Pallero

@Max_V Well, you're not alone, that's for sure. There's a bunch of us outcast weirdos here. I haven't found any other better way to deal with it than just to get used to it. It's an acquired taste, but you can actually learn to enjoy being different. Unique. At least they finally leave you alone and stop bugging you with their stupid jokes, lol. Realize that it's painful, because you want to be accepted and liked, and realize that it's overrated.

I think you're afraid.

Yes, but if in practice 90% of people have this problem, then it's a huge distraction.

Oh my God YES PLEASE! In my case, I have been active since the beginning, but I haven't posted much. So my post count wouldn't reflect how long I've been active, just how much I've been posting. Therefore I rather like the idea of post count and separate titles based on how long people have been active. So you could see whether someone made one hundred posts in a month or in a year. But I guess if you want to get rid of all rank and status, that would be just more rank and status... In any case, I support the idea. Been secretly wishing for it to happen, as I find myself distracted from the actual posts to check whether it has been voted up or down and by how many people.

Fun? What's fun? Err... personal development work, writing, drawing, reading, hanging out with my boyfriend, travelling, listening to music, listening to spiritual teachers/channellers, walking outside in nature, cooking, watching movies, sleeping, eating, having conversations with people and learning new things.

I don't think it's strange at all. Some people don't need many teachers. They have a strong drive within themselves already and are motivated to do the work. They raise their consciousness very well by themselves, without outer help. For some people it might even be easier to do it on their own. They know what works best for them. Maybe they have tried to listen to many teachers and haven't found anything that resonates.

Enlightenment is deep peace with everything that exists, profound savouring of everything and anything that is there in the present moment, joy from whatever you see, hear or feel. Enlightenment is realization that there is nothing besides you in existence. The words "you" and "I" change meaning. Enlightenment is equally unattached observation of everything in the present moment. Things that have previously been important cease to be important and at the same time become the most important thing in the world, but now they are not important because it's scary or dangerous to lose them. They are important because they're precious and wonderful and amazing and magical. A thought is magical. A sight, a sound, a feeling - all magical. All important. All the limits fall away in enlightenment. Everything becomes open, limitless and possible.

What @Nahm wrote is great advice and I would also add unplugging (not going on social media or watching any tv or reading anything depressing). So sleep, morning meditation, then write what you want, visualize and think about it, all the while not plugging into any toxic stuff that will pour gasoline into your flame of negativity. Don't talk to any friends or relatives either.

It sounds like real progress to me. Sometimes progress seems like going backwards, it's totally normal.

Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you had some useful insights. Good on you!

I feel you. It's hard to let go of the familiar. I know it's scary and it's ripping you apart. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Just try to relax if you can. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, nor do you have to cut any people from your life. This is inner work. You can stay exactly where you are and not do anything except look inside and accept the turmoil within until it calms down. Just relax.

Did you actually see/realize that or are you just theorizing? You have to really see it, not just understand it intellectually with your mind (=mental masturbation).

Your music can be very high-consciousness. Those club spaces can be used for inspiring and raising people's spirits. There are other ways to raise consciousness besides meditation. Did you see the thread called "Music to Inspire Enlightenment"?

Wow, cool. I had no idea. ??

@Jhonny Hmm, not really. Just calmer and more clear-headed, so you might feel more intelligent and level-headed. But it doesn't raise your IQ if that's what you mean.

@Jayden Birch You said you're halfway through the course. Why don't you finish it before making any big decisions?

@zunnyman I don't see any problem with shooting straight for enlightenment. The toxic relationship problem should take care of itself. It's not like one day you wake up and go, "Oh, shit! I have to leave my horrible relationship that I'm so dependent on RIGHT NOW! Otherwise I'll NEVER be enlightened. Oh no, the horror of this decision! And look, I have only two minutes to make this life altering decision that will determine my future!" It's more like, as you slowly unravel yourself bit by boring bit, you just become less and less dependent, and the relationship (if it's toxic) will just die out. You will not cling to it. You will have the confidence to let go. And it will not be a problem. The term "glass ceiling" makes it sound more dramatic than it is.

@Ilya Good question. High consciousness, same as high awareness, means that your perception and understanding of reality is bigger, wider, more nuanced than if you had lower consciousness or awareness. For example, you're cooking a meal and you see an unfamiliar word in the recipe, "clove". You wonder, "what is clove"? So you google it, you read about it, find out what it is. Then you go to the supermarket and buy some to make your meal. Clove is on the shelf next to coriander, but you never noticed it before. You are now a little wiser. Your awareness became a little higher. You are now aware of the existence and maybe usage of clove. This is what we do in personal development, but instead of spices, we usually want to focus our awareness on ourselves - our negative thinking, limiting beliefs, false assumptions et cetera. We do this by educating ourselves, looking inside ourselves and doing various exercises. 99% of what we do is usually unconscious or subconscious. We want to bring it into our consciousness in order to get rid of stuff we don't want to do and choose to do more the stuff that we want to do. To live happier, more fulfilling lives. Higher consciousness eating means knowing what and how you are eating, having made the choice to eat certain things in a certain way - instead of eating what everyone else around you is eating. Et cetera. I hope that answers your question.

This. Everything in your external reality is a reflection of your internal reality - this is the premise of Law of Attraction. I find advice, like "just don't focus on the lack" quite unhelpful, because 99% of what we put out there is subconscious. Granted, it wasn't always that way. Your conscious thoughts that became habitual are now subconscious, but this doesn't change the fact that 99% of what you are attracting, you are attracting subconsciously. You might have to do many years of hard work in order to change some of these frequencies that you're vibrating on. Releasing of resistance is required and there shadow work is a great tool. What I dislike about most LoA teachings is that they market LoA as a quick-fix tool that you can use to fulfil all your low-consciousness materialistic desires. This just couldn't be less true. LoA is not a quick-fix tool. It's an extremely powerful, nuanced and complicated force of the universe and should be treated as such.

@Afonso Thank you! If the tension dissolves so quickly, maybe it's just a regular muscle tension without any emotional baggage attached? If you try to release something you've been carrying around since you were a child, it will take much longer and be much harder. Usually it cannot be even released at your first try. Some resistance you'll be releasing for years - it goes so deep. Pay attention to the feelings in the body - they can also shift and move! Something that first felt like anger will move to another part of the body and turn out to be fear, for example. If you pay attention to the emotions, you'll notice that all of these tensions are really fears of different kinds.

Because according to the social media and people's stories everyone is having a much nicer Christmas than you, with presents, coming together, warmth, gratitude et cetera, whereas you are stuck alone with your alcoholic abusive parent who is going to blame you for being a failure. You will not get a present and the presents you give don't even provoke a "thank you". On the contrary, they get critiqued, looked down upon and thrown aside. At some level, you feel like it's your fault that your Christmas is the worst and no one is having a worse Christmas than you, but you have no idea what to do about it. So you're forever stuck in your miserable hell. That's why.

Thank you for sharing!

I have visualized all the sensory phenomena falling in on itself like a strange loop. But it's not really a visual visualization. More like a different way to look at the sensory phenomena. Maybe it's just being really present in the now, I don't know. But I'm definitely intrigued by the idea of visualizing or imagining enlightenment or some parts of it.

Thanks! Seems interesting! I will definitely check it out. ??

Which language? Why don't you want to learn it?