Myagooshki

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About Myagooshki

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  1. If what Integral is saying is true, I'm glad to see it. I've been afraid of potentially getting rape convictions myself. I've never had problems with women like that, bless the men who have, but I've always had some concerns that maybe one day it could happen to me.
  2. There isn't a lot of resources out there on Chakras and a lot of the information out there is overly generalized. Dr. K (HealthygamerGG) says that most information on chakras is book knowledge of the concepts of what the chakras are but not actual experience knowledge of what the chakras are to the extent of providing examples of the energies that you could experience. And that most people only receive those energies to experience chakras through going to a yogi. The only thing I've really been able to learn about any chakra in that regard really is when Teal Swan said the root chakra you hear a lot from rap music. And then that correlated in with what I thought I kind of knew but that solidified it: that there is energy from rap music that is basically root chakra energy, even moreso than a lot of root chakra meditation videos. I'd like dozens of examples of other root chakra things as well as the other chakras and I think it would be great to have a video series on all of the chakras like there is with the spiral dynamics videos. Just like the spiral dynamics videos and the stages of ego development, I think a chakra series would be a great series to start up. The spiral dynamics stuff was life changing. I feel that chakras are potentially great ways to map "ways of moving around your feelings and intuitions", and I can't exactly find any good resources that give me a lot of tips on how to figure out what those things are much like the one tidbit about rap music from Teal Swan. I've heard from a friend who likes Teal Swan that metal music is the root and solar plexus working together, which makes a lot of sense, but that's it. These two tidbits and nothing else. I can't afford a yogi right now and I'm sure a lot of people cannot or would not know that... but how about a video series on chakras?
  3. I thought that I cursed somebody by accident, but then as I was typing this up, I realized that I probably didn't "curse" the person, the person might have just received "karma" that "came from my imagination". I don't think that "curse" is the best way to describe what happened, especially since that was not my intention and I believe with dark magic, intention is what matters. I have not intentionally tried to do dark magic to anybody. But I wonder about this phenomenon. You know how sometimes interactions result in what people refer to as "immediate karma"? For example, a viral video you may have seen where a DoorDash driver gets mad at a customer on their porch for not tipping him enough, and angrily spikes the milkshake and burger at the front door of the customer's house. While walking back to his car, the DoorDash driver slips on the wet gress and falls. People are in the comments saying "Ha! Karma!" and things like that. Certainly as a driver myself I don't not share similar sentiments to the driver rather than the customer: some of these non-tipping customers need to get with the program. But the phenomenon could be lazily called "immediate karma". I think what's more accurately going on is that while neither the driver nor customer are "more objectively correct", the driver "feels in his subconscious" that he is "objectively incorrect" to the extent that "God will punish him" and so "God does". He is anxious, he pays less attention to what he's doing than he normally would, and he slips and falls. And certainly, anxiety itself can lead to clumsiness which could lead to those scenarios. But I'm looking at some of the metaphysical aspects here, not just the anxiety. Recently I posted a meme to my personal Facebook page. It was a Family Guy joke. The first frame says "Average chicken soup eater" and shows a crazy guy sitting at a table with Lois, putting his whole head in the bowl of chicken soup and Lois is freaking out. The second frame says "Average typer of chicken soup on Facebook" and it shows Peter getting escorted out of his house in handcuffs by a police officer. This girl who doesn't like me, she has some sort of vendetta against me or something, comments on it "https://www.distractify.com/p/why-is-chicken-soup-flagged-on-facebook?fbclid=IwAR19Fpzhq-ucR7NfQ1CRx5qG5LQ4KI_aajEnfy8IjM1TCWqf_GGgn5SIzng". She just commented the link to that article on my post. I responded to it in the comments sarcastically, saying "I thought it was Paula Deen recipes". Her sharing the link to the article explaining the joke as if I didn't initially get the joke. Then she hopped into my DMs, posted the link to my post on my profile in a message and posted the article again in that message inbox, seemingly implying that I am not merely posting a joke, but rather that I am actually in fact a pedophile and I am dogwhistling. Her: *posts link to my post* Her: *posts link to article* Me: well yeah that's the joke. Her: k Me: Try using a Neilmed instead of a netipot. Netipots suck. Not enough pressure. NeilMed is like a netipot with BALLS. Her: What are you talking about bitch Me: Ehhh I've had sinus infections before as well. I think. Never bronchitis though. Her: You are messaging the wrong person, tard. Are you high? Me: Why do you care so much about chicken soup? Her: Fuck off. I continued to pretend that she was sick with some sort of infection, implying that the infection was making her act stupid as she was, continuing to go into various details of tips and tricks of how to deal with her bronchitis, ignoring whatever she said back. She knew she was in the wrong. She had nothing to say. Later on in the evening she was talking in a group chat that we're both in about how she was dealing with an ear infection that she got about a half hour ago. I made another joke about chicken soup and then I started to think "hmm, maybe she knew that she was in the wrong and she attracted an ear infection because I was suggesting infections to her earlier."
  4. Yeah women are not "psychic" like any of this nonsense. Don't think that these dumb broads are some sort of emotional genuises. Half of them are selfish and absorbed. Half of them are probably pleasant. Keep approaching. Anybody who tells you otherwise is a dunce. Don't worry about looking unconfident or insecure. Women are usually more insecure than men, but society lets them stay insecure and so they're more comfortable in their bodies than a man might be with the equivalent amount of insecurity. Now it's our job as men to help men feel comfortable in their bodies with their insecurities. This will result in a better society and better individuals. Talk to the women, if they reject you nicely then wish them a good evening, if they reject you harshly then give them indifference, keep going. Here's another important thing you should do: if you're triggered, pick your words carefully so that your attacks are very subtle. Like in this forum. You're being too direct. People are giving you crap and you're being too direct with them. Instead of being like "fuck you", be like "hmmmmm I wonder what would happen to the plants if the sun turned blue" or something.
  5. You don't have to be those things. I'll tell you what's better. Learn to recontextualize situations and learn to always come up with things to say. I'll give you examples of recontextualization. Example of poorly talking as is in a conflict situation: *Me, preparing a salad, trying to be healthy, minding my own business* Them: Look at that nasty ass rabbit food! Me: What? This food isn't meant for rabbits! This food is meant for me, and I am not a rabbit. Them: That food just looks sad. Me: The food is incapable of experiencing emotions! Why are you making it seem like eating healthy is a bad thing to do!? Them: What's up doc?! *makes rabbit noises* Me: I AM NOT A RABBIT!!! Example of adequately recontextualizing in a conflict situation: *Me, preparing a salad, trying to be healthy, minding my own business* Them: Look at that nasty ass rabbit food! Me: Oh yeah I'm gonna eat McDonald's everyday and get a heart attack at 35! Them: That food just looks sad. Me: Well go get a napkin over there if you're gonna cry, and don't make a mess. Them: What's up doc?! *makes rabbit noises* Me: Do you know how to use a napkin? I'm not gonna show you, use Google. You do have opposable thumbs now. Another example of successful recontextualization: *Me, preparing a salad, trying to be healthy, minding my own business* Them: Look at that nasty ass rabbit food! Me: No this is human food. Them: That food just looks sad. Me: You're not the one eating it. Them: What's up doc?! *makes rabbit noises* Me: That's just childish. Always coming up with things to say as much as possible is one thing. Watch youtube videos, look for patterns in the way that people talk, and create a system that you memorize for coming up with words in situations so you can talk and talk. If you're able to talk and talk and recontextualize then all conversations can become intellectual instead of abusive and it'll be extremely beneficial for you. Also make sure your beliefs and worldview, things you think are right and wrong, make sure you feel confident about that stuff. And then you can just start talking to people woohoo
  6. So you didn't answer my questions for the most part except for the last one. No I will not give you a cookie. Or a strawberry, if that's more in alignment with your nutrition chakra. But, I will discuss. So essentially when I ask you how should I feel about my sexual history your response is that I should feel respect for the loss, gratitude for the lesson, and inspiration for changing the things that I can. My response back to you is that you yourself should feel like you have a right to be unhappy. That comes back to the idea for respect for the loss. Disrespecting the loss is not allowing you to feel unhappy. If you're unhappy you're unhappy. Don't let other people tell you how not to feel. Now if I'm asking people how I feel in a group forum like this, that's a different scenario because I'm looking for perceptual suggestions meant to invoke different feelings.
  7. This website doesn't always give the best information but I don't know who you're calling damaged. I've seen your posts on this website before and I wouldn't call you damaged, but I'm gonna ask you why you think I'm damaged, why you randomly suggest daily meditation habits. No I don't meditate. I used to though. See, you DON'T know who I am, and I am not at square one, but I don't like it when people on this website go over the top with overly basic platitudes and they really don't get into details. You're assuming I don't diet, you're assuming I don't exercise, you're assuming I don't sleep well, you're assuming I need to make more friends, where are you getting this from? What do you think my bad lifestyle habits are? Tell me from what I said what I need to improve on specifically because you're the one giving these specific recommendations. Lastly, the question in this post is me asking how should I feel, not what should I do. So I'd like THAT to be addressed, primarily.
  8. Don't worry about whether or not you come off as creepy. If you've been reading enough self help resources, you probably have a good idea of what other people think "creepiness" "is". If you yourself don't think it's creepy, other people might not think it's creepy either but rather they're pretending that they do because they're playing games with you. Do you know how to recontextualize conversations? So if somebody says to you "hey pussy" you don't be like "don't talk to me like that!" you be like "you're very boring and uninteresting and I do not want to have this conversation bye bye" or something. Just continue to talk to people and if they tell you to go away start making fun of them. Go away, but have the last word. A lot of people won't really tell you to go away though, and those are the people that you can start finding friends from. Maybe the aggressive people too, but that's harder to do. YOU develop your own sense of what is "creepy" and what isn't, and then act as if you're not creepy, but other people who call you creepy are stupid. I'm assuming you're not doing actual creepy stuff like sniffing girls hair you're just saying things that people think are "retarded".
  9. Nubile Films creates porn videos that are more similar to the real thing. I stopped watching as much porn as I used to because these days the porn is getting all hardcore and goofy.
  10. I don't think that my past is ideal, regardless of what "normal" is. If most normal people are inferior, why should I feel good about being inferior? The present is an accumulation of the past. The past exists in the way that you do things and say things because you only know what you know and you don't know what you don't know. And what you know comes from the past. What you're able to imagine also comes off of what you know. So this is generally why people tell you to recontexualize things, because even if your past was jack shit absurd and awful you can still "act as if" you had a different past than the one that you had. I don't think it's fair to say that "the ego" is the thing that creates the thoughts that randomly come up. What I will call it is a form of "internal input". I have a division between what I call "internal input" and "internal output". Internal input is, you're walking down the sidewalk, and automatically, you think of a penguin for whatever reason. You did not ask for the penguin to pop up in your mind. It just did. Internal input is when you're walking down the sidewalk and automatically you remember that time that you were eating sushi with your friends. It just randomly came up. It was a good time, that sushi venture. Internal input is also when your mind says "hey buddy why are you going for a walk? you could be more productive right now." and maybe that triggers you a little. Internal output is when you notice the penguin and you are like, hmm, lemme give that penguin a jetpack, now it's a flying penguin. Ha! No longer a flightless bird! Internal output is when you try to recall the feeling of the way that you felt and see if you can reproduce that feeling in your body or something because you liked it. Internal input is when you think "hmmm, do I need to be productive right now? Maybe I do and maybe I don't, lemme think, well I did actually do thing x already and I didn't finish thing y but I don't necessarily have a deadline for that but I'm going to walk just one block instead of two blocks and then go back and continue working on thing y". And arguably without the internal input of the guy getting nasty maybe you wouldn't have thought about finishing up thing y. Sometimes healthy internal output requires toxic internal input. At least, this is why I am skeptical of eliminating toxic internal input. And of course I might argue that ALL of what I just said is still technically "ego" so I don't think it's useful to look at it that way. But sometimes I feel like internal output only goes so far and it can only really get me to be a certain level of productive. I don't know where to start with points three and four, you'll probably get a lower fidelity response than what you got scrappily put together with point one but let's talk about one and two first.
  11. with all due respect it seems like you're parroting a lot of self help advice without actually going into my situation very much. Experience with an escort doesn't "count" because I didn't earn that sex socially, I paid for it with money. At least that's the argument. And one of my arguments against the idea that "I am a virgin" in general is because of my separate experiences which when added up basically adds to at least one sexual encounter. Right? Like, I almost went down on that chick that came over to my house, I had my LDR where I had regular video chat sex, and I fucked the prostitutes. Not to mention that the first prostitute I was able to get it up with (technically the second I saw) I told her it was my first time and I feel like she kinda made it awkward on purpose as to make it feel like it was my first time fuckin a chick I brought over to my house or something. Also I first started hitting a cervix but I thought it would feel more like a trampoline or something but all that happened was that my dick just wouldn't go into the vagina any further and I was like "wtf why is my dick not going anywhere? Is this what hitting a cervix feels like? Basically not being able to move anywhere like running up against a wall in a video game? I thought it would be more like bumping into a trampoline." So it's ALMOST AS IF I actually earned sex socially. And that's how I feel about this and it feels incomplete, I feel like an unalive Frankenstein a little bit. Because my experiences are frankensteined. They're chopped up. One experience was me almost leading up to sex without paying for it but it didn't lead to sex just got right up to it. Multiple experiences were me having sex but I paid for it. Many experiences were me having video chat sex mutual masturbation with a girlfriend that lived across the world that I never met. That's what I'm talking about here. Frankenstein'd.
  12. What do you mean I have loads of experience? I have never experienced coitus without paying for it. My sexual history is garbage, loads of "almost had coitus without paying for it but didn't", and many people would say that it doesn't count. And it says a lot about who I am, especially when my enemies have had it much differently than I. Like I get it, it's unique experiences from a bunch of different angles and a higher likelihood that the next time I have a sexual encounter in person that intimate fucking will actually occur, but it feels off and isolated.
  13. People in places like Switzerland and New Zealand don't have to worry about this as much, things are coming together in most of the west. Actually in Switzerland they're even about to hit replacement level birth rates because of the way that they're handling paternity leave and things like that. Things are really shaping up there and I have high hopes for the rest of the world. I don't believe AI will do much to hurt us but rather help us and there are still going to be a lot of things we'll have left to do that the robots cannot do.
  14. TW: Sexual behavior done to people who are too young for that (Don't worry it's a minor aspect of this post but I'm just being truthful), me taking advantage of my ex girlfriend This is a pretty long post. I feel the need to give the amount of detail that I have. Just understand that this is a long post. It is 3,200 words. It's a pretty on the nose question I've got for you here and I'm a pretty busy guy and I figure this group of people is at least 70% close to how I feel about stuff. So I'm gonna tell you basically what my sex life has been so far in my life, where I am now, what I need to do next, and then I'm gonna ask you how should I feel about it. It's not like I'm gonna feel the way you tell me to. I'm gonna feel however I feel about it. I might feel a different way then any of you recommend. But I wanna see how you guys would essentially feel about life if you were in my shoes. Things started when I was 6 with an older male. I won't provide any more detail other than the fact that I do not feel psychologically scarred from it itself. In my experience, I would say that I was scarred the most when I was caught and the two of us were hollered at for doing it. I identify as straight although I would have sex with a trans woman, and some people say that makes me queer but I don't use that term for myself. I also want to have biological kids with my partner so I don't want to be with a trans woman long term. I have discussed this situation in therapy only slightly and right now I don't really think it's a proper use of my time to get professional help. I will probably discuss it the next time I see a therapist. If you include a response to this subtopic in your comment you can say "yes" or "no", "I should prioritize speaking with a therapist moreso than I currently am doing" with a basic yes or no vote and a 5-6 sentence explanation; IN ADDITION TO, how you think I should feel about my sex life so far. I think it's possible that some of my anxiety with escalating things in the bedroom came from here. Anyway moving on. I do not want this post to be about the thing that happened when I was 6 I want this post to be about my sex life so far, so if you respond to this aspect please do so with the limitation I have provided. Back to the topic. It is possible/likely that "I have autism" although I'm better at flirting and socializing now and I am not a huge fan of the autism label. When I was 17 I had my first date with a girl and we made out in my car. That was it, we made out, and I was too nervous to stay for dinner at her house afterwards and she broke up with me the next day. I think maybe she wanted to have sex later that evening. I don't know. But I told people that she gave me a blowjob in my car and that I did anal to her in the parking lot for many years. She also apparently told my friend that she gave me a blowjob in the car. So yeah, I think she wanted the D. When I was at the first college I attended was very bad at responding to flirts. I would feel them, but you know how flirting is, it's kind of low-fidelity information, it's subtle, and it's often done with a level of plausible deniability. I didn't want the girls to yell at me, so I didn't escalate. And I was bad at flirting back anyway, really. I just didn't know how to do it. So at my first college I did not get laid. At my second college, I was 20 when I first attended, I had some girls who were interested in me, one in particular who was very straightforward about it and I rejected her because I wasn't attracted to her. But, this one girl who we will call Timber she came over and things got very heated. But I was too anxious to escalate. I definitely could have had sex with her and she wanted it and at one point she asked me "how bad do you want to kiss me" and I made a joke and she probably felt that I rejected her and then we didn't kiss or make out or anything, and then one time she started pulling down her pants while I was talking about playing the bongos and she was like "hey Matt you should play me" and I knew what she meant but I was too anxious to get myself to admit it and so I started playing her stomach like it was bongos, pretending that I didn't know what she meant. One night over whisper when I was 21 I was masturbating and sending nudes back and forth with a girl from New Zealand. I wasn't attracted to her, but I was sexually frustrated and okay with it. That year my mom and I went to India and there were a lot of women, especially older women, throwing themselves at me at the pool but my Indian stepfather at the time wouldn't allow me to hang out with them and if I were to disobey him he would beat my mom. Weird huge story and not relevant. Moving on. Before I went off to my third college I was talking to this single mom over Facebook. I was 23 at the time. I live on the East Coast and she lived on the West Coast. We sent each other nudes and masturbation videos and talked on the phone for long hours. But I escalated it too quickly and she got very angry and blocked me. Before I went off to my third college I also video chatted one day this girl from The Phillippines I'd had known for a few years.. let's call her Circle. I was still 23 at the time. I played like 20 songs for her on the guitar and piano and sung over video and she told me she was really into me. I reluctantly agreed to date her and we only talked over messenger chat for about a month or two. Eventually I told her I didn't actually like her, I just wanted to hook up with her, but her personality wasn't a good match for mine. And you know she lives very far away from me so visiting her would have been difficult. I blocked her on social media. The next week I tried to find a prostitute. I went and tried to have sex with the prostitute but I had ED and I couldn't get it up and I did not have coitus. I'm using that word because it's convenient. She gave me a blowjob and we made out a lot and I ate her out for about a minute before time was up. I felt bad and lonely in March 2018 at my third college when I was 24 after a girl I was crushing on didn't return my feelings and a girl over Facebook out west—we kinda started talking and she sent me lewds and I sent her nudes but it didn't go anywhere—I saw two prosititues and actually had coitus and everything with them and went there with Rhino pills so I would actually get it up. But there was no intimacy with prostitutes. It's just a prostitute. So I unblocked Circle and apologized. And we dated. I changed my Facebook relationship status and everybody could see it. I saw a third prostitute because I was horny and I told Circle and she got upset, obviously. Not sure why I told her. I felt like I had to. I don't know. But she didn't break up with me. And we would have a lot of video chats where we would mututally masturbate. We got emotionally deep with each other. The video chats of us masturbating felt very intimate. I felt like I got very close with her even though she wasn't very good at conversation. And no, she wasn't a scammer. If she was a green card catfish she would not have spent so much time working in Saudi Arabia to help her brother pay for college and spent more time trying to get married to me. So she was from the Phillippines working in Saudi Arabia and I couldn't visit her and she couldn't visit me but we were in a relationship and she wanted kids and we were regularly video masturbating and honestly I just wanted to fuck her and find somebody else because she was not very good at having conversation. She was some kind of stage blue/orange boring. And please do not get into the morality of me acting this way. She wasn't the scammer, I was, okay? But let's continue. The summer of 2018 I realized I could set up an online business and make money from it, etc, I made some life decisions, and I was still dating Circle, sure. The online business was looking very profitable and I believed I could do it. So I made some life decisions. I felt like in the future I would be rich and do a lot of things and I would have more dating opportunities and I would start my band for sure (I've wanted to be a musician since I was 13) and I felt less like I was eternally hopeless. September of 2018 I'm officially dating Circle and I wasn't completely happy about it and this girl from The Netherlands (let's call her Mime) told me she was attracted to me and wanted to date me and I would have totally loved to have dated her (even though she was very red-flaggy) but she was 10/10 and we actually had a lot to talk about. But I said no, I'm in a relationship. I rejected her. I feel like I shouldn't have. I feel like I should have broken up with Circle and dated Mime. That could have led to something but it didn't. December of 2018 a girl in one of my classes hits on me and says I'm attractive. I tell her I have a girlfriend. Later that month I tell Circle how I feel about her and I block her. So next year, 2019, I'm 25, and I unblock Circle again but in February I'm going out to the bar with my good friend Boot that I've been friends with since I was 14. At the bar I'm trying to work up the nerve to talk to some chicks and it is not remotely happening. Late March rolls around and this girl we'll call Reaper starts manipulating me. I fall for it and break up with Circle. Nothing happens with Reaper but she acts like it will, she could tell I was insecure and she was pretending to play hard to get while also deliberately saying things to make me feel self conscious and being very subtle about it. She made me feel terrible, I had a hard time eating for weeks. I start looking into pick up. I knew about it since I was in middle school, I knew about Mystery, but didn't really care/think to look into it. I also knew about RSD since 2015 but I thought they were douchey at the time and my understanding was "I don't want to express myself like that, that's not how I want to be as a person." Eventually I told Reaper I liked her romantically and we kinda stopped talking a bit although we would convene ever so occasionally. 2019 I start looking heavily into self help, all the while so far I had been building my online business and getting very good at it, getting much more progress, and getting a better understanding of how to talk to people and such. Although I was still afraid to actually take action and start meeting people and opening sets and all that. That summer I had Snapchat sex with somebody I met on Facebook. She ghosted me afterwards, it sucked. That September I met someone on Facebook, somebody else from The Phillippines we'll call Ravioli. Ravioli was 18 and we masturbated on video once. She was my "girlfriend" but honestly she was bad at relationshipping. Very bad. I broke up with her after 3 weeks. I unblock Circle in November 2019 and apologize and we get back together. It was my last semester of college and clearly I'd had gone all through college and not gotten any sex or relationship. My whole life I just assumed I'd get laid in college. I technically did, but it wasn't REAL sex either way. Either I was fucking a prostitute or having video sex with my super long distance girlfriend. Got back with Circle. She was going back to the Phillippines from Saudi Arabia and I booked a hotel and a flight for March 20th 2020 to April 15th 2020. I was excited. Great timing too! It didn't happen. The whole world shut down. We broke up. 2020 I went raid gear. Tried to make my business profitable and got really close to succeeding. Read a shit ton of self help. I went fuckin ham dude. Improved my social philosophy and my business drastically. Started watching Leo in October 2020, watched the spiral dynamics series. Lots of shit came together for me. January 2021 rolls around and I decide to purchase a pickup course from RSD on the West Coast. Spent the money. Never been further west than west virginia prior to this. Figured I'd go somewhere I certainly wouldn't run into anybody I know. 2021 a lot happened, it was a crazy year. I thought I got profitable with my business but I needed to learn to write code to sustain it and verify, my dad died, I started another business because I got scared (I didn't need to start that business but at the time I just got scared that my dad died and I felt unsafe), my social philosophy was getting better and better, and eventually October rolled around and I went to the RSD event. I knew enough about social philosophy to be skeptical of the attitudes and claims made by the coaches, including Owen Cook himself, but I realized that the two major things that I was afraid of in social situations was not being able to come up with things to say and not being able to recontextualize the situations. I was actually able to kiss a girl (Igloo) on the lips and I almost pulled her and her friend and if I had purchased a hotel closer to the place we were gaming like the coaches recommended, I would have pulled two girls that evening. Even though I only kissed the one, her and her friend both were feeling me up subtly as was I them at the bar area. But, I had to go back to my airbnb that was 35 minutes Uber ride away, and I slept by myself. The third and final day I skipped the game part and just went to the lecture because I was tired. Shook hands with everybody gave Owen Cook a hug blah blah blah. Woke up the next day and went hiking with Igloo. We held hands while hiking but that was about it. No kiss no hug even. As the hike ended and we got back to my rental car she more or less friendzoned me. And then she ghosted me. December 2021 I go gaming while on a different vacation. Was too hard to do. Too much anxiety. I had nothing to say. June 2022 comes around and I'm at a festival and I'm talking to a guy who encourages me to talk to a girl dancing. I realize I can't do it and I realize even further how much I need to develop my own system of always being able to come up with things to say in conversations as much as possible and always be able to recontextualize things in conversations as much as possible and when I am able to do this, I will go ham and approach a bunch of people and probably get laid and find a girlfriend. I'm pretty confident now that once I get that system ready to go, it'll be easy as cake. It's 2023, I barely started the system and I work long hours doing DoorDash and Uber, but already I'm getting really good at conversations and saying things to people and joking around with them like I've never done before. I practice a little bit on my small conversations with DoorDash and my longer ones with Uber. I'm becoming a really good conversationalist. And I personally will be satisfied once I finish my system. I will publish this system one day and other people too will learn how they can come up with things to say in conversations as much as possible and be able to recontextualize things as much as possible. I will create this system by going on the internet and looking at YouTube and game footage and such and transcribing the dialogue and then looking for patterns in their speech. I already have some patterns that I utilize regularly and there are blocks because I'm busy and I haven't started really working on the system yet. I have full faith in my system, 100%. I have a lot of faith in my business too, although a little bit less. But still a lot of faith in my business. I still have to save up money to get a lawyer so I can get an NDA for the code and such with my programmer (I'm not gonna bother to learn code). It's possible that even with the program that we write to help sustain the business, it won't be profitable. But I feel like it won't be unprofitable and that it will be successful. And then I can start working on my band. And I have a solo album that I'm almost ready to release, I just have to master it. The thing is here is that I'm 29. I'm not 19. You could argue that there was a lot of wasted time in my 20s and such. I couldn't help it for a variety of factors. I didn't have the resources, primarily epistemic and philosophical. I'm almost 30 and I feel like I'm behind in the sex department despite being potentially skyrocket ahead in everything else. Also my health isn't that great I have heartburn and I am overweight and I have scoliosis and ED and stuff. But that can be helped with more free time and such once I get it. But I'm almost 30 and I feel like I'm really behind and that I have these stupid blocks and stuff. Just the fact that even though right now things are going smoother for me than they ever have before, I'm just depressed about my past.
  15. Update for all: I ended up getting the booster vaccine. Apparently it decreases your risk of getting long covid from Omicron by 75% or so. Which is a fair enough reason for me to get it. Apparently the studies in Israel show that getting a 4th vaccine boosts your immunity to covid by a significant amount. If this is true, there may be no reason to get a 5th vaccine. Also these vaccines only deal with immunity related to covid, not related to other diseases, so it's not like it would be "lowering your immune system in general" at least not that I think. If you ask me, the 4th shot sounds like it might be a good deal. But as it is I probably wouldn't get a 5th one. I still see it as tough and complicated. The actual covid vaccines aren't "rigorously tested to be safe", but the prototypes are. And people who say "I know someone personally affected by the vaccine" I hate to say it, I think a lot of them are LARPing. Have you guys ever read VAERS? It looks like anti-vaxxers larping. Go check it out.