" by Adyashanti. He very lucidly talks about this spiritual emergency at length in the book and how to navigate it.

According to Buddhism, ignorance (Avidyā) means misconceptions or misperceptions about the nature of Reality.

This was a common reverie of mine at one period. First, you'd need to do it in a climate that preferably doesn't go below freezing temperatures. Secondly, you need to be in close proximity to a stream of fresh water. It would be very difficult to live off the land so I figured it would be most convenient to just buy and store non-perishable food. You come down off the mountain when needed to restock on food. South asian countries would be most ideal because of the warm climate and cheap price of food. You could probably eat well off 50 cents of food a day in Asia. That's vegetarian though. You could also grow your own vegetables like potatoes to bring down the cost even more.

Weed has a tendency to resurrect past psychedelic trips. I don't the neurophysiology but usually once you start taking psychedelics, weed isn't the same.