Bob Seeker

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Posts posted by Bob Seeker

  8. Posted · Edited by Bob Seeker

    I took my first big dose of shrooms 1 month ago.

    On and off I’ve been having less interest in talking with people and laughing at their jokes. I enjoy my own sense of humor less too. The things others say can seem so useless to me, like pure blabbermouthery.

    I visited my kooky relatives yesterday and I felt like I was sat at the lunch table at an insane asylum. It was overwhelming. I kept leaving the table in desperation. People noticed my distant attitude.

    Recently when I’m going to sleep my closed eyes visuals are much more intense and can be trip like, and my dreams are more vivid.

    The other day I watched a series of auto-biographical YT videos of a guy who did DMT and it triggered psychosis in him and now a few years later he is full blown schizophrenic and living in pure constant hell and may have recently killed himself.

    The past few days it seems like my reality is getting looser and more open, and my sense of self a bit different and I’m understandably very scared, especially knowing there is nothing solid preventing me from going insane.

    I have been up at night with a ton of fear, and unable to be productive. Luckily I have had no waking delusions or hallucinations, but I’m still scared about the possibility of going schizophrenic or insane in the future. It is one of my worst fears.

     

     


     

     

  12. Posted

    Maybe take a break from psychedelics and allow yourself to simply enjoy life is it is in this moment. 
     

    like I mean right now, take your focus if of the idea of being stuck or that there is anywhere you can get through struggling.

    Do you see that whether you believe you can get anywhere or not, life still boils down to simple practical decisions and simple beingness.

    if you don’t think of what your life will mean when you die, there is no problem. You are projecting meaning onto the meaninglessness. 
     

    you are trying to get things. Maybe try something different?

  14. Posted

    I've never experienced this before

    Was the biggest trip I've had, about 1/3 of penis envy shroom chocolate bar from a dispensary

    was a bad trip, got stuck in a loop of reliving my fake life over again for eternity

    only lasted about 1.5 hours

    afterward, 24 hour+ headache

    brain still not functioning like before, feel stupid.

    Anyone else deal with this?

    I want to keep taking psychedelics but I don't want brain damage. 

    I will avoid shrooms and take other chems if they won't do this. 

  18. Posted · Edited by Bob Seeker

    As soon as I’m around pretty girls, my growth is basically null. It is a low part in my development and no amount of meditation makes me mature around women. I become needy and I just want them to flirt with me, and to get attention.

    I tried pickup and it wasn’t for me.

    I need to find a healthier way to develop this low area of my life.

  19. Posted

    7 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

    My parents named me Carl-Richard (by combining the first names of my two grandfathers), which is such an odd name. It has definitely had many weird psychological effects on me.

    I used to be so shy about my name I would try to avoid telling it to people. This may have helped me avoid forming a strong identity note that you mention.

  25. Posted

    As soon as I become more conscious, I end up suffering more.

    To even take two steps in the right direction is so difficult.

    Immediately I face cravings, another false identity that seems like a permanent trap of dissatisfaction.

    I see no way around the suffering. 

    Just trying not to indulge in vices is a balancing act. 

    On top of this is all the practical matters of living, like making money, chores, relationships, everything down to cleaning the dishes and brushing my teeth.

    I don't think the end is near. I am not close to enlightenment.

    I don't want to try and cover up the dissatisfaction by chasing women. It would just be so fake. I would seem like a cardboard cut out to them.

    I'm backed into a corner. What a strange situation. Pshh. I don't even know why I'm here, but here I am.