cypres

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  1. I personally think Coral has not integrated Yellow and Turquoise, but is turning away from Turquoise, swinging the pendulum on the insufficiency of Turquoise for meeting one's goals.
  2. @PlayOnWords but why isn't the lack of reciprocated eye contact or other focus equally obvious signals? Not saying she didn't like him, but if someone wants to kiss you they will show it.
  3. I want to say something, that often what people are lacking and needing to move on from a victim state is to be validated and heard, and experience that someone cares that they were hurt. Solving a chronic issue isn't always about punishing yourself further, sometimes kindnesses are what will allow you to progress. And often people who try to "help" by emphasizing how the person is wrong for feeling how they feel, just want to highlight the contrast to themselves. In this case the person who is helping has not integrated the part of themselves that's similar to the person who is asking. They have not included the other person as part of themselves. They are not speaking from oneness, but from separation (often while associating themselves with oneness and other higher virtues). Often the topic-starter complies and turns against the part of themselves who comes with the issue (triangulating against the 'ego' part of themselves). Outwardly resolution has been achieved, but inwardly there is more fragmentation and distrust. This of course applies to many other issues than victim states, it's just the example I'm using. A victim state is different from a victim mindset, which is chronic. The point I'm trying to make is mainly about signalling or other ego-services under the guise of helping or teaching. I'm not trying to exempt myself from this either. I haven't included what I'm talking about as part of myself. I become angry when I see what I'm describing and in the short term I care more about pointing out what I see as harmful. This is also speaking from separation. It's also ego-serving. Feel free to help me expand my ego to integrate what I'm demonizing (all ego is the same as no ego - I'm going the big ego route ).
  4. So important. Self-blame/guilt is lower on the scale than anger and blame of others, and you can't move past without going through.
  5. My guess is that you feel bad because from the point you left her house you acted in spite of yourself. It's a form of self-abandonment. Especially, kissing when you didn't really want to. What. There was a lack of chemistry here. Narcissism has nothing to do with it, no one has an obligation to be in a romantic relationship that they are feeling terrible about. And it is no kindness to the girl to stay, both deserve to be with someone that are on their wavelength. Men who do not attune to signals are scary. You can discern interest to a degree, and not reciprocating with the eye contact seems like someone who doesn't want escalation and more intimacy at that time. Maybe because they are way too nervous, don't know the other person well enough yet, or they just haven't decided whether they like them. Once I saw that a man I didn't like was reaching out to kiss me, and I lowered my head away in a way I thought was a clear enough signal, but he followed me with his head and placed a kiss on my lips before I could stop it. It felt like a violation. That is when someone becomes 'creepy': someone who doesn't pick up on a no.
  6. @trenton What are you calling gossip - are you gossiping the person back or just getting support from someone close to you about the fact you were gossiped about? And are you angry about anger from your sister in itself, or are you angry about unfairness? I only see the first options as hypocrisy. I would say you are avoiding hypocrisy when you get hurt and react not by lashing out in the same way, but by staying with the reactiveness into a deeper and more sincere layer of the hurt. Not everyone are safe to express the vulnerability underneath to, instead they see it as an opportunity to get the upper hand while you are exposed, and this is violent behavior. In the short term (an acute situation) I treat it the same way I treat violence; escape them or attack them back. It usually feels bad to me, but I figured out that the point at which it feels good for me to stand up for myself is when I have resolved all my personal motivations involved in the situation, which for me the biggest hurdle has been realizing the limit of possible outcomes (that some situations I can't solve peacefully - all parties have to want to). Being genuine only seems to work if people aren't too far removed from their own sincerity. I agree with this, the very first step in integrating parts of oneself is accepting their position. It's just like doing diplomacy, dismissing the other person's validity or point of view will lead you to have zero influence over them. Also, what is the process of "releasing both desires"?
  7. @Buba Bad therapy can definitely do a lot of harm. When you try everything and nothing works, usually there is a great feeling of hopelessness, or similar. Something important to know is that taking an action from a certain state tend to yield results that cause the same state. I would work directly on hopelessness (and I am currently) and not try something before it feels good to try it. By its nature, it feels hopeless, but like all negative emotions it does transform if you allow it.
  8. I don't know about the next life, but for this life, what is it you want to experience by going there? Community? Adventure? Etc The law of attraction says that you have to attract what you want, if you have no resistances/opposing desires. And not to worry about how it will be met.
  9. They are our connection to God.
  10. I have a hard time with routines, and I'm making this to remain myself to hold myself accountable. I am resisting certain negative emotions all day long. I'm pretty good at feeling grief, as in I don't have any resistance to it. I just feel it until I go through it. I'm terrible at feeling hopelessness, powerlessness and pointlessness. I also have severe OCD, and I recently have been able to sit in it and process sometimes. I will set a timer for 30 mins every day for this.
  11. Maybe they are so separated from themselves, that to reconnect with themselves again that is a good intermediary step? Since when something is happening with someone on the outside they will tend to abandon themselves. So until they are firm in their own emotions and experience of something, it's helpful to tune out others.
  12. Bless you guys for caring about the insects. I always crush them. That's what I would have wanted.
  13. Do it. Your life purpose falls in your lap when you follow your natural interests. When you follow them, you will quickly move on if you are not meant to be doing it. I think the issue is when chronically using video games to avoid something else. When it comes to video games itself, I also think they encourage real life skills. Often I have been stuck on an issue, then played some puzzle adventure games, and because of how it stimulates me to use my brain differently, I found the solution to my real life problems.