jimwell

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Posts posted by jimwell

  1. Posted

    12 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

    what you think are main things or habits to do to make your life incredibly profound?

    Psychedelics check. But apart from that? 

    I´m talking about that kind of profoundness of experience of going to nature for some days in a row, listening to African antique music, sitting on the soil while acid comings up, everything feels alive, there is this subtle feeling that every grasshopper is a God on its own, there is a deep awe and respect for everything, you just feel blessed for breathing, everything feels mystical and sacred, wherever you look.

    How to make LIFE this? Withouth needing to pop acid each day of course...

    It's all about intensifying your awareness or consciousness.

    How do you do this? By purifying yourself from all forms of toxicity.

    Here are a few things I did to accomplish it.

    Quitting alcohol and cigarette

    I used to drink and get wasted almost every night for many years. I also used to smoke 1 pack of cigarettes per day. 

    In the past 6 years, I've been more mindful of my diet. I ensure I eat a variety of veggies and fruits regularly.

    Eliminating toxic humans

    I learned to generate self-respect and establish boundaries. I eliminated family members, coworkers, friends, and everybody who dumped their metaphorical garbage on me.

    The ones who stayed are my real friends and the ones who are my "cheerleaders".

    Mindfulness meditation

    I read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle more than 10 years ago. I implemented one form of meditation recommended in the book:

    I used to direct my attention to the pressure on my feet when I walked.

    I also spent significant solitary time in nature. I would sit there and stare at the trees for a few hours straight. I focused on the shapes and colors of the leaves and branches. I was mesmerized by the design, knowing that every twist and curve is an expression of God's art.

    I only listened to beautiful music.

    I was very picky about the music I played. I couldn't stand listening to music with low intelligence or an ominous melody.

    I could only listen to the best songs artists around the world could ever produce. I enjoyed all genres, including rock and metal. But such songs need to be harmonic or melodic.    

    This is still true now.

    I rectified my internal destruction. 

    I had one of the worst fathers God has ever created; hence I was completely internally destroyed. I had extreme anxiety (OCD, BDD, GAD, agoraphobia, etc., and suicidal depression. There were months I could not get out of my room because of the intensity of the mental-emotional tortures.

    I devoted my entire 20s to self-therapy and self-healing. Such internal work involved much introspection, contemplation, journaling, research, and self-honesty.

    I also faced my greatest insecurities and fears.  

    My advice is to BYPASS spiritual bypassing. :D

    Solitary walks in nature

    What I shared in my post, "Romance with Existence at Night," is just one of the hundreds of my solitary walks. I've been doing it on and off for 6 years in Japan and my home country. 

     

    I have probably done other things, but I can't remember them now, especially because I'm sleepy while writing this. It's 4 am where I am. xD 

    Anyway, after doing the things I mentioned for many years, everything has changed. The cuisines, girls, trees, dogs, stones, snow, hills, walking paths, etc., became more delicious, brighter, crispier, and full of mystery, sacredness, and power. The world didn't change. What actually changed was my awareness or consciousness.  

  3. Posted

    NPD test.png

    I scored 28 out of 40. xD

    But I'm not surprised because I had always known I have significant similarities with NPD humans. And the high score is just a manifestation of my high self-love. But I guarantee that I'm the opposite of NPD, believe it or not.

    There's truth in this test. But it's not very reliable. There were only 2 options. There were times I felt the 2 options equally described me, but I was forced to choose one. There were also times I felt the 2 options did NOT describe me, but I was forced to choose one.  

  4. Posted · Edited by jimwell
    simplified the title

    I feel compelled to capture something mundane but also spiritual via words. I alternated between walking and running for 1.5 hours along a concrete walking path, which was adorned by a row of trees, plants, and flowers. I do it every 2 or 3 days, usually at night.

    My solitude, and the silence and darkness of the night made me feel the mystery and sacredness of existence. When I was walking, I observed the beauty which surrounded me. I also contemplated my life. I was repulsed by my horrible past. But I also felt a deep appreciation of the current, premium version of myself; and the things I did my entire adult life to materialize it.

    When I was running, I felt good, appreciating my body's strength and health. I also marveled at the intelligence my human body possesses to be able to perform such activities. I used to take these things for granted, especially when I was young and foolish.

    I stopped from time to time to admire the silhouette of a nearby hill, a tree which stood out from the others, and an old electrical post. These "ordinary" things felt similar to gifts from God. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude.

    Every moment of my spiritual walk and run was magical and mysterious. And I cherished the privilege of existence. For 1.5 hours, I immersed myself in bliss, except for the moment I revisited my painful memories of an ugly childhood and teenage years.

    Then I felt elation when I realized that my spiritual walk and run are an all-in-one package. It relieves me from mental-emotional and bodily stress, enables me to generate new insights, keeps my body healthy and strong, fills me with gratitude and joy, and enables me to experience spirituality in action.

    Life is a nightmare. But my spiritual walk and run significantly make life worth living. It's as satisfying as spiritually fucking my concubines. All the problems and dissatisfaction don't matter during those moments. It's an oasis of serenity amidst the chaos. It's not just a mere walk and run. It's a celebration of life, a sacred communion with existence.

    I crafted this post not only to honor and immortalize the magical experience via encapsulating it in words, but also to ignite inspiration in others.

  6. Posted

    On 7/4/2023 at 9:34 PM, Tanz said:

    China relies on North Korea for minerals, resources, and supplies to build stuff in their factories to then sell the goods to America and other developed countries.  Western companies like Apple, Microsoft, and Tesla to name a few to make money and give people jobs.  Americans thrive from North Korea and China's questionable ethics.  

    We are as guilty as Xi Jin Ping, Kim Jong Un, Putin, and whomever you want to add to the list.  

    Probably not as guilty. But yes, the USA and its allies are also metaphorically dirty.  

     

    On 7/5/2023 at 0:37 AM, mmKay said:

    Food for thought related with the topic. Would you stay in a relationship with someone who f*cks your brains out 10 times a week but ocasionally physically abuses you??

    More directed towards women.

    Why yes?

    Why not?

    Are you actually sure It would be that way?

    That's interesting.

    How about you? What would you do?

  7. Posted

    12 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

    You are making the mistake that spirituality is isolated from life. 

    I never said spirituality excludes survival. 

     

    12 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

    While in reality you can’t be good without having the ability to be bad. Jordan Peterson explains this very well in his books. 

    Nothing I said implies that you can.

    You have derailed and are now on the wrong path. Better contemplate what I said.

  10. Posted

    On 7/2/2023 at 6:48 AM, Leo Gura said:

    But North Korea is a rather exceptional case where abusive power is maintained long-term through insane totalitarian control. That kind of thing simply is impossible in most parts of world today and it never will be again.

    Yes. But I think the more significant reason is the intense brainwashing of North Korean kids. Kids are taught Kim Jong Un is a noble leader, a national father, and even a God and can't be punished. The brainwashing is similar to the brainwashing done by Imperial Japan to gullible Japanese citizens before and during WW2.

    Childhood brainwashing is very effective. I think about Christians and Muslims being unable to escape the mind virus of religion. It doesn't matter how absurd their religious dogma is or what their priests or pastors do. Most of them stay Christian or Muslim until death.    

     

    On 7/2/2023 at 8:11 AM, StarStruck said:

    Virtue is debit while sin is credit. You can actually off set the one against the other and max your dharma. 

    But the correct mindset is to maximize the good things you can do and minimize the bad stuff; not maximize the wrong things because of greed, and compensate them by doing good things.

  11. Posted

    On 6/29/2023 at 1:38 PM, Leo Gura said:

    Keeping power for long is almost impossible unless you wield it effectively. Power has a self-correcting quality. Those who misuse it soon lose it.

    North Korea's Kim Jong Un must have provided massive value to North Koreans despite reports of human rights violations and starvation in his country. How else would he have stayed in power for many years?

    It's the same thing with China's Xi Jin Ping.

  12. Posted · Edited by jimwell

    20 hours ago, Jehovah increases said:

    Beautifully enunciated jimwell ❤️ ♾️ ❤️?

    I'm happy to hear that. :D Thanks.

     

    12 hours ago, michaelcycle00 said:

    You must really love your life if that worries you. I mean, yeah, you're gonna die at some point. Doesn't have to be negative, in fact, it is necessary... you don't want the hell that would be immortality in human form.

    I don't love life per se. Life is difficult and absurd in many ways.

    But I love beauty in various forms. And I see mind-boggling beauty (appearance, intelligence, and love) in life. I always do my best to appreciate, create, enhance, or intensify the beauty I see and perceive. That makes life worth living. 

    It's correct that immortality in human form would be hell. In fact, that would be the worst hell. Being human is being limited. My capability to appreciate and create beauty is limited. My capability to feel love and joy is also limited. After a thousand years of human life, I would be sick of it all and desire death. So, my lifespan should also be limited. I see intelligence in God's design there.

     

    12 hours ago, michaelcycle00 said:

    Do you not look forward to death at all? I romanticize the idea of dying peacefully and becoming a gentle nothingness where I can sleep for eternity as the Universe disappears with me. Just typing it alone makes me feel warmness and love :x

    I don't look forward to death despite knowing it's heaven in some ways. In fact, I'm scared of it. 

    But when I have maximized the accomplishment of the purpose of my human existence, I can die peacefully.

    How could you romanticize dying without romanticizing being alive first? That's twisted. Have a romantic relationship with your life first before having a romantic relationship with death. 

  13. Posted

    22 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

    true beauty is the love that is within you. authenticity, courage, transparency and total integrity. the exterior is seduction and has no value, it is a mirage.

    The internal things you mentioned are surely true beauty. But the external things are also true beauty and have value.

     

    22 hours ago, Jowblob said:

    The love that you have for a person creates an illusion how you will see the said person outwards. Apperance is mostly an illusion of your own consciousness

    The other way is also true. External beauty or appearance creates love and joy inside me.

    Everything in existence is an illusion. But this illusion is all there is and is all you have access to; hence the illusion is also real. It's better to take life seriously. 

  14. Posted

    Yes, the melody is beautiful and relaxing. I added to my playlist.

    Here are the lyrics from https://genius.com/Munya-life-is-a-dream-lyrics:

    Take, take me to the moon
    Just you and me we can make history
    A dream is a safe place to land
    Are you afraid? You can hold my hand

    Life is a dream, you are the one
    You stand alone, a self to become
    Life is a dream, you are the one
    You stand alone, a self to become

    Take, take me to the moon
    Just you and me we can make history
    Give, give me a start to reach for
    Are you afraid? I can’t wait anymore

    Lifе is a dream, you are the onе
    You stand alone, a self to become
    Life is a dream, you are the one
    You stand alone, a self to become
    Life is a dream, you are the one
    You stand alone, a self to become
    Life is a dream, you are the one
    You stand alone, a self to become

  15. Posted

    I somehow feel sad tonight. And I feel like capturing this feeling via words; hence, here’s the saddest post I’ve ever shared in this forum.

    The passing of time and the changing of forms make me very sad from time to time. There’s a Japanese phrase for this: “mono no aware.” “Mono no aware” is a Japanese idiom for the awareness of impermanence (無常, mujō), or transience of things, and both a transient gentle sadness (or wistfulness) at their passing as well as a longer, deeper gentle sadness about this state being the reality of life.

    What triggered this “mono no aware” is the girl I saw in a 1976 film. That was her acting debut, but she won best actress.

    charo at 20.png

    Her name is Charo, and she was 20 here. This type of girl can be my wife and have kids with me, not just one of my concubines. She epitomizes genuine (no makeup) feminine beauty, gentleness, and purity.

    She reminds me of the intern doctor I flirted with. I'm not the type of man who misses girls. But I miss her because that level of beauty is extremely rare. 

    47 years had passed since appearing in the film, and here she is (in 2022). She had become a class-A actress, film producer, tv host, and President and CEO of the biggest media company in her home country. That’s equivalent to being the CEO of Walt Disney Company or Comcast in the USA.

    charo at 67.png

    The passing of time brings with it the changing of forms.
    She was still beautiful, especially for a woman her age. But her accomplishments (and makeup) did not stop the passing of her feminine beauty, gentleness, and purity. At 68, she looked as if she was a different person.

    I feel sad and disappointed thinking that even if I married this girl and enjoyed her splendor when she was 20, she would gradually and eventually lose her beauty as decades pass by. And then she'll lose her life.

    Then I think about the things I love about myself. Damn, I will eventually lose them significantly or completely via the passing of time and changing of forms. It makes me experience “mono no aware.”

    I'll end this post with a poem I generated via AI:

    The minutes tick away so fast,
    And soon the present becomes the past.
    Days turn into weeks, and weeks to years,
    And we're left with memories and tears.

    The sun rises and sets day after day,
    And the seasons come and go, in their own way.
    We watch as the world changes before our eyes,
    And we're left to ponder, as time flies.

    Sometimes we wish we could stop the clock
    And hold on to the things we love and cherish
    But time is a river that never stops
    And forms are the shapes that always perish

    But though time may take away what we hold dear,
    It also brings new beginnings, and hope, and cheer.
    For with every ending, there's a chance to start anew,
    And to make the most of the time we have, before it's through.

    So let us cherish every moment, and make it count,
    For time is a gift that we cannot do without.
    Let us live life to the fullest, and never forget,
    That time is a precious, fleeting asset.

  16. Posted

    On 6/26/2023 at 8:11 PM, ivankiss said:

    My guess is that more and more 'low consciousness' folks are joining the forum and more and more 'high consciousness' folks are leaving, or are semi-active, kind of in the background. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but I feel like the balance is not quite there in this case.

    Every other member posting on this sub is now 'God-realized' or 'the most awakened one' or whatever else. I've seen members hijack the entire sub, rambling about how enlightened they are, what things are or are not, etc. And I get it. You have some mystical experiences, a few realizations, you take some psychedelics, you meditate a bit... and now you want the whole world to know how enlightened you are. I know the feel, bro. Been there. And I certainly have done or said some stupid shit on here myself. But you gotta tame that beast, bro. You gotta be smarter than that. You must know your place. 

    The few high-consciousness users don't spend too much time on this forum because they have less incentive to do so. Most users in this forum have average or low consciousness, and their posts align with that. Such posts are unappealing to highly conscious or sensible users.

    Bullshitters love bullshitting each other. So, they end up creating the most number of posts. xD

     I'm not surprised by the forum's situation.

  17. Posted

    Leo is not the most awakened human ever.

    It's possible he has reached the highest awakening. But it was temporary.

    His baseline or usual consciousness is NOT equal to his highest awakening. 

    I don't intend to say what he spiritually accomplished is useless. I myself am interested in what he awakened to. I just need to clarify things.   

  18. Posted

    8 hours ago, The Redeemer said:

    I can not believe i was not born a woman. It makes me so angry that women are praised for being themselves and me as a man is looked as worthless. I believe people need to be murdered for this. I can't cope with this.

    They need to be murdered? xD

    I used to feel the way you feel when I was completely internally destroyed; extreme anxiety and depression and low self-love and self-esteem.

    I decided to internally heal myself and become "how a man should be". It took more than a decade of consistent self-therapy while being a wage slave. It was difficult as fuck. After work, my workmates dined at restaurants, drank beer, or traveled to tourist spots; while I was inside my room, digging deep into the past, introspecting, contemplating, journaling, and facing my greatest childhood pain and fears.

     Now, I feel the opposite. 

    Masculine beauty is profound or comprehensive, and very difficult to embody. And that's exactly the reason why I love being a man. Girls are shallow, though I love their physical beauty, femininity, and gentleness.

  19. Posted

    12 hours ago, Someone here said:

    and what's seems stupid also is that living creatures eat other living creatures. What the fuck is wrong with that guy (God)? 

    It's not only dumb, it's also cruel. 

    I've been contemplating these things for many years; I still don't have a satisfying answer, to be honest.

    But it became clear to me that a limited mind or consciousness can never have a satisfying answer. There's only one way to get that satisfying answer: to access God's unlimited consciousness. Anything else is speculation, though such speculation is sensible.

    Yes, God is a bastard, and it's valid to see and complain about the flaws in God's design. But one must introspect, be self-honest, and ask this question: "GOD IS A BASTARD. BUT AM I ALSO A BASTARD?".

    If the answer is YES, then your complaints have little significance. If the answer is NO, then God is also a hero. Why? Because you're also a direct manifestation of God.

  21. Posted

    19 hours ago, michaelcycle00 said:

    Sure, all I'm trying to say is that there's an experience going on here from "my" end, rather than only what this guy is currently aware of. And yes, he definitely adopted the idea from Leo.

    No there's not. You're an illusion pretending to be real. You're the best actor. 

    There's only one consciousness, one dream. Solipsism is completely beautiful, not horrible. It should make you feel love and joy, not sadness or horror. 

  22. Posted

    On 6/15/2023 at 5:41 AM, trenton said:

    thank you very much. I considered killing myself because of the fear that I would murder my step father. I understood that I would rather die than become a monster.

    Are you living with your stepfather now? If so, move out as soon as possible. Heal from a distance.

    If it's not possible to move out, stay away from him as much as possible. For example, you can stay in your room most of the time and just go out of the room if he's not in the house.

    I don't know why you felt like murdering your stepfather. If you really want to murder him, just punch him in the face or hurt him in other ways. Never murder him. Yes, his life will end literally. But, your life will also end metaphorically. I hope you understand.

    Just express your anger to him if you really need to, but never murder him unless he's in the act of murdering you and you're forced to defend yourself.
     

    On 6/15/2023 at 5:41 AM, trenton said:

    It seems that I felt like I was a terrible person due to some kind of childhood imprinting. I believed I didn't have the freedom to not be like my father. There is the whole narrative about me carrying on my father's name, but it's ridiculous, I never believed it.

    I also didn't have the freedom to be free from physical, mental-emotional, and verbal abuse from my father. All kids don't have this freedom. You're not alone. That was why I mentioned a parent's license for parenthood.

    It's good you never believed it. It's dumb to carry your father's name if it's metaphorically dirty. If it's metaphorically clean or noble, no problem, go ahead and carry his name.

     

    On 6/15/2023 at 5:41 AM, trenton said:

    Basically, the entire family has been full of criminals for a very long time. He  and his father were hoping that one day the cycle would end. They placed their hope on me. I'm not carrying their name though.

    This is transgenerational trauma. And it's very difficult to break.

    But what a big opportunity to be the first one to break it. You have your independent mind and life. You must exercise your will and do the correct thing.

    You're more conscious than your father and grandfather, which is good. You're in the correct direction. Just continue your journey until you reach where you want and should be.

  23. Posted

    On 5/6/2023 at 8:13 AM, Leo Gura said:

    Just practically, the more good you do the more bad you can get away with. Not saying anyone should be above the law but that's how the world works.

    Saying that without emphasizing what I said below is wrong.

    On 5/6/2023 at 3:59 AM, jimwell said:

    Of course, the value they provide should also be acknowledged, but not to the point of absolving their sins. The value they provide to society should have little impact on justice.

     

    We are interested not only in understanding how things are. We are also interested in knowing how things should be. That's what good leaders are.

     

    On 5/13/2023 at 6:41 AM, trenton said:

    2. Religious institutions can get away with sex scandals for decades at a time. In the eyes of the people, the priests are too good to do anything so despicable.

    This is the ideological loophole I was talking about. "Massive value" providers are aware of this. So, they exploit this shit.

    This is how they think "I'm itching to generate money immediately. So, I'll invent a scam to accomplish it. I can even become an internet celebrity by doing it." 

    "I'm also horny, so I want to rape that girl. That way, I'll be sexually satisfied. It's also a good way to transfer my childhood pain and anger to another person, making me feel better." 

    "But how the fuck do I get away with all these? Ah!!! By providing massive value. I must be a massive value provider to society to fulfill my greed while making the world endure it. xD Problem solved."    

     

    On 5/13/2023 at 6:41 AM, trenton said:

    4. Biting the hand that feeds you is a common problem with parents and grandparents. They often get away with abusing kids because the kid needs them to survive.

    Standing up to authority is usually useless because they either exploit our survival needs to shield themselves from accountability or they delude people into thinking they are Christ like such as Donald Trump.

    Being a parent is supposed to be a very serious job. If we need to take a driver's license to drive, then why not get a parent's license to raise a kid?

    This is absurd. Parents shape the kid's future because they provide both nature and nurture. Politicians not realizing this is absurd.

    Standing up to authority is NOT useless. In fact, it's the best thing to do. How do I know this? I have done it many times.

    Yes, it made my life very difficult. I experienced horrible things because of it, including being conspired against and even kicked out of my house and a few companies I worked for. I have lost important things that most humans can't afford to lose.

    But I'm still alive. And those difficulties made me internally strong and mature. And I have seen good changes in people of authority, including my father because I stood up to them. I forced them to behave correctly. I have also seen good changes in situations I am in. These took many years to materialize, but they materialized at least. 

    I never regretted standing up for myself and to authority if they misbehaved.

     

    On 5/13/2023 at 6:41 AM, trenton said:

    I am often afraid of my selfishness coming out, causing others to judge me harshly. My inability to get away with selfishness makes me paranoid and hyper vigilant. I can see the survival benefit of providing massive value in that it allows me to relax.

    Exactly. See? You yourself are trying to exploit the ideological loophole I explained.

     

    On 5/13/2023 at 6:41 AM, trenton said:

    The fact that I can't get away with selfishness indicates that I am not providing massive value to society. For example, my employer treats me like dirt, they refuse to give me a raise despite superior performance, and they can't follow their own rules yet they threaten to fire me for breaking the rules that nobody follows. For example, they had me clean up period blood even though someone certified is supposed to do that, not just any associate because of the health risk. Although integrity is a core value of the company, it doesn't act like it.

    Just walk away. Develop self-respect to be respected by others. It all starts internally.

     

    On 5/13/2023 at 6:41 AM, trenton said:

    This is frustrating to me because I want to provide value to society, but I feel stuck in life anyway. Prior to getting high on weed, I had always felt like it was my fault for being unable to manage depression. I fought with myself to not make excuses and wanted to change, but I was simply unable to no matter how hard I tried. This is very tragic and it happens due to people not having access to psychedelics.

    I don't have access to psychedelics. But I'm very happy with who I have become. If you have seen my posts, you'll know I have gone through the worst mental-emotional tortures God could ever inflict on its creatures. 

    But humans are different. So maybe, you do need psychedelics. I just want to emphasize that psychedelics is NOT the only way.

  24. Posted

    This is the ultimate police brutality. The Philippine police make the US police look as if they’re angels.

    This video is about a Philippine mayor who fell in love with a beautiful, gentle college student but ended up raping her and then splattering her brain and one of her eyes via gunshot to the face. This “massive value” provider mayor had all the power and resources to insert his penis into any girl he desired. You’d be unlucky if he saw and found your daughter attractive.

    He was able to persuade his high-ranking police officers to abduct the girl and “wrap her in a box” to be served as a gift.

    As the CEO of the town and a “massive value” provider, I was surprised to know that he DIDN’T get away with sin. I’m happy that a country as corrupt as the Philippines can do something better than South Korea and Japan, at least in this domain.  

     

    The rape victim’s mother hasn’t filed for damages worth USD 215.8k because she doesn’t want the perpetrator’s dirty money. This is a massive amount in the Philippines, a 3rd world country with an annual salary of approximately 2.5k USD. The victim’s mother would be satisfied if the “massive value” provider sinner felt remorse and offered a genuine apology for the massive damage he had done.

    Her intention can be seen as noble but also naive. She should have taken that money. The former mayor’s family will utilize that money for their benefit at the expense of others. They can bribe government officials to secure the mayor’s release, as they have seemingly already done. Devils should have no access to power and resources. But paradoxically, it’s them who often obtain and possess them; hence we have a world more reminiscent of hell than heaven.

    Unfortunately, Eileen’s mother never realized that devils don’t change and can never feel deep or genuine remorse. The devil mayor was sentenced to 360 years in prison because he was also charged with murdering his political opponent’s supporters.

    Even if God had given this “massive value” provider mayor 400 years of life, he would have stayed a devil until he became a skeleton or ashes.

  25. Posted

    On 6/13/2023 at 6:41 PM, trenton said:

    I'd rather die than be like him. I don't trust myself to act on my impulses. I'm going to do something selfish. I don't want to fly by the seat of pants and do what ever I want. The only way for me to live a happy life is to allow myself to follow my desires, but I hate being like dad. I'd rather kill myself.

    I'm afraid I might rape somebody, do a hit and run, fail to wear a condom during sex, remove a condom during sex like a fucking monster, and so on. I don't want to be a horrible person. I don't want to be selfish. I'd rather die.

    Yes, if you're going to live only to inflict pain on others for your benefit, then it's better if you die.

    Life is naturally difficult. And bullies (devils) make it even more difficult by inflicting pain on others for their benefit.

    But I see that you are at least more self-aware than your father. Your father never had the intention to be a good man. But you do. That itself makes you different from him. You must give yourself credit for that. Selfishly feel pleasure for having a genuine desire to be a good man.

    Just continue your journey. You know you have accomplished it when you have developed a genuine love and respect for truth and goodness. That makes being a good man automatic. Good luck!