Rishabh R

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Posts posted by Rishabh R

  1. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

    @Leo Gura So is life's problems as they change from one from to another. By the way I am feeling a little unease for you. Actualized.org was and is a great catalogue for personal transformation alongwith other genuine self-help advice which took me years to understand and apply. 

    I hope that you see the depth of content you have created which not only includes ordinary self-help but transcends it . Thanks Leo.

    However,have you read books like Enchiridion by Epictetus ? I bought a couple of years ago in my college and read it. It is profound.

     

  5. Posted

    I had this insight at workplace, when I and other friends of mine were using mobile phones and I was trying to watch videos that would make me look like sort of a cool and wise person who watches self-help videos, listens to particular songs. I choose it to do it for a brief time but the insight hot me when I was thinking about the book Models at that time by Mark Manson that it's better to prioritize my opinion/perception of myself rather than others perceptions/opinion of me.

    Insight : I am needy and people smell neediness from a mile. So, I need to do things for myself rather than others. 

    After which I started listening to songs and watching videos which I liked rather than that persona of an attractive me would watch. I felt a little sense of joy for sometime.I also think that having a goal of being myself is better rather than performing as if I am an attractive male.

  6. Posted

    2 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

    Ruminating and re-playing out the interaction over and over after the fact, and re-igniting and perpetuating all the negativity surrounding it? 

    Yup. I remember replaying harsh rejection from a girl in the past in my mind. I have tried acceptance of suffering , cognitive reframing and they helped as well help me to a large degree still.

  9. Posted

    @IslandWild In my experience to reach the mountain one must keep moving forward ,sometimes pivoting to a different direction is good but most times including adversity trying again and again is a necessary part of growth. Also, with each time recalibration of one's approach to a thing or multiple ventures is necessary so that one is not just failing but failing better and becoming better with each iteration.

  10. Posted

    17 hours ago, trenton said:

    would strongly advise that women not bully unattractive men in this way.

    Thanks dude at least someone is concious of this pattern. Even though it is unhealthy for me to count myself as unattractive but I have been bullied by females in the past for hitting on them in school and college. 

    However, I don't think that all women are like that. Majority of them could be good people even if they don't like me.( By the way I read your whole post but this point resonated with me as a 25 year old single male )

  13. Posted

    @Leo GuraConsider the perspective that this channel maybe moving from simple self-help to spiritual narcissism. Your old videos are better than most recent ones. Also, remember that people who act like devil view themselves as God and I am not saying I am perfect since, I am too flawed but consider reflecting back on your claims , your actions,the way you treat others mirrors your own struggles. Consider the possibility that God transcends both - the ugly and the beautiful which makes it beautiful wholly(Captial B). Just my advice and observation.

  14. Posted

    I was confused and messed up regarding applying which self-help concept to improve my life. I went from YouTube videos to videos. Read two books a little- What the Buddha taught by Walpola Rahula to Discourses and selected writings by Epictetus. I was running around in circles then, I finally sat down in the evening to figure this out.

    The question I asked to myself was - What's 1 self-help concept that will radically improve my life ?

    Insight :-

    .Stop caring about negative situations and focus on improving them 

    Even nearly 17 minutes of contemplation yielded profound clarity I estimate how about 30 minutes, 1 hour (as I have done in the past) - it will yield deeper clarity and more penetration to truth.

    Later I contemplated it's applications:-

    - Whenever I encounter a negative situation I can think that there is a way to improve it 

    -Whenever I am treated rudely I can focus on moving on

    -Whenever I commit a mistake I can focus on how to make it right 

    -Whenever I fail,get rejected I can make an objective to try again until I succeed 

    -Whenever I suffer I can make a point to feel it 

     

  15. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

    Ok but @Leo Gura I also have noticed that people in life and also me ( sometimes) really have a habit of questioning other's opinions and thoughts rather than their which leads to self-sabotage.

    It's easier to question others assumptions than to question one's own.

    How is true skepticism different from the technique outlined in your episodes - The power of asking questions and Assumptions are the mother of all ---- ?

  16. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

    11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Yes, that is important and useful. However, you have to be careful not to get too philosophical about practical matters. You don't want to be so doubtful of yourself that you become indecisive or inactive.

    For example, in business, you want to be questioning and testing your assumptions, otherwise your business is likely to fail. But you need to balance this out with action. In practical matters, err on the side of action rather than inaction. Inaction can be more dangerous than wrong action.

    For example this happened to me months ago. I was in my college convocation taking the my college degree certificate. I was suffering due to the fact that I didn't had a job at that time. I also made an assumption that I won't get a job and will be unemployed. I questioned that assumption by - What if I'm wrong ?What would it mean if I were wrong ?Would being wrong create a better problem or a worse problem than my current problems for both myself and others ?( I picked up this practice from a book)

    Then 3-4 days after my convocation 2 companies came for placements and I applied to them. I got paid apprenticeship offer from both and I chose one. Right now I am doing my apprenticeship since , 4 months. So isn't tranquility as well as making progress in life a side effect of skepticism ?

  20. Posted

    I am a 25 year old single male who has never been in a relationship. I have been fallen into the trap unrequited feelings for women over and over again. I have read Models by Mark Manson , Dating essentials for men by Dr. Robert Glover which were helpful. However, I have approached those women in real life but was rejected by them - some actively ignored me while for some others I found that they had a boyfriend. From the place that I am coming I think that I am not the only one who has been here as my Dating journey hasn't even begun. Leo's blog post on - Women can't satisfy men makes perfect sense here but I haven't broken out of that fantasy practically but intellectually yes. As a matter of fact I need to take personal responsibility for moving on from those rejections and finding someone as well as satisfying myself on my own. However, the question remains that how can I distinguish between mature form of love and one-sided/unrequited or limerent love and not fall in the later ?

    Also, I have been inactive from posting on the forum from a while and I have learned the following about women,dating :-

    .Women value assertiveness ,emotional connection more than looks which is non-obvious for us men since we value good looks a lot

    .Pickup as well as naturals who teach you confidence are a good source of learning since confidence not only helps you in dating but also in other areas of life

    .Getting to know a woman no matter how beautiful or less beautiful she is far more important than physical attraction since relationships are influenced by personality more than just purely physical traits

    .No matter how many women reject you there will still be another one out there who will like you so prioritising those women who treat you decently is a sign of mental stability and longer term happiness rather than chasing those who seem attractive but treat you rudely

     

     

  21. Posted · Edited by Rishabh R

    @Leo Gura Your blog has been a goldmine of wisdom which is becoming deeper and deeper. Regarding the blog post that women cannot satisfy men it breaks the illusion of single men like me that attracting a relationship would be an eternal bliss like a sharp scissor that is used to cut clothes. I remember that once I was contemplating - What is the most wisest way to live life ? and one of the insights among many was that - Only I can fulfill myself.

    Thanks.

  23. Posted

    @Shermaningeorgia You must not look up to hot women and stop putting them up on the pedestal. There's one thing you can do :Learn from them. You can learn from them that despite having good looks and many guys wanting to be with them they ( hot women ) suffer from natural ebbs and flows of life.Everybody is suffering no matter how good they look externally.

    People are themselves when they are alone, not in a group.Since, we have to walk our paths by ourselves the hot women have their own inner struggles in life going on.

  24. Posted

    @Leo Gura I loved the emotional reactivity post (it's gold) since I have been guilty of it but I am making progress. By the way - How to maintain my poise when criticized over and over again when the criticism is contradictory ? Is it relevant to remind oneself that criticism doesn't tell anything about me as a person but rather it is trying to point me in the correct direction.