Toby

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Posts posted by Toby

  5. Posted

    @Preety_India I'd rather call it confused. Of course it breaks my heart seeing guys listening to gangster rap, watching porn, doing pickup and what not... not healthy role models. Of course. But for most it is just a phase and an unhealthy expression of their stage of development. And as always... one has to consider a man's (Enneagram) type in the development happens. For example an unhealthy sexual Enneagram 8 is probably a prototype of what feminists might call "toxic". But is an unhealthy Enneagram 5 who withdraws or an unhealthy 9 who is a doormat not also "toxic"? No.... of course no one gives a shit about them. Only the ones a bit too aggressive are labeled toxic.

  6. Posted

    I remember the time when I worked with kids from age 3 to 10. Because of that I find it ridiculous seeing being male or female as toxic. For me it's not toxic. Yes, I see patterns of confusion. A lot. And it shows up differently in men than in women - I agree. But shaming confused behaviour doesn't help very much. For example I see Elliot Hulse as very confused, probably traumatized expression - but he as a human being is not toxic. Also in Pickup... a lot of very confused dudes.... but toxic... I wouldn't use that word.

  10. Posted

    Things I found to be helpful in the past:

    - Yoga for my Ayurveda type (Vata) - good book by david frawley out there
    - Feldenkrais
    - doing Somatic Experiencing
    - educate myself about trauma
    - Trauma release exercises
    - "Wheel of Awareness" by Daniel Siegel
    - not doing breathwork, not too much meditation or mindfulness or yoga or "energy work"
     

  11. Posted

    What kind of professional therapist does sessions for free? Seems very weird.

    Although, yes... sometimes people stop therapy because of some stuff coming up and would be better to continue. But if he is not doing his behavior to slow you down or looking away because he notices too much attention is disregulating for you... his approach / behavior / personality is not ideal for you.

  14. Posted

    7 minutes ago, Seed said:

    She said I am very sensitive soul with chinks in my armour due to childhood trauma, so she is going to teach me how to take care and protect myself from aborbing too much negative energies from others. As those who are so senstive, I are left very exposed. And that whilst being sensitive is a wonderful skill, not being taught to take care of it will wreak havoc on the energy system.

    xD sounds textbook cold reading. Sorry had to laugh a bit while reading because it sounded so generic. Not to say she has no skills that are useful to you.

  16. Posted

    @Seed I don't think that EFT or kinesiology are "bad". Rather the opposite; they are quite often too direct, too "powerful" and lack "calibration". That's why unconsciously they do not touch deeper layers when they are not used within the "window of tolerance" (http://www.somatictraumatherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/ANS2.jpg). That is the main thing in any legit trauma therapy that the therapist has to keep you in the window of tolerance and widen that window (meaning the capacity to stay present with more and more situations, sensations, emotions, thoughts...). Only you can judge if that is what's happening or if you are being retraumatized.

  17. Posted · Edited by Toby

    11 minutes ago, Seed said:

    He does EFT and muscle testing

    EFT and kinesiology is not that effective with trauma in my experience. Doesn't do anything or retraumatize quite often. (I learned EFT in 2005 and used it very often for some years. Kinesiology I used a lot especially from 2006-2007. So I know the limits of it. It's not that good and effective for trauma.)