Vytas

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  1. Main point is a simple observation: even a guy with bad genes can find love (lol, its cliche, but when I saw this in reality it amazed me) As a side note i mentioned that I sometimes watch porn, and that it is more of a coping strategy for compensating lack of relationships and unfullfilled sexual needs. When I saw that dude in a subway with his gf, it gave me hope for the possibility of what can happen and in result it motivated me to stop using porn and engage more in social activities and dating
  2. For those like me that are struggling with finding gf with bad looks. Background - I am 25yo male struggling with dating. Phisically I have mega-wide hips and mega-narrow shoulders, have child like face which makes me look like a girl in a way and conventionally very unattractive. Ou, and I started to get bald in a last two months... I feel very insecure and i am aware of those traits. Often when get laughed at or after unsuccessful date I ll use porn to cope with my 'hopeless' phisical situation... But! Today something marvelous happened. I was riding subway back home and saw simmilar looking dude across the wagon. He was also in his mid-20s, balding, had mega wide hips, quite narrow shoulders, also child-like face. And. To my biggest surprise he was hugging and kissing I suppose his gf. She was very cute, very lovely. They were in deeeeeep affection. And man... Whem I saw simmilar to me looking dude in this kind of love situation I got really happy and even more hopeful and motivated to drop porn completely as a coping strategy, take more action, not hide my traits and face the fact that finding gf even with such genes is doable 😌😌😌 Less porn watching and more action towards intimatcy, playfullness and relationships 🙏❤️💪
  3. Recently OpenScience gave free access to AI text generating model "Bloom". Not as powerful as GPT-3, but still. This is a free model so I played around a bit generating Person and Bot conversations. Finally I swapped word 'Bot' to 'God' and the response was quite fun Prompt: "Person: I feels lazy today. Should I simply watch youtube all day? God:" AI's generated response: "Person: I feels lazy today. Should I simply watch youtube all day? God: (Throws you into a room with a TV) You can watch youtube all day. I will be watching you."
  4. First of all. Yes mdma and acid seems like a better option. In contrast to my shroom trip which made me numb, foggy, dull and in pain, acid actually gave clarity and mdma gave me lightness as well as empowered sense of imagination. Funny how differently psychedelics effect people, even in terms of phisical effect. Secondly, as 48 hours have passed - it makes me appreciate present moment so much. I am glad I have this phenomenal human body. My fingers listen to me, they quickly type letters which I need to form sentences. My mind is sharp, I drove flawlesly through city today, solved complex challanges at work. Feel light-hearted. Its beautiful how coherently body-mind functions. When it functions. Atm i clearly see the value of simple things like food, fresh air, rest, exercize. It might seem that phisicality has no importance, but to me it seems tremendiously important. At least to me, body very much influenced mind and mind very much influences quality of life. And only when quality of present moment is luminious I feel spaciousness overflowing. Love
  5. On the second thought, I feel grateful. Now I truly know which path suites me and which does not. I will no longer need to consider what if I did mushrooms. Now I do know. I did them. It humbled me in a way that I know that my body needs way more care. Needs more work. I now value yoga even more. It did for most part removed my runny nose. For the most part removed headaches. Still so much space to grow and adjust. In comparison, mushrooms downgraded my body not in a fun way.
  6. I do To me, meditation seems way better tool for spiritual work.
  7. This experience I am about to describe is a good representation of my perspective and look on life. For me all the thoughts I am about to share seem truthful. Yet I do understand the extent to which I could be deluding myself. Therefore reader is encouraged to point out limiting/false beliefs that I have. I would really appreciate it. Where do I start? Perhaps from the background. 24 y/o, male. Weight 80kg. Past experiences: two times acid; one-time dmt; one-time mdma; a handful of times cannabis. But because all of them were in small doses, therefore I would consider shroom trip of 3.5 grams to be my first real trip. It's been a while since the last time I tripped. Life changed a lot from then. So I thought, It would be interesting to try psychedelics again. To introspect into reality; to expand consciousness; to experience luminous presents. Damn, I was so wrong, so naive, in a way fooled by the consciousness-expanding quality people report. Things went not as expected. Let this post be a monument for future explorers to be more precautious and more honest about whether they can take it. I still believe that for a majority of people psychedelics can open eyes, broaden perspective, give a sneak peek into whats real and raise consciousness. But for some, be it minority, it can be unhealthy and damaging. Let me expand on this by writing my story. So it was Saturday. I had a productive week at work, alrighty post-work life - attended dance lessons, meditation session, yoga, took evening walks. As the weekend came, I found a whole day free of plans and decided today is the day I will do the trip. Ate last meal at 3pm. Some house chores. At 6pm listened to Sadhguru on enlightenment, Ram Dass on relationships. At 7pm took a walk. At 8pm sat down for meditation. At 9pm drank ginger - lemon - chamomile tea with shrooms and a little bit of honey. Sat on the floor, listening to trippy/ritualistic music. At 9:20om it began. Body load gradually grew on me. Heart going alright. Breathing normal. Yet felt some adrenalin. And serotonin. I can pretty accurately identify when my body produces it. I immediately have a peculiar sense in my belly. A very pleasant sensation. My head started to become heavy. Wall started breathing. My vision periphery was lit by green and red lights interchangeably. Yet, my head was even heavier. Consciousness started diminishing. It was - hard. Hard to sit. Although body was very pleasant, my head felt huge pressure. Thoughts flooded my consciousness. Its like I entered very dense thought cloud. But not in a good way. In a way like, there was less life then before drinking shroom tea. Although visuals very beautiful, and body pleasant. Because of this heaviness, and because of this huge pile of racing thoughts, the present moment was the opposite of luminous. It was contracting. I pretty much laid on the ground. *** Some dark thinking happened. About why all this reality happens, why so much injustice. Why most of the humanity acts like suffering does not exist. An intense feeling of anger for all the humans, for all the universe... So much injustice. I will expand on the thought process later in this post. *** At one point I stood up, went to my bed, laid there, continue thinking about reality. Head being very heavy and pressured. Lower body feeling pleasant. As I was thinking about the reality, I realized sheets were becoming dark. I touched my nose. It was bleeding. Fuck. Am I dying? - I thought. Immediately realizing that this is temporary. Fuck I was so mad. Felt like being cheated. Did not expect that mushroom trip can have such an effect. Why people do not talk about damaging your body. I stood up again. The bleeding stopped or went directly into my throat, can't tell. Either way. I felt like overheating so went to the kitchen for a glass of water. At that moment my body felt very heavy. Very much heated. My neuron connections were very loose. If somebody would have asked me basic things like, what I ate at breakfast or what is the name of the president I would not be able to answer them at that time. Drank water and went back to the room. This feeling of heat and pressure intensified. I was tired. My body was tired. I thought this is the opposite of serenity or clarity. Damn. Wtf. What is wrong with me. Am I disabled in therms of experiencing psychedelics? Spent the last hour in a semi sitting-lying position contemplating my inadequacy. Not being able to enjoy the experience. Not being capable in general in life. Felt very much anger at all the lies I told in my life. Anger on other people who spread lies. Fuck. Trip somewhat ended at 2:30am. Super tired with a heavy head I went to sleep. Crawled into sheet with bloodstains, left cleaning task for tomorrow. Woke up in the morning with a headache. Looked at the phone "11:11". Lol. What I make out of this. My body and mind is not ready for psychedelics. I have yet a lot of work to do. I would LOVE to imagine myself conscious, healthy, strong, but the truth is I am not. And it is hard breaking to see that I am still years of sadhana away from a state of healthy, strong and attentive body & mind. As a note, my body was weak from the very early age. I always had a runny nose / cold at school. Most often low in energy. Headaches every two weeks in senior years of high school. If we take game as a metaphor for life. I would say my starting stats were very low. Last two years I did yoga plus some extra exercise every day. Started socializing more. Working on my career more. And I thought that enough progress was made, my body and mind became strong enough to go through psychedelic experiences. I misjudged... For those whom psychedelics help - great. Use them as a tool. For others like myself, it is possible your body is not prepared for it. This tool is not for everyone. For me, at least now - it is not helpful. In terms of serenity, health, joy - sadhana is more effective. This is my experience. Hope this gives perspective into what individual edge cases look like. About the *** thinking *** part. To summarise the whole 2-hour thinking process, one word emerges - hypocrisy. It seemed to me we are all very much hypocrites. How? Well. We talk about this love thing. And about being loving to others. And about noble "help" to others. Yet we purchase fucking ikea furniture which is being packed in a loud, dusty, cold factory in some 3rd world country. How is this possible. We purchase food at bare minimum cost, which is produced with all the toxic chemicals because otherwise farmers would not be able to compete in the market. We build esthetic environment around ourselves, yet turn our back to the polluted water/air. We say to one friend get therapy and are supportive for him, yet bully another with different views into mental disorder. We brag about the demons we embraced during shadow work, yet turn cold to the homeless on the street. Also I was angry on the universe. Why do some people get to grow in poor conditions with weak bodies, others in nourishing conditions and with strong bodies. I know people who eat random food, don't exercise, yet have statue-like bodies and are strong, others no matter how much effort put are trapped in asymmetrical bodies or 'unattractive' bodies. Why such injustice. I feel like these questions most people answer to themselves in their teenage years, yet I am still looking for an answer. It somehow still bothers me. These issues might be a huge projection on my part. But from small little me perspective these things seem to be real. And it makes me mad. Makes me sad and angry. This post went from trip report to rant on existence. But because rant relates to the trip I thought I would share them both here.
  8. Tempted to write long commentary, but ll keep it short. What you are doing is great. Hiding from life with a shield of "only holy stuff here" is not the way. My journey is similar to yours although even more incelness ? Currently doing not as many approaches, but picking up the momentum. Your commitment towards resolving relation with woman, dating and socialization is inspiring. Keep it up brother ?
  9. ? Okay, so I checked it. Damn this really hit me. Dude is definitely right on the "importance of Volume" part and "Soup" texting. Thanks. I haven't exposed myself to theory behind dating because a few videos that I watched seemed delusional. But this Mike guy nailed on the volume-confidence relation part. Its really simple concept, yet somehow I thought it doesn't apply to me. Now I see it does. I need to increase volume waaaay more. Noted Thats why I never created an account. But it is lockdown in my country. So I figured, until bars/cafes reopens I might as well see whats up with this Tinder thing.
  10. @kras Well yeah ? this thread shows that. Her just not answering showed me that jup I am creating expectations and investing emotionaly too soon. Basically I am too egoic. Its true. @Evil Raccoon will do ? @Preety_India @Chew211 Seems that leaving it and moving on is simple and wise next step Thank you - people from the internet - for your input ?? Others perspective is precious
  11. @Gesundheit I expected this answer and yet did not wanted it, and you served it. Thanks ? Any opinion/suggestion is welcome here. Your opinions on this are most effective for burning my illiusions/blindspots.
  12. Situation: I messaged back and forth with this girl. I asked her for a number so we could chat on the phone. She replied why not to go for a walk instead, she likes seeing person live. So I said sure, lets do it. On a scheduled day she wrote I can't go out today. I said something like "when would you like than? Given you still want to meet" and she didn't replied. My thoughts/feelings: Of course in ideal situation I would burry this case and move on. But she seemed fun and relatable, also quite my type, and I think that she might ghosted me because of my poor pictures on tinder. I feel like if we would meet in person she would realize that in-person we are same 'league' and have much in common. At least I think so from a few days of messaging with her. Question: should i try to ask her out one more time? If so - what is the way?
  13. Alrighty, thank you @WonderSeeker @Leo Gura Did it. Told that it was fun talking to her but havent felt the chemistry. It's a bitter feeling now, but the right one probably. Yeah, havent framed it in this way of being unfair with her if telling watered down truth. Checked a few of them. He's telling the truth most of the time, but I dont feel like coach is needed for me. Its fine. Although some tips and trick would be great
  14. God damnit... I am very very new to the whole dating aspect of life. And i am in a situation where I have no clue how to act properly. Context: I had a call-date with this girl who is nice, virtuous and friendly. After some chatting I realized we do not match, at least I am not attracted to her personality. I then had a thought to end the conversation, but the thing is she seems nervous and low-selfesteem and because of all these traits I did not know how to say bye. So we chatted for a few hours. It was fine, she is friendly but I am not attracted to her. And because the call ended on a neutral/semi-positive vibes she wrote a few messages afterwards, and I am just like "how the hell to say bye to this tender human". Idk maybe simple honest "You are great but I do not think me match each other" message is enough, but because i am very new to dating, I am not sure. What do you guys/girls think would be a great way to say bye? P.S yeah, I know its a small thing, but she didnt seemed very high self-esttem girl so I don't want down her by being rude