Mixcoatl

From my understanding, non existence is somehow the prerequisite for all of existence. There can't be a substance without the nothing. You can't reach the ultimate substance without thinking in the nothing. I think that's why many say everything = nothing. Physicists say "strings aren't made out of anything... Fields aren't made out of anything... These things are fundamental, there is nothing beyond that". Mystics say "reality is void... Reality is nothing" nothing is somehow necessary for existence. Limits always contradict themselves. Set theory paradoxes, for instance.

Though I have had great insights with 5meo, like oneness and ego annihilation, I still don't feel that I have had an awakening. I am patient but persistent. I hope one day I can have such realizations.

One night I had a dream that someone shot me in my chest with a gun. I felt the bullet getting into my chest, I felt the pain, I felt the distress of my death and suddenly I woke up. Today is the day that I am still asking to myself If I really died that night.

Oh, I see!! This phrase you just have thrown makes me feel closer to the answer. The emotion is just arising in me, not precisely in my brain or body. Maybe that's why I can't locate it. I think you nailed it. The emotion is not necessarily stick together to the song as I could think. It is just appearing in The Field. I have a certainty: The emotion is happening, and that's already too much!!

After years of thinking about what is the ultimate substance of the universe, I finally had this insight that everything necessarily has to be nothing... And it was thanks to the quantum field theory that suggests that fields are the most fundamental or simplest structure of existence which is crazy because if it is so, they must "remain in the nothing". You can't even imagine a "something" substance that is fundamental unless it remains in the nothing, unless it is nothing. If this ultimate substance (let's say X) is something, it is forced to be made out of anything more fundamental, therefore, X cannot be a fundamental substance. It applies for strings, space, fields or even consciousness. Anything that you can think is the more fundamental thing. For me, nothing is the most fundamental "thing". I love this insight but at the same time it feeds my nihilism and my sadness.

Yes, definitely there must be a brain and some ears and some music in the game for the emotion to arise. Many will say "it is not located, perceptions occur without owner...". But that is not convincing. The damn song and my ears appear located. This is not happening to my cousin in Atlanta.

I mean, yes. I agree. But that is not precisely the answer I'm looking for. We all agree that every form appears without subject or without owner. I wanna know why when a song occurs, there's also a feeling and where it occurs. Is it the same as the song? Is it in the air? Is it in a body?

I am a very neurotic person, haha. And I always want to have the definitive answer to questions. In that attempt, I start to create explanations over explanations but the problem is that I get distracted from what I truly experienced with substances.

I'm planning a solo retreat in a cabin in the forest without drugs. I think this is one of the best methods

No judgement of the things that arise in the present moment help me a lot to have a significant approach to God but it's way more difficult. I'll take into consideration the advice.

But why I can find a chair?

I think there must be a sentient being around for the emotion to be raised but yes, it was not localized. I kind of believe that the emotion is just when a music-sentient-being system appears, emotions arise. Maybe all these things are mixed up in one homogeneous experience

I certainly felt emotional due to the song. But I couldn't find where this emotion was occurring. It didn't feel in the brain, nor in my body. It was more like the emotion was just occurring. I tried to find where it was happening and my first insight was that the music and the emotion were stick together. I felt that more real than feeling it in my brain.

There are rules at every level. Almighty power is paradoxical.

I believe in some science, that's how it works. I try not to believe in spiritual teachers or groups but sometimes I fail.