Mooders

I think he is mistaken, however i was also mistaken in the same way when i was younger. As a teen I thought I had it all figured out I had recently been contemplating my own death which is something my peers would not do and it left me a place of depression and anxiety. Whilst I was in this place i was desperately searching for some kind of evidence that life was not pointless or random or that science did not have all the answers so the idea that people had studied the human mind and the way it behaves and all my thoughts and emotions could be predicted and I had no free will scared the living shit out of me, It did massive damage to me at the time I was not ready for it. Whilst I now understand studying further into this that it is good for me and that my reactions were just my 'ego' and i wasnt necassarily thinking straight I can understand why people stay away from this field it is emotionally difficult to get into and if you are not ready for it it can be overwhelming ;P Self help like this has completely destroyed the previous way I look on life and it has been extremely uncomfortable I may be projecting my experiences on your friend but maybe he just wants to stay where he is comfortable.

Thank you.

Since i was 13 i realised how permanant death is and it freaked the shit out of me. I had intense anxiety and lack of purpose for around two years in this time grew some intense social anxiety and depression I have been working through it by myself for almost 10 years (im 21 now) and made many realizations myself about how my psyche worked and made some really good progress. In that time i didnt see any councilers or psychiatrists as I didnt think they would have the answers for everyone and they wouldnt know what was best for me. I also assumed i knew more about how to fix my own problems then anyone else. After working on my work ethic for about 3 years (I used to be a major slacker now im in university) I began to realise the relaxing effects repetetive tasks such as cleaning or walking would have so i thought I would try out meditation, I looked it up on youtube and found Leo's video. When I began watching Leos videos it was in the christmas period of last year and what he was talking about resonated with me. I had two weeks completely by myself in my flat in which i began meditation and watching a lot of Leo's videos in that brief period of solitude and work I made more progress on my anxiety than I had in the years and years I was working on it myself, now as I carry on with the development the emotions I thought I had lost have almost come back I no longer feel like a spectator in the world I feel as though im part of it I can relate to people like I could almost 10 years ago and all this progress has happened in a short time. Really excited to see what progress I can make in the future im fully commited at this point.

I have felt some small benefits from meditation however i find it hard to do it everyday. I understand that I dont want to do it because its emotionally difficult and all that but for whatever reason I just dont really do it everyday. What i do enjoy doing everyday though is walking. I have recently been pressured by heavy emotions caused by a girl very close to me and whilst I find it hard to sit and meditate I feel I have made some huge progress just going for a walk for a couple of hours. am I robbing myself of progress by substituting a walk instead of meditation? I sometimes do mindfulness techniques such as labelling a sound and then listening to it whilst i am out walking I just find it easier to sit and do when i get away from my surroundings and I feel more likely to start doing something if that something involves physically getting up from where I was.

Thank you for the advice, I think that having moved away from them at uni has caused me to somewhat panic and begin talking to them perhaps more than when i lived nearby them haha, but the spacing out interaction is a good idea and i think living away will give me the oppurtunity to do so so i think i will definitely give this a go allthough it will be tough as they will often come to me for advice throughout the week EDIT: when i say they come to me for advice it is through messaging such as facebook, whatsapp etc or a phonecall if they are in trouble or particularly broken up

This would work however, I know i would be able to just turn it off or find an alternative. My procrastination has no bounds! haha

I have just woken up and showered so I am going to try and explain what i was thinking about in the shower clearly (Im kind of hoping it will sort of come together as im writting it to be honest) I am trying more and more to remove other peoples approval from my self worth. I think that through most of my teenage years my mood was heavily impacted by how relationships are were going, in particular this one girl that 'friend zoned' me. At the time i think i was emotionally not as strong as i am now, i have had strong feelings of anxiety throughout the entirety of my teenage years (im 21 now and in university) so I have used these people (3 in particular) a LOT for emotional support over the years and it has gotten to the point where I can trust them to not judge me for pretty much any thought I throw at them or i can trust them to be there for emotional support when the shit hits the fan however i still have the problem of my general mood being based around my relationships with them and others, whilst this worked in the past I would like to focus on my work and personal development now rather then work on making these people like me. In particular there was this one girl in which has 'friend zoned' me as i mentioned before, it has been beneficial to me to keep her around through the tough times as I am pretty sure i have been in love with her for a good amount of this time. It has been years, and whilst i may be overly critical of myself here I might have had a hand in pushing away her other friends as awful as this makes me feel in order to get closer with this girl. This is something i would no longer do and I feel not so much guilt but more so that it was a part of myself that needed to be developed and so i did that. The problem now being I am somewhat of a pillar in her life holding her up and her with me also, this is nice and we have had some beautiful conversations however as she moves on to dating I have been encouraging her to do so, I want her to be happy at this point I feel i haven't been the best of friends to her and I can at least try and support her to do that even though it hurts me emotionally to do so. Whilst im not sure all of these details are relevant emotionally thats where im at at the moment. I have these support structures in place i believe I could do without however I have been the one person to stick around in some of these peoples lives (perhaps for my own gain) and now they turn to me for support, they have told me that whilst now their lives are difficult they can cope with them as they can fall back on me, I am saying this as whilst i want to become independant of them i do not consider cutting them off an option I would feel the guilt for the rest of my life. I also feel that whilst i have leaned on them for a long time I owe them this in return no matter the consequence on my emotions however this also ties my emotions heavily on these relationships which is as i said something i hope to move away from in order to become more self reliable because as i understand it this is the way to becoming the man i want to be. I tried to form my thoughts into a clear question however i do not feel I have done that haha my mind is in full on monkey mode if there is a video that can help me with this i might not have seen that would be really helpful. I guess what I am trying to say is this - how can i become more independant when i am currently heavily involved in the lives of others which is having a heavy impact on my current emotional state. Is there a way to distance myself from these emotions without distancing myself from the people as I feel as though I need to be there for them and how well I do that is important to me.

Personally for me anxiety and motivation are the same thing. I am constantly anxious i am wasting my time and i am constantly anxious about underperforming. I do have an anxiety disorder and whilst at first the anxiety would cause me to panic and not do anything productive I am now able to use it as a tool to get myself off my ass and get shit done, I very rarely feel the need to just get up and go without an external factor pressuring me to do something which is a thing about myself I am trying to fix but I hope through routines and discipline I will be able to make my productivity more stable. You might think wow, thats a really miserable way to live constantly anxious about everything coming up but i dont know, I find it hard to get joy from things when there is work being put off. When i sit in my room playing games that i would usually love i find myself bored and unable to even sit through what should be fun as in the back of my mind my anxiety is sitting there sucking the pleasure from my life however if i get the work done I am in a state of bliss for the rest of the day. The feeling of having the weight lifted cannot be appreciated without first living with the weight so whilst it sucks i kind of just have to get on with it. also my motivation for joining in with these forums is that its the one thing i can do in my breaks that is guilt free and enjoyable for me.

This is a great excersise but for me I find it hard to write a list like this. I have had social anxiety and anxiety in general for almost half of my time alive and a good rule of thumb i have is if i come across something that makes me anxious I should just do it anyway. At first it was really hard and i had to force myself to do it but before long it became my immediate reaction to anything that made me anxious until i began to associate the feeling of anxiousness with progress and now when something makes me anxious i get satisfaction from the feeling at the same time. Its wierd but hey, keep at it

I believe the video is 'How to stop backsliding - How to stop procrastinating' it talks about homeostatis being the resistance to change. It is definately one of my favorite videos as simply knowing about the phenomenon of homeostasis allows me to better understand why I am not as productive as I want to be and being able to say okay its just homeostasis i just need to accept that it exists and move on allows me to get more and more done. For me a good way to start doing the things you want to do is to set up a timer (maybe for like 30 minutes) and then force yourself to do the productive thing that entire time. I've only really tried this with studying and it only really helps if you respect the timer but I feel the hardest part is just starting, even if it is not your first time attempting something it is always starting that is the problem so with that, the homeostasis and the fact that everytime you try and make a positive change in your life it gets slightly easier I have gotten to the point I am able to study on a daily basis with few exceptions. Also remember if its hard and uncomfortable its probably something worth doing so get satisfaction out of those shitty feelings.

Synechdoche new york, whilst it is a very interpretive movie it is extremely powerful and grounding. It displays a man who gets stuck in routine never really being able to share his life experience with another human being in a meaningful way due to the fact no human will love another human for everything that human is. It is a brilliant film the soundtrack brings me close to tears everytime i listen probably the most powerful thing I have ever seen in my life nothing has ever slapped me across the face with mortality quite like this. If you dont have the patience to sit through the entire film i reccomend a couple of pieces from the soundtrack called 'Song for Caden' and 'Little person'. It really takes reality and rubs your face in it and yet is somehow the most beautiful movie i have ever seen.

I do not fit into any of your categorizations but I have also been guilty of making assumptions on people in a similar way to what you have here. As i grow older i find every person i meet is very complex and not easily summed up in small statements such as these. Think of how people write books on their mindsets or their lives it takes them an entire book to try and explain the point of view they have on life and they probably have not fully realised it themselves. I get angry at people very easily I dont know why it is something I am working on but i try to keep in my mind every human i meet has existed for years and have had countless experiences in their time i will never know with each one of these experiences shaping who they are. Generalisation is a dangerous thing when considering the human mind. I find it hard to be loving and compassionate on the surface I am a very guarded an irritable person however deep down I care for people more so than you might expect I just have trouble displaying this also you talk about people having themselves in mind but doesn't everyone? even a most charitable act such as volunteering is often done to make you like yourself more.

Thanks man, i might taking what i want from what you have said but it has helped with some of my concerns

You know that makes me shit a brick thinking that ive invested years of my life and thousands of pounds on something that has no meaning.

The idea of math and science helping to improve your understanding of the universe is something i am just begining to discover. I have only read a small amount on astronomy and the way we use mathematical equations to understand how things interact with one another is beautiful. I do worry engineering is not a passion for me the reason i stick with it is i hope it will give me the tools to do something real in the world (I know its ambitious but say bring clean water to third world countries). The walking thing is definitely something that resonates with me, I used to cycle everyday back home for up 2 two hours a day and it brought clarity and peace that i had not felt before then and i find most of my progress happens during times when i stick on leos videos and go for a walk. I hope one day to find my passion but for now I am in an excellent oppurtunity to learn I just hope that when uni is over I dont regret the time and effort i spent here.