aurum

@Shir I don't believe in waiting for marriage to have sex for a couple reasons. One is that it would be repressing a natural, healthy urge in myself. My sex drive is so overwhelming at times that if I didn't express that energy through actual sex, I'd 100% end up as the creepy guy sitting alone watching porn all day and hating life. Also, I'd would lash out and judge everyone who was having sex because secretly I'd be jealous. The second reason is that I need to know that I have sexual chemistry with the girl I'm going to be committing myself too. If we are going to be having sex for years and years, we better be on the same page. Otherwise that relationship is basically doomed to fail. The third reason is more of a "guy" thing. When I meet a girl for the first time, I'm not automatically thinking about how can I get relationship with her. It's not personal, I just don't even know anything about her and I'm happy having casual sex. The best relationships I've had are when a girl and I were just having fun, but then as we got to know each other we realized we actually both wanted to commit.

@SFRL It is possible to manage all the major areas of life to a very high degree. But what you won't be able to do is manage and focus on them equally. Past a certain level, life is about tradeoffs. You don't get to do everything, that's the nature of being a finite entity. So really what you should be focusing on is what is the right balance FOR YOU, not to do everything equally.

@the_wanderer You have limiting beliefs. You're just not aware of them yet because you haven't yet seen the full ramifications of how they're effecting your life. That IS a limiting belief. Afraid of people not liking you = belief that there's something about you that's not likeable. Then this belief limits you by making you chase the approval of others instead of doing what you know is right. Your issue here is awareness, so study yourself like a scientist. Examine / question all of your motivations and actions, never forgetting that the easiest person to lie to is yourself.

@Gabriel Antonio First off, congratulations not only for your growth but for being with your practice that long. That discipline will take you a long way. Now see if you can take that peace and calm into the real world, not just when you're meditating four hours a day. I'm not taking away from what you did, but I've found it's common that people are unable to translate the insights they had on retreat when they have to engage with the world.

Yup. Welcome to entrepreneurship, where you don't know what you're doing and no one can tell you what's right. That can happen, but that is the most pointless thing to worry about right now. You're way overthinking this. No one cares about your idea. The fact is that even if you gave everyone on the planet the best business idea in the world, only 5% would actually be able execute it. That's how bad most people are at creating results. Plus, do you know how grateful you should be that you got a business to a point where people want to steal from you? Again, most people can't even do that. That could happen. Large percentages of business are stomped out by competition. The question is, does that really matter? By doing nothing, your failure is already assured. Only by doing SOMETHING can you actually make it. Your mind is playing tricks with you because it doesn't want you to take risks. It doesn't want you to grow. It wants you to STAY THE SAME.

Do you actually suck at balance? Or are you just focusing on one area more than others? Balance is a nuanced thing. It's not I do work 20%, relationships 20%, health 20%, spiritual growth 20% and family 20%. That's a simplistic notion of balance. In the way I or Leo might talk about balance, you could be spending 95% of your time doing one thing and still be balanced. The question is, what do you want? Balance is relative based on your current goals. Also, balance is not something you just achieve and then it's over. It's more like continually walking a tight-rope, with adjustments being made every step of the way. My gut reaction is to say you need to prioritize and being willing to cut shit out that you really don't want. Many people can't balance things because they can't say no.

@Lynnel Noticing is definitely the first step. So congratulations on that. Now KEEP noticing every time it comes up. Be aware of when it happens and how it influences your behavior directly. Remember that our shadows / judgments about other people are never about them, they are about us. So if you're noticing these kind of beliefs, ask yourself: how is this really about me? What pain might you still be holding on? It could be leftover feelings of resentment from not being successful with women. It could be hurt from a breakup. That's for you to dive in and figure out.

@Sagatarius Yup, time to fly from the nest. You may have to wait to see how he reacts to you leaving for school. Are you financially independent? What are you waiting for to leave for school?

I'm not saying you're wrong. But notice that your judgment of guys who do pickup actually handicaps your own ability to improve in this area. You WANT to get better with women, you WANT to learn the skills necessary to get an amazing relationship and you probably want sex more than you realize. But doing it would make you "shallow". Shallow = bad, and you don't want to be "bad". If it's not important then you won't get it. I've done a good amount of cold approach at this point in my life. The sheer volume of women who you should never want to be in a relationship with is huge. Not because they're bad people, but just because you're not right for each other. So how are you planning on finding that 1% of women who you seriously connect without meeting a bunch in the first place? Also, think of how important sexual chemistry is in a relationship for both parties. I would NEVER get in a relationship with a woman before having sex because I don't know if we're going to be a match in that area. It's insane that anyone would leave that up to chance.

It doesn't matter if I'm sure, it won't help you. Take time to think about it for yourself. Who takes a shit if there is no-self to take a shit? We're using relative language here.

@Anirban657 Do whatever you want. You seem like you know the answer you want anyway. I'm just playing devil's advocate. How long have you been meditating? Sometimes it can take time for the turmoil to start.

What explanation did he give? He may be right. I don't know you but meditation is not for everyone. It's a mentally grueling process that can cause a lot of emotional turmoil.

First off, "good" and "bad" relative. Jesus was one of the most loving people to ever be alive but a whole bunch of people wanted him dead. Second, you aren't yet conscious enough of why people tend to commit acts like murder. You're assuming that people's DEFAULT is to be mass murdering psychopaths and that only societal rules keep order. I've found it's the exact opposite. These societal rules largely had to be formed because of ego. A human's default is actually love. It's the wounds and unconscious conditioning we receive growing up that take us away from that state. And that's why if you want to heal the planet, you have to heal yourself first.

First rule of studying self-actualization: you have to figure out what advice to listen to and what to ignore. If you're a high school graduate, I would not be prioritizing things like "minimize my life". That's advice for people who are already successful in the world but who have picked up extreme work / lifestyle habits in order to get to that point. That's not you. You should be hustling to figure out your life purpose. As far as fun, you need to start making a distinction between healthy fun and unhealthy fun. Otherwise you're just going to be a miserable, boring dude. Healthy fun might be things like yoga, hiking, working on your life purpose, creating art, socializing with good friends, swimming, etc. Unhealthy fun is more like drugs, TV and other time wasting bullshit.

If it is a energy block than something like Reiki or Tai Chi could help. Or just try moving the energy with your imagination + attention. You need an energy based solution for energy problems.

Realize that the goal of SDS is not to run up your time score of sitting still, like a video game. That's more of a result. The goal is actually to bring up as much resistance as possible while staying mindful. For instance, I could sit very comfortably doing SDS on my nice soft bed for 1.5 hours. Maybe more. But if I were to do SDS while sitting on an uncomfortable rock in the blazing sun, that would be much harder. I'd might only last 15 minutes. So I'd actually much rather make SDS as hard as possible than do things to make it easier. Making it easier defeats the purpose. The more you stay mindful when the resistance comes, the more you will emotionally release. And that is how you will be able to sit for longer periods of time. Side tangent, if you have problems with people disturbing you with meditation than you 1) need stronger boundaries and need to let people know you're not available because you're meditating and 2) should try in the morning before you talk to anyone

@Hardkill It definitely seems like you've made an honest effort so let's make this productive. Where are you screwing up in your interactions with women? Do you open your mouth and they run away? Do you go on dates and then nothing happens? Where in the process from meeting -->> having sex do things go wrong?

@Anton It's true that Leo's videos have probably influenced you, but also think about the fact that YOU brought yourself to Leo. So there was something in you that sought this information out in the first place. These are powerful ideas. You shouldn't feel brainwashed just because you see the value in them. You can always find your own niche in the spritiuality / self help world if that's where you truly end up. In the mean time, keep following your curiosity, truth and joy.

@Joseph Maynor 1) The Cognitive Biases. If you don't know what these are, you MUST start by reading Influence by Robert Cialdini. Your ability to make cash is being completely handicapped by not understanding the pros and cons of these biases. 2) Jab, Jab, Jab Right Hook / The Thank You Economy. These were both coined by Gary Vaynerchuck. Must be understood for anyone trying to compete in modern online business. Essentially it's the idea that provide value through content marketing and truly giving a fuck about your community. Only then do you ask for business. 3) That marketing is important! If you want to be too spiritual for marketing, don't be surprised when your business fails. 4) Knowing where consumer attention is now and where it is going. How can you sell to anyone when you don't know where their eyeballs are? 5) You need a copywriter on call or learn to do your own copy. Bad copy, no sales.

You could definitely do things like meditation or yoga. But how about also actually meeting a real girl? Might not be so crazy.

@OnceMore You need more women in your life. Case closed. You've created this absurd fantasy because it's the only women that seems like a realistic option. Go do some pickup, get on tinder or maybe just go meet some female friends at yoga. But you've got to cut this fantasy shit.

Right idea...wrong execution. Great, so you looked non-needy. But guess what it got you? Jack shit. She said "hi" to you so she's clearly looking to engage in some sort of conversation. She's not going to think you're weird for responding, that's what she's HOPING for. It's a lay up brother. Take the easy ones when they come. Literally saying anything would have been better than nothing in that situation. And even if you do look desperate, so what? I will take looking desperate over looking "cool" if looking desperate it what will actually get a result. Don't be confined by these general principles.

"I just want money though, I really don't care about creating a network of contacts and starting a business, just so I can get money. To me that just seems like too much work for money. I don't know maybe I am just rationalizing not challenging my current identity, but I really would just like spending my time mediating and being a guy who doesn't have a job but can still have money when I want it." ^This is what I see when I read what you wrote. If you don't want sex, fine. Just admit you don't want it and you're not willing to do what it takes. But this idea that you shouldn't have to work, challenge your comfort zone or change yourself in order to get sex is ridiculous. And maybe you could argue that the raw pleasure you get from sex isn't worth all the struggle it would take to get there. But truthfully that's only a small benefit you can get from learning Game. When done right, the real benefit is the growth you get as a person. The fact that you will have to confront deep rooted fears night after night makes Game a healing process for guys who are growing up with this pain point. And that's really just the start. Does that mean you have to learn Game? Of course not, there's many ways to do what I just said. But if you want sex AND you want personal transformation, Game can be a powerful way to grow.

You already largely do. You just don't realize it yet. Are you pumping your heart? Growing your hair? Digesting your food? Breathing? Creating blood cells? Or are all these things (plus an unimagineable number more) just happening? Of course, you do make decisions. But who makes the decision to make that decision? And who makes the decision to make that decision? So on and so forth/ Where do your choices even come from? Do your choices just appear as a thought? And if they just appear as a thought, did you control that you would have that thought? And if you control that you would have that thought, did you control the thought that had that thought? Or do thoughts just appear with no control from you at all? Maybe everything is just happening. Maybe you're not doing anything at all, while simultaneously doing everything.

@ThirdEyeSees Part of this work is that you have to learn how to balance the material world with your spiritual goals. I don't think abandoning your kids or abandoning your spiritual work is the answer. I've never had kids but I'd try integrating the two. Lead by example. Maybe your kids would want to join you in a spiritual practice like meditation, yoga or tai chi. Have healthy food around the house for them to eat. Show them what a conscious relationship looks like by working on your own if you have one. Show them how to properly handle money by mastering money yourself. Etc etc