KaRzual

Mind elaborating? Think I didn't get it.

Thank you. Thank you sincerely. In no way I can say: I was feeling bad last years. Or: this is not life I want to live. But yes, these second thoughts make my body tickle...

I visualize having a flat and children together, it's a pleasant plan. But then I lie on the sofa and unpleasant thoughts and feeling of tension in the body kicks in... It's really tiring.

She just came back from work and I'm wondering: "fuck, what is wrong with me I want to break up with her?". Literally looking at her, sweet woman of mine. It's really messing me up. And shortly after that doubts and second thoughts begin to slide in.

I really wondered about it. I even made a test which showed that I'm secure actually... I think I will ponder this topic on my next session with the therapist.

She does want children. I was the first one brining that up. I want to feel happy and fulfilled in it. Pros: she's a loving person, she understands my needs very well, she's intelligent, caring and a good person overall. I feel that we share many values and views. I find her attractive, I love having sex with her. Cons: I feel frustrated when listening to her and opening up to her. It has nothing to do with what she says and who she is. It's more about my and my body's reactions that I don't understand.

I'm approaching the 8 years mark in my current relationship. I'm 30 soon and my GF is 32. We're renting an appartment for 4 years now. Since close to a year now she wanted to take another step and buy our own flat. What I was doing was running away and avoiding that. I think mainly because I was not and I'm not sure if she's "the right one". The point is - I don't know it after all these years. She's a great woman for me. We went through ups and downs, but after all she was there for me and did (and still does) her best to understand me and fulfill my relationship needs. And yet I'm still not sure. I went through anxiety and stiffness when thinking about buying a flat together and basically saying "yep, this is it, that's all for me" - meaning, that she's my final GF. I don't want to leave her and waste such relationship, but thought of commiting is scary to me. I went to discuss it with my therapist. At the beginning he challenged me with the thought that I wanted to leave her, but I wasn't sure. I'm also not quite sure if I love her. But then, sometimes I will look at her and think about how wonderful human she is and I'm feeling love. He also said that then I'm choosing to stay and I still wasn't so sure. I was and I'm lost. After coming back from my therapist I opened up to my GF about my dillemas. I cried near her for the first time. I cried really hard. She was full of understandemnt and empathy for me. For the past 2-3 years I wondered if something will happen and we will split. So it was really hard to plan for the things even like vacation together I thought - maybe I meet some other girl in the meantime, I will love her and feel that this is it. But it didn't happen. Of course other girls are hot for me, but it's not like I'm losing my mind because of it. I'm really torn guys. I'm just not sure if "this is it" and on the other hand I don't want to lose a relationship like that - stable, full of understandemnt, with an honest, reliable and mature person, who loves me dearly. It's really hard for me recently, because last few months I was running away from it and went into distractions. But I can't do it anymore. I feel like it's time to make a decision. And yesterday I sent her first links to apartments that I would consider. It was hard for me. I felt shivers running down my spine and anxiety. And sometimes during the day I feel like investing in the relationship is the right thing to do, and in just a few minutes comes thought about ending it all... But then - what is not right? What's missing for me? What I could get from other girl that I'm not getting from mine? I'm really lost and hurting...

Thank you. Why do you think it's such time for you now?

Hey I'm not really looking for a quick fix, rather i'd like to hear your perspectives/thoughts. So lately i'm experiencing that i'd rather sit alone than meet other people. Maybe there are like 10 people overall that i'd like to meet and spend time with. I get nearly no satisfaction or positive feelings when meeting people. It's quite opposite actually - being around people (outside of professional cases) stresses the shit out of me. I guess it's like that for some time, but i came to this conclusion lately being open with myself. As i'm pretty ok with that i'd like to hear your thoughts. Maybe in my current life-time i did not find "the right" people or i just don't need it? I don't know. Please share your experiences, i'll highly appreciate it. Thanks.

@snowyowl "@" me too bro, good luck.

Ask yourself

@Zeroguy I really try to get the meaning of your posts. But i think that's not the way.

Brilliant! Good job mate.

@Nahm I got it. Anyway adding medidation to my day program is crucial to me. May i message you?

Yeah classical Nahm.