Hey guys,
so whats constitutes good nutirition is pretty clear to me and I dont really get why people are so confused about it.
https://www.actualized.org/blueprint/eat-healthy
It is alsop undeniable why eating healthy is crucial.
My question is: Do you always (!) eat healthy, or do you have some wiggle room? I eat healthy most of the time but am still attached to some form of reward from more unhealthy food. Right now, I still crave some pasta with cheese 1x per week. I can imagine reducing it to 1x for every two weeks.
But I still struggle with the idea of cutting it out completely. Of course eating pizza at a resturant is not extremely nutritious, but the experience can be very rewarding.
Has cutting it out completey really such a high marginal utility?
@Leo Gura
I really love your recipie that you shared on yt in 2014 and your soup and your smoothie.
I am totally on board with eating that 95% of the time. But did you cut out things like pasta completely??

Due to some deep healing and grief process I have been experiencing, I felt inspired to share something very important about relationships. The importance of letting go.

Letting go in a relationship is an act of love and surrender, that counter-intuitively can be done only with the intention of commitment.
Letting go in a relationship promotes commitment for the reason that the only thing you can ever let go of, are your expectations of your partner. If we are committed without letting go we are insisting on our partner to be the way we want them to be, which is a role that they cannot fulfill as the only thing they can authentically do is to be themselves. Similarly, if the notion of letting go is divorced from personal commitment, it will be only an act of avoidance and denial dressed up as an insight - as if we were saying 'I am letting go.', while masking the true intention and sending a message to a partner saying 'You are too much for me.'

Letting go, when done properly, can either lead to intimacy and interpersonal connection that is beyond any manufactured roles we play in relationships, as well as to an ending of the relationship, if that is the barrier that is blocking the emotional freedom of both partners. There cannot be true intimate commitment without the willingness to follow through with the possible ending of a relationship. That is for the reason that when you are committed, the relationship isn't actually what is the goal of your commitment. The goal of your commitment is the well-being of both partners, be it in a relationship or outside of the relationship. Every time you let go, there is an ending of the old roles, and the entering of the new. You can never know whether the new will include a relationship between the two or not, and in fact it will always feel like you are saying goodbye for good. That is why letting go is a beautiful act of faith and courage.

The words that describe the beauty of letting go can be said in a mantra I love you, and that is why I am letting you go. I love you is the declaration of the commitment to the wellbeing of your partner, and the letting go is the refusal to force them into a mold of an old role that was manufactured by your own ideas of what you want your partner to be.

And we all do this.
We all want our partner to be a certain way. We manufacture a character when we are growing up, based on all the unfulfilled emotional needs we experience growing up, we imagine (consciously or subconsciously), what we want our partner to be. In this way, we are more looking for a new parent, rather than an equal partner. We imagine what they are going to do, how they are going to make us feel, what they will never do to us, and how deeply understood we will feel by them. While there is ultimately not much wrong with such a fantasy, we are bound to experience partners that will disappoint this imagined ideal of a relationship just so we can experience the beauty of letting go and feel the true depth of a conscious inter-dependent relationship, that starts within us. Yes, letting go may lead to an ending, but the relationship within your heart will only grow stronger, with more love, more compassion and more fulfillment than any fantasy-partner could have ever convinced you of having. 

Note: This document is a work-in-progress and will be improved and supplemented over time.
-----------------------
So you wanna become enlightened, eh?
Good!
That's where this journey starts.
A burning desire for TRUTH is essential to success in this. Don't let people confuse you with talk of how "desire is bad", "seeking is delusion". No! Seeking is essential to breakthrough. Don't burn your ship before you've crossed the ocean! That would be foolish.
Rather than filling your mind with beliefs and ideas about enlightenment, let me give you a bare-bones structure for how to actually make progress towards enlightenment.
There are at least 20 totally different ways that I know for how to get enlightened. What I'm going to share with you here is just ONE way out of dozens. It is however a very direct way. This method is highly effective. It may not work for everyone, but then again, no method works for everyone. I call this method self-observation or Leo's version of self-inquiry. "Self-inquiry" as classically taught by Ramana Maharishi is technically different.
Anyways...
First, let's be very clear what we're talking about when we speak of enlightenment.
So...
What this basically means is that YOU are deeply confused about who you think you are. Right now you think that you're a human being, sitting there, reading this text on your screen. This is false. Pure fantasy. You are in fact not that thing at all. What we have here is a case of mistaken identity. You think you're a body, but you're not. You think you're a mind, but you're not. You think you're an entity living inside your head, but you're not. You think you are a physical object but you are not!
Take a moment to seriously consider the magnitude of my claim. IF I happen to be right, and you happen to be wrong, then what that means is: you are NOT a human being, or even a physical object! Not metaphorically-speaking; not as some philosophical curiosity; but literally!
How could such an outrageous thing be possible??????
How could you be mistaken about what you actually are?????
Very easily actually!
Recall how you've met people in your life who you knew were indoctrinated from birth with silly religious beliefs about Jesus and all sorts of other nonsense. Recall how little children believe that Santa Claus exists because they don't know any better. Recall how terrorists believe they are killing civilians in the name of Allah and will go to heaven with 72 virgins waiting for them. Recall how racists insist they are right for persecuting minorities.
Well... here's something you're not gonna like hearing: that same delusion mechanism which existed in them, is operating FULL-FORCE within you right now! Yup! You too have been indoctrinated by ignorant parents and teachers from birth into believing a fairy-tale. Except in this case, the indoctrinated idea was: you are a human being.
What a mind fuck!
Now, in this work of "self-observation", you will discover -- for yourself -- what you REALLY are.
Important: I am not asking you to believe me. You will have to demonstrate empirically, for yourself, that what I say is accurate. You can be skeptical all you want here. It won't upset me.
"Okay" you say. "So what am I then if I'm not a human being or a physical object?"
Great question!
Sorry to tell you this, but your ENTIRE identity and life story is just a giant optical illusion. Like this non-existent triangle:

There's nothing really there! Although it sure seems convincing, doesn't it?
The problem is that you cannot know what you are rationally or logically because the mind is the source of the confusion. See.... No matter how cleverly or deeply or long you think, all the mind can ever do is symbolize stuff. It can only create maps and models. But you are not a symbol or a map or a model! You are not an idea or a thought! So you have to directly experience what you are. This MAY take months or years of very careful self-investigation.
Note: I am saying that you have NEVER IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE ever experienced yourself before! You've only experienced phenomena, none of which is essentially YOU!
So what is this mysterious "essential you"? Let me spoil the surprise because otherwise you will waste YEARS searching in the wrong places, thinking you've found yourself when you really just found another false belief.
So... as directly as possible now: the entity who thinks it's reading this sentence does NOT exist!
Again, please try to fathom the magnitude of what is being said. This is extremely radical (but nevertheless true).
Since you are pure awareness, all your focus goes toward shining "light" on sensory phenomena so it's really hard to "see" yourself. Pure awareness is very subtle, which means you have to develop extraordinary mindfulness abilities to "see" yourself.
"But Leo?! You can't be serious! This sounds like a crazy New Age hippy conspiracy!"
Let me assure you it's not. I am no hippy. I'm probably more rational and logical than you are. But I do recognize the limits of logic and rationality.
The problem here is that you've been so brainwashed by society that what I'm telling you right now sounds crazy. That's okay. Just keep your mind open to the possibility that what I'm claiming can be directly verified by you. Nothing here has to be believed. But you do have to be willing to take it on as a temporary hypothesis to be verified or falsified.
 
Leo's Patented () Step-By-Step Process To Become Enlightened:
Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit alone. (You don't need to sit cross-legged.) Turn off your smart phone and disconnect from all distractions Set a digital timer for 60 minutes Now sit silently and start to genuinely wonder: "What am I if I'm not the body?" Do NOT meditate! Sit and carefully observe your direct experience. Notice that direct experience is THE ONLY THING you have of reality. Nothing else is real. Realizing this should make you very "present". Try to locate yourself within direct experience. Be very specific and clear with yourself: What are you? Are you a foot? A hand? A face? A mind? A brain? The envelop of the skin? The picture of yourself in the mind's eye? A feeling in the chest? What? Seriously! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU????????????? Notice that anything you might point to as being "your true self" cannot be true, because that's just another experience arising. Here's the logic of it: Firstly, it isn't constant. It fades in and out throughout the day, so it cannot be you. Secondly, you are observing it, so it cannot be you because "you" are the one doing the observation. So again, WHAT ARE YOU? Open your mind to the possibility that you are mistaken about being a human body or mind. Just sit there and keep genuinely wondering about what you really could be. Try to locate the one who's perceiving things. Do not philosophize or come up with theories. Focus 100% on what your direct experience is telling you. This is ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL!!!!!!!! The bulk of the work happens right here at this step. You have to slowly become aware that all your thoughts and ideas and feelings about "you" are not really you. They are just symbols and stories. For example: notice that the image of your body that you have in your mind is NOT actually your body! It's just an image! And the same goes for the feelings that make up your body. Those feelings are real, but they are not actually you! As any theories arise of what you think you are, notice that what that is, is a thought! And no thought can be you because you are the one perceiving the thought, and also because your existence does not depend on any particular thought's existence. Notice you don't cease to exist in between thoughts. Just sit and keep doing this for 60 minutes without getting distracted in irrelevant thoughts. As your mind wanders off track (and it will wander a lot) don't beat yourself up. Just bring your focus back on the self-observation. After 60 minutes, stop and notice what happened. Notice if your mind feels "elevated" or more aware. Frustration and confusion are OF COURSE going to arise. Do NOT be discouraged by frustration or confusion. Believe it or not, these are signs of progress. Do not expect instant results. You must be very methodical and patient like a crocodile. Repeat this process every day for at least 60 minutes for the next few months. Be very patient. It will take several months just to start to get your bearings straight. And by that I don't mean you will become enlightened. I mean you merely begin to realize the magnitude of your ignorance. In this time span of 3 months -- let's say -- you will get a strong sense that it really isn't possible to locate yourself. This may seem like you've failed, but actually this is a huge advance. Now you've finally started to realize that you've never really met yourself before. Now the journey towards enlightenment can begin in earnest!
Just keep doing the process without discouragement. At some point, your mind will crack and you will surrender to the realization that there's no one home. That life has always run with you. And BAAAAAMMMMM!!!!!!! Enlightenment has occurred! Notice, I did not say YOU got enlightened. Rather, enlightenment has occurred.
So who got enlightened? No one.
 
 
Tips For Self-Observation:
Don't just do this process mechanically, you MUST be genuinely curious about the truth of what you are. Try to establish a daily habit of self-observation. You need to build consistency and momentum. Be very careful about coming up with theories about what you are. We don't care about theories here. Every theory is NOT it. We only care about direct experience. REPEAT: ALL THEORIES AND IDEAS ARE DISTRACTIONS! Spend time asking yourself who you really believe that you are under the conventional worldview. Are you a body or are you the owner of the body? Are you inside the skull? If so, where exactly? The point of doing this is so you're clear and honest about your present beliefs, even if you intellectually know they are false. It's very important to get clear what exactly your false beliefs are. Do not be vague in your answers to the query of What are you? It's vital that you be precise and specific. Answers such as, "Well, I dunno, I'm just in the skull somewhere." are NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!! What EXACTLY are you identifying with? Hint: it will either be a thought, a body sensation, an emotion, a visual perception, or a combination of the above. But all of those cannot be the true you because they are not constant. Create an active sense of doubt that you are a human being or a physical object Any belief, thought, or idea about who you really are is automatically FALSE! Drop it. Any sensory experience about who you really are is automatically FALSE! Drop it. All scientific theories or models are automatically FALSE! Drop it. All spiritual, New Age, or religious ideas about who you really are, are FALSE! Drop it. You are NOT a visible object or "thing" so stop looking for yourself like you would look for a missing dog. You are NOT located in any area of space, so stop looking for yourself as a point or hidden object somewhere. You are NOT located inside "your" head You are NOT located inside "your" body There is nothing magical to discover in this process. You are not some kind of unicorn or fairytale creature. There is nothing hidden. Everything you see before you is exactly what there is, nothing more, nothing less. It is not possible to find yourself, so this process is futile. But you need to realize that through doing the process. Not by believing me. You will get VERY frustrated during this process and want to quit. Just accept the frustration and keep going. This process will surface deep emotional issues from our subconscious mind. You will experience emotional turmoil and anguish. Just accept it and keep going. You will feel depressed at times. Just accept it and keep going. Your mind will use every excuse in the book to distract you and get you to stop looking. Stay vigilant to all these tricks and keep looking. DO NOT GET TRICKED INTO STOPPING! The truth of what you are is ever-present. It is always HERE and NOW. You don't need to go anywhere or do anything to see it. You are you right now! Be prepared for this self-observation process to take several years if necessary. Understand that enlightenment happens always only in the NOW. Never in the future. You can be enlightened RIGHT THIS SECOND! You don't need to wait 3 years. Always intend to become enlightened right now! Enlightenment/Truth is NOT an emotional state. Enlightenment is occurring always, even when you're watching TV or sitting on the toilet. Meditation is NOT enlightenment. A psychedelic high is NOT enlightenment. A powerful energetic experience is NOT enlightenment. A vision or hallucination (however real it may feel) is NOT enlightenment. Enlightenment is what's absolutely true without ever changing. Don't forget the possibility that you may not be a thing! Don't forget the possibility that there might be nothing to find There is no you to become enlightened. When this is realized, that's enlightenment! Hint: it's MUCH simpler than you think. A HUGE HINT:
The thing you're looking for but aren't finding... THAT'S YOU!!! Don't expect it to have any attributes. Don't expect the mind to have anything whatsoever to latch onto.
You cannot grab NOTHINGNESS by the collar.
You can only realize you're already it.
Think of it this way: you are looking for a needle in a haystack, but this is no ordinary needle. In this case the needle is literally the realization there was no needle to begin with!
A cosmic joke! You've been punked by God (yourself).
 
 
Best Self-Observation Questions:
What am I? No, seriously now... WHAT THE FUCK AM I????? No, cut the shit! What am I -- RIGHT NOW -- in my direct experience???? Who is aware of reality? Who is aware of me? Who is perceiving? Who is the owner of the body? Who is the owner of the mind? Who is feeling pain? Who is asking all these questions? What was I before I was born? What am I when I'm in deep sleep? What could I be if I'm not the human body/mind? What connects and unifies all of my different senses? What is true independent of ever-changing sense experience? What is true independent of my life and my death? Why do I believe I'm the body? Why do I believe I'm the mind? Where to do thoughts arise from? If I'm the body, what is everything else that I'm seeing? Why do I trust my feeling that I'm the body? Is a feeling really evidence of TRUTH? Why must I be an object? What if the "perciever" has no attributes or properties? When I close my eyes, where did the world disappear to? Where is sound occurring? Where are thoughts occurring? Where are body sensations occurring? What is the relationship between physical body sensations and my visual field? What if I don't exist? What if I can't locate myself because I am "empty" or without form or attribute? What if I'm addicted to looking only for objects or perceptions, but my true nature is neither of those? What if I'm just an idea? What if my entire paradigm of physical reality is just an idea? Could my body and brain just be ideas? Is any physical object actually permanent according to direct experience? What distinguishes one object from another? Do boundaries between things really exist, or are they ideas? What would happen if I stopped distinguishing existence from non-existence?  
 
How To Tell If You're Enlightened:
This is very simple. Answer the following questions honesty:
Did a major shift in awareness occur? Are you absolutely clear now of what you are? Are you the physical human body you've always thought you were? Do you feel infinite, without boundaries or location? Do you actually understand, or are you in a temporary meditative high? If you answered: "YES! YES! NO! YES! I UNDERSTAND!"  then there's a pretty good chance you're enlightened. If your answers were not: "YES! YES! YES! NO! YES! I UNDERSTAND!"  then chances are you aren't enlightened. Keep trying.

If in doubt, find an enlightened master to help you verify the depth of your realization.
Don't get cocky, remember, there is more than one enlightenment breakthrough to be had. You ain't gonna become Buddha with just a few years of self-observation.
Is it worth the struggle?
Abso-fucking-luty! Awakening is divine.
 
 
Videos Explaining Enlightenment In More Depth:
https://www.actualized.org/articles/spiritual-enlightenment-intro https://www.actualized.org/articles/what-to-do-next-after-learning-about-enlightenment https://www.actualized.org/articles/spiritual-enlightenment-part-2 https://www.actualized.org/articles/spiritual-enlightenment-part-3 https://www.actualized.org/articles/enlightenment-faq-part-1 https://www.actualized.org/articles/enlightenment-faq-part-2 https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-become-enlightened https://www.actualized.org/articles/my-enlightenment-experience https://www.actualized.org/articles/being-a-spiritual-seeker-good-or-bad https://www.actualized.org/articles/radical-openmindedness https://www.actualized.org/articles/mindfulness-meditation https://www.actualized.org/articles/understanding-awareness https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-enlightened-self https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-benefits-of-enlightenment https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-your-mind-distorts-reality https://www.actualized.org/articles/enlightenment-guided-inquiry https://www.actualized.org/articles/grasping-the-illusory-nature-of-thought https://www.actualized.org/articles/what-is-god https://www.actualized.org/articles/the-dark-side-of-meditation https://www.actualized.org/articles/mystical-traditions-around-the-world https://www.actualized.org/articles/becoming-a-zen-devil List Of Enlightenment Exercises:
https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/7587-list-of-enlightenment-exercises/  
 

A deeply religious man who spent his whole life studying the Bible hears a knock on his door.
He asks, "Who is it?"
"It's God. Open up. I have come to show you the way."
"Oh wow! This is amazing! But please come back next week, I'm really busy right now reading about you in this Bible."

@Farnaby Drugs and chemicals create the feeling of love. Real love is a choice....intentional action and projection of love.

@SirVladimir Let's take a look at a deeper issue implicit in your post.
Every single momentary present moment experience is heavily tainted and colored by craving and self-clinging. This results in suffering on a momentary basis regardless of heroin levels of pleasure that might exist in the nervous system.
Now, with that intensity of pleasure, the suffering can be temporarily reduced so radically that it can give the illusion that it is entirely gone but we all experience craving and therefore suffering to a varying degree.
One possible spiritual investigation that will solidify this insight is a meditation on mental states. You need a lot of skill to do this reliably but the technique is simple:
'Be aware of mental states, reactions, craving levels and emotions on a  momentary basis with metacognitive awareness 24/7 especially as you are moving around and doing stuff.'
You'll realize that without monitoring craving levels to such a microscopic extent, the insight into suffering will be immature. You think you are spiritually talented because there are no perceptible trauma and negative emotional sensations, but that is only gross suffering. There are subtler layers of suffering that is intimately linked to self-clinging and craving. The more you reduce craving and increase equanimity, the more you realize you need to reduce craving even more.
Every action you have done up to this moment has been motivated by craving, suffering and self-clinging. You are currently reading this text in a state of craving and suffering.
You've never had a single moment of absolute satisfaction and took an action afterward. Craving is so omnipresent in our intention, movements, thoughts, emotions and actions that you think you are happy and relatively neurosis-free, but every time you walk to the bathroom or speak to someone, you are momentarily experiencing craving, discomfort and suffering. 
Meditation on mental states is a powerful adept practice that strengthens metacognitive awareness, directly reduces craving, suffering and increases joy and satisfaction on a momentary basis. 
Other people are experiencing dark night experiences because they are struggling to integrate insights into no-self, impermanence and emptiness with neurotic psyches. They have encountered these insights too quickly without doing the necessary purification work and now trying to do the purification work as most of their baggage is arising in consciousness while traumatic insights into no-self are creating feelings of meaninglessness and dissatisfaction.
Also, this is a rare pathological problem. Dark night is not something everyone has. If a lot of people in a room is claiming to have a legit dark night, they misunderstand the intensity and depth of such an experience. Some amount of meaninglessness and suffering as a mental reaction to spiritual truths are normal and are expected on the path of insight. 
Another great tip is to ask yourself and investigate sensory experience with this question:
'Where are the craving and suffering right at this moment? Where is the discomfort? Where do I feel discontentment?'
This question will strengthen metacognitive awareness if you have the skills to do the proper investigation afterwards.
I wish you well in your spiritual journey
 
 
 

@Sahil Pandit What's your guess?!
Accounting manager, which is about 60% accounting and 40% resolving conflicts, both work and personality related.
I don't mind the accounting (blue) and systems efficiency/integration work (orange/yellow), but the personal conflict resolution can be challenging, especially with a variety of stages. I try to focus on the benefits and use it to further my development and overall understanding.
Before switching to accounting, I used to do audio engineering, which was similar with actual audio work and conflict resolution between band members/producers/egos.

In regards to being a wage slave and working 9-5:
1. Are you debt free?
2. Are you spending most of your paycheck on materialism (new TV, new car, new clothes etc.) , escapism and entertainment?
3. Do you have money in savings and investments?
The answer to these 3 questions will determine how much freedom you will have working a 9-5. 

I work in corporate and I am living proof that you can be in a deeply meditative state during an intense 9-5 job. 
I have had many spiritual experiences while doing corporate work. haha
Some of my most profound epiphanies have been while at work.
But there are a TON of obstacles that you need to overcome.
1. Do you wake up 5 minutes before your work day starts? Or do you wake up 3 hours before your work day starts to do your practice?
2. Do you scream at drivers who cut you off in the morning? Or do you practice loving compassion towards them?
3. Do you spend your lunch break gossiping with your colleagues? Or do you spend your lunch break doing yoga or meditating?
I can list out 100000 obstacles that you need to overcome at a 9-5 to be in a deeply meditative state. But I don't have time right now. 
Entrepreneurship simply has less obstacles that attack your "higher self".
A 9-5 job is constantly attacking your "higher self". So you have to be more alert.

@Vaishnavi No, its a great question. Love and beauty CAN be tied to awakening but there are some enlightened people that have a very dry, cold experience of enlightenment. This is common with Zen Buddhism in particular. Ive heard of some of those teachers talk dismissively about experience and love. Without experience, there is no beauty. Awakening without love and beauty is an incomplete awakening in my opinion. I do see some value in this approach in the beginning because the neediness of the ego can attach to love and beauty in an unhealthy way. It can speed up an awakening (although can be more difficult) but one should shift gears as soon as they achieve it imo.
What I mean by beauty is the intentionally cultivated ABILITY to perceive the beauty that is already there. Before my awakening, I could go for a walk and did not experience the extreme beauty that was already all around me. After my awakening, I felt like I was in a daze when I would go for a walk....totally overwhelmed by the beauty. The beauty of a sunrise, the flowers, the trees. The beauty of a kiss and physical intimacy with someone you love. The beauty that is in the taste of great food, the beauty of music etc, etc. All the small beauties that can become big beauties and can fill our lives and make them rich. Cultivate the ability to really feel the beauty. This is a central teaching in Tantra.
When I talk about love, I dont mean the feeling. Drugs can create the feeling. I mean a high vibrational love that comes from a place of chosen action regardless of feelings. As someone that has a bit of autism, I dont feel it like some people but I can master living it and showing it to others. 
Beauty fuels love and love fuels beauty. They both fuel inspiration, which fuels evolution. No love and beauty, no inspiration, which leads to stagnation. Thats usually when depression and discouragement set in. 
We can create love and beauty in ourselves as a matter of our will if we know how.
Something to think about - If this was your last day alive, would you express love differently? If it was your last sunrise/sunset, would you feel it differently? Live in that place.

@Leo GuraMy fav is definitely dmt although mdma is powerful also. 
Once a month, my fiance and I set up a room with lights, music, etc and do some mdma. She dresses up cute and we just sit and talk and kiss for a couple hours. It does amazing things for a relationship.
Once we start coming down from the mdma a bit, we still our minds and shift our consciousness. Then we smoke some dmt loaded into the first third of a joint sitting next to each other in silence (with music still going). We do not look at each other and turn our focus on experiencing this exact present moment as it flows. I usually have a statue of the god thoth, buddha or shiva in front of us. After we smoke, we stare intensely at the statue. There is something unique about that drug combination that will catapult you into a completely different world when your consciousness shifts. If you ever do that, when you feel the shift, focus harder. When you think you have gone as far as you can, know there is much deeper to go. The objective world you see will start to look like a hologram, which is the only way I can explain it. Even for someone that is experienced with psychedelics will likely find themselves in a world unlike anything theyve experienced before.
This is the space that we have had powerful manifestations of spirits and angels that have visited us and spoken to us. Once, we were outside in nature doing this and she channeled mother earth and we had a long, amazing conversation that started my relationship with mother earth.
Once I am done talking to the spirits (usually through her), I thank the spirits and tell them they can go in peace. Then, still in the trance state, we start kissing and touching but no talking. The focus is keeping the trance state with the ego dissolved and focus on manifesting pure and intense love. With no ego whatsoever, our higher Selves are connecting directly. Sex like this feels very sacred and holy. We have experimented with some sex magick where you breathe energy into your partners body and we have experienced sex on the astral realm in our astral bodies (VERY intense).
I know you arent a fan of ketamine because of its addictive potential but we like to add a very small amount to the mix - about 15-20mg. This gives it a very interesting "color".
When you mentioned DPT, I tried to get some but was scammed  I'll have to try again if I can find a source but Id love to try it.

If you were truly filled with love, having a girlfriend or not would make no difference at all.
You can share love in an infinite number of ways.
Just smiling to strangers, helping people whenever you see someone needing help, listening genuinely without judgments, working hard at your life purpose, and even just looking people in the eyes or living their life.
You are totally satisfied if you are filled with love, because it's your natural state.
Believe it or not, you're not filled with love right now, it's neediness and neurotic attachment.
You have been brainwashed by society and now thinks you absolutely need a girlfriend to be happy, to allow yourself to feel love.
That's absurd, no one can give you love, it's already in you, you just subconsciously says «I need that and this, THEN I will feel love».
Then it becomes your reality.
This isn't some hocus pocus concept, it's true lol
I wish you could feel it, then this idea of a girlfriend will seem silly to you ?

There is nothing outside imagination. Anything you say about imagination is just more imagination. And if you stop imagining, there will be nothing left. And if you keep on imagining, that is all also identical to nothing. So either way, Nothing!
NOTHING!
Silence.

I see a chronic problem on this sub-forum, which is young males who complain about lack of success with women and failing to take responsibility for their situation.
The #1 rule of all growth and personal development is taking 100% responsibility for your situation. I know how hard that can be when you're struggling with women/sex. It feels very much like life is treating you unfairly and that it's the women's fault. Let me tell you right now: this is a total ILLUSION! It's not the women. It's not society. It's not post-modernists. It's not the Marxists. It's not the feminists. It's YOU!
This is not me blaming you. This is simply how all personal development works. Whatever problem you have in life you must begin by getting honest with yourself how you created it. Sometimes this is difficult to accept. It's much easier to blame someone else, or even blame yourself (for being too ugly or too short or too introverted). I am not suggesting you blame yourself. Rather, take ownership of the fact that you are the creator of your life. Whatever is missing in your life, you can correct, but only if you stop blaming yourself and others.
Be very mindful of how your ego-mind creates narratives which justify your sense of lack, brokenness, or inability to attract women. All of these narratives, justification, rationalizations, logic, "facts", scientific studies, proofs, etc are sneakily fabricated by your own mind! Your own mind is the enemy! Watch it like a hawk. Your mind will try to come up with reasons and excuses for why your life is unfair and how success with women is impossible. This is all horseshit! Do not believe your own mind here. Your mind is clouded by fear, insecurity, and neediness. That is totally normal and understandable, but you cannot resolve your problems from such a place. From such a place your problems will get worse as you start to blame the world and solidify your victim worldview with cherry-picked evidence, "science", and "logic". Be extra suspicious of "logic" and "science" here. There is nothing logical or scientific about your victim attitude or lack of success with women. It's purely about meeting the survival needs of your ego. Sex is a very powerful survival need which will drive your mind towards all manner of mental gymnastics to ensure that you get it, or at least feel better for not getting it.
There's good news and bad news. The good news is: Your looks are NOT the problem! The bad news is: your personality, attitude, and mindset are terrible! The good news is, it's possible to change that. The bad news is, it won't be easy and you will resist it like the devil that you are.
So what's the solution? Take ownership of your problem and commit to resolving it. For this you need faith and confidence in your ability to self-actualize. You must have enough hope and vision to see yourself get much better with attracting women. This is NOT a pipe dream or fuzzy thinking. The reality is that any man can become 100x better at attracting women if he really takes ownership of the matter. Yes, it takes serious work. But it's also highly worth it. Imagine that within 3 years you're able to attract pretty women and feel confident about yourself when it comes to dating. Isn't that worth the effort? It sure is. This is not a fantasy. I've done it, many men have done it, and so can you! Your looks are NOT the bottleneck, your mindset is.
So what do you do after you've established this vision? You must do lots of research to educate yourself about how dating actually work (not how you think it works). Find videos, find books, buy online courses, hire a coach, take a bootcamp, take a workshop, etc. There are literally hundreds of excellent resources available online these days. Most of them are legit, not scams. Study them hard and then get into the field. Start talking to women. Start approaching women. Start flirting with women. Start being much more social.
If you struggle attracting women I can tell you right now what your top problems are. It's not lack of money, looks, muscles, car, height, or dick size. Remember, attraction and dating is EXTREMELY counter-intuitive. It's works exactly the opposite of how you initially think.
Your top problems are:
You live in your mancave and never go out! You must go out into social spaces where real women hang out. You spend WAY too much time online, indoors You spend WAY too much time on Youtube, Netflix, and playing video games You work too much You are never around cute single women You never start conversations with strangers You have terrible body language due to lack of experience You are not comfortable doing small-talk and being emotional and random in conversations You are far too logical You approach zero women on a regular basis You are terrified of approaching a women who you find attractive, talking yourself out of every approach You have terrible eye contact, you don't smile, and you don't project your voice properly You are crippled by fear and tongue-tied You are unable to start and sustain an interesting conversation with a human being You are disconnected from your body, your heart, your feelings, your emotions You have terrible self-image issues. You hate yourself, you hate how you look, you judge yourself way too harshly. You judge yourself just as harshly as you judge women. You have a bad sense of dress style and you don't groom yourself well You have no experience with physically touching women in a non-creepy way. You don't know how to rapidly physically escalate on a women without creeping her out. You don't know how women think or what they truly value in a man You don't know how to flirt and be authentic You are trying to be masculine in all the wrong ways -- fake masculinity You are needy, needy, needy You are terribly inexperienced You have no sense of passion or purpose in life, which robs you of confidence and masculine vitality Your attitude sucks: you whine, complain, bitch, moan, blame, and are so negative You think you understand life, reality, and how attraction works -- you don't! So work on fixing all of that before you go blaming women. All of the above can be deliberately worked on and fixed.
You need to learn how to be a real man. Being a real man has nothing to do with big muscles, big dick, or a fast car. A real man is grounded on the INSIDE. It's ALL about inner game! You need to cultivate that confidence. It doesn't come naturally. You must build it!
80% of getting good with women is just actually being much more social. You need to deliberately re-structure your life so that you're automatically being more social. So that you're going out every weekend. So that you're bumping into new people constantly. So that you're making new friends all the time. This kind of re-structuring is very doable. You just have to be willing to change your lifestyle.
And stop watching or listening to any of the following:
Jordan Peterson, MGTOW, RedPill, Incel material/forums/reddit All of that is cancer of the mind. It's reinforcing your victim mindset and robbing you of your ability to change yourself.
I've been where you are. I know it's tough. But hang in there, hold your vision, have hope, get to work, and things will dramatically improve for you. You will become a new person by the end of this journey and you will be so proud of yourself. You will become a real man, not some whiny JP fanboy.
The #1 thing a real man does is take 100% responsibility for all his problems. A real man NEVER blames anyone, and certainly not women or feminism. A real man is a feminist. A real man fearlessly works on himself.
So start right there! Start by fixing that.

Love and forgiveness is the solution in such a case.
What such a "test" is testing you for, is the breadth and depth of your love.
If you fail the "test", that's okay too. You'll just suffer more.
The cure to all forms of abuse is deeper self-love, both for the parent, the child, and the abuser.
It's very counter-intuitive because when your survival is deeply threatened the last thing you want to do is love. It takes great wisdom, bravery, heart, and consciousness to be able to love in such situations. And therein lies the "test". Such situations reveal your true level of development. Highly developed beings are capable of embracing it with love. But of course this is rare among humans. We are a crude species.
Deeper self-love is the cure to all trauma and injustice.

Ego, ego, ego. Survival, survival, survival. Duality, duality, duality.
Being outraged by and righteous about a thing is survival and delusion.
This work is about truth, not justifying attacks on parts of reality which threaten your survival.
Everything you attack is none other than your self. Just because you hate something a lot doesn't change this fundamental fact.
If you have been hurt in the past, that is understandable, but adding ego on top of the hurt creates a spiritual trap.
You cannot overcome evil through hatred or judgment. Never, never, ever. Until you realize this, you will be stuck.
The only solution to evil is Truth. And what you wrote above is not Truth.

Don't limit karma to something that happened in the past. Karma is all your current habits.
Your time is better spent becoming more conscious of all your present habits, emotional reactions, beliefs, attachments, fears, desires, etc.
You can't change the past. Work on the present.

You can't replace a bad habit with nothing. You need a new healthy habit instead.

Ideally you'd get to a point where you are satisfied with just sitting silence. But that's a tall order to fill.
I like to take late night drives around town and look at the city.
Act activity you do you're gonna eventually "wear out" unless you're able to be satisfied just sitting in silence like a cat.
The ego-mind constantly craves stimulation, excitement, and newness -- which creates suffering. A large part of the function of meditation is to train that out of you so you can be more cat-like and thrive off of presence and being alone. But again, this takes lots of training and it will come with suffering through lots of boredom which the ego-mind will create.
Imagine a state of mental development in which you are happier sitting like a cat than others are playing video games, watching movies, smoking pot, or having sex. Can you see how powerful this would make you?