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  1. Dennis McKenna has been taking Psychedelics for 40 years, is he enlightened?
    Dennis McKenna has been taking Psychedelics for 40 years, is he enlightened?
    But it's not like one awakening contradicts the next. Each awakening simply expands the depth of understanding of Truth/God/Love/Oneness/Infinity. So your question is moot. What I am talking about is not like believing in something which could turn out to be false later on.
    I don't just know it. I AM it. I AM INFINITE LOVE types these words.
    God knows itself by being itself. It is essence of consciousness that it can be perfectly self-aware. I have had infinite self-awareness.
    Again, you create a duality. The two are One.
    Exactly! Because surrender would kill you. Which is the last thing you (the ego) wants.
    What controls God, is God!
    The whole trick here is that you (ego) refuses to let God/Love control you. You are a devil, which means you think you are in control and that without this control you would die.
    You are resisting surrender of all control to God out of deep fear.
    Imagine for a moment that you would not have to make another decision in your life again, because you just completely trusted that God would take care of you. That's what total surrender/awakening is like. You completely surrender all attempts to manipulate reality to make it suit you. It's total selflessness. You are so selfless that if God tells you to jump of the roof and die, you would just do it without any resistance. You would have no will of your own.
    THAT is what utterly terrifies the ego. You are to scared to trust God's intelligence. In your selfish arrogance you think you are smarter than God! That's your devilry in a nutshell. You refuse to bow down before God out of fear. And God perfectly understands this. God will not force you to bow. God will wait for a million lifetimes until you wise up and decide to bow out of your love for Truth. Because the Truth is, YOU ARE GOD! So how can God force himself to realize himself when he has chosen to stay asleep?
    You see the problem here? If you were human, God could force to awaken. But you are not a human, YOU ARE GOD! If you are God, and you have chosen to be asleep, not even God himself can save you because you are him but don't realize it!!!
    Imagine if, one day, God forgot that he was God. How would God ever fix that, especially if he refused to accept that he was ever God?
    That is EXACTLY your situation.

  2. How to avoid hell on 5meo (did it this weekend)?
    How to avoid hell on 5meo (did it this weekend)?
    Yeah... that's fear. You've got a lot of fear to surrender before you are able to realize the Love of that alien super-intelligence. You're not going to get stuck in hell forever. That's just one of your deepest fears, so of course it hits you hard.
    The reason it feels forced is because YOU forced! LOL. That's what 5-MeO-DMT is! When you sit down to smoke bufo what you are basically saying is: "Force God upon me." And so it is. Then the question is are you able to handle what you asked for? Are you able to chew what you bit off? Which is why moderate dosing is crucial. You can certainly traumatize yourself with God by taking  a large dose because by putting a chemical in your system you are brute-forcing awakening at the material level. And the material level tends to be ruthless. Gravity is not going to have compassion for you if you jump out of an airplane. Gravity will feel unloving in such a situation. But that's because you were crazy enough to jump out of an airplane. It's your job in this situation to ensure you have a parachute and know how to deploy it.
    Definitely try plugging it. Much gentler and smoother.
    Lower your dose. Don't be macho. This is not about who can do more. It's about finding the perfect dose for your current station in life.
    You will also get used to 5-MeO-DMT the more you do it. The first few times it just feels so alien, otherworldly, and confusing.
    Go slowly. Be patient. Play the long game. Take time to integrate. Trip only when you feel like you're ready for another dose of Truth. Sometimes I have to take months between trips. Don't be trying to copy me by doing some 30 days challenge bullshit. That's way too much. You should not be taking that as the standard example of how to trip. I was doing very hardcore stuff there because I wanted to test the limits.

  3. Meeting the Soul - 375ug LSD Trip Report
    Meeting the Soul - 375ug LSD Trip Report
    Intro – This was by far the biggest mindfuck on a psychedelic I’ve ever encountered… Like a serious fucking mindfuck. Which is crazy because they’ve all been a trip. But this one felt so fucking personal and so deep that I’m really at a loss for understanding it. A lot of integration will be needed for this one. Even this report is merely scratching the surface of what happened.

    What I write about below describes a very visionary trip. I have 0 clue of the ontological validity of what I write about. I can’t claim that any of this is “true” or “false.” Honestly such distinctions don’t even make sense to me after this one. All I can write about is what I experienced, and I suspect only until physical death will this trip truly be understood. It may sound new agy and not really in line with strict non-dual theory, but whatever.
    Phases of the Trip:
    Surrendering to God
    Becoming an Infant and God
    Light and Love 
    Meeting the Soul
    Set – I’ve taken quite a bit of time away from tripping compared to my normal schedule, so leading into this trip my mind felt very grounded to baseline reality. I was particularly various of how to activate the Super Saiyan form not as a state but as a stage of my personal development. Out of all of my trips, that one felt incomplete, like I had tapped into some higher form of myself, but hadn’t gone quite all the way. This was my biggest intention – what is the Super Saiyan, and what was I really here to do with this life? What is my soul here to do?

    Setting – My room, LoFi and Psych Rock music, eyeshades for some of the trip.
    Surrendering to God
    So as I’ve previously mentioned, I’m a type 1 diabetic. Long story short I have to make sure my blood sugar is stable, so I don’t go hypoglycemic and have a seizure. 
    I’m sitting there listening to fairly aggressive music with my eye shades and slowly starting to feel the perceptions of my body and mind melt. It felt like they were merging with the entirety of my experience, as though the boundary of body/mind and the other senses were one. This process started accelerating and I realized I should check my blood sugar before I went any deeper. However, when I lifted the eye shades it’s like the trip exponentially intensified. I was now in a totally different realm. I realized I had no fucking clue how to check my blood sugar, my mind kept slipping away at deeper and deeper levels. I was losing the ability to know where I was or who I was as a human. Somehow, I knew that I needed to check my sugar, but I was so disoriented that even the idea of diabetes felt hazy and distant.
    A primal fear and panic kept coming all while my mind continued to slip away; imagine what a stage beige being on the SD scale would feel overtaken by fear. I then was struck with a very powerful gut instinct that surrender and faith was what I needed, faith that the intelligence running this show wouldn’t let me die, that this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Perhaps foolish on my end to be in this situation at all, Im not sure. If I experiment with doses like this again I think Ill need a trip sitter for health reasons. Nevertheless I accepted the possibility of my death in that moment but also acknowledged this faith that I would preserver. It felt like the only way to transform this fear was to accept my situation fully, which was by extension accepting the faith that this was not the end. My body instinctively started going into bilateral symmetry with an anaji mudra moving from my 3rd eye and back to my down to my heart.
    Becoming an Infant and God
    My mind is melting at this point to degrees I never thought possible. I reached some sort of mental crescendo where nearly all knowledge of reality was gone and all possibility of knowledge was gone. My identity was like an echo, only staying anchored in reality by this intention to understand what my soul was here to do. I kept repeating those words, “What is my soul here to do?” like a mantra as this chaos of total not knowing unfolded. The words became unrecognizable except for the energy those words carried, that I was trying to go to the source. I recall losing touch with all language, but there was an instinctive understanding of what this meant, yet the specific words where no longer understood.
    My 3rd eye, throat, and heart chakra then blasted open, my body started moving into all sorts of bilateral symmetrical positions on the floor, and space-time flipped, it was like I time traveled back to my birth, entering into infant consciousness. There was one field that felt like was being spawn out of my spine, nothing made sense, I felt totally lost and alone yet a sense of “I am” persisted and the obsessive intention to find my soul. I didn;t even know what this intention meant anymore other than it was the only part of reality I had left.
    As I was this infant, I simultaneously felt the presence of God. God watching over this child, this child being distinct yet identified with God itself. I was in total God mode at this point, yet still in the duality of God and child. It was like duality and non duality were yin and yang, yet one. I felt loved by God, completely vulnerable and at the mercy of my own will, to my self. It was so twisted and I’m still trying to process this paradox. I remember wanting a parent or some sort of guide to help. I felt totally lost, totally in touch with the infinite and it was all I could do to keep my sanity as I looked at the present divinity, emptiness, and total lack of any form of knowing other than God itself. God felt like an infant with total understanding and wisdom through a mechanism of a complete lack of knowledge as we humans refer to it as. 
    Light and Love 
    As Im in this stage of the trip, I started experiencing reality as light and love. No matter what form perception took on there was only this blinding light of love. Eyes closed? Light and love. Eyes wide open? Light and love. Body all twisted up? Light and love. No matter what form perception took on, it was all the same substance, this light and love. I saw so fucking clearly how no matter what form reality took on, there was nothing but love. Even murder and rape, at this level of consciousness there was no possibility for evil, evil was seen as a simple mind game constructed for the sake of survival. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that evil was not even possible at this state because there was only one thing. I just let myself sink further and further into this love with the only the intention to find the source of what I was here to do. 
    Meeting the Soul
    As this light and love is shining through and as the very substrate of reality, a vision of an immense being appears. This colossal, infinite being of light appears and is looking at me, but still tethered to this Love, as though a hand of God (one of an infinite number), both God and this Being looking down at me. This being of light felt ancient and primordial, like it had been through an insurmountable amount of... I’m not sure. It seemed to be infinitely wise and loving. As I’m making contact with this thing, an intuitive understanding took over that I was making contact with my soul. I was staring at the identity structure that transcends this lifetime. Mind you, all of this happening within a multidimensional context of identity meaning there was distinction between this triad of ego self, soul, and God yet all were one. I saw that my diabetes was intentional. I saw that there was more to God than merely living in full blown non duality. That there was an immense ineffable intelligence orchestrating everything. That it was all spontaneous, free, yet directed. I was not merely here to be enlightened, but to spread this knowledge to humanity. 
    As this vision was filling my being, this soul started pouring into my third eye, down my throat and into my heart. Even today as I write this my throat and chest are sore as if the surrounding musculature has been stretched too far; it hurts to talk and breath air into my chest. As this Being’s light is penetrating my body I was given this memory of being born, choosing this lifetime, choosing these circumstances yet it felt like I was returning to a pact id set with myself, like I knew this LSD trip was going to happen, and was merely waiting to receive this information from myself. It was like my third eye started downloading information from this soul being. I was then sent back to the beginning of my life, of my birth and experienced my life up to this moment at a supra time scale. In a nano second my entire life up to this point made complete and utter sense, everything was perfect. The light continued to pour inside of my body and I experienced a clairvoyance of where I was meant to go and what I was meant to do and how the past was irreducibly linked to this present experience and future.
    We’ll see how much this plays out over time. But what happened next is that I literally started having visions at lightening fast speeds and solving a string of complex problems in my life. Financial issues, career issues, creative issues, relationship issues, like... everything. Literally with every passing second I was generating not only the right brain oriented visions of purpose and direction with multiple domains, but also the left brain oriented details of the pragmatic steps of what action needed to be taken. This information felt like it was being energetically seared/downloaded into the third eye, down the spine into the lower chakras, and throughout energy channels of the body’s musculature. It was both physically painful but healing. 
    I spent the remainder of the trip problem solving at deeper levels as the LSD effects slowly disappeared.
    Take away –
    It feels like I’m done with my psychedelic work for a bit. This trip put so much of my life into context that it feels like there’s little left to explore with psychedelics for the time being. I have the steps I know I need to take, and all that’s left is to take the steps. To head the call of my intuition and go on the hero’s journey. The vision I had of myself was massive, easily a 15-20 year endeavor… and so really I just have to trust in myself. I have no doubt I’ll do psychedelics again, but damn I just feel… Exhausted from this one. It was so much material, and so fucking deep.
    Another thing I’d like to mention for those pursuing psychedelic work: Do the manual practices! Without a shadow of a doubt, my meditation practice is partially responsible for how deeply I was able to go. I’ve also been doing daily hatha yoga which I theorize helps with processing the excess energy of a psychedelic, and allow various emotional releases. If you are interested in the practice of cosmological exploration, the manual practices are a must.

  4. Jumped naked out of the window on lsd
    Jumped naked out of the window on lsd
    Hey there,
    this is a shameful tripreport of mine, quite funny and interesting to read probably so I want to share it... Actually I'm not a newbie concerning psychedilcs, I did various partially quite strong substances in not small doses, half of the time alone contemplating about reality. So I took 2 blotters in the evening and waited for more than an hour, and usually I start to feel something around half an hour, but this time nothing happened. It was already late and I was a little bit impatient, so I took another two blotters because I did 3 blotters alone some time ago and everything was fine then. Quite soon after that it kicked in with its full potential, and I became extremely conscious that everything is imaginary, including death and whatever else.
    I had an extreme laughing flash and I don't know why but I felt the urge to jump out of my window (I already did it several times before (1st floor), maybe there was an unconscious fear that someone in the house would hear me and be scared of it). So I jumped out of it, not realizing I was naked (I realized that the next day when I found the underwear in my room). It was around half past 1 in the night and it rained, but I felt free and unbound as never before. At first I jumped around the garden, to the disadvantage of the plants, wallowing in the dirt and laughing and screaming, running around and feeling like ten times faster than usual. Everything felt godly, devine and perfect. So I ran down the streets, screaming and laughing and not losing a single thought about what others may think of me or whatever. I just remember shredded thoughts and scenes, but of course it happened: The police came and got out of the car, asking me who I am.
    I remember telling them I am god, what else could I be?! So they ask me where I come from. I'm coming from nowhere and I'm going nowhere, where should god go, I asked them back. The rest I almost don't remember. So they put on handcuffs and took me to the police department, constantly repeating that I'm full of drugs. I remember telling the female cop several times how absolutely stunning beautiful she is, and trying to tell them that everything is god and they are infinitely loved and I love them and wish them the best and whatever. So then I was at the police department but I don't remember much, just got some pictures in my mind, always cops that are laughing and beeing happy. I only remember constantly speaking about love and that everything that's happening happens out of love and that they are fullfilling a purpose, feeling completely merged with the cops that spoke to me. I remember how funny I found that society is imagining all these laws and rules, that everyone is constantly feeling under pressure to do right and striving to come to a resolution where everything makes sense, and I was completely seeing through the game knowing the only thing necessary is love, and the resolution of everything is here and now. Everyone is living the life others want them to live, the cops trying to be the good guys and wanting to guard the law, and I just give a shit and just am, spreading love and making them laugh, telling them how beautiful they are and they do a good job and whatever. Then I remember not beeing able to move and feeling some pain, beeing in a very fast car. I guess it was the ambulance. I don't know why but I felt like beeing tortured with very advanced technology, and at first I felt fear but then I surrendered to the situation and it was ok. Then I woke up in a hospital with three nurses around me, speaking polish. At first I thought I am in some torture room with high technology, then I thought I am in psychiatry. Apperently I pissed in the bed by mistake, and I teared off all the wires on me, the blood catheter, which made the nurses very worried about, because an alarm started and the blood flowed out of my arm. I ensured them everything is fine but actually I still didn't know where I am, I had lost my glasses and I could barely articulate myself. They gave me a white bathrobe and I told them I wanna leave. They said the can't force me to stay here but the public transportation is still inactive. So I walked out of the hospital, still not knowing whether I'm in the same reality I was used to, realizing after some time I'm in the same city I live so I was walking home whithin three hours. People made a big bend around me, I was looking like someone escaping from psychiatry, with my white bathrobe and slippers. I still don't know what I did and what exactly I told the police, I still feel very ashamed and every look I get from my neighbours feels like they know exactly what was happening.
    The moral of the story is:
    I never thought I could ever be that confused and out of control just by taking lsd. Wait long enough before you add more! Even though I often drank alcohol and often puked because of the amount, I never lost control, violated the law or beeing rude to others. I thought myself to be an experienced tripper, and all the stories about people jumping out of the window or running down the streets naked on drugs I thought were much to overrated, I always blamed mixed consumption, lack of experience or the stupidity of people. Another thing: Don't try to convince cops or usual people that you or/and they are god, especially when beeing under drugs, it just reinforces their prejudices. And: Spread love, feel free and just be, it's the only meaningful thing you can do

  5. What is your 16 personality type?
    What is your 16 personality type?
    It's not that it's fluid, it's just that you're not aware of it deeply enough yet.
    It takes years of self-observation work to start to become aware of one's own personality. This is counter-intuitive because you probably expect that since the personality is yours that you should have full awareness of it. But of course that can't be the case without a lot of self-reflection.
    You don't know what your face looks like precisely because you're too close to it.

  6. psychedelic states through meditation?
    psychedelic states through meditation?
    Meditation still has enormous value because you cannot be hopped up on psychedelics all the time. Psychedelics should be done rarely. Like 1-5% of your life. The other 95%+ of the time you will be sober and you'll want to boost your sober state with manual techniques like meditation or yoga.
    Regardless, you need to develop the ability to just sit and do nothing for 60 minutes straight, and to concentrate your mind for 60 mins straight. These are crucial skills to develop for anyone doing self-actualization.

  7. psychedelic states through meditation?
    psychedelic states through meditation?
    I can confirm that it is certainly impossible.
    You ain't gonna reach a salvia or DPT state even after 40 years of meditation.
    Psychedelics states are so intense, powerful, and diverse that you will never access all of them without pumping your brain full of new chemicals.
    Through meditation perhaps you can access 1% of the full range of psychedelic states.
    This doesn't make meditation bad. It's still an important practice. But don't fool yourself into thinking you'll access a DMT, DPT, or saliva breakthrough via meditation. You will not. Also, don't confuse ego-death, samadhi, and awakening with the full range of possible states of consciousness. The range of states that consciousness can take is astounding in its diversity and intensity.

  8. psychedelic states through meditation?
    psychedelic states through meditation?
    Just because you can access a certain high state of consciousness thru meditation or yoga does not mean that you can access the full range of states that consciousness is capable of. You will miss 99% of possible states that way, and as a result your understanding of consciousness will be limited.
    There is no substitute for states. States are all there is. There are states which you cannot even imagine and which cannot be described in language or even stored in human memory once you've been there.

  9. Does asking who am I really work?
    Does asking who am I really work?
    It doesn't work without crazy concentration which alters your state of consciousness.
    The key is the crazy concentration, not the question. Without concentration the question is worthless.

  10. How is it possible that Leo and Ralston disagree?
    How is it possible that Leo and Ralston disagree?
    Again, be cautious. I am not responsible for your health or death.
    But the nice thing with 5-MeO-DMT is that you can plug a tiny amount of it and just feel minor effects and slowly ramp up from there. So you should be able to gently inch your way up very carefully and feel if there is any blood pressure problems or heart problems. You can even measure your blood pressure while you're on it.
    5-MeO-DMT makes my body feel good. It actually temporarily frees me of all my health problems. You just have to learn to surrender to it and then it feels amazing. The come-up only lasts from 5 mins to 15 mins. After the 15 min mark you will be tripping hard but the bodily stuff is behind you. Of course this assumes you surrender to it. If you resist it, oh boy... that might be hell. I'm too scared to dare resisting 5-MeO-DMT. Once that thing is in you, you better surrender immediately.
    I can foresee some serious heart issues if your dose goes 30mg+. That's when your consciousness will become so infinite that your heart will melt and explode out your chess in Love. There will be kundalini activation and all sorts of crazy shit can happen. But I never go that far. I keep my dose to 25mg max. Which is still crazy strong for me.

  11. What is low dose 5-MeO-DMT trip like?
    What is low dose 5-MeO-DMT trip like?
    Especially for beginners.
    Vaping technique is not easy to get down at first. It's easy to melt the 5-MeO, not fully vaporize, then add a second dose, and then vaporize a double dose unwittingly and get way too strong a hit.
    Good vaporization technique requires practice. Vaporing the full dose isn't guaranteed. So it's harder to know how much dose you actually got. And it's easier to overdose. And if you overdose vapor, you're gonna be blindsided within 30 seconds. Plugging is more gentle, forgiving, and precise.
    Also don't forget, smoke/vapor is not good for your lungs. You are harming the lungs doing that.
    The only reason to vape a chemical is if it isn't active rectally, like N,N-DMT or salvia.

  12. Rectal 5meo dmt insertion
    Rectal 5meo dmt insertion
    I dissolve freebase in a few drops of vinegar and a few drops of light coconut milk. The coconut milk is to reduce any chance of burn or damage of the butt tissue. Works great.
    Don't use heavy coconut milk as it is too oily and clings too much to surfaces.

  13. LSD Breakthrough (3 Tabs) - 3 Hours of Full Non-Duality. Best Exp of Entire Life
    LSD Breakthrough (3 Tabs) - 3 Hours of Full Non-Duality. Best Exp of Entire Life
    With such an attitude, in practice, you won't reach permanent nonduality.
    Of course you could get lucky. But I wouldn't count on that.
    If you want LSD levels of consciousness sober, you're gonna have to devote your life to it.
    One of the reasons I trick you guys into trying psychedelics is so that you realize what is possible if you get serious about this work. Without the LSD you would have never taken the work seriously enough to see what is possible. Now you know what's possible but you are still too lazy to actualize it.
    Maybe one day that will change. Or not. Up to you.

  14. Stage orange observations amid COVID-19, my employers
    Stage orange observations amid COVID-19, my employers
    @bonesurfer You're in luck because chiro is a pretty Green field, so you should be able to find a Greener company without retraining.
    In general, if you want Green+, avoid applying to giant companies. You want a smaller, more personal operation. I would never work for a giant company in any field. It's a meat-grinder and I want no part of it.

  15. An Experience of Infinite Universal Love. April 5th 2020
    An Experience of Infinite Universal Love. April 5th 2020
    Hard to say. It is both epic and yet not much changes since everything remains what it was. You still have to take a shit the next day as long as you're surviving.

  16. The Great Awakening / New Earth
    The Great Awakening / New Earth
    I can be if I train my mind on it.
    But most of the time I operate as if others are real. It's not useful to metaphysically question people all the time. It's an illusion that I play within. Sort of like when you play a video game, you're not constantly question that it's all just a game. You buy into the illusion and act as if it is real, at least for a while.
    Yeah, hang in there.
    It can in certain ways. Mostly I notice less fear about needing to please others. So I act more authentically and I feel less of a need to play social games. I think awakening makes one more direct and authentic with people.
    I've noticed that I care less and less what people think about me, which frees me up to act however I would naturally act if I was alone. Yes, less shyness, less fear, less distance with strangers. More compassion for their personal suffering.

  17. RASA Report: LOC 565 to 675 (3 Sessions)
    RASA Report: LOC 565 to 675 (3 Sessions)
    After @LfcCharlie4 started his thread about RASA and LOC I was so curious about the transmissions, that I booked three sessions via skype in Germany – I live in Munich. Before my first session I had 1,5 years of spiritual practice (meditation and yoga) every day for 2 to 2,5 hours. My initial LOC was determined at 565 by the RASA giver.
    First Session (LOC 565 to 590)
    First I was chatting with the RASA giver about my path so far and how I learned about RASA for one and a half hour and then I received the transmission for 15 minutes.
    During the session I was still very sceptic about the whole thing, but then I started to feel some tingling in the head area and my mind became quieter. But the real shit began after the session, when I tried to meditate. I just couldn't focus on the breath (I do TMI meditation), because my head was partly so empty, that I had no choice, but to just let happen, whatever occurred. My mind and body felt like 'something' began to 'work' in me or rather something started to expand 'in me'. Some part of me tried to resist the process, but after a while I just let it happen. Suddenly I felt this strong urge to purge myself physically and mentally of everything, that hinders me to proceed further on my path. I visualized to push all the 'bad things' away. After that, when I got up and did a walk outside, I felt rather dizzy and lightheaded, but also liberated. Everything in my vision field seemed more magical and interesting. I looked at the people around me and they all had something that I could appreciate.
    I hadn`t thought, that it would hit me so hard. In a certain way it felt like a psychedelic trip, but much smoother.
    Second Session (LOC 590 to 640)
    After the second session I was initially a bit disappointed because it hadn't as much impact on me as the first one. But the day after the session I felt this awesome peace and stillness in the center of my being. Nothing in the external world could shatter it. I was in a constant flow or slight meditative state. It felt not like real nondual awareness, but I began to realize, where all this leads to. My desire for truth and liberation is constantly growing. Even meditation seems to become a bit more effortless.
    Third Session (LOC 640 to 675)
    The third session was a lot like the second. The day after I was again in a flow, but I also felt, that in the time to come I will have to purge my mind from a lot of bullshit. I had an intense visualization, where I vomited green and black mucus to get rid of negative thought patterns and ideas. 
    - The two days after the transmission I experience a real high, that drops down afterwards
    - Authenticity is growing
    - I feel more emotions and they become more ‘raw’ or clear. I don´t know, how to express this accurately
    - I`m calmer. My girlfriend noticed this also
    - I have ‘better’ meditation sessions
    - My desire for truth and liberation is growing
    - RASA is not about experiencing directly a radical shift, but feels more like a continous purging process

  18. Ego death from RASA - I'm scared
    Ego death from RASA - I'm scared
    My ego has been deactivated/killed since the 12th when I had my first RASA session. I can no longer move my hands, my mouth, think the thoughts I want to think, or do anything I want to do, my life has been put on autopilot. And it's scary, I was warned to not pursue enlightenment when my life wasn't together, well now I guess I learned my lesson, because I fucking died! It's really hard for my body to deal with this and my brain is freaking out.
    What do I do? I don't think this is reversible. I have no choice but to go to LOC (level of conciousness 1000) when the ego is permanantly sucked into the void and this nightmare ends.

  19. Purging Bullshitters
    Purging Bullshitters
    Slapping capital letters and the word absolute onto things doesn't change what it is...liberation is liberation, cessation of self suffering is what it is. It's also called 'nirvana'. Billions of people across the millennia would love to be it for even a moment and I wish as many that can experience it will be.
    @Raptorsin7 I'm not here for you to believe my typed words, I'm simply pointing to the liberation that is at hand for any who allow it to be. The 'work' is often needed for healing and preparing just to do nothing, like you said. If the ego mind sucks us back into reacting and struggling then the self suffering will accompany that because we are behaving as if what we are isn't enough, that there is something unfulfilled.
    An ego mind going apeshiat within us is difficult to not react to, to not struggle with so we meditate and do all of the 'work' to calm it, to quiet it.... but the calm, quiet mind isn't liberation in itself. A calm, quiet mind is more conducive to ceasing the struggle with the self for sure.
    If we are dependent on the mind being this way to be at 'peace' we are just in a temporal expression of 'peace' and the ego mind will use that to instigate the struggle with self. It will attempt to disturb the peace so we go back to work making it still.
    It's like trying to still a pool of water by physically trying to stop the turbulence, each movement causes more waves. Cease moving, stop the work and the water stills itself but to transcend the dependency on a still pool is ultimately to be the still pool regardless of the tsunami that may be going on around us.
    Don't believe my typed words..... they are just stories I tell.

  20. Is ignoring people okay?
    Is ignoring people okay?
    You need to learn to set boundaries and communicate your values and boundaries to people rather than acting silent or passive aggressive.
    Better communication is crucial.
    People-pleasing is a common problem. It's worth taking the time to work that out in yourself. You don't want to live as a people-pleaser your whole life.
    Once you solve your people-pleasing, then you will be able to effectively communicate and enforce your values and boundaries with people, and you won't have to ignore them or suffering silently.

  21. My very first psychedelic trip: 1.5g you so much
    My very first psychedelic trip: 1.5g you so much
    @moon777light Good. That was a nice newbie intro. Your mind is still very chaotic and random, which is why you had all those wacky visions.
    As you do more, you must learn to focus your mind and contemplate the nature of reality rather than just going on joyride visions.
    Visions are fun, scary, and interesting, but what really matters is getting down to understanding what consciousness is, and what YOU are.
    So far you got a tiny taste of what consciousness can do: it is infinite imagination -- which is why you're able to have all those wacky visions. But you don't yet comprehend what consciousness in itself is and why it is here, or all of its many facets. You also probably don't understand how conscious in the trip connects with consciousness in "material reality". You have to build an intellectual bridge between your trips and "real life" until you realize that your "real life" is just another trip.
    Keep your future doses low. You have much more to learn at these lower doses. Mushrooms can be extremely challenging at the 4g range and above. At 4g+ your old life and reality will start to completely disappear and you will enter the phantasms of your mind. Since your mind is chaotic and impure and lacks nondual understanding, you will encounter all sorts of horrors of your own imagination and you will start to go insane. 2 grams is a good solid dose to do lots of work with without totally freaking yourself out.
    Try contemplating questions next time like:
    What is consciousness? What is reality? What is God? What is time? What is "other"? What is self? What am I? What is awakening? What is love? What is evil? What is the brain? What is death? What is nonduality? What is awakening? What is Oneness? What is intelligence? What is Will? Etc. The next time you trip, realize that whatever your mind imagines gets materialized. If you start to think of elephants you will see elephants on the carpet. Wonder why does this happen? It happens because you are God imagining the world and the psychedelic removes the shackles on Infinite Mind.
    Finally, turn your gaze directly inwards and ask, "What am I?!"
    Be prepared for epic strange loops, paradox, and mindfuckery.

  22. Deep existential fear, please help
    Deep existential fear, please help
    Hello, it’s morning for me now.
    I think homeostasis kicked in and brought me back to base. Now that I can give some more context, I will. I have been meditating since I was 16, I turn 20 the 27th. Two days ago during practicing my AUM chant, then pranayama, and finally some breath meditation, My self started dissolving.  (I had this 2 years ago too, even commented about it on the forum as well.) As a result this incredible gripping fear of death came upon me. I brushed it off, knowing it would probably pass like last time. Then yesterday it came back full force. It felt like my entire reality was collapsing. I ended up sitting in a fetus position with my family holding on to me so that I could confirm I still existed. Pretty crazy. This thought that “I cannot hang on to anything” was rapid firing in my mind. Then as a result I oscillated between that meaning that I am safe everywhere and that I am safe nowhere. Eventually I got into a loop of “I am safe nowhere”, and had a long panic attack lasting for about 3 hours, that I was going to die.
    Right now, like I said, I’m back to base. I want this process to go more smoothly and lovingly. How do I do that?
    @Highest @nightrider1435 @Leeeon @karkaore @Leo Gura @Visionary @ADD

  23. 5-MEO-DMT Bufo Alvarius Trip Report
    5-MEO-DMT Bufo Alvarius Trip Report
    I had a very similar experience in my first few trips. Non-stop torture, extreme body load, agonizing discomfort  feeling of dying and terror. It was so bad, I wanted to craw out of my skin, but just like you've described, there was no possibility of surrender. It was un-doubtedly the worst experience of my life. Luckily some higher wisdom hinted that I should keep going, that it was a purification process. It's as if the substance is testing your determination to see if you're worthy. It's not a magic pill at all. For me, it crammed many years of discomftable spiritual grows with meditation routine in a few minutes
    The following trip after the nightmare I had my breakthrough, which was unbelievable.

  24. 5-MEO-DMT Bufo Alvarius Trip Report
    5-MEO-DMT Bufo Alvarius Trip Report
    5-MEO-DMT Bufo AlvariusTrip Report
    ROA: Smoking
    Dosage: 93 mgs

    After many months of failed attempts at experimenting with plugging 5-MeO at home. And many more months trying to find a professional facilitator close to me, and many more months getting our schedules to align, I finally got to do my very first Bufo 5-MeO ceremony this weekend.

    He was decades experienced, and had me stay at his home, where we did the ceremony. As it was raining up at the property up in the mountains where he usually holds the ceremonies. 
    I was pretty calm leading up to the ceremony, until he said it was time. There were 3 of us there for ceremony. He would take us up to a room one at a time, for about an hour each. We debated who would go first, I requested I go first, as waiting and listening to what happened for someone else, would just make me more nervous.

    As it finally came time, I was really nervous. Him and his female partner sat with me in a circle and did deep breathing with me until I was calm and ready.

    He asked me if I wanted to start out with a low dose, or jump right into a high dose. I told him I am prone to panic attacks when I have time to resist the effects. So he suggested a high dose. I didn’t ask or want to know what he loaded. He later afterwards told me it was 93mgs. Not sure how much that translates to synthetic 5-MeO dosage.

    He explained to me how it was going to work. He would hold the pipe. I was to slowly draw in, until my lungs were full, as he counted to 10. Then as I lay back he would count back from 10, as I hold it in. I never made it to the pillow, and I only heard the count of 8 before I was gone.

    It is hard to describe what came next. It was indescribable unimaginable pure nightmarish Terror. There was no concept of who I was or what anything was. I was obliterated. But at the same time my ‘soul’ was being ripped apart in an endless cycle, over and over. There was zero possibility of resistance or surrender, it just was what it was and far too powerful to try to control. It was pure torture. Even though I was gone, I could tell I was screaming the loudest high pitch scream possible. This seemed like it lasted for only a few seconds.

    Coming back, I didn’t know who I was, where I was, who the people in the room were, for about a minute.  Then I came to pretty fast, within another minute. There was an instant feeling of sadness. I knew right away that the ceremony was a failure.

    No experience being God, no infinity, no experiencing infinite realities, no insights into the nature of reality, no death (at least I don’t think, unless death is endless torture), no infinite love, no bliss, no insights, no epiphanies, no alleviation of suffering/depression/anxiety.

    I started to cry as all of it was for nothing. I felt exactly the same as I did before the trip.

    The facilitators told me I had been screaming for many minutes. Then was saying “Oh Shit!!!” over and over again as I crawled around the room thrashing about.

    They asked me if I wanted to do another dose, I said no. This was traumatizing enough, wouldn’t want to go through that again, even if there was a chance of a blissful God breakthrough.

    I was perfectly normal and fine within a few more minutes. They offered for me to go into a dark room to process, but I said that was unnecessary. I popped downstairs, and cheerfully said “hey guys!”. The two guys waiting for their turn looked traumatized. They said they wished they had gone first now, as they heard all the screaming and it made them all that much more nervous to go next. I felt bad about that. They asked me how it went for me, and I told them I would tell them later, as I didn't want to influence their journey.

    All in all, it felt like the trip had never even really happened. There was a few seconds of infinite torture and unimaginable terror, then nothing. So my trip only seemed to last a few seconds.

    I thought, if I knew nothing about Nonduality teachings, what was possible, or anything about 5-MeO, and a friend just invited me to participate in the ceremony, I probably would have angrily bitched him out for the horrible experience, with zero benefits (other than the awesome people who I shared it with).
    Oh well, I guess I have to get even more serious about my spiritual journey and try try try again. 
    I’m not sharing this to discourage anyone. I’m not even discouraged. From what I hear, every trip can be different. 


  25. 5-meo-dmt | Trip Report #3: On Being God
    5-meo-dmt | Trip Report #3: On Being God
    Well, to start off I will say that I actually don't want to write this post. Not because I don't want you to know about the experience I had and not because I'm lazy or something but any words I will use in this post just seem to me like a desperate attempt on trying to impress you, on trying to put something into words that simply cannot be put, on trying to give you any kind of a picture about it. It is in that respect useless to talk about it. And I feel very phony of doing so. Just because of the fact that if you read this post and think that Azrael had some kind of very far out experience and you make it into something great and unreachable and somehow away from you, you are kidding yourself. But I guess it can't be helped and I feel like I should at least try to point out what just happened. So see this as mere entertainment. And to the new ones, read my prior post first so that you can contrast the experiences.
    +++ On Being A Pussy And Not Wanting To Do the 30mg +++
    It's quite fascinating how confused we are in our normal state of egoic consciousness. And it's quite interesting how afraid we are. Even when you think you are not afraid and you are this tough guy, you're kidding yourself. Every bit of the attitude that you put up is rooted in a deep fear of being exposed. Of failing, of surrendering completely. You learned and embody this so throughly that you are all tensed up all of the time. And because this became so normal on a mere physiological level you actually think this muscular tension is you. It's quite incredible how ridiculous were are. And how well we play it.
    But let's forget this point for a few more minutes and start with the story. How did all begin today? Well, it was a quite normal day here in Berlin, Germany. Azrael got up in the morning, ate some breakfast, took a shower, shaved his Zen-Master-looking beard and did his daily HoloSync meditation. What a great one it was. What I guess most of you who haven't done 5-MeO don't realize is that you'll start having flavors of the experience throughout your daily life. And especially in meditation. I recreated most of my last experience (the one in which I talk about our holographic nature). I meditated and saw my whole being flickering in this empty and endless space. I felt how when I move my attention I create that centralized space for that brief moment until it goes anywhere else. Quite fascinating.
    As always on the weekends I took a walk after my meditation, bathed in the spaciousness I was still wearing and thought about the day. I had to prepare for a talk I will be giving next week so I did this most of the day. When I finished my work I did my daily visualization. I visualize daily what I did this day in a positive way and then I go through the next day and think about what I will do then in a positive way. I tend to be pretty analytical and negative, so my visualization keeps that in place and opens me up a lot.
    When I was done doing that I laid on my bad and was just scared. I had thought the whole day that I wanted to do MeO after my work and now was the time. But I was paralyzed. Can I even physically stand the 30mg? Maybe I'm not prepared enough? Can I really surrender? I don't feel quite as confident today like I would want to feel before such an experience. You know the drill, my mind would be going bunkers. But this is normal. I asked several times inside whether I wanted to do this and my intuition was all for it. Like always. But my mind was very nervous and scared. It didn't want to die. And I respect that. Although I gotta say that the nervousness before the experience was harder then the actual surrendering in the experience. But we'll come to that in a few more moments.
    So I basically re-watched Leo's video on 5-MeO-DMT, watched one in which Joe Rogan (the comedian) talks about it and I argued with myself all of the time whether I should be really doing it today. My mind came up with all kind of excuses to put it off for another week. But eventually I went inside again and my intuition really wanted my to do it now, so I did.
    +++ The Experience: On Being God +++
    So I sat down in front of my desk, played my common tripping music, prepared my couch with fresh water, a hanky and a plastic bag (for the case I had to throw up). Then I weighed 2 gram of Kola Nut powder on my fancy new scale, downed it with a little bit of water and weighed 30mg of 5-MeO-DMT. I waited a few more minutes until I felt the Kola Nut coming up and then I basically got on my knees and visualized that I'll have the most epic experience of my life and then I prayed that I can totally surrender into it. To whom did I pray? The fuck I don't know. Probably to myself, that I just give up the show and won't kill myself by resisting the experience. (I think it really did help.)
    So yeah, I made two equal lines out of the gold and sniffed it into my nostrils. Man, just seeing 30mg of this and knowing what kind of experience you had with 15-20mg is very special. The whole act is a surrender. There is nothing easy about this - even though the most epic things follow. It's like you have a gun in front of you and you know that when you'll shoot yourself in the head you will be in heaven... but you gotta do the shooting first. It's like that.
    So, I sniff it in and go to my couch, tilting the head upside down and massaging it into my nostrils. I waited 5 minutes until reality got really wanky. Then I sat up normal, opened myself up and tried to focus on love. I thought about a girl I loved once very much, I thought about her face when she laughed and how it completely melted me back then. Meanwhile my pulse was going through the rooftop and I had some difficulty thinking about her because my thoughts began to vanish. My head would be pumped with more and more clearness which felt pretty good and I was very comfortable in my body.
    What happened then for the next 15-30 minutes I cannot put into words. I also will not scream with upper letters "OH MY GOD" or "I AM IT" or something like that, because I didn't feel any of this in these moments. I didn't say a word. I had a few thoughts but they were kind of arbitrary. I was completely in shock. Completely speechless. But not in a kind of hectic shock, I was very well relaxed and relieved while I was in this state. It didn't even occurred to me that I'm in shock or speechless until 30 minutes later when I slowly came back and began to understand what just happened.
    Every picture I had about it prior to the experience was wrong. You can just not fathom with egoic consciousness what it is that underlies everything. I had no pretty visuals or something like that. I saw very clearly and when I closed my eyes for a moment I guess I saw some patterns, but I didn't pay much attention. I just was it. Everything and nothing. But it wasn't special in any kind of way. It began to be special when I came back and my individual tried to make sense out of it. But in the moment itself, it was completely obvious. It was completely eternal and when I felt my body here and there I just would feel so relieved and speechless. At some point I held my glass of water in my hands and I starred at it for probably 5 minutes without closing my eyes. The whole reality, every sense that I had seemed like a shell you could cut. It was also extremely still. Completely eternal. I had no idea what this word really means. In the peak of the experience it wasn't even explosive or something. When I got from normal egoic consciousness to the state I'm describing, the very transition can be quite explosive although the Kola Nut did a great job in making that a very smooth one, but the experience itself is completely still. It isn't even an experience or state. If you have to think about it, think about it like you peel endless patterns of your normal reality away until there is this one core thing left.. and you are this. God. Complete infinity. It's completely indescribable.
    Well, I peaked for about 20 minutes and then slowly I began to understand what just happened and then as I said I just was speechless for a good half hour. I just sat there. I had not much thoughts about it, a few maybe but I was just shocked and speechless. Then at some point when I came down I began to cook and make myself a salad. I did this for a few moments and then just had to sit down again and just cried like a little boy for a god 5 minutes straight. I just couldn't believe what I had done to myself for my entire life and what kind of nasty game I played with myself. I just saw it before my eyes and couldn't believe it.
    +++ The Beginning Of The End +++
    In the last few hours I had some thoughts coming up that resulted from the experience and seemed pretty authentic to me.
    You will never die. This is I guess the one thing I learned. You will never die. Don't be afraid of death (and I know this is easier said then done) but just think back. You as an individual were birthed into this live by magic. This whole existence is magic and there is nothing else then pure love. There never was a moment in your eternal existence in which you really had to fear anything. What shall there be? When you open your eyes you create a whole visual field of reality. You are all of that. When you hear with your ears your create a whole auditory space with your sense of 3D hearing. When you think thoughts you create endless parallel realities in your head that have their own reality. When you go sleep at night you can trust yourself to wake up in the morning. When you go you can trust your legs to carry you around. When you go about your day everything you do comes naturally to you. There is not a thing that is not supportive and loving to you. You just like to spin stories that this is the case and you love to identify with it.
    If you really wanna see this this right now, just stop believing your own bullshit. When you drop all thought and belief, you are eternity. You are it. Before you lived you were formless and rested in peace. When you were born you decided to play a game called life to experience this material reality. When you die you let this reality dissolve again and will probably rest for some eternal time and then play some new games. Don't be afraid. It's all good. All of your problems have no value at all. Your negative emotions? Yeah so what, there was no time in your life when you couldn't stand those. It's the nature of negative emotions to be negative and it's your nature as God to provide the space for them to occur. It's the nature of the positive to feel good and create a negative that will come at another time again. If you're attached to this, it's okay. Just say to yourself that you're not believing your own bullshit. And keep up your quest. Time will show this to you.
    If I had to put all of this in simple words, I would just say that I'm speechless and relieved. Relieved from the nasty game I played with myself. And even though I know that it'll slowly come come back and grab me again, I know that in the next few months I will go even so much deeper with these experiences that it'll just crack like a shell and will naturally fall off. Nothing else makes sense.
    Be good to yourself. And be well.
    Cheers, Azrael