NoMM

All throughout my life ( I am 18) I have had little to no friends. This is the sole reason I got into personal development. At the young age of just 11, browsing the internet for ways to "make people like me". I found myself getting sucked into the world of personal development and pure mental masturbation for a couple of years never having confronted the issue of "not being liked and having no friends" head-on. To keep this post brief, It is now the year 2020, the start of a new decade, an initiation of motivation so therefor I have decided that this is going to be primarily the focus for the first couple of months this year. Ultimately what I would like is to become a very social and charismatic man, who is the authority figure within a social circle. So tell me, what makes people like other people? Which mindsets make someone an authority figure?

@Nickyy Sure, sure. Your whole theory is a justification for my not being able to maintain friendships, this has a use, just not in my case. My whole thing is that I would like to build and maintain friendships, not justify why they cant stick around. An awake person of course wont judge you for being low-status, but that being said a person can be conscious of the dynamics that play out in their mind about social status with out being awake/enlightened.

@Nickyy I'm sure the "ego talk" you gave has its use, just not now. Not for me. People on this forum tend to make other people seem like they are blind, you included. You would be amazed at how much people actually knew about the sort of stuff discussed on this forum, there are conscious people that do engage in non surface level communications, friendships and relationships and it isn't like they are rare either.

@Nickyy I do know people who are truly not needy. It is not at all a cover up, and it isn't that they're so good at hiding it either. They don't overthink friendships and wanting friends, maintaining friendships just comes naturally to them, it runs in them like autopilot. The majority of people around me are this way (around 80%). Non-needy people do very well exist. Would you say you are experiencing the same issue i am?

@Leo Gura Great advice, however there is more complexity to the matter at hand. Comparing myself to some folks I know, Im much funner to be around, much more socially coordinated, yet they seem to be able to build long term friendships, where as I, cannot. Usually people will ask to hangout with me again after our initial introduction to each-other but they soon start to discover "a truth" about me which makes them want to distance themselves from me. My father picked up on this fact when I was a kid, telling me, "You have a miraculous ability to attract people but when they start to discover your personality, they drop out". I don't know what it is experientially that makes them "drop out" Leo... The theory that I have in mind is this: (1) I'm probably needy for human connection and friends. (2) This neediness is recognised (subconsciously) by the people I befriend as a low-status characteristic (3) the reason people choose to distance themselves from persons that display neediness is because, evolutionarily speaking, those people were a burden to the tribe. Would you say this is accurate? If not, what do you think is the characteristic(s) that I possess that causes people to distance themselves from me?

@SgtPepper @Leo Gura @DivineSoda @legendary @Rigel Thank you! I appreciate the effort you made to write those responses

I find it difficult to maintain friendships with people, it is as if though they lose interest after a while. Around people, I don't know which way to act to make them like me, I usually try being funny, doing spontaneous things or asking them questions, all the while they are distant and don't want anything to do with me. Usually, I am the one that always has to ask and make plans, I basically never get invited out anywhere. I am in my late teens, this meaning that I probably am better off than if I were in my twenties when it comes to this problem. I have watched a multitude of different videos including Leos "How To Be Attractive" and I have trouble understanding how that theory is implemented and manifested in day to day social interaction. I often find myself in awkward pauses and not knowing what to say. Should I be polite? Should I be disagreeable? Should I ask them questions about them? Should I talk about me? Should I run away from speaking about abstract topics? Should I be optimistic about everything? I don't know which way to behave, they all seem to not work. I also don't want to appear as a loner (which I very much am). Fundamentally I would like to reach a point where I could make friends and have a friend group, where I could play the leader. I often find myself overthinking about who I am being and whether they like me or not. I have read Nathaniel Brandon's work and a multitude of other books on emotional stability as well as assertivity but the problem persists to be part of my life. My question to the reader: What is it that is making people not want anything to do with me? What behavior traits should I start to embody so that I can have friends? Which places is it best to go to meet people?

I have been in the "moving to a new country" transition for the past several months and because I had nothing to do, I have been doing a lot of consciousness expansion on myself. Recently I had a series of social interactions for the first time in those couple of months and I started to notice just how survival-concerned and also unaware of that, the people I was talking to were. I felt a loneliness that I had never felt in my life before. I truly felt isolated, this is because I could not communicate my thoughts nor myself. I can imagine the path ahead of me will only bring more of those biologically hurting emotions. Loneliness is a funny thing, one would expect that due to the understanding and awareness of the loneliness mechanism one would be invincible to such primitive functions, but your body and mind will start to behave in ways unknown to you and without your consent. Loneliness, however, will be transcended the more meditative throughout my days I become, reaching higher and higher levels of consciousness will allow me to bond with existence, but enlightenment is no easy feat, and the moments leading up to it will fragrance with loneliness and abandonment. I am however of a young age and I would like to socialize, bond, enjoy sex, and create memories. There is a hidden longing for intimacy that is recently starting to surface and reveal itself. My question to you is: What does one do? How can one go about creating real social bonds with people without feeling odd and self-restricting?

The Thought Template: This diagram illustrates the experience of thought. Almost all human beings (unenlightened ones) confuse the Content to be the thinking process itself, but this is not what a thought is. Unknowingly, every thought we have has a Self/Ego which is observing the ever changing Content. This is the delusion shattering structure of a thought. This entails that the self, what you experience yourself to be, is nothing but a part of thought.