Random witch

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  1. Yes, it's more realistic to have a relationship with a partner who meets some of my needs rather than all of them but also it's important to understand that our needs won't be the same as they were when we met. if one of your most important partner's needs change because of something that happens in her life and you can't meet this need and vice versa it would be hard to maintain the relationship. This is why the idea of a long-term marriage is absurd. People change, their needs change, life circumstances change. I can do whatever fits my life and situation. Now I'm pretty wounded inside so it might take time for me to heal and feel romantic feelings again. I don't know what will happen in the future and I don't believe in planning stuff like marriage and family because those are all vague ideas and concepts. Generally, I don't see a reason to get officially married or sign some forms, I think that people should choose their loved one or loved ones every day with a clear mind and not feel obligated to stay with their partner/s only because they sign some forms and say some sweet words when they got married. I see. I think that not everyone can find someone to be in a long-term relationship, especially a healthy relationship, there are lots of people who are unconscious and unaware of themself, traumatized and immature, it might be much harder for them and as they get older it near to impossible. But those are only assumptions. Yeah, I see a relationship as an experience, it's a mirror, a way to connect, a lesson, a self-inquiry through the other person's eyes, a play with another God's/source fragment. A relationship isn't a death institution, a nuclear reactor rigid plan (in Chinese), nor a shortcut to happiness or joy. I see you're like the idea of long-term monogamy it's normal I guess and I think that's adorable, as long as you're not in denial about the possible ephemerality of it and struggles that people usually have in this kind of relationship. I know that many people seek long-term relationships out of idealization of it (our culture always talks about it and very idealizes it), or out of fear of loneliness (which is absurd because people can be married and feel lonely), and many other bad reasons. Monogamy is a relatively new social structure for humans and quite complicated for people to be really monogamous for a lifetime. Many people get divorced and a significant part of those who don't get divorced, cheat. Even the married couples who still live together aren't necessarily happy and satisfied with their marriage. I don't think that it's a problem of morality more than it's just something about our biology. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, my opinion might change as I will gather more information about human sexuality in the future. I do think that a healthy relationship with a person for an unknown period of time (and not a lifetime) is a much more realistic thing to pursue.
  2. This is a fantasy in my eyes because there's no person that can meet all our needs, all time, for a lifetime, someone who will be in love with us and always attracted to us and never be attracted to someone else except us. This is a toxic idea and a very egoic one, From my egoic perspective as an introvert it's a great deal and very comfortable, to get a friend, a lover, a mother and father, and a therapist in one person. But it's unreal. No. Do you? I don't think it has something to do with trauma healing and being healthy, of course, it is still important and it impacts the quality, maturity, and depth of relationships, people can create beautiful and aware relationships that way but we can't always choose who we are attracted to and how long or what thoughts or wishes are arising in us, it's not a bad thing and its something that people should be more in acceptance of and less in denial about. Life is always in flow, is dynamic, changing, the efforts to make things rigid and stable create suffering. Maybe that's the solution maybe not, I don't know, but I think all those definitions are killing us. All those rules of what we shouldn't do. It's already the case I guess, it's already constructed that way because of the narrow beauty standards and all the modern expectations people have of each other. The idea that only one person fits you is the idea that creates an unequal distribution of desirability because you're allowed to choose only one person and when you're allowed to choose only one you'll try to choose the best you can find, but what happens when you're allowed and encouraged to choose more than one? I think that you don't mind lowing your standards as long as you enjoy the people you're involved with.
  3. @Raptorsin7 Sure, because if he meets all my needs, and I'm his, I love him and am attracted to him forever and he's to me, and we have a good dynamic forever, why do I need another one? one is enough. But reality and life are much more complicated than this simplistic attitude for better and for worse. I mean, you can get happily married, love your woman, be attracted to her, and at the same time be attracted to her sister, be in denial about it or not, you might find some sexy trait in her sister that doesn't exist at all in your wife, idealize her sister because you don't know her as much as you know your wife, secretly regret that you got married with your wife and not with her sister, and your wife might be attracted to one of your friends, and maybe she may have better conversations with him about a certain topic that makes her even more connected to him sometimes and sometimes she has erotic dreams about him and she feels guilt and shame when she wakes up next to you, and she might secretly be jealous of you friend's grilfriend, All those behaviors can happen unexpectedly without intention, naturally between people while everything looks smooth on the surface.
  4. I think that marriage and monogamy sound very good in theory but in reality, it's very hard to maintain love, friendship, and attraction at the same time to only one person for a lifetime. It's an unrealistic fantasy that doesn't fit human sexuality. It also doesn't make sense that one person is able to meet all your needs and you can meet all his needs for a lifetime. It is much more realistic that one person can meet one or a few of your needs and you can meet his for a limited period of time, because people change and develop with time, so their needs and preferences change. It's a natural process. Most couples cheat, sooner or later, not necessarily by passionate sex with someone else, it can be by their thought that wants to experience something new and exciting with someone else, a passionate gaze with a random attractive stranger, by flirt, by "random" touch, by an intimate connection with a colleague at work. It doesn't make people 'bad', it's something beyond our control if we are really honest and authentic with ourselves. The human brain seeks connection, safety, and stability and at the same time seeks novelty and excitement, deal with it! Now deal with this paradox. There are no rigid rules to the ways human beings structure their relationships, if one wants to practice monogamy, why not? But it doesn't have to be considered the default for everyone, and there's nothing morally right or better in being monogamous. Society lives in huge delusion and hypocrisy about relationships and sex in general which brings so much suffering, the idea that we brainwashed since we are children that there's only one person who is our soul mate is so toxic, so limiting, how can I know that this is my soul mate and not the other one?
  5. Yes, but the ego is a huge obstacle in accepting being a "loser", it's not that simple for many people, especially those who are ego-driven.
  6. Someone had to say those things clearly. I'm glad that this thread is exist. Wow, you wrote it so well! We can't bypass our life's shit by high spiritual teachings, and yeah people should be much more kind with eachother and stop with this competitive shit. I get a serious cringe when people post they are God or they just have got to this so high state and people praise them. It reminds me the social media, when someone post he just have bought a new car or got married. It's disturbing that people see spirituality as something that you achieve or not. Black or white. I think it's something private, and there's nothing special we need to do, and we don't need to do an extraordinary things in order to welcome spirituality to our life. We all already spiritual creatures by our nature. Practicing self love, gratitude, acceptance, compassion, in our daily life is much more important than realizing you're God or willing to be enlightenment IMO because it brings a real joy, peace, calmness to our life, it's so important, those are the highest emotional states one can be in. We are existing for this, the infinite consciousness decided to express herself through a human physical body in order to live in joy. This is where the Buddha is, no wonder he's smiling. All this dick measuring, all this non acceptence, all this competition is killing the potential of possible joy in our life. Most people here should start with psychological treatments and no wonder because we live in fucked up society which we traumatized by and bullied by our entire life. It's not just a few people who suffer from depression and anxiety it's about a massive amount of people with those problems and even more, it's so sad that people gaslight those and we as a society have no tolerance for this.
  7. I think it would be something healthy to watch for your mental health-
  8. I can feel your pain although I never spoke to this user. His unexpected death reminds me how little sometimes we know about the people around us, what demons our family, friends. other people we're interacting with might dealing with. It's a reminder that also the people who seems like their shit is handled and look so integrated might suffer the most, very deeply and have some internal pain, conflicts and misery that they rarely dare to show or speak about. It reminds me that eventually with all spirituality we all people in a physical body, we all suffer, we all have issues, human beings have issues. Even if they our teachers or/and leaders. Even if they look so calm and centered, even if they look so wise and smart.
  9. This me quoting myself lol, see this as God talking to herself
  10. Why? Because the only way for man to be authentically connected to women is only by integrating green. Men who are very orange will never be able to deeply connect to women from orange perspective. They also not interested in that. They interested in looking at women from above as an object to satisfy their needs. It's true also for orange-blue men and especially for orenge-red men which won't be that attracting for the modern women in an era of abundance and where so many women are at stage green. But the combination of healthy green-red is ideal, it's the good of both worlds. On one hand stage green men are more open minded, authentic and connected to their emotions and femininity which allows them to connect to women easily and to build good relationships with them and on the other hand, integrating healthy masculine stage red traits like self expression, creativity, passion, courage, will keep the sense of polarity.
  11. @Fearless_Bum Yeah you right, there's no need for this story, I wrote it in order to support your post with my theories and observations that I was eager to share. Not many men think like you, unfortunately, I wish it was so obvious for all men as much as it's so obvious for you. They think that being stuck at stage blue-orange agendas will lead them to somewhere in the world while the most wise think to do for themselves, their romantic sexual life and for humanity is to do work to envolve into stage green. Many men are afraid to evolve into stage green because they see this as "feminine" but they forget that they still can integrate healthy stage red traits like courage, self expression, passion and creativity in order to balance the femininity of stage green. The combination of healthy green-red in men is much more powerful than being this stage orange high status rational man, in terms of attraction.
  12. Yeah, women are human beings who look for another human being to connect with. Humans are not chimpanzees although they resonates with them a lot. Chimpanzees have alphas but humans don't. Humans are too complicated in order to have such rigid and simple social structures contains only alphas, betas and females. Most of our existence we lived at the purple stage where there's no alphas or betas, everybody has his role and everybody was important to the tribe and contribute as he could. The structure of the tribe was built that way that if someone behaves like he is the best in the tribe and began to be arrogant, the rest of the tribe put him to the ground and reminds him that he's just a part of the tribe and he depends on tribe like everyone. We lived most of our existence in a structure that neutralise psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists and people who are too controling and dominating. When human population increased and there were no enough resources for so many tribes to exists at limited teitory at the same time, tribes began to trade with eachother on resources or fight on them. Only then all the dominant men became valuable to the tribe because they led the tribe with courage, passion and cruelty in order to make sure their tribe will survive, this is the point where humans involved into stage red. But it still important to remember that most of our existence we were at stage purple, this explains why so many people hate alphas and authorities, why so many people hate too dominating people, be told what to do, and why we don't like arrogant people in general and have some natural urge to challenge them. Humans drawn to "alphas" and dominant people only when this is their only choice. Only when this is their last chance to survive. This is why people in power prefer to keep the population poor and uneducated because when people have enough resources and knowledge, they rarely will follow any rules. Human being who have all his survival needs met doesn't need any authority or someone to control upon him. This is true for women today when women don't need man in order to meet their basic survival needs so they won't be drawn to the most dominant man. They might be drawn to the most dominant man only when they have some lack of their basic needs because this man have resources. This decision is cold survival decision. Ideally, when women's needs met, she will be drawn to a man that she can build something emotional with him, something meaningful and deep that doesn't come out of cold survival interests. I don't know why I wrote this essay, I just had the urge to share my view somewhere and this thread gave me the motivation to write it lol.
  13. From my experience as a daughter of a father who did everything, for years, in order to put me down, including attempts to incite my family against me and always making me look bad in front of everyone he knows, I 100% understand what you are going through. I'm not an expert but I find that the best way to cope with toxic family members is to ignore them and avoid them as much as you can, talk only, when necessary, while at the same time, you're focusing on healing yourself and living the happiest life you can live. My father is probably the main reason for my self-esteem, self-image issues and trauma issues. Growing up with father figure who instead of loving you, accepting you and protecting you, is behaving like your biggest enemy all time is so fucking exhausting.
  14. It's hard to touch or be romantic with someone who you're not attracted to. It's a simple fact for all human race. How much money would you agree to take in order to kiss that unattractive girl some long juicy kiss? Do you have any sum? 20$? 50$? 100$? 500$? 1000$? Hard to decide? That's why being a prostitute is a hard job. Very unappreciated. Being a prostitute means fuck unattractive people on daily basis. The mental strength of those women, no wonder most of them are drug addicts, WOW, I admire prostitutes. Fucking old, ugly, disabled, smelly men on daily basis? SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. For me personally 90% of men are not attractive just because of their personality, hot, mediocre, ugly, it doesn't matter, it's hard to find men with attractive and healthy personalities.
  15. I don't have a solution for that. But it happens, people gain hope, people lose hope. When I lose hope, I just have this semi self-destruction mode when I really feel very nihilistic and I feel like nothing matters at all. I do things in a sloppy way and have energy for doing basic stuff only like eating and sleeping. When I try to get out of this mode it doesn't work. The only thing that helps me to gain hope again is time. Something happens, after a while, maybe inside me or outside me that makes me see the world differently and gain some hope for better life, better circumstances, better everything. It can be a little bird, a movie character, some random insight within me. Hope can come in many different unexpected ways. I allow myself to "surrender" to hopelessness mode and live with that without forcing myself to be constantly happy and hopeful.