This is my first post on the forum and I made sure it would be packed with value so read on.
Greetings.
If you're a guy involved in pickup or interested in pickup, you should read this post as I will detail some important insights that I've had recently in regards to game and the whole belief system behind it. This is a glimpse into your future.
I've been in the game for almost 10 years. In that time, I've gone through multiple stages in my development.
I've been the beginner, the intermediate, the advanced. I've been technical and natural. I've done social circle, day and night game. I've had one night stands, casual as well as serious relationships. I've had conscious connections and... more ego driven ones. I've been honest and manipulative.
I've been through a lot.
Eventually, just about a year or two ago, I seem to have reached a new plateau that I only now finally begun to unravel.
I started to feel completely disillusioned by the whole pickup thing. Going out night after night, day after day, hosting get togethers, writing field reports and everything that comes with maximizing your results in dating started to feel absolutely meaningless to me.
It got to the point where I would go out with natural friends of mine and I would do extremely ballsy and over the top things as a way to finally feel something exciting from my interactions as they became so repetitive and boring to me.
It was a weird space. It felt like my game became so much better, as a result of all this. Women would respond very positively to me when I would act from that headspace and my friends would be amazed. I even had some guys who wanted me to coach them up, after witnessing me in field. Yet, I felt so fucking empty inside.
Indifference really is the epitome of high level game, I guess. But the cost was not worth it.
What is the point of this? I would ask myself.
Sex? Not worth it. Not anymore.
Game mastery? There's no such thing.
It felt like a never ending overindulgence.
I craved for more meaning, more depth, more intimacy.
Then about a year ago, I found it.
I was out in the club, coaching one of my "friends" on pickup when we approached these two gorgeous women, one of which I had approached a few months prior at another club but got rejected. This time though, shit was hitting. It was one of those rare nights where I actually felt motivated to game. Her exceptional beauty definitely helped with that.
Long story short, we ended up dating for the next 3 months. Not in a serious relationship, but we definitely were heading in that direction. I have to emphasize again that she was absolutely gorgeous. A 10 in my eyes.
Yet something was missing.
We werent very sexually compatible and there were many personality clashes between us. Coupled that with the fact that i decided to move to a different city to pursue new opportunities and it was high time to throw in the towel with that connection.
However, after all that, I ended up spiraling. I dove deep into pickup again. Slept around and felt emptier and emptier with each one. I didn't want to see these girls again. I didn't respect them, nor cared for them. But i needed them. I needed a replacement for the connection I walked away from. Multiple replacements in necessary.
I thought I had found the woman I could finally justify leaving the game for. But it was a facade. And here I am, again, dealing with women who I care very little for.
And that's when it clicked.
I am looking for an escape. I'm looking to abandon the pickup paradigm. It has run its course. That's why I've been feeling this way and I've been resisting it. Looking for an excuse to leave it all behind.
While pickup teaches us that sex is natural, normal, a high value activity, etc. I actually began to develop my own belief systems around it.
I started to find casual sex to be quite disgusting, actually. Theres nothing casual about having sex with someone. It is a risky endeavour that is inherently disrespectful to your body when it's being experienced with someone who you care little about.
In fact, I came to see that I never really enjoyed casual sex all that much. But pickup conditioning has taught me that I should, so I just ran with it for almost 10 years!
Additionally, what I came to realize is that pickup doesnt do much for your life overall. In fact, it limits your potential.
For example, because of all the time I spent doing pickup, I didnt develop certain skills that would've benefited my finances greatly.
Furthermore, because of pickup, I felt ashamed of certain feminine aspects of myself because I felt like embracing them would make me less attractive to the opposite sex and thus negatively affect my results.
"And maybe they would," I thought to myself. "But I would also be happier. . ." Right?
This was such a mind-bending click for me. I started to really deconstruct my whole pickup identity within a span of just a week.
At the apex, I was out with 2 of my wings. They have a more aggressive style of game while I tend to play the more "chill social guy" approach, where I talk to everyone, guys and girls and build social proof as the night goes on and subtly escalate and express interest only after the girl has given me some indicators of interest.
This particular night, I wasn't feeling it at all. I was talking to a group of guys and having a pretty fun conversation with them, but I didn't feel like approaching girl, really. Despite this, my 2 wings were rampant! I would watch them from afar as they were scanning the environment, looking for girls.
My eyes followed them as thet were doing their approaches, getting rejected, analyzing their sets to each other briefly and then jumping right into the next interaction.
As I was witness to this, the only thought that entered my mind was: What fucking losers.
And this is not an attack to them. It's an attack to me.
I was them. I was in that headspace for many years too. Running around, approaching girls, pursuing sex, intimacy and love.
But, that night, I truly saw it as the low value activity it really is.
Needless to say, I ended up going home early.
The next few days were eye opening.
This is what I can clearly see, right now:
Pickup is a needy paradigm to be in and that goes for high level 'natural' game, as well. How can that be? Isnt high level natural game just being yourself and not giving a fuck? How can you be needy while not giving a fuck?
Yes, to be good with women you do need not give a fuck and be completely free and unfiltered, coupled with social calibration, of course. However, when operating from a pickup paradigm, one only behaves this way because they know it will maximise their results, which makes that behaviour needy at the source. If you found out that being meek would get you laid more, then you would do that. Thus, are you actually being yourself or using that as a technique?
There's a world of difference when one truly doesn't give a fuck from a holistic sense and when one is behaving as such through the pickup lens.
The highest quality of life can only be achieved when one falls in love with themselves unconditionally and that cannot happen while operating through an identity that depends on external factors and results to be validated.
As I mentioned before, I have certain feminine traits that I've rejected socially and within myself out of fear of losing out on potential options with women.
This is self hate, not love.
And men do this all the time, especially when involved in pickup and in very subtle ways.
A guy might say, for example, that when his woman does something disrespectful he will reinforce his own boundaries and assert his dominance in the relationship because he is in abundance and isn't afraid to lose her.
Yet, the question is, again, are you really doing that out of abundance and self love or because you know that doing so has the best chance of keeping your woman loyal and attracted to you?
That's for you to answer of course.
I want to fully own everything that I am. I care not to be seen as attractive, or preselected, or dominant, or charismatic, or even nice. I want to be me. Even if it means being seen as the opposite of the above by every person on earth.
I'm done performing the role of the attractive man. I want out.
There are so many more insights and nuances that I want to share, but this post is long enough and I'm also typing this at work, so I'll leave it as is.
I know Leo has a whole video on this topic. But it's a completely different experience when you go through it yourself.
Not to say I will never chat up a woman again, that's ridiculous. But it will be coming from a different place.
Does that mean you should not do pickup? Of course not! That would make me a hypocrite to the highest degree. Of course, go out and do it!
All I ask, is that when you reach a point that it no longer serves you, then recognize it and make the switch.
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