MNR Mackey

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  1. Im not really understanding the issue. Are you having difficulty landing a job? Or is it that you just really really dont want to have to work a job?
  2. If this were created into an actual physical, hardcover text book, I would pay money for it. This is amazing. Great work!
  3. Day 6 2/10 Felt like absolute garbage for the last 24 hours, but not related to the adstinence, I dont think. Just finished a weekend of on-call work and got called out of bed to get on a rooftop at 2 and 3am every night
  4. Hey, folks Im looking for some life and professional advice. When I was in high school, I really wanted to become a doctor. I didnt get amazing grades in high school, I believe I had a 79 average, but not good enough scholarships. Call it an excuse or whatever, but my home was not at all a good learning environment. My parents were divorced when I was 2 years old and my mother had some serious untreated mental health issues, as well as an afinity for dating immature, older alcoholic men. All of which were abusive to me. After high school, I did attentd the University of my choice which was not only in-Province for me (lower tuition) but also has a very prestigious school of medicine. My first semester was hard, but I did pass all my courses and was looking forward to the next. The next semester however, my financial struggles from the previous semester began to show and I had to start working more hours. As the semesters went on, I was given less from student loans due to the income I made during the semester. Eventually, I wasn't eligible for much of a loan at all, which meant I had to work pretty much full time just to get by, leaving no time for study. I have absolutely no financial support from anyone. After trying and failing with university, I spent 6 years in the army reserves and 5 years so far as a tradesperson. I do not enjoy my work. The trades are filled with toxic masculinity and low conciousness and I just dont want to spend my life working in that environment. Im currently working to pay off my student loan debt and save up money to go back to university to study medicine again, but at this rate, even if I keep working the 50-60 hour weeks that I work year round, Ill be 45 years old before I have enough saved to be able to afford to go back to school without having to work my ass off. That'll put me at 55 to 57 years old before I even graduate. Do you people think this is not worth working towards?
  5. Ive found that where I peg myself on the spiral tends to ebb and flow based on my mood. If Im having a real bad day and struggling to be conscious, I can see myself sliding down into Blue territory, mostly characterized by harsh moralization. When Im feeling very positive and energetic, Im mostly in Green and I can definitely identify with a lot of Yellow values. So I can't personally place myself in 1 stage entirely, I can range between Blue and Yellow.
  6. Day 5 6/10 Strong urges this morning during my meditation.
  7. Day 4 since last relapse. 6/10 Felt pretty low yesterday. Its been 6 days since me and my girlfriend had sex. She's never given me any real reason to suspect her of cheating, I have just been cheated on before and sometimes the insecurity rears its ugly head. I get in my head thinking, "if she's not having sex with me, she must be getting it somewhere else". Watched Leo's video on how to be a man part 1 and that gave me a good kick in the nuts. So what? If she cheated on me, it would be painful but Id survive. I went to the gym to release some sexual tension, but omg the women in yoga pants and training bras were unbareable. It gave me plenty of energy for my workout. Sometimes I spend so much time being aroused but not fully erect that I get horrible blueballs. What do you guys do about the blueballs?
  8. @dimitri awesome post, thank you so much!
  9. I failed this morning. I independently decided I was going to attempt to not masturbate the entire month of November. A few days ago, my girlfriend said "so apparently theres this thing called "no nut November?" I had not heard of it at this point. I have been waking up at 5am just about every morning since I was 7 or 8 years old and Ive always enjoyed my solitude in the hours when I was the only one awake. I was awake, I had a glass of hot lemon water and then decided to get in the shower. I was lathering up my body and started to rub my noodle to clean under my foreskin (uncircumcised). I had been making approaches to my girlfriend for the past few nights to initiate intercourse. She likes to sleep naked, so when we climb into bed, I can usually get her warmed up by some soft kissing on the back of her neck and just by pressing my semi erect tool into her nice round behind, but she just hasnt been into it the past few days. Ive had to go to bed with my heartrate at about 130bpm just because of how aroused I was. But when I started to rub myself down there this morning... I just couldn't stop. I just couldnt take my hands off myself. But, to be honest, I wasn't super disappointed in myself, because I wasn't watching porn. I had a really nice, wholesome, thoroughly enjoyed climax and man do I feel like a million bucks today!! Theres still more than 2 weeks left to the month, time to start over!
  10. St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada!