ZenSwift

100% underrated thing to do here. You CANNOT let yourself be ignorant of the laws of the current Government you reside under. If something bad happens to someone on psyches and it can linked to YOU being responsible for supplying them, you're fucked beyond fucked. You would basically need a friend that's so tight that they maintain integrity to such a point that they rather go to prison than to fuck with your friendship. Yes, it's a pain in the ass to make sure they get their own supply because you may have wanted to trip "this weekend" or whatever. But that's what it takes to cover your ass. ### Also, have you ever tripped with someone before? Let alone a trip with focus on trauma? As someone who has actually guided someone's shadow work trips, I'm not sure if it's actually productive to be tripping at the same time. This is because your bias of wanting something out of YOUR trip will probably come into play. Also, if you're both tripping, what if that person goes into hell? Would you be able to not let that fuck with your mood as well? I've tripped with a friend before, and I was completely focused on me. Me me me me. Also, you've got to be incredibly honest with yourself and see if you have selfish intentions with this girl being in an altered state. YOU KNOW she will probably be tapped into a heightened state of love. Will your ego abuse that? Shit, I'VE been tempted to seduce women myself in this exact same way. And I have to check myself that whatever attraction may occur between us, I need to think, is this authentic? and not just blindside a girl with effects she doesn't know she's experiencing. I think people run into this Morality issue with Leo potentially picking up intoxicated girls for the same reason. But at the same time, these girls aren't fucking unknowingly roofed. You would operate under the assumption that they willingly intoxicated themself with alcohol, and KNOW the potential ramifications of the intoxicated state. Even if that ramification meant they'd sleep with a guy that they otherwise wouldn't sleep with. At the end of the day, just be conscious of the potential ramifications of your actions. Just some food for thought. Much love.

It's probably a book on how to understand reality. As well as how to live the good life. But like mega in depth. Basically a "Bible" of sorts, but updated with all the knowledge of the Traps mankind has fallen into. Because never before had we had such access to the stories of mankind falling into various traps. At least those are my thoughts and projections. It's an incredible challenge to write such a book. Because there's SO much interpretation. You would first need to deconstruct and correct the reader's lens. You also run into the problem of marketing consciousness to the masses of unconscious people.

@preventingdiabetes Turn inwards. See Leo's video on introspection. Also see the Paradox of developing self trust. If you don't have a crystal clear vision of your life and your life purpose, you NEED to develop more clarity on that. Have you done Leo's life Purpose Course? Ask yourself: Well this action maximize the love of the universe? Sometimes watching a TV show can inspire you, feed your muse, and inspire you to fall in love with reality more. On the flip side, it could be a reminder that you're not focusing enough on your self actualization, life purpose, and spiritual path. Only you will know how to surf this wave.

I'm excited for the book

Van life FTW!

LOL I can't wait till I live in my van conversion where I can move from one big city to another, start my pickup journey gaming all the time.

@King Merk Hell yeah imma pull women into the back of my van conversion. Not creepy at all I promise.

I know I am secure. I don't think this test takes into account the healing process. Also what is the black dot? Me? haha there's no way that's accurate. Disorganized / Fearful-Avoidant Score Mother/CG1: Anxiety: 1.00 | Avoidance: 1.00 Score Father/CG2: Anxiety: 3.00 | Avoidance: 6.17 Score Partner: Anxiety: 5.33 | Avoidance: 2.00

@PurpleTree Hmmm, What time are you taking it? You would need to verify for yourself if this a good idea, but I use melatonin to get to sleep.

@LSD-Rumi I have. Stay away from stimulants like these. They fuck your shit up. They make you depressed and even more unfocussed for days after. They tone down and mute your ability to experience emotions. You just become emotionally flat. They can make you depressed as a result of this as well. It's not worth it. Modafinil and Armodafinil are far superior. It's like the benefits of adderall without the bullshit that comes from adderall. And I believe it's way better for your brain and overall mental health. Also, make sure you have stapled down a healthy diet, sleep routine and exercise. These three pillars are MASSIVELY underestimated in fixing your life. Also use Leo's video on heavy metal detox. Use psychedelics to deconstruct your limiting beliefs around focus and have them inspire you to destroy your laziness. That is way better than taking something like ritalin/adderall.

December 18th 2021 LSD Trip 003 Beforehand I familiarized myself with several of Leo's teachings. Probably more than I name here: What is Consciousness? What is Actuality? What is Perception? What is Intelligence? What is Will? What Love? What is Death? Understanding Bias Guided exercise for realizing you are God? What is Fear? What is Reality? Integrating the lessons from building your existential vocabulary. Plus I have watched most of Leo's videos at least once. So I supposedly plugged around 75-80mcg And then supposedly took around 20mcg sublingually. (In total, only about 100mcg entered my body max.) So, if, theoretically, plugged doubles the dose, then I'm not at 75-100mcg But more like 150-200mcg >I totally forgot to set an classical focused intention. An intention such as: Contemplating what is consciousness. I just intuitively wanted to connect all my knowledge and go for ego death. I also wanted to see how far I could go into enlightenment work on just LSD, before pulling out the big guns of 5meo. In my mind, I figured that just a "simple ego death" was holding me back, and in theory that made sense, but what I am coming to learn is that the LEVEL of ego death required was more than just a simple fear wipe of questioning things like death. I really believe, there are different degrees of ego death. It's a spectrum. This also helps with understanding the idea of the degrees of awakening. Just what we call "ego death" or what we call "awakening" are just benchmarks into how deep your ego death/awakening is. >The intention I did have was a recipe for a rough trip, because in my mind I knew I was going to rub up against fear, so it was just a self fulfilling prophecy. >It came on so fast, so much faster than I was ready for. It freaked me out. Plus, I totally forgot what dose range I was in if plugging indeed doubled it. So I was thrown into a world of fear right away. It was super unepic. If I wasn't under the intention of consciousness work, then this hell I was about to enter would be demonized. But rather I later used my fear to understand what was going on as much as I could stomach. >At about 10 minutes in I already started to feel the effects kicking in. Visuals at 20 minutes Things are already moving at 24min All my plans are gone Like I forgot to set an intention. Growth happens a lot faster than you anticipate it. >The LSD came on so fast and so hard that it was mega anxiety inducing, like I felt I needed to explode! I NEEDED to die (ego death). That would be my only mercy. Which makes me ask exactly What an ego death is. Because I can cry and let go into the fear, and then the fear would be gone, but I know I could let go of my notion of physical perceived reality itself, and I would call that an even deeper ego death, a more true ego death I would say, where you actually let go of the notion that your body exists to begin with. >All the insights were interconnecting so much faster than I could stomach and handle. Like holy fuck this work is becoming REAL. >At one point while being super scared on the rough come-up, I think, for a brief moment, I became conscious of how I was imagining my skull. Later this fed deeper into my understanding in which how reality is held together with emotional glue. Your attachment is deeply intertwined with "physical" reality itself, which is WHY it's so goddamn terrifying to wipe away all these illusions and hallucinations that you as God has created for yourself. >A psychedelic, fundamentally, wipes away your imaginations holding reality together. Courage is walking while your feet are on fire. >When I wrote this I was mega scared, shit was fucked as fuck. I was walking into other rooms, changing my clothes, listening to different music, walking outside, walking inside, trying to change the environment, I was spiraling down more and more. I quickly learned that this was a loosing battle, and I had either the choice suffer, or go straight towards what I was fearing and kill my ego. My ONLY comfort was listening to Leo with his video: Guided Exercise for Realizing You are God. Trying desperately to ground myself by looking at my hand. Needless to say I may have taken too much. It was intense getting acclimatized to the new body load/higher vibration/whatever. LSD spirals you into the story you tell yourself. >Eventually I reached a point and I said, "I GIVE UP! I LET IT GO I LET IT GO, I LET IT GO! I LET IT ALL GO! >Then that eventually turned into crying and that was the BEST thing that happened on the trip. It felt AMAZING! Hooting and hollering, sitting on my kitchen floor. WAAAH! WAAAH! I wanted to cry louder but I was worried that the neighbours would hear and come and knock on my door. >My trip completely turned inside out from fear to bliss and calm. It was silent. I'm crying and crying I feels so good to cry At this point after the good cry, it was 2 hours and 30 minutes >I had my fear wiped away at this point. So it was easier to contemplate the tougher topics. I'm ready. What is death? I want to be able to look at my hand and then look at an object and not be able to tell the difference. >#Goals. Fear is the difference between what "should" be and what IS. Your stories, your attachments to what reality should be And what is. What is, is. I told a story to myself that the trip SHOULD come up X Fast, then it came faster, then I got scared. >The comeup was waaayyy too fast, super unexpected. Fear is feeling more of yourself. >You're just uncomfortable with feeling the parts of yourself that you fear. I was experiencing fear Then eventually I just let it all go because it drove me to tears, the pain. Then I was great. Then I'm coming down, and fear is setting in again. >I feel like I shed the fear that the ego created for me, and then the ego was clamping back down on me with more fear. The ego is encapsulated in a nest of fears to put it in a context. >Fears is what locks you into your paradigm. Death is the breaking apart of imagined boundaries. And there are emotions keeping them in place. Emotions are what reinforce the boundaries of reality. >I now see the role emotional mastery plays in awakening work. I need to read the book: Becoming Infinite. I'm thinking about how I need to shake loose the boundary between my emotions going in and out of death. In and out of the emotionally gated imagined boundaries. Like coming back down to earth so we speak, coming back down to earth is a process of fear. I think this is what can be described as the ego "clamping down" on you. That "clamping" mechanism is fears sneaking their way back into reality. And it's to FEEL deeply into the fear to get out of that clamping process. When talking about manifestation, manifesting a new reality, you must first lose your mind enough in order to consider the new possibility for a new reality to be created, then once that mind is open enough then you can actually make that the case. I'm starting to understand how rough it is to awaken. Consciousness work is some real manly shit. I would argue that it is more important to pay attention to the come up and the come down then the actual trip itself. Because it is in between you and the trip is where you want feel that very deeply to merge it with your actual reality. And in that merge is full of fear, is full of discomfort, is uncomfortable, makes you feel Fully Alive, makes you feel going insane, makes you scared, makes you psychotic. I understand why Leo says plugging is better with the slower come-up because you are able to understand what is happening to you. How to Merge with Enlightenment. Pay attention to that nothingness. Patiently keep yourself there as long as you can. Merge with it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I am imagining a reality I have to figure out in order to manipulate. Like I am imagining the boundaries between me and greater knowledge. I'm imagining a "physical" world that I have to "do science" in. I understand the idea of a spiritual emergency. You need to take it to the end for that release. I understand how you can scare yourself off of psychedelics for awhile, when to deconstruct too much, too fast for you to handle. Too fast for you to accept and come to terms with. Learning to draw is LITERALLY learning how to create illusion. Selling something of "value" is LITERALLY selling an illusion. Simply because everything in reality is illusory! Psychedelics just shake boundaries loose, and creates new connections. What is an ego death? What is a "ego death"? What's the difference between letting go of the fear of death, and dying? What's the difference between letting go of the fear of death, and letting go of the idea that your body exists? "Ego death" appears to be a spectrum. Like there are many facets of reality that you can deconstruct that will also kill parts of your perceived self. I have created an understanding between Fear and Funny Fear is merging with an idea that you're close minded with. Merging your consciousness with a unpleasant idea. You cry when you merge with it. Funny its merging with an idea that you're open minded with. Merging your consciousness with a pleasant idea. You laugh when you merge with it. They're both just emotions to express the difference between merging with parts of yourself. >I'm starting to understand the possibility of being able to look at reality as imagination manifested as "matter". I had a serious curiosity to ask about death to the people around me, and I wanted to feel it deeply. And when I did, I cried and then felt love. I MERGED with it. 12 hours in, still tripping, still having visuals. >I think for me, LSD lasts at least 16+ hours, no matter the ROA. I am really understanding the value of curiosity in this work. If you're not willing to experience fear, you have no fucking chance of getting enlightened. Post Trip I woke up and I am stepping into a new sensitive energy body of myself. I feel like I've expanded a part of my consciousness into new areas that I was previously too scared to entertain. My mind is open enough to much more comfortably visualize the pain and suffering that goes around physical death or loss of self. Like, for example, I can more comfortably imagine my dog's jaw being ripped off, and explore the feeling of the pain of loss, investigate my attachment to my dogs being okay. Or imagining what it would mean if I lost my left leg. Investigating that idea and the feelings and attachments that come with it. I can imagine what it would feel like to live with loosing the fingers from my hand. I have a deeper understanding with the correlation with death and merging with infinite love. I learned if I am having a bad trip, I just need to lean into the fear and go for an ego death, then the fear gets wiped away. I'm learning that my notions of ego is much more deeply interwoven with "physical" reality than I previously understood. To Do Study books on 5MeO. Questions How do you define ego death? How do you define ego? Thanks for reading!

Just wanted to share a quick 1 minute clip that gave me some serious insight/shock into just how much language plays a part in your reality. https://youtube.com/shorts/x1lcPLW8Cfs?feature=share The amount of devilry is insane! A couple of comments from that video: I'm going to take building my existential vocabulary a lot more seriously now...

I just asked my mom that's a therapist: The strongest indicator for successful outcome with a therapist is a strong emotional connection with your therapist. Feeling heard, and building trust, and not feeling judged are essential. Your therapists ability to connect is outside of designations. It cannot be taught easily. It's an implicit skillset.

@SelfHelpGuy Good Find.

I like this line of thinking. If I was to continue that idea... When you're trying to love someone, find ways to get in their shoes, understand their history, understand that if you had their history, you would manifest exactly as them. It's like digging for ways to see reality in their eyes. You both like dark souls? You've both experienced through your eyes the gameplay of dark souls. So I guess then that also means the more you experience in life, the more you can relate to other people. The more suffering you experience, the more you can relate with other people that have suffered. That really makes me think about those trip reports where people claim to have lived through the eyes of several lives. NOW THAT would be something to massively grow your love for the universe. Wouldn't also surrendering to the most horrific trips grow your love for the universe? Like not just DMT, LSD, or Shrooms, but stuff like Salvia... Just some ruminations off the cuff...

What's the difference? I'm learning about the surrender required for 5meo, precisely WHAT is surrendered. Which is absolutely everything you call "reality". And I'm thinking, when you're on the psychedelic, and in that moment that you feel that you're going to die forever, how do you distinguish THAT from a Mahasamadhi? Where you ACTUALLY leave your body? How do you distinguish Awakening (Dying/Ego death, realizing all of reality is imagination) from Mahasamadhi? My ego is creating a fantasy that I will somehow accidently kill myself via Mahasamadhi if I surrender too fully on 5meo.

@Leo Gura @Gregory1

Insights about Love, Manifestation, Teaching, Reality, Sexuality, Personal Development, Shrooms, and more. December 27th 2021 Dosage: 2 grams of African Transkei strain mushroom, these are regarded for potency and high visuals. So I'm definitely testing it out. Now that I'm writing this in the future, I would say that the Penis Envy Stain is stronger. Taken at 11:21AM as a lemon tek tea, and I also grounded the shroom with a coffee grinder such that it's a fine POWDER. I added the lemon juice, let sit for 5 mins, added water boiled from the kettle, let it soak for 20 minutes, and then strained and discarded the solid bits. Doing it this way makes the trip hit really fast and really hard. My initial Intentions: What is Clarity? What is Curiosity? What is Creativity? Ideas for my business. >These intentions weren't seriously held, and as a result I actually ended up thinking about what was already on my mind. And that led to some different insights that were also very valuable. 17 min Starting to feel the onset 21 min Getting dizzy 24min Yawns, so many yawns. I need to premeditate my intentions for like 5 minutes focus before I take it. >This was me reflecting on my crappy intention setting skills. 26 min Feeling a massive body come up >I get an amazing body high, like a bunch of vines are growing in my body like a parasite and constricting me, taking hold of me. Designs on a Tapestry moving 30 min Heavy body load 39 min Tingling in my fingers and my limbs 39 min Tingling in my fingers and my limbs 45 min Yawning and tired like crazy. You can have unwanted imagination, like looking at your cute dog and imagining it getting skinned down to a skeleton. >Yeah, so your imagination on shrooms is supercharged and effortless in this way. 55 min Giggly >I'd say the majority of the trip lasted 5-7 hours. Duality needs to be created to maximize the love of the universe. I want to love everything that I've created. (as God) >Note that I have zero awakenings or even mystical experiences yet. I have yet to even realize baby insights like no-self. Life is learning about how to love. I teach people how to love their ideal self. To love discipline. To love routine. To love excellence. To love the idea of destroying their perceived barriers between the story of who they think they are now and the story of their ideal self. To love the action of suffering through a very challenging practice routine. To love doing the shadow work they need to do to rid their addictions To love being curious about life in order to find what they're authentically passionate learning about. To love the idea of healing their past and rewriting their story to become their ideal self. etc. I think the archetype of Shrooms is love. I initially saw shrooms as a tool of catharsis, but now I see that the catharsis is a byproduct of the mechanism of love at work. Shrooms fudge your boundaries of reality, which is a collapsing of dualities, which is love. All insights come from love. (When it comes to the topic of manifestation) You ARE IT! YOU ARE ALREADY WHAT YOU MANIFEST! YOU JUST MAKE ACTIONS TO PROVE IT! I understand what they mean now with Manifestation. You are ALREADY the person you ought to be. Imagine this. You are actually someone from another dimension that has already accomplished all the things you've wanted to. But now you've been transported into this body, into this universe, and now you simply have to prove you're already the case. You need to rewrite the books, redo the consciousness work, redo the speaking practice, and you doing this is just you proving that you are already it. It comes from a deep place of love. You become a fountain of love by loving your ideal self much that you are already it, and then from that place, you simply are spilling yourself out, and you transform through that process. That transformation IS the manifestation process. You shapeshift. You have to demand more of yourself to manifest it into actuality. That is precisely how you grow, out of nothingness, you demand more. You summon more of yourself! A visionary leader is someone who demands more from other people. They LITERALLY SEE your potential manifested in this moment right now.a I see you, the reader, as extremely intelligent. I see you as one that's capable of massive love. I see you as one that will accomplish your goals in life. I SEE IT. Can you? The universe if just a manifestation, an illusion of the highest degree, an imagination. Everything in the universe has been manifested. It's not just fucking there. It has been manifested ### ### ### Collection of individual insights You need to enrich and love EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE, EVERY OBJECT, EVERY PERSON, every idea, every creation, destruction, transformation, birth, death. THIS is how you love your life and spiritualize your life. Learn how to lose yourself more into life. When doing an activity, let go of your mind detaching you from the task at hand, and have the courage to fully lose yourself to the task. When it comes to learning, It doesn't really matter if you're kind of sleepy trying to learn still, if you're still learning, you're learning. THE MOST HARDCORE LOVE IS what is holding your table together. I need to study a book on boundaries NOW! When being a teacher, your need to BE the actor they NEED for THEM. THIS is how you teach people. You shapeshift into the form they want to see, to best receive the message. This is why if you're a christian, God will appear to you as Jesus in order for you to comfortably take in the teaching. God appearing as Jesus is the best MASK for God to manifest such that you best receive the message. So when you are trying to teach someone else, you need to create that persona, that mask, such that people will believe in the authority(illusion) that you've constructed. You shapeshift into person they need to see in order to best receive the teaching. Ask people in your life what kind of person would they like to see in you. That's also the kind of person you need to be to be their best teacher. The backdrop you have demands your attention. Literally how you dress, and the room that you put yourself in. The background you have while speaking influences how seriously your message is going to be taken to heart. The tone of your voice, the appearance of organization and thought-thoroughness in your speaking will demand authority. How deeply and interconnectedly you've integrated your insights will determine how strong your message becomes. When the insight is so deeply integrated it just becomes a part of you. And through that you just have to express you SELF with utmost excellence and vigor, and through that, THAT is what creates a great teaching. How you're perceived affects how you're recieved. ### ### ### Later I had an Insight that had me roll around and flip around on the floor for several minutes going "WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!" over and over again. So, some more manifestation ruminations. I thought, What would it take for me to be able to talk to Leo everyday? Kinda like in a way of a great talking to a great. Like if you wanted to hang out with Socrates, you would have to be at his level. Sharing insights and shit. I then thought "well I would then have to be at his level in consciousness and understanding". (Even though on the deepest level you can only get the deepest truths from yourself and not other.) And, yeah, I know that this comes from the my selfish part of my ego that idolizes Leo because he is a really good teacher and I want to be one of the best teachers in the world myself. Anywaayyysss... Then, I REALIZED that I could ACTUALLY get there. I saw in myself, a deep realization of my potential to manifest as much Consciousness as Leo. Like in my mind, this was extremely possible. That I could make Leo my peer in terms of level of understanding. This is what made me go what the fuck. I was like "HOLYYY SHIIITTT!" Maybe my confidence is just the peak of Mount Stupid in the Dunning-Kruger Effect. But hey, it felt GREAT! And it gave me a massive confidence boost! Here's a powerful question. What would you need to become to befriend your teachers as peers? As equals? What would need to become of you? What would you need to do on a day to day basis? What actions would you have to take? There I was, rolling around on the floor, just experiencing high amounts of joy at the realization of actualizing my potential. Meanwhile, while this is happening, my buddy beside me is lying on my bed, on 6 grams of shrooms, fighting his demons like he's playing dark souls. But he did so very silently. Basically it was all an internal battle. Haha! I asked him later about it and he said that my excitement and rowdiness didn't fuck with his trip, so that was good. # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # Theme song of this part of the trip, reader, if you want, play this song. I was having the crux of this insight during this song. I curled up into a ball lying on my bed, snuggling an extremely soft blanket, feeling loved and feeling cuteness. I spent what felt like hours just enveloped in the love. I was hugging my super soft blanket, with an AMAZING body high, making everything comfy as fuck. I was biting my lip for a long time in a total state of erotic energy. I was fantasizing about LOVE. Fantasizing about sharing love with a male! At least a very specific feminine man that was supposedly crushing on at the time. It was a mega positive experience. Later I am hugging my blanket on the floor, still thinking about love. I'm loving the massive gift that life that God gives us. A lot of times during the trip I was saying "WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD! WEEEEIIIIRRRD!" >I was learning that on a very deep level, I want to love absolutely everyone and I know that when I realize I'm God, and when I realize I'm everything, I will be able to learn how to deepen that love. I want to learn how to maximize the love of the universe. I was also massively deconstructing the boundaries between loving everyone, on a deep emotional level. Like, what does it actually mean to love people? What really are you actually loving when you say you love someone? I have awakened to mega feminine energy over here. Also... I'm Awakening to bisexuality. I want to be feminine and seduced. I want to be masculine and be seductive. I LOVE feminine energy. (Side note, I'd probably love 5MeO MALT) I can find it in women. I can find it in men. I love the idea of putting makeup on to be more feminine when I want to embody more femininity. >I was learning that the gay side of my sexuality is expressed in a very differently navigated way than my Straight side. They're not the same at all! I also learned that liking the same sex comes with a whole new set of collective societal baggage that suppresses, demonizes and denies homosexuality. Coming out of the closet it not merely just simply accepting yourself and loving yourself, but it is also learning how to navigate in this reality in order to maximize the amount of love in the universe. Coming out of the closet literally means that you are learning how to navigate the oppression in society such that you can exercise love for your homosexual self, but yet at the same time, still look after your physical and social survival such that you are not one to be killed physically and demonized socially. >How you do this is becoming so sure about who you are that you're not attached to how people think you are. What manifests as bisexuality for ME, is probably very different for another person that identifies as bisexual. What you think bisexuality literally means for you, means a different thing for me. Like I don't like men in the same way AT ALL in the same way that I like women. The way I like women is HARDWIRED into my brain at a deep core level, whereas, the homosexuality that manifests in me comes from what I literally call a "gay fetish". This was imprinted into me from a young age as a result of homosexual experiences I had when I was younger. (Like age 10.) And for years I've denied and demonized the part of myself that liked that because I identified as straight. AND also at the same time homosexuality was VERY GROSS! But over time I found abstractions with fantasies like drawing of pornography, drawings that fudged the duality between male and female. (I can go into more detail of what I mean by this if requested). "My homosexuality" was in a way manifested because I loved a A SMALL part of myself that had a fantasy or two, and that part I explored more and more. It was years in the making. It was manifested over YEARS. It wasn't there, it was something that was nurtured and grew a life of its own. (I can literally go into detail step by step, each domino that had to fall to get to this point.) >But ANYWAYS, part of coming into my own is me letting go of YOU understanding my story that I've constructed over here. >In order navigate this new part of myself, I will study a book on boundaries, as well as contemplate what boundaries are. Also what is a relationship? >So just to clarify, in the end, right now at least, as I write this, I'm still unsure about what exactly my sexuality is, how Bi I really am. Like, do I just like feminine boys? Like twinks/femboys or whatever, and do I just like them physically(sexually) or am I able to love them emotionally too? Am I able to love a masculine man? Am I able to love masculine energy? or just feminine energy? >This trip allowed me to massively process tons of fear around taking action that would create further clarity. So now I am more confident to take even more action into developing more clarity into my sexuality. ### ### ### Additional Insights What is Courage? Courage is a perceived leap Beyond first perceived boundaries. Courage is biting off more than you can chew. Courage is willingly throwing yourself into a place that you KNOW you're going to lose control. Where you are not even sure if you're going to be able to handle it. Contemplate, What is control? Control vs Freedom. The light of God's love is so bright that whatever it touches it burns away any impurities. I need to practice spending money on highly valuable personal development resources. Like a life coaching package. Ideas hold the power of the universe. Which is why Epistemology metaphysics are important as FUCK. When it comes to buying shrooms I learned that a cube is a cube as they say, just buy some cheap b+ and forget the other strains. Just take more and you're there. You can't really fuck with the quality of shrooms. (Like I mean vendors usually sell really potent shrooms.) You can love fear. I am a DMT jester. That's the energy I hold. I am like the circus, I am expressive, I am chaotic, I am a clown, I am the actor, I am the laugher. That's also what I look like with the colorful clothes that I'm wearing that I call my tripping uniform haha. ( I haven't even done DMT yet lol) ### ### ### Integration: Study a book on boundaries to help navigate all my relationships in life in a way more healthy manner. Such that the love in my relationships have an opportunity to deepen and work at a higher level of synergy. Have a conversion about my sexuality with my Mother, as I spill everything about myself to her. As this is part of the process of facing my fears. (By the time I'm writing this, I already did it.) Take action toward deeply integrating this part of my sexuality. Explore myself. Thanks for reading!

holy shit that video ahahahaha What a sting report holy shit Watching this dude willingly torture himself is hilarious! This is gonna be me when I realize that I'm hallucinating everyone: https://youtu.be/MnExgQ81fhU?t=652

I really like the idea of just being open to the what the medicine can show you. Yes an intention, contemplation and massive amounts of focus is very useful, but at the same time I need to be open that the question that I have has an improper metaphysics baked already in the question, causing massive confusion when I don't get the answer that my biased ego wants. That's very relieving to read. Thanks for your time to write this post. I appreciate it brother, much love. It seems like I need to let go of my ideas of what I even think Mahasamadhi is because I am conflating it way too much with my perceived physical existence being wiped away. Just gotta surrender to wherever the toad takes me and let go of the self/reality to get "there".

So if I understand you properly, when there is a Mahasamadhi, there is no doubt about that's what you're doing. Because how I imagine 5meo to be is that you are simply letting go of EVERYTHING. and I guess by the time you're conscious enough for a Mahasamadhi, you KNOW it for sure! It's not just a simple let go of all of your illusions... @Sempiternity My point was not simply that the psychedelic is going to do that, but rather the conscious letting go of my life entirely, which IS what I plan to do when I take 5meo. A total ego annihilation. Becoming conscious of HOW I am imagining reality. @BipolarGrowth I think I'll be at that level when I realize love. By then I would have probably had several dozen awakenings. But yeah I'm NOT at that level at all by a longshot. My idea of this popped into my mind is when I was listening to Leo's video of Outrageous Experiments In Consciousness. But yeah I just don't know "the levels" so this is why I ask and make this thread. I know but I'm not worried about that at all haha, so the ego will pick and choose another reason why not to take 5meo. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@mandyjw @BipolarGrowth Yeah I'm linking it all in my Meta Thread documenting my psychedelic journey. By the end of it is should be a pretty inspiring read.

I forgot to post this one a while back, so I am posting it now. Mushroom Trip Report 003 November 29th 2020 1.081g of Golden Teachers Shroom I wanted to test out what 1 gram of golden teachers is like because I only know what the PE strain is like on one gram. I need to create a spreadsheet of all my trips Soaked dat lemon tek for 20 mins Taken at 2:54pm There's probably a lot resistance and fear on this trip because last trip I had an ego death. But this one should be more positive. Waiting for the floor to start moving lol Kinda late but whatever. Intention: Get to the bottom of my limiting belief: "I can't focus" Intention: Using my journal, question my limiting belief around my ADHD and lack of focus. 13 min in Feeling brain activation. 18 min Noticing small amounts of movement in the floor that is definitely the signature shroom movement. 21 min Noticing the pigment in the hands. Not nearly as much as on other trips. 24 min I'm pretty sure my learning ability just increased. Because learning is just creativity. 26 min Feeling Sensitive. Like if I were to be scared I would die right now. 30 min Getting pretty high. Really feel the emotional take over now. It's okay, it was always okay. Emotions heightened. 35min The human hand is really weird. Very alien and foreign. But that's okay because I am that. Feeling of slight nausea. That's mushroom nausea feeling right now. Floor is moving. Reality gets freaky, but I am the freaky. Reality is a great mystery that I must show myself for I am it. The biggest lesson that I have to always tell myself is to surrender and not take myself so seriously. I get way too much anxiety that is created from me trying to be some intense motherfucker when really, it's okay I can relax. I guess that's my fear: the fear of relaxation and in becoming complacent. 42 min Basically in it. Kind of funny, I feel weird cuz I think I feel all of my skin. Looking at the tapestry is Wild. The peak is yet to come. But then I get to slide down a very fun slide. Feeling tired. It must be activating because of my yawning. I am yawning. 47 min Feeling like a creature. I am now answering my questions from my busting limiting beliefs worksheet. Yup it's good shit. You're going to love it. I didn't think it would be this potent. Oh my God Golden Teachers are teaching me what they're made of. Yawning more. I feel so tired and fatigued. I also need to take the duct tape off the vent on the ceiling at some point. Sober me can you please do that? Thank you. >I did it while still high. 51 minutes. My body is feeling heavy. My entire body is able to relax. There is that feeling in my chest that was like anxiety but now it's spread to the whole body and now it has transformed itself into tiredness and relaxation. Yeah I'm pretty much knocked out on this floor. It is 54 minutes in and I've been lying on this floor because I'm so lazy. It's so fucked to write on a piece of paper where all the letters are moving. That mushroom will keep on purging all that bullshit. 59 mins I think we're at the Mountaintop because I am so fucking tired there's so much yawning. >Peak incoming 1h 8 mins Just staring at this tapestry and it's so illuminating and beautiful. Lying down on the floor. "Arts and crafts" while high is always funny >Had to fold some paper to get the tapestry back up, because it fell. Was reflecting back to a time when I had to put duct tape on my VR headset while on a potent dose of THC. Time was created so we can explain why things change into other things. 1h 13 min I just peaked 1h 18 min Another peak The best part is looking at something like a fractal while your vision blurs. You know you're peaking when your vision starts to blur. I'm going to allow myself. To enjoy this. Here is gone. How did that happen? Because I have finally emerged Enjoy this. 1h 56 min High. Yeah I do fear that I'll be seduced by the mushrooms and just become a druggie. Just jerked off completely naked on my bed. Which is something I don't do often at all in my life, maybe two other times. We try to hide that part of reality so much. 2h 18 min I live in a dead world. The only things that are alive are the food that I eat. I need to trip in the middle of a forest what everything around me is alive. I feel like Terence McKenna when he has his glasses on. Just accept yourself. I'm a nerd in my craft. 2 hours and 27 minutes in The reason why I'm scared of looking at my face in the mirror is because I fear that I will see something else, and that's seeing of something else is the death of my self-image that I hold. When really I didn't exist in the first place, and so Fear is the mechanism is that preserves the self. Anxiety is a mechanism that preserves the self. When really the self wasn't there in the first place. And then the shrooms SHOW that to you. ADHD people can Focus just fine. They're just saying ADHD people can't focus because of the way they think, they think differently. >The ADHD brain is the holistic brain. We think like a Christmas tree. That's just a different perception of reality. So instead of focusing on one thing, you focus on one thing with a Christmas tree around it. Existing is like being in a fish tank. Trapped. Confined to this one box. >That was fucking weird to experience. I am truly a curious creature. Gods perspective is all free and all loving. Yeah you're trying to learn how to focus, but you got to enjoy the journey. And listen to some Bob Marley music while you're treading. Enjoy the struggle. Patience is just enjoying the moment. Enjoy that suffering. That is life. What you call suffering is just a duality that you make up in your mind. This is the shroom talking: Reality is fucked. Whoopsie. Did I just fuck with your reality? Oops that's just reality! To try and preserve this perfect moment is to not live in the moment. Trying to remember things, is to not live in the moment. Whatever I fear is my ego trying to push fear forward because if I encounter the thing I feared than the ego would be destroyed. If I stare at my face while peaking on shrooms, my ego will be destroyed. 3 hours in Still high. Eyes very dilated. Trying to remember something is to not live in the present. Experiencing short-term memory, but in a different way than THC. Shrooms: your ego is going to hate it, but your inner being is going to love it. It wouldn't be amazing otherwise. You need that duality to be there for it to work. Imagine living your life as Bob Marley where you just make music and enjoy the moment, and that is your life. That is life. Your life IS the moment. So much for getting to bed on time. Shrooms are silly like green toes and toejam and farts. And it'll step on your silly plans with its dirty green feet. >Then I find myself talking to my mom again, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling and joking around. We are holding eachothers hands and such. We talk and just enjoy the moment. >Later, dad makes an amazing plate of nachos and as a family we watch "Christmas with the Kranks" together. 5h43min Sobering up 6h52min Sobering up more. Life is like a competition of who can be the most happy. What I wrote in my Journal. ###START### Limiting Belief “I can't focus” It all started when I was a small boy diagnosed with ADHD at the same time I was diagnosed with asthma. Being several years on an ADHD medication does a toll on ya. This negative belief came from my childhood after years of taking ADHD medication. Reinforcing a limiting belief that I cannot focus without my medication. Holding this belief protects me like a baby blanket because it protects me from taking responsibility of my life. The ADHD medication IS the baby blanket. An alternative, equally valid interpretation of the facts is that I was already capable of this amount of focus that I desire. I was just given the medication to “behave”. I was always capable of Focus. Right from the start. Right from the start! Just look at other people that lived before me without ADHD medication. ADHD medication is only new to the last 100 years, not even that. ADHD people before you were successful enough for you to be here today. I was always capable of the amount of focus that I desire. I was always able to focus. That limiting belief doesn't exist. It's okay, I love you. ###END### One of the coolest takeaways from my journaling was this: I was always capable of the focus I desired, I just was never given a chance to prove it to myself because I was given medication for so many years starting at such an early age. So it is through my actions now that I am showing myself that I have the ability to cultivate the focus that I desire. Post report: The week following, I doubled my productivity from 3 hours a day to 6 hours of focused work per day.