ZenAlex

Go to the journals section, I have a diary on it.

Not keto!

Not specifically Ketogenic, but I am considering lower carbs significantly. I've been eating 100g of medjool dates and lots of rice etc for a while now. I have a feeling my recent issues could be an issue with blood sugar, but even if not, lowering carbs is worth trying because it may make me feel better or worse and therefore it's worth experimenting. I wanna try getting carbs down from around 350-400g a day, to 150-200g and see how I feel. Anyone with experience care to share useful info?

DAO test came back normal. Will be looking forward to my echocardiogram report back. Am gonna spend some time today formulating a diet lower in carbs, and see what happens. Still taking b12 sublingual, no noticeable changes yet. Am still noticing that I feel worse after any ejaculation, even though I'm not masturbating/watching porn, even just wet dreams.

Depression and BPD. At the end of the day we don't know how it feels for her. Depression comes in varying severities, and along side BPD which is one of the worst disorders to have. She may simply not be able to enjoy her life, doctors cannot do anything more.

In my opinion, we can bring a quicker end to this debate by asking ourselves "who's decision should it be?", the person themselves or the people around them? Who gets to decide when a person dies? In a controlled environment, I think you should have the right to do it. I am for Assisted suicide, you're all free to be upset, disappointed at a persons choice but it's theirs to make not yours.

Did an echocardiogram today at hospital. It was weird hearing my heart rate. I had to walk a mile there, nothing strenuous but still brought on the symptoms. My resting heart rate at the hospital sounded around 80-90. She didn't say anything but spent 10-15 minutes looking around and said "your GP will contact you". I hope it's something conclusive, even if it's bad news. Walking around today I used up my 5k step limit so not gonna do anymore because despite my eagerness I know it will just lead to a shit week mood wise. I'm going to do some more blood glucose readings on my walks this week, and then report my findings again to my doctors, and will look to plan a low carb diet, and see what happens with that.

So I decided to test the blood sugar/hypoglycaemia idea again, and decided to take my glucose monitor with me. I got some low readings half way through a 45 minute walk. 3.7, 3.5, 2.5. I'm not sure how much I can trust these readings, so I'm heading back to my hypo forums to ask more questions. Will ask about hypoglycaemia diets and see what helps. If it is Hypo it's reactive hypo. Am considering Ketogenic diet. Will look into a continuous BGM. I really miss hiking and my Zen. But not gonna bitch about it. It's not way too bad. It's made the last 8 months fly by in a bad way tho.

While doing my therapy session today, I realised I couldn't conjure up any positive memories, and although I can remember details from when I was like 3-4 years old, I couldn't conjure up happy memories in relation to people, even those closest to me. People don't matter that much too me personally, despite part of me wanting to do good for humanity.

Going for an echocardiogram tomorrow. Just doing what the doc says at this point. No idea if it will lead to anything. Am gonna have a shower, go for a 5k step walk, stop part of the way through at a local quarry to breath deeply in nature, and monitor how I feel. Since I have to walk to the hospital tomorrow, that will be my step limit almost reached just from that lol Will see what happens. Am still taking the b12 sublingual, no changes noted yet. Sometimes I get random feelings of my not breathing right. Weird feelings around my chest, but since the feelings are not extreme, I don't know what to think of them. At times I get really frustrated just concentrating on things. Still meditating, using my nights to listen to ambient sounds, do my therapy defusion techniques. My next appointment is next wednesday and received my invite, 1st of may.... We're almost in may already man! Part of me thinks "damn we're almost half way through another year", but realised it would still only be 1 3rd. I gotta remember to just figure out ways to enjoy my life now as it's only happening now, and not to make this a waiting game for recovery. I can still enjoy some music, I can still sometimes go out and watch sport, I can still sometimes focus on true crime and horror documentaries. That's at least something.

Just ordered what should be an accurate test to determine if I've had covid, from an NHS backed website directly.

I don't really have much idea where to look at this point, and it sucks. I keep thinking it must have been something I've done wrong in the past, but I don't know exactly what. I have at times binged video games and TV, but that's about the unhealthiest thing I've done in years. Everything I try would feel like a stab in the dark. I'm getting more tests done but don't know where to look in general. This blows. Considering nucleocapsid test for covid.

I'm sure that there's something physically wrong with me on some level which is what caused these recent issues and my long term unexplained anxiety and depression, especially considering that I have no serious trauma in my past, nothing that really worries me that much Even the anxiety I developed felt more like random uneasiness that was there for no reason and has at times got better with lifestyle/dietary changes. I want to care and I want to get better but logically I know that life could be good but I struggle to care and get motivated, and I don't know what else to do really.

Got my cortisol saliva test back. Every came back absolutely normal. Some of the people telling me that this is just stress... it definitely isn't mate.

It's really difficult for me to feel motivated. It's difficult in an apathetic and emotionally flat state to really care about anything. I want to resolve these symptoms, but sometimes I don't really want anything. At times after working hours I'll literally just meditate and sit with ambient sounds on for hours because that's all that makes sense to do. At times I feel like there's no serious symptoms, just flatness and detachment from anything. ---------- I am going to get a continuous BGM to test the blood sugar theory again, see what happens there. I should get my saliva cortisol test back and see what happens there. I am also considering the possibility this could be a gut issue, and am considering fasting or elimination diet and see what happens. --- Even before these more recent issues started I've have anhedonia, apathetic and depressed feelings for so many years now that I forget what it's like not to be this way. Sometimes I'm not even sure I want to continue on with life at all, although I try to assume there's a good reason, and sometimes I will feel good and try to use that as my motivation as much as possible.