Hello Actualized.org, 

I was recently pm'd questions regarding meditation and felt like the answer may help others, so I made this post. I've included the original questions and answered each one by one. There is a lot here and a lot more nuance I missed, but the post was already getting quite long so hopefully this is sufficient. Happy to further elaborate in the comments. 
 
To start, there are three main strategies when dealing with physical discomfort which of course applies to fatigue. 
1. Who is uncomfortable?
Become extremely clear on who/what is experiencing fatigue. Who exactly is the one "fatigued"? Of course you've probably heard many times "no one." But what does that actually mean? What is the nature of the thing experiencing the fatigue? This is where spiritual fantasy and bullshit flies out the window. Because until there is extreme clarity on this point, physical discomfort will continue being a problem.
When it is recognized the fatigue or discomfort literally cannot touch who you really are or what you really are, both become significantly less meaningful and our relationship with painful sensations, in whatever form, permanently shifts.
The practice of self inquiry helps here.
Technique #1: Self Inquiry 
 
2. Craving, Aversion, Purification, Enlightenment
Let go of stories about the sensations of fatigue (or discomfort). Often times, the degree of the fatigue we are feeling is reinforced by the beliefs and unconscious/unspoken stories we're spinning about the sensations of fatigue. Without the belief needing to manifest through language, we interpret the sensations of fatigue through a deeply unconscious conceptual framework. This framework then reinforces the implicit, unconscious, and unspoken beliefs we have about the sensations, reinforcing whatever it is we believe. In this way, a small amount of fatigue or discomfort can spin out of control into a larger problem. 
To get really grounded, this #2 manifests in the emotional body as craving and aversion, which are defined as the pushing and pulling on experience. 
We experience a little fatigue --> We have a story about being tired --> Aversion towards the fatigue --> Fatigue intensifies because of aversion --> etc. We've now created a negative feedback loop. 

To get out of this loop requires mindfulness, discrimination about what is craving/aversion (a symptom of our beliefs) and what is the raw sensations (fatigue/discomfort). When we can sort this out using mindfulness, we bring equanimity to the craving/aversion which "purifies" it. This purification literally starts to purify the mind of the craving/aversion such that the mind begins to experience less and less of this mental activity. 
Two subpoints about this. Literally by paying attention and discrimination the craving/aversion vs. raw sensations of fatigue, we "purify" it out of the mind. It's actually that simple. Deceptively simple. Face the craving/aversion head. 

Where are these sensations of craving and aversion appearing? Within the fatigue itself, utterly entangled and undifferentiated from the fatigue. You need to untangle both, see both clearly. 
2.i
All craving/aversion manifests because of an ignorance about the nature of reality. This is why classical buddhism defines complete enlightenment as the ending of suffering, suffering is essentially craving/aversion. If one where to truly see into the nature of how things really are, the mind would not crave or be averse to anything. Only equanimity would remain. Yet because we hold certain beliefs/conceptual frameworks in the emotional body from ignorance, craving/aversion arise.
2.ii 
As this purification continues to take place over the days, months, years, and decades of formal meditation practice, fatigue actually becomes a source of bliss and believe it or not, energy. When the mind no longer fights with reality, all that's left is the energetic actuality or fatigue's reality. Fatigue is a form, is a manifestation of existence, is a reflection of god - all form is simply a composition of energy, a dynamic flux of impermanence. 

The best way to work on point 2 is Vipassana meditation, I would specifically recommend Shinzen Young's See Hear Feel technique. 
Technique #2: See Hear Feel
#3 Energy Cultivation
It is also possible to cultivate energy using specific meditation techniques. This can sometime manifest as kundalini, as a more sensitive energy body, as tingling sensations permeating various subtle energy channels in the body, or like a furnace in the dantian energy center. By cultivating this pranic energy, you literally start to have more energy on demand. Rather than recontextualizing the fatigue in #1, purifying the aversion to fatigue in #2, we're actively engaged in combating fatigue in #3 through this energy cultivation. 

My most recently meditation retreat, I was formally practicing around 14 hours a day, informally the rest of the day, and only sleeping 4 hours per day. I did this for 1 week and was focusing on energy cultivation the entire week. By day 4, I had an overflow of excess energy, enormous unknown reservoirs had opened up filling me with levels of energy as though I was peaking on LSD except enormously cleaner, purer, and more harmonized. It challenged everything I thought I knew about the body, mind, and vitality. 
The technique I used was simple,
Focus on the breath sensations in the stomach. 
The inhalation process was natural, without any volition, will, or agency - a totally surrendered inhalation that was as shallow or deep as the body wanted.
The exhalation process was extended and powerful - I would balance prolonging my exhalation all the while keeping the exhalation forceful. Imagine a long, forceful, slow, peaceful breath - these are the kinds of factors we're balance. 

As you use this technique more and more, it not only cultivates energy that stays with you throughout the day, you can return to it whenever you need AND it begins to become the normal breathing pattern when using any meditation technique, thereby facilitating a more energized practice overall. 
Technique #3: Extended Exhalation, Breath Concentration
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The balance of all three of these will address the fatigue. All three of these points have enormous depth with how far you can take them yet each provides immediate results.
 
If you are searching for emotional excitation, emotional stimulation, the bubbly, pleasurable feelings of happiness many people define as happiness, then yes and no. On the one hand, any sort of fixation you have on achieving a particular state can backfire. Yet on the other hand, the ability to generate these bubbly, pleasurable feelings is possible with shamatha meditation and is a skill I would highly recommend (technique #3 above is shamatha meditation by the way). However, the only way to successfully generate these emotions on demand is to be totally at peace when them not arising. If you're clinging to the generation of these sensations, you'll most likely fail. As you train your concentration with breath meditation (technique #3), happiness, joy, pleasure, deep calm ease are all side effects. Is this enlightenment? No. Indispensable tools? Yes. 
Pro tip: Hold a soft buddha smile as you formally practice and throughout the day. You'll be happier, the bubbly pleasurable kind. 
Now here's the thing, if you knew you were already happy, if you were awakened to the kind of non-dual nature of absolute happiness, you wouldn't mind sitting and doing nothing. The suffering you're experiencing as you sit is a tangible symptom of your unhappiness and ignorance about the nature of reality (see #2 above) as well as ignorance of your true nature (see #1 above). Hence, this is why you should practice. To actually awakening, not slip into beliefs about awakening. 
To say "why don't I just stop doing this and lay down where I will immediately find the peace and happiness that I'm looking for?" is like a drug addict using a chemical to relieve withdrawal symptoms. A bit of an extreme analogy, but the fundamental principle is the same. Meditation practice is highlighting a dissatisfaction you have with reality and rather than facing it with the light of mindfulness awareness to see its truth and thereby purifying the dissatisfaction, the mind wants to turn towards distractions that offer a temporary relief. 
There is no guarantee life will give you an opportunity to distract yourself in the moment of great pain, in the future. In all likelihood, the most painful, tragic day of your life has not yet occurred and when that day comes, there will be no bed to go lay out to ease the pain. The only thing you'll have is the quality of the mind, the depth of consciousness's awakening. 
 
The first sentence's logic is entirely backwards, in my opinion. When pain cannot be avoided, that is when it matters most how much we've purified the mind. Not just because we'll suffer less as a result of past training, but because the ability to make clear, wise, and compassionate decisions that affect others matters. Furthermore, sometime's and many times, unavoidable pain is the worst kind of pain. If we have sufficiently purified the mind and seen into our true nature, unavoidable pain is not actually productive, or helpful for our practice. 
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The bold only applies when seekers have poor teachers, poor practices, or are not actually serious about discovering the truth. In reality, the wisest and most effective forms of seeking are completely selfless. Seeking energy does not require a self. In fact, because there is not a self, seeking is not grounded in being a self. Therefore, when the illusion of self is seen through, only then does the real seeking begin. The illusion of self contracts and contorts the seeking energy which can create dissatisfaction yes. But when the seeking energy's source and nature is experienced, it is allowed to manifest without resistance and is WAY more effective. 
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water here. 
I would offer the possibility that what you're missing is a clarity around how meditation works and a lack of depth in practice. Which is totally fine! The fact is, to find real peace, to find the truth about existence, is going to take real work, not fantasy, or belief. This path demands 24/7 mindfulness, 24/7 contemplation, 24/7 prayer, it's not something we pick up and put down based on our feelings, our states, or our emotions, and is not something we can afford to put down when things get hard.
To really see serious results of practice requires 1 - 2+ hours per day and a minimum of 1 week long meditation retreat per year with a good teacher. This is basically scapping by though. 

Therefore, if you have not done a meditation retreat sign up for one immediately. Shinzen is doing an online zoom retreat Oct. 22 - 29th, would highly recommend training with him while you still have the chance. 

If you've already done a retreat in the past, sign up for your next one immediately. After you've finished a retreat, immediately sign up for your next one. 
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This all being said, sometimes there will be times when you feel the need to soften practice, to ease up on the intensity. Flow, enjoy life, be slow and have faith in not only God, but in your self, have faith there are no mistakes and you are exactly where you need to be and only where you could be. 

I hope this helps my friend. Hopefully this helps some others in the community as well. 

@Loba Please don't let go of those experiences.  Have you heard of Mellen Thomas Benedict? He had an NDE and went all the way to the God Head and while in the God head he realized something huge and it kind of my point with all of this. Also Jill bolte Taylor expereinced a more non dual state. I actually feel ndes give more of a full experience. 
Concerning the validity of Benedict’s testimony, P.M.H. Atwater has this to say:
“I can attest that his case is genuine and his claims about the brain tumor and the conditions of his death are true. I have met his mother and step-father, been in his and their homes, and have followed his life since – his struggles and his accomplishments – as he sought to find a way to integrate his experience into his daily life while still honoring the mission he felt guided to fulfill.” – P.M.H. Atwater
2. The Road to Death
In 1982 I died from terminal cancer. The condition I had was inoperable, and any kind of chemotherapy they could give me would just have made me more of a vegetable. I was given six to eight months to live. I had been an information freak in the 1970’s, and I had become increasingly despondent over the nuclear crisis, the ecology crisis, and so forth. So, since I did not have a spiritual basis, I began to believe that nature had made a mistake, and that we were probably a cancerous organism on the planet. I saw no way that we could get out from all the problems we had created for ourselves and the planet. I perceived all humans as cancer, and that is what I got. That is what killed me. Be careful what your world view is. It can feed back on you, especially if it is a negative world view. I had a seriously negative one.
That is what led me into my death. I tried all sort s of alternative healing methods, but nothing helped. So I determined that this was really just between me and God. I had never really faced God before, or even dealt with God. I was not into any kind of spirituality at the time, but I began a journey into learning about spirituality and alternative healing. I set out to do all the reading I could and bone up on the subject, because I did not want to be surprised on the other side. So I started reading on various religions and philosophies. They were all very interesting, and gave hope that there was something on the other side. I ended up in hospice care.
I remember waking up one morning at home about 4:30 am and I just knew that this was it. This was the day I was going to die. So I called a few friends and said goodbye. I woke up my hospice caretaker and told her. I had a private agreement with her that she would leave my dead body alone for six hours, since I had read that all kinds of interesting things happen when you die. I went back to sleep. The next thing I remember is the beginning of a typical near death experience. Suddenly I was fully aware and I was standing up, but my body was in the bed. There was this darkness around me. Being out of my body was even more vivid than ordinary experience. It was so vivid that I could see every room in the house, I could see the top of the house, I could see around the house, I could see under the house.
3. The Light of God
There was this Light shining. I turned toward the Light. The Light was very similar to what many other people have described in their near-death experiences. It was so magnificent. It is tangible; you can feel it. It is alluring; you want to go to it like you would want to go to your ideal mother’s or father’s arms. As I began to move toward the Light, I knew intuitively that if I went to the Light, I would be dead. So as I was moving toward the Light I said, “Please wait a minute, just hold on a second here. I want to think about this; I would like to talk to you before I go.” To my surprise, the entire experience halted at that point. You are indeed in control of your near-death experience. You are not on a roller coaster ride.
So my request was honored and I had some conversations with the Light. The Light kept changing into different figures, like Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, mandalas, archetypal images and signs. I asked the Light, “What is going on here? Please, Light, clarify yourself for me. I really want to know the reality of the situation.” I cannot really say the exact words, because it was sort of telepathy.
The Light responded. The information transferred to me was that your beliefs shape the kind of feedback you are getting before the Light. If you were a Buddhist or Catholic or Fundamentalist, you get a feedback loop of your own stuff. You have a chance to look at it and examine it, but most people do not. As the Light revealed itself to me, I became aware that what I was really seeing was our Higher Self matrix.
We all have a higher Self, or an oversoul part of our being. It revealed itself to me in its truest energy form. The only way I can really describe it is that the being of the higher Self is more like a conduit. It did not look like that, but it is a direct connection to the Source that each and every one of us has. We are directly connected to the Source. So the Light was showing me the higher Self matrix. I was not committed to one particular religion. So that is what was being fed back to me during my life after death experience. As I asked the Light to keep clearing for me, to keep explaining, I understood what the higher Self matrix is. We have a grid around the planet where all the higher Selves are connected. This is like a great company, a next subtle level of energy around us, the spirit level, you might say. Then, after a couple of minutes, I asked for more clarification. I really wanted to know what the universe is about, and I was ready to go at that time. I said, “I am ready, take me.”
4. The River of Life
Then the Light turned into the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen: a mandala of human souls on this planet. Now I came to this with my negative view of what has happened on the planet. So as I asked the Light to keep clarifying for me, I saw in this magnificent mandala how beautiful we all are in our essence, our core. We are the most beautiful creations. The human soul, the human matrix that we all make together is absolutely fantastic, elegant, exotic, everything. I just cannot say enough about how it changed my opinion of human beings in that instant. I said, “Oh, God, I did not know how beautiful we are.” At any level, high or low, in whatever shape you are in, you are the most beautiful creation, you are.
I was astonished to find that there was no evil in any soul. I said, “How can this be?” The answer was that no soul was inherently evil. The terrible things that happened to people might make them do evil things, but their souls were not evil. What all people seek, what sustains them, is love, the Light told me. What distorts people is a lack of love.
The revelations coming from the Light seemed to go on and on, then I asked the Light, “Does this mean that humankind will be saved?” Then, like a trumpet blast with a shower of spiraling lights, the Great Light spoke, saying:
“Remember this and never forget; you save, redeem and heal yourself. You always have. You always will. You were created with the power to do so from before the beginning of the world.”
In that instant I realized even more. I realized that WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN SAVED, and we saved ourselves because we were designed to self-correct like the rest of God’s universe. This is what the second coming is about. I thanked the Light of God with all my heart. The best thing I could come up with during my near death experience was these simple words of total appreciation: “Oh dear God, dear Universe, dear Great Self, I Love My Life.” The Light seemed to breathe me in even more deeply. It was as if the Light was completely absorbing me. The Love Light is, to this day, indescribable. I entered into another realm, more profound than the last, and became aware of something more, much more. It was an enormous stream of Light, vast and full, deep in the Heart of Life. I asked what this was. The Light responded:
“This is the RIVER OF LIFE. Drink of this manna water to your heart’s content.”
So I did. I took one big drink and then another. To drink of life Itself! I was in ecstasy.
Then the Light said: “You have a desire.”
The Light knew all about me, everything past, present and future.
“Yes!” I whispered.
I asked to see the rest of the Universe; beyond our solar system, beyond all human illusion. The Light then told me that I could go with the Stream. I did, and was carried through the Light at the end of the tunnel. I felt and heard a series of very soft sonic booms. What a rush!
Suddenly I seemed to be rocketing away from the planet on this stream of Life. I saw the earth fly away. The solar system, in all its splendor, whizzed by and disappeared. At faster than light speed, I flew through the center of the galaxy, absorbing more knowledge as I went. I learned that this galaxy, and all of the Universe, is bursting with many different varieties of LIFE. I saw many worlds. The good news is that we are not alone in this Universe!
As I rode this stream of consciousness through the center of the galaxy, the stream was expanding in awesome fractal waves of energy. The super clusters of galaxies with all their ancient wisdom flew by. At first I thought I was going somewhere; actually traveling. But then I realized that, as the stream was expanding, my own consciousness was also expanding to take in everything in the Universe! All creation passed by me. It was an unimaginable wonder! I truly was a Wonder Child; a babe in Wonderland!
5. The Void
At this point of my near-death experience, I found myself in a profound stillness, beyond all silence. I could see or perceive FOREVER, beyond Infinity. I was in the Void.
I was in pre-creation, before the Big Bang. I had crossed over the beginning of time / the First Word / the First vibration. I was in the Eye of Creation. I felt as if I was touching the Face of God. It was not a religious feeling. Simply, I was at one with Absolute Life and Consciousness. When I say that I could see or perceive forever, I mean that I could experience all of creation generating itself. It was without beginning and without end. That’s a mind-expanding thought, isn’t it? Scientists perceive the Big Bang as a single event that created the Universe. I saw during my life after death experience that the Big Bang is only one of an infinite number of Big Bangs creating Universes endlessly and simultaneously. The only images that even come close in human terms would be those created by super computers using fractal geometry equations.
The ancients knew of this. They said God had periodically created new Universes by breathing out, and recreated other Universes by breathing in. These epochs were called Yugas. Modern science called this the Big Bang. I was in absolute, pure consciousness. I could see or perceive all the Big Bangs or Yugas creating and recreating themselves. Instantly I entered into them all simultaneously. I saw that each and every little piece of creation has the power to create. It is very difficult to try to explain this. I am still speechless about this.
It took me years after I returned from my near-death experience to assimilate any words at all for the Void experience. I can tell you this now: the Void is less than nothing, yet more than everything that is! The Void is absolute zero; chaos forming all possibilities. It is Absolute Consciousness; much more than even Universal Intelligence. The Void is the vacuum or nothingness between all physical manifestations. The SPACE between atoms and their components. Modern science has begun to study this space between everything. They call it Zero point. Whenever they try to measure it, their instruments go off the scale, or to infinity, so to speak. They have no way, as of yet, to measure infinity accurately. There is more of the zero space in your own body and the Universe than anything else!
What mystics call the Void is not a void. It is so full of energy, a different kind of energy that has created everything that we are. Everything since the Big Bang is vibration, from the first Word, which is the first vibration. The biblical “I am” really has a question mark after it. “I am — What am I?” So creation is God exploring God’s Self through every way imaginable, in an ongoing, infinite exploration through every one of us. I began to see during my near-death experience that everything that is, is the Self, literally, your Self, my Self. Everything is the great Self. That is why God knows even when a leaf falls. That is possible because wherever you are is the center of the universe. Wherever any atom is, that is the center of the universe. There is God in that, and God in the Void.
As I was exploring the Void during my life after death experience and all the Yugas or creations, I was completely out of time and space as we know it. In this expanded state, I discovered that creation is about Absolute Pure Consciousness, or God, coming into the Experience of Life as we know it. The Void itself is devoid of experience. It is pre life, before the first vibration. Godhead is about more than Life and Death. Therefore there is even more than Life and Death to experience in the Universe!
When I realized this I was finished with the Void, and wanted to return to this creation, or Yuga. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. Then I suddenly came back through the second Light, or the Big Bang, hearing several more velvet booms. I rode the stream of consciousness back through all of creation, and what a ride it was! The super clusters of galaxies came through me with even more insights. I passed through the center of our galaxy, which is a black hole. Black holes are the great processors or recyclers of the Universe. Do you know what is on the other side of a Black Hole? We are; our galaxy, which has been reprocessed from another Universe. In its total energy configuration, the galaxy looked like a fantastic city of lights. All energy this side of the Big Bang is light. Every sub atom, atom, star, planet, even consciousness itself is made of light and has a frequency and/or particle. Light is living stuff. Everything is made of light, even stones. So everything is alive. Everything is made from the Light of God; everything is very intelligent.
6. The Light of Love
As I rode the stream on and on, I could eventually see a huge Light coming. I knew it was the First Light; the higher Self Light Matrix of our solar system. Then the entire solar system appeared in the Light, accompanied by one of those velvet booms. I could see during my near death experience all the energy that this solar system generates, and it is an incredible light show! I could hear the Music of the Spheres. Our solar system, as do all celestial bodies, generates a unique matrix of light, sound and vibratory energies.
Advanced civilizations from other star systems can spot life as we know it in the universe by the vibratory or energy matrix imprint. It is child’s play. The earth’s Wonder child (human beings) make an abundance of sound right now, like children playing in the backyard of the universe. The Light explained to me that there is no death; we are immortal beings. We have already been alive forever! I realized that we are part of a natural living system that recycles itself endlessly. I was never told that I had to come back. I just knew that I would. It was only natural, from what I had seen during my life after death experience.
I don’t know how long I was with the Light, in human time. But there came a moment when I realized that all my questions had been answered and my return was near. When I say that all my questions were answered on the other side, I mean to say just that. During my near death experience, all my questions have been answered. Every human has a different life and set of questions to explore. Some of our questions are Universal, but each of us is exploring this thing we call Life in our own unique way. So is every other form of life, from mountains to every leaf on every tree. And that is very important to the rest of us in this Universe. Because it all contributes to the Big Picture, the fullness of Life. We are literally God exploring God’s self in an infinite Dance of Life. Your uniqueness enhances all of Life.
7. His Return to Earth
As I began my return to the life cycle, it never crossed my mind, nor was I told during my near-death experience that I would return to the same body. It just did not matter. I had complete trust in the Light and the Life process. As the stream merged with the great Light, I asked never to forget the revelations and the feelings of what I had learned on the other side. There was a “Yes.” It felt like a kiss to my soul. Then I was taken back through the Light into the vibratory realm again. The whole process reversed, with even more information being given to me. I came back home, and I was given lessons from my near-death experience on the mechanics of reincarnation. I was given answers to all those little questions I had: “How does this work? How does that work?” I knew that I would be reincarnated. The earth is a great processor of energy, and individual consciousness evolves out of that into each one of us. I thought of myself as a human for the first time, and I was happy to be that. From what I have seen, I would be happy to be an atom in this universe. An atom. So to be the human part of God … this is the most fantastic blessing. It is a blessing beyond our wildest estimation of what blessing can be. For each and every one of us to be the human part of this experience is awesome, and magnificent.
Each and every one of us, no matter where we are, screwed up or not, is a blessing to the planet, right where we are. I went through the reincarnation process expecting to be a baby somewhere. But I was given a lesson on how individual identity and consciousness evolve. I was so surprised when I opened my eyes from my near death experience. I do not know why, because I understood it, but it was still such a surprise to be back in this body, back in my room with someone looking over me crying her eyes out. It was my hospice caretaker. She had given up an hour and a half after finding me dead. My body was stiff and inflexible. She went into the other room. Then I awakened and saw the light outside. I tried to get up to go to it, but I fell out of the bed. She heard a loud “clunk,” ran in and found me on the floor.
When I recovered, I was very surprised and yet very awed about what had happened to me during my near death experience. At first all the memory of the trip that I have now was not there. I kept slipping out of this world and kept asking, “Am I alive?” This world seemed more like a dream than that one. Within three days I was feeling normal again, clearer, yet different than I had ever felt in my life. My memory of my near-death experience came back later. I could see nothing wrong with any human being I had ever seen. Before that I was really judgmental. I thought a lot of people were really screwed up, in fact I thought that everybody was screwed up but me. But I got clear on all that.
About three months later a friend said I should get tested, so I went and got the scans and so forth. I really felt good, so I was afraid of getting bad news. I remember the doctor at the clinic looking at the before and after scans, saying, “Well, there is nothing here now.” I said, “Really, it must be a miracle.” He said, “No, these things happen; they are called spontaneous remission.” He acted very unimpressed. But here was a miracle, and I was impressed, even if no one else was.
8. The Lessons He Learned
The mystery of life has very little to do with intelligence. The universe is not an intellectual process at all. The intellect is helpful; it is brilliant, but right now that is all we process with, instead of our hearts and the wiser part of ourselves.
The center of the Earth is this great transmuter of energy, just as you see in pictures of our Earth’s magnetic field. That’s our cycle, pulling reincarnated souls back in and through it again. A sign that you are reaching human level is that you are beginning to evolve an individual consciousness. The animals have a group soul, and they reincarnate in group souls. A deer is pretty much going to be a deer forever. But just being born a human, whether deformed or genius, shows that you are on the path to developing an individual consciousness. That is in itself part of the group consciousness called humanity.
I saw that races are personality clusters. Nations like France, Germany and China each have their own personality. Cities have personalities, their local group souls that attract certain people. Families have group souls. Individual identity is evolving like branches of a fractal; the group soul explores in our individuality. The different questions that each of us has are very, very important. This is how Godhead is exploring God’s Self – through you. So ask your questions, do your searching. You will find your Self and you will find God in that Self, because it is only the Self.
More than that, I began to see that each one of us humans are soul mates. We are part of the same soul fractaling out in many creative directions, but still the same. Now I look at every human being that I ever see, and I see a soul mate, my soul mate, the one I have always been looking for. Beyond that, the greatest soul mate that you will ever have is yourself. We are each both male and female. We experience this in the womb and we experience this in reincarnation states. If you are looking for that ultimate soul mate outside of yourself, you may never find it; it is not there. Just as God is not “there.” God is here. Don’t look “out there” for God. Look here for God. Look through your Self. Start having the greatest love affair you ever had … with your Self. You will love everything out of that.
I had a descent into what you might call hell, and it was very surprising. I did not see Satan or evil. My descent into hell was a descent into each person’s customized human misery, ignorance, and darkness of not-knowing. It seemed like a miserable eternity. But each of the millions of souls around me had a little star of light always available. But no one seemed to pay attention to it. They were so consumed with their own grief, trauma and misery. But, after what seemed an eternity, I started calling out to that light, like a child calling to a parent for help. Then the light opened up and formed a tunnel that came right to me an insulated me from all that fear and pain. That is what hell really is.
So what we are doing is learning to hold hands, to come together. The doors of hell are open now. We are going to link up, hold hands, and walk out of hell together.
The light came to me and turned into a huge golden angel. I said, “Are you the angel of death?”
It expressed to me that it was my oversoul, my Higher Self matrix, a super-ancient part of ourselves. Then I was taken to the light.
Soon our science will quantify spirit. Isn’t that going to be wonderful? We are coming up with devices now that are sensitive to subtle energy or spirit energy. Physicists use these atomic colliders to smash atoms to see what they are made of. They have got it down to quarks and charm, and all that. Well, one day they are going to come down to the little thing that holds it all together, and they are going to have to call that … God. With atomic colliders they are not only seeing what is in here, but they are creating particles. Thank God most of them are short-lived milliseconds and nanoseconds. We are just beginning to understand that we are creating too, as we go along.
As I saw forever, I came to a realm in which there is a point where we pass all knowledge and begin creating the next fractal, the next level. We have that power to create as we explore. And that is God expanding itself through us.
Since my return I have experienced the light spontaneously, and I have learned how to get to that space almost any time in my meditation. Each one of you can do this. You do not have to die to do this. It is within your equipment; you are wired for it already.
The body is the most magnificent light being there is. The body is a universe of incredible light. Spirit is not pushing us to dissolve this body. That is not what is happening. Stop trying to become God; God is becoming you. Here.
The mind is like a child running around the universe, demanding this and thinking it created the world. But I ask the mind, “What did your mother have to do with this?”
That is the next level of spiritual awareness. Oh! My mother! All of a sudden you give up the ego, because you are not the only soul in the universe.
9. What Is the Best Religion?
I asked God: “What is the best religion on the planet? Which one is right?” And Godhead said, with great love: “I don’t care.” That was incredible grace.
They come and they go, they change. Buddhism has not been here forever, Catholicism has not been here forever, and they are all about to become more enlightened. More light is coming into all systems now. There is going to be a reformation in spirituality that is going to be just as dramatic as the Protestant Reformation. There will be lots of people fighting about it, one religion against the next, believing that only they are right.
Everyone thinks they own God, the religions and philosophies, especially the religions, because they form big organizations around their philosophy. When Godhead said, “I don’t care,” I immediately understood that it is for us to care about. It is important, because we are the caring beings. It matters to us and that is where it is important. What you have is the energy equation in spirituality. Ultimate Godhead does not care if you are Protestant, Buddhist, or whatever. It is all a blooming facet of the whole. I wish that all religions would realize it and let each other be. It is not the end of each religion, but we are talking about the same God. Live and let live. Each has a different view. And it all adds up to the Big Picture; it is all important.
I went over to the other side during my near-death experience with a lot of fears about toxic waste, nuclear missiles, the population explosion, the rainforest. I came back loving every single problem. I love nuclear waste. I love the mushroom cloud; this is the holiest mandala that we have manifested to date, as an archetype. It, more than any religion or philosophy on earth, brought us together all of a sudden, to a new level of consciousness. Knowing that maybe we can blow up the planet fifty times, or 500 times, we finally realize that maybe we are all here together now. For a period they had to keep setting off more bombs to get it in to us. Then we started saying, “we do not need this any more.” Now we are actally in a safer world than we have ever been in, and it is going to get safer. So I came back from my near-death experience loving toxic waste, because it brought us together. These things are so big. As Peter Russell might say, these problems are now “soul size.” Do we have soul size answers, YES!
The clearing of the rain forest will slow down, and in fifty years there will be more trees on the planet than in a long time. If you are into ecology, go for it; you are that part of the system that is becoming aware. Go for it with all your might, but do not be depressed. It is part of a larger thing. Earth is in the process of domesticating itself. It is never again going to be as wild a place as it once was. There will be great wild places, reserves where nature thrives. Gardening and reserves will be the thing in the future. Population increase is getting very close to the optimal range of energy to cause a shift in consciousness. That shift in consciousness will change politics, money, energy.
After dying, going through my near-death experience and coming back, I really respect life and death. In our DNA experiments we may have opened the door to a great secret. Soon we will be able to live as long as we want to live in this body. After living 150 years or so, there will be an intuitive soul sense that you will want to change channels. Living forever in one body is not as creative as reincarnation, as transferring energy in this fantastic vortex of energy that we are in. We are actually going to see the wisdom of life and death, and enjoy it.
As it is now, we have already been alive forever. This body, that you are in, has been alive forever. It comes from an unending stream of life, going back to the Big Bang and beyond. This body gives life to the next life, in dense and subtle energy. This body has been alive forever already.
One of my questions to the light was, “What is heaven?”
I was given a tour of all the heavens that have been created: the Nirvanas, the Happy Hunting Grounds, all of them. I went through them. These are thought form creations that we have created. We don’t really go to heaven; we are reprocessed. But whatever we created, we leave a part of ourselves there. It is real, but it is not all of the soul.
I saw the Christian heaven. We expect it to be a beautiful place, and you stand in front of the throne, worshiping forever. I tried it. It is boring! This is all we are going to do? It is childlike. I do not mean to offend anyone. Some heavens are very interesting, and some are very boring. I found the ancient ones to be more interesting, like the Native American ones, the Happy Hunting Grounds. The Egyptians have fantastic ones. It goes on and on. There are so many of them. In each of them there is a fractal that is your particular interpretation, unless you are part of the group soul that believes in only the God of a particular religion. Then you are very close, in the same ball park together. But even then, each is a little bit different. That is a part of yourself that you leave there. Death is about life, not about heaven.
What happens when we dream? We are multi-dimensional beings. We can access that through lucid dreaming. In fact, this universe is God’s dream. One of the things that I saw is that we humans are a speck on a planet that is a speck in a galaxy that is a speck. Those are giant systems out there, and we are in sort of an average system. But human beings are already legendary throughout the cosmos of consciousness. The little bitty human being of Earth/Gaia is legendary. One of the things that we are legendary for is dreaming. We are legendary dreamers. In fact, the whole cosmos has been looking for the meaning of life, the meaning of it all. And it was the little dreamer who came up with the best answer ever. We dreamed it up. So dreams are important.

@AleksM Tnx great post, being aware of breath is great but there is also self inquir neti neti, being aware of awarness, kriya yoga etc 

It works the other way around even more for me. The memory and realization of God-consciousness allows my meditation to go really, really deep. I haven’t been bored in meditation since I can remember. I remember ego-death and the breath begins to feel on each in breath as if God is pumping air into “my” lungs and I’m the air.

The Path, Living, & The Dreamboard
Nonduality & Meditations
The Loophole Shake
Sing
The Emotional Scale
ActualityOfBeing.com

@electroBeam
I believe (all speculation here) that upon inspection of the reoccurring thoughts which are in discord with feeling, what would be found is that there isn’t any “unique atypical high tolerance” situation. I think you’d find that you are using the substances to suppress the discord between thoughts & feeling, and it is leaving you feeling uneasy, frustrated, unhealthy, and ultimately revealing a desire to align the peace, love, & creator that you are, with the working, surviving, creating & accomplishing you do. I feel a not so subtle “cry for help” in your thread. To me, it reads as “I’ve realized this is a fucking dream - and that’s awesome - but wtf - why isn’t life ‘lining up’?”  How to “line it up”? That boils down to aligning thought with feeling, as feeling is the guidance and therefore must be abided by, must be listened to. You have passion, creativity, desire & are very open minded. What I believe is desired, is vision, to answer the question, “how do I align the infinite dreamer I know I am, with this dream, this life?”. 
When in life is the resolution not “that thing” we’re so sick of hearing? Yep, I know it well too....and here it comes....
Make a dreamboard. Before doing this, thoughts are coming and going, as if if behind our head. We’re aware of them, but it’s kind of hard to ‘see the bigger picture’ when it’s not in front of our eyes. Dreamboarding get’s every thought, of everything you want, in front of you. You know all to well that thinking about doing something, is not the experience of doing something. You’d have to do this, to experience what I’m suggesting. You also know, wether you care to admit it or not, that not a one of us really ever “grows up”. We convince ourselves of this, via responsibility, pressure, deadlines, etc. We all to often succumb to it, at the expense of the relationship with our inner being, our inner guidance - that which you desire so strongly to never feel discord or disconnection with. We’re all in truth God’s children. Nonduality, yep...and yet, he who assumes the upper hand over inner being, does so at his own inevitable peril. Chronic discord of thought & feeling leads to a pretend seriousness, grandiose nonsense, resentment, bitterness, stress, tension, etc. This leads to dis-ease, turbulent relationships, etc. Everything, in terms of feeling, we don’t want. The kick in the balls, is feeling - guidance - told us this since day one. But one can get so lost in the woods, so deep in the pressures of surviving, that a rather simple thing seems blown out complicated and practically unfixable. One accustomed to pressure & efforting their way busting through brick walls, at first struggles to appreciate the effortlessness of a simple dry erase board, vision, and the unconditional love and magic of reality. 
I suggest you ‘take back your life’, and your happiness - that is, the relationship between you, and You, if you will. While the materialist paradigm and the believing of such thoughts can suggest to the contrary, this place is a dream. Put anyone, or anything, ahead of your relationship with the higher self within, and nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing clicks. The spring in your step & the joy in your heart just ain’t there - and that was what “worked”, what makes it all cohesively function like butter. Talking about your light here, your joy, your livelihood. 
I’m not suggesting you make any sudden changes, or that there’s actually anything you need to do. I’m suggesting that the dreamboard will reveal to you a series of “ah ha’s”, which reveal to you that your whole life, every experience, has lead up to a perfect culmination of the realization, and the illumination of the path of actualizing it, with natural passion & conviction - with a newly discovered knowing - of what you actually want to do, and what it looks like going forward. This would flush out some emotional misunderstanding in identity, resulting in profound understanding arising within you, making practices like meditation peaceful and fruitful, without any desire for substances. It doesn’t occur in a moment, but overtime. Again, if I’m off, or outta my place here, apologies. I just think you’re a cool, smart loving dude, and I love ya. There’s an “above my pay grade” reason I call it a dreamboard. I didn’t “think” of that my “self”. 
 

Turquoise perspective in a nutshell.
// This got me into spirituality and personal development