decentralized

I believe your body is reincarnating all the time. In my opinion you have existed since a certain period of time (I’m not talking about your Godself, which have existed forever, but your individual self independent from your body) and will continue to exist forever, so it’s important to heal yourself and fix your issues in order to not carry them to your next life. If I didn’t believe in reincarnation I’d probably be a nihilist.

@Emerald it’s been almost 2 years since I touched any psychedelic and I only smoke tobacco now though I still need some grounding work to do. I have random mudras occurring on my hands all the time, I let them flow while I am laying down for sleep. I don’t do sitting meditation because I am afraid of my thoughts. Tomorrow I will talk to my neurologist about those mudras.

Well, my direct experience told me solipsism is real, I was on ketamine which is a dissociative drug so I don’t know how reliable it is anyways. However I choose to live as if other people actually exist because it’s easier to live this way. Otherwise I’d just spiral down and not be able to love or connect to anyone because I know I’m imagining them. This stuff is very complicated.

They are just delusions, right? Has anyone in this forum experienced this? Nowadays members are discussing psychedelic delusions in this forum. Though Ketamine is not a psychedelic, it has psychedelic effects on some people and it made me believe some guy is my twin flame. Turns out I have (or lets say, had) anxious attachment style and he has an avoidant attachment style, that was the cause of the push pull dynamic between us. Or maybe simply he was not as interested as I was. I mixed kundalini yoga with ketamine (very bad idea) to read his mind because I firmly believed there was an inherent connection between us. This guy kept ghosting me though, which made me even more obsessed. I stopped taking psychedelics since almost 2 years and I am still healing from my delusional thoughts about twin flames, solipsism, God, Truth etc. Psychedelics definitely amplify whatever delusions you have if you are not careful.

What is truth according to you? What does your direct experience tell you?

@PurpleTree from what I understand you are saying that decentralized is an illusion. Is God an illusion as well? I mean isn’t God = Nothingness? If God is Nothingness, how is she constructing this dream called life?

I’m not antisocial, I can connect well with humans though there’s room for improvement. I want to experience deep divine love with a man however that person doesn’t magically appear my life, and even if I will come across him in this lifetime, I will have another breakdown knowing that I am imagining him and he’s not real. During my psychosis/awakening I was thinking that I am the feminine side (yin) of existence and he is the masculine side. And we complement each other and have to be together. However right now, from God’s POV, I feel like no one can complement me because I’m both yin and yang. I just forgot my yang side. Idk if that makes sense.

That’s what I want to believe.

But I can only experience @decentralized at this moment. I deeply know that this self is an illusion. Just like anything else. How do I experience infinity without drugs and without having another psychotic breakdown?

I have experienced Solipsism on ketamine several times (haven’t touched 5-MeO yet) but stopped taking any psychedelics since almost 2 years. I’m curious on what you feel about Solipsism at this moment, I’m especially curious on what your current take is, @Leo Gura.

@RendHeaven does that mean there’s only one observer which is me, decentralized? Am I the only one who has “eyes”? Doesn’t other people have their own experience? I feel like they don’t. Which makes me even more lonelier. But maybe they do, which makes me have infinite number of eyes but can experience only one at a time. That’s what Love and Light community suggests I think.

I know. This is my current challenge in life. I’ve put so much meaning to that story that it’s still hard to distinguish imagination from actuality. However I know I will be able to get over it. Taking time off from psychedelics definitely helps in this situation, they made my obsession worse. There’s also an existential part of my situation. It might sound funny to you, but I’m quite solipsistic and I believe I created everything - including the love and connection I feel for him - in order to not feel alone. I believe that’s the only reason that God is imagining anything and everything, to forget that she’s the only conscious being in existence.

Same thing happened to me. I had sex with a man on ketamine and I thought our souls merged. Turns out he has an avoidant attachment style. I got interested in astrology and went heavy on ketamine & kundalini yoga to read his mind. At some point I stopped taking ketamine and smoking weed however I still had a psychotic breakdown. I thought I was telepathically communicating with him during that time. Even though I haven’t touched psychedelics since almost 2 years, I’m still kind of obsessed with him and I’m still thinking that there’s some past life karmic connection with him. A part of my mind is telling me to stop trying to explain this with the new agey. This stuff hurts very badly.

I take this as a yes

Does solipsism mean there’s only one observer which is me? Meaning that only I have “eyes”?