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About blueberries

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  1. I find that MBTI isn't really a tool for vetting potential partners but more for understanding the kinds of people you're likely to feel attracted to, be compatible with, and encounter friction with. So I'd say it's only really useful if you understand the theory behind MBTI and cognitive functions enough to figure that stuff out rather than just taking on face value that x type is supposed to be compatible with x type (especially since there's a lot of disagreement over what the "ideal matches" are anyway). For example, INTP and ESFJ are supposed to be a bad match. Some of the reasons are that INTPs are one of the most logical types and ESFJs one of the least logical, ESFJs the most extroverted and INTPs most introverted, ESFJs very practical and INTPs very impractical. That means a pairing between them is likely to involve a lot of communication problems and clashes, so if you got serious with someone and found out they were an ESFJ, that might prompt you to question if you're really compatible long-term or if you're just together because opposites attract/you compensate for each others' deficiencies. But equally, you might decide that the relationship works because you're both more developed and mature than the average ESFJ and INTP and have similar values. I'm an INFJ and some say our best match is an ENFP, others say ENTP. My husband is an ENTP and I've always been attracted to ENTPs, I can't imagine being with an ENFP at all. But I have one INFJ friend with an ENFP partner and another INFJ friend who prefers ENTJs. So I find that the ideal pairings often play out naturally but there's some room for individual differences.
  2. While it's true that trying to remember everything we've ever read is futile, there are often times when I read something and feel that either: The information is super relevant to me but I'm not quite developed/smart enough to fully comprehend it yet, and since I can't yet comprehend it I will just forget it instantly The information is relevant and I can comprehend it, but since it doesn't have an easy link with the topics I think/learn about regularly, I won't have a reason to recall it and will therefore forget it within a few weeks Then I found out about Readwise, an app that syncs with Kindle and other apps, so whenever I read something that fits into the categories above I just highlight them and it just saves to Readwise automatically. Readwise then syncs to Notion, so I can access all my highlights on my computer and use them to write notes if I want to (usually I don't bother), and Readwise gives me a selection of highlights to go through every day. Sometimes they seem really irrelevant and I realize I got overexcited with my highlighting, so I tell it to ignore those in future. But often I read a highlight that had completely left my memory and make an instant connection with something else I've recently read/thought, and would have missed out on otherwise. Personally I think all this is really important if you're interested in developing your ideas, boosting your creativity, and accelerating your learning. Writing notes about EVERYTHING always seemed too much work to me (I could read two books in the time it takes to read one and write notes), but technology has tipped the balance for me.
  3. While I agree with your conclusion that the fear of being labeled a slut almost certainly isn't the biggest factor in women saying no/hesitating, I've personally found that women are more openly judgmental about "slutty" women than men are. That word got thrown around a lot by girls in my school, and I can definitely think of a few examples of girls starting rumors about other girls related to their sexual behavior or criticizing them behind their back for sleeping around. When I went through a phase of being slightly promiscuous, I definitely felt more judged by females than males. Never got called a slut or anything, just received a certain iciness from loose acquaintances. Maybe men judge women as "lower-value" in their heads more or in male-only settings (this forum definitely opened my eyes to that), but I've only ever heard men say the word "slut" or judge a woman for being promiscuous openly if she rejected them and slept with someone else. Most genders seem to use it more as an ego-defense or holier-than-thou thing rather than relating it to actual sexual activity in my experience. Also, I've always instinctively felt like if a guy approached me then being responsive to his advances would break some unspoken social code and make me look desperate. My friends would always assume that none of us would ever be interested, so diverging from that felt weird. But I can only think of one time I ever rejected a guy I was actually interested in due to this fear, and let's just say I had quite a logical reason for it in that case!
  4. @Artur I'm sure that most people would feel very empty working at a factory, I know that I would. When I say that you should be focusing on financial independence rather than life purpose/spirituality, I didn't mean to imply that you should settle for menial work. Just that maybe you should focus on finding work where you can earn more and build more skills instead of expecting to go directly from factory work (or something similar) to life purpose. I mean Leo's first job was as a videogame developer, then he built a successful marketing company (financial independence), then he built (life purpose). The vast majority of people need to achieve surface-level success/financial independence before they can work on their life purpose full-time. Also, just a heads-up that I think if you make another post in a few days that's much shorter and has a clear, specific question then you'll probably get more responses! Most people don't want to read a huge block of text. And I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better and had that realization.
  5. To be fair, it's often not the reading itself that's the hard part, it's the mental exhaustion of making yourself stick to a routine that happens to include reading. Especially if you're trying to do it at a certain time. And trust me, I've come across people who are too mentally exhausted from the obligation to brush their teeth that they need a rest day sometimes
  6. There's a lot to unpack here and I don't know the full context of your life, but it doesn't really sound like your biggest problem is a lack of motivation to work, but rather a struggle to find a balance between the greatest thing you could do and the most pragmatic thing you can do right now to work toward that. And that maybe in the past, your inability to do this led you to take a more passive role so you didn't have to make those decisions yourself (following the career your mother chose, moving to a small village to be with your ex-wife, staying in a toxic job too long). You're asking a lot of yourself if you're currently facing financial hardship and have the massive responsibility of paying child alimony, yet you're expecting yourself to suddenly become a successful musician or entrepreneur. It seems like your biggest priority right now should be financial independence, no matter how you get there, and you can return to the spirituality and life purpose aspects when you get there.
  7. True, I watched it a while ago so can't remember whether he was more focused on the hustle or familial aspect. But it wasn't completely a pragmatic thing as he did seem big on the idea that it's a shame for families to separate when in many cases they love each other and would actually enjoy living together more than being separate.
  8. I remember being (pleasantly) surprised that in one of his videos he was saying that more young people should live at home for longer if they get along with their parents. He pointed out that US culture is all about "independence" and individualism but that in reality many families would genuinely be happier to continue living together, and that it gives young people a chance to focus on something like a business and save more money. I agree he's probably orange overall but it's refreshing to see some green there.
  9. I've been watching Russell Brand on/off since he first started talking about politics on YouTube (maybe like 2014?) He used to be very stereotypical leftist and green, but it seems like recently he's become more interested in "challenging conventional opinions" and being open to controversial ideas or people. So being open to anything Trump might have got right fits into that, it doesn't make him a supporter. Although I don't like this new clickbait approach and he often has some pretty poor takes or lacks knowledge, I appreciate him for daring to move away from the usual black and white narrative.
  10. My (male) partner hates talking about my sexual past but I like talking about his, haha. I definitely don't agree with the idea that the past is just the past. Relationships (whether they're sexual, romantic, non-requited, non-existent) say so much about us and have so much impact on who we are. I can't imagine not knowing that kind of basic information about someone I'm building a life with. Personally, as long as I don't know the people or their identity, I find it intriguing (or sometimes arousing) to learn about these mysterious experiences with past lovers. As for knowing the actual body count, I don't think it's necessary - deciding what counts is so arbitrary. Besides, it's pretty obvious in the early stages of getting involved with someone if they're a sex-in-a-committed-relationship-only person, a casual-sex-sometimes person, or a lots-of-one-night-stands person. I care about broadly which category they fit into, because I want us to be on the same page, but I don't care about the number itself.
  11. @Flowerfaeiry thank you will definitely check those out! For whatever reason I seem to gravitate toward male resources but I think I'd benefit from more female teachings too
  12. What resources have you used for women's teachings?
  13. Yeah it does seem like a human thing rather than a female thing to me, I can't imagine how anyone wouldn't care about that stuff
  14. Brilliant, thanks for sharing! Although it turns out the mythology behind the cock carousel is even crazier than I thought
  15. Well I guess it depends what you mean by meaningful. Understanding how the brains of introverts and extroverts differ can be a useful tool in self-awareness and personal development. For me, since learning about introversion, I was able to develop my extroversion side more, and now people often don't believe I'm really an introvert. It can also help you perform at your peak and retain as much energy as possible. But like you say, it can be a problem if people use it to make excuses for acting a certain way or make introversion a core part of their identity.