kingroboto

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About kingroboto

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  1. Nah, you don't need to be doing any creative writing right now dude. What you need prioritize immediately is getting the hell out of mom's basement and develop a sense of independence, a sense of dignity. That's the base you need to start discovering your life purpose and working towards it. For that you need to generate income. I hate to be the one to throw cold water over your master plan but no one is going to want to read from some incel living with his mom in his 30's whining about not winning the lottery. It sucks but that's just the way the world works I'm afraid. It's highly unlikely that you'll produce anything worthwhile in your current state anyways. People here are being kind to you about your writing skill but in my opinion it's not anything special and it's only encouraging you to remain in your situation overly intellectualizing everything on the internet. I'm not saying give up on writing completely but what I'm saying is come up with a more practical plan to generate income to move the hell away from your mom as soon as possible so you can start living your life. Writing some angsty blog post on tumblr ain't gonna cut it. No doubt you have a list of excuses ready to go in response and frankly i'm not interested. I'm just trying to help you because I've been in similar situation and I'm worried that you're on a trajectory to shoot up a shopping mall or something (it's doubtful though since that probably requires good sleep hygiene as well ) . Intellectualize it however you want but you are in a shitty situation and there's no more time for baby steps. You do not want to be making the same excuses when you are hitting 40. The time for action is now. I'm intentionally being inflammatory because I believe it's what you need to hear at this point in your life. Again, get the hell away from your mom, stop playing the lottery like an idiot, and just face life in it's entirety. You have nothing to lose
  2. You claim to have developed resilience to suffering, yet you won't take any actions unless everything is literally handed to you on a silver plate. Which is it? Time to stop bullsitting yourself.
  3. It's the end of the day, you are already tired from lack of proper sleep from the previous night, but you somehow managed to get through it. You've meditated, you've done your best to clear your head of negative thinking. There's a stressful work to be done the next day but you are willing to face it head on. For that you need sleep and a clear head so you head to bed. You tell yourself you are going to have a full day so you need this sleep. The tiredness washes over you and you finally drift into sleep hoping to wake up refreshed. Then you wake up and check the time - you've only gotten 4 hours of sleep. You still have that sick feeling of fatigue and want to go back to sleep but your mind says no, fuck you. You are not going to have a good day. You are not going to be at your best to handle the work needed to be done to make your life better. Toss and turn all you want but im not letting you rest. Try all the positive thinking you want but Your physical body will be tired and you will have to suffer through another day. I'm not going to help you. How do you show love to yourself in this kind of situation?
  4. Do you really think all of those people are happy? and you're hardly alone in feeling this way. There's a reason why suicide rate skyrockets in holiday seasons
  5. Most college graduates would laugh at your 25k debt. Most household today probably would love to trade your debt with theirs. Does that make you feel better?
  6. Your hubris of thinking that you conquered your depression and will NEVER get depressed again is what is hurting you. Just accept that life is going to throw curve balls at you constantly and learn from each experience.
  7. @Hello from Russia I guess the cliche answer is as I mentioned above, something you would get excited to do the moment you wake up, something you would want to do even if you weren't paid for it, so on and so forth...i was just fantasizing about this hypothetical job i could be doing that would give me everything I want in life in one neat package: money, fulfillment, social life, love, health, security for future, etc etc.
  8. so there I was sitting at home working on an illustration for a client and had this realization hit me like a brick: "I don't like doing this". I don't mean just that particular job, which was boring and not turning out so great, which I was only doing for the pay, but just what I do for a living in general - drawing, illustrating, designing, I didn't care for any of it at that moment. Sitting in front of the computer for hours, making chicken scratch motion with my hand to create images on a screen to be sent off in exchange for dollars. Having to constantly second guess myself and having anxieties about if the image or design will turn out right, if the client will approve and I get to continue my lifestyle. This is coming at a time when I've hit some major breakthroughs in my art and started to gain a following on social media. I've enjoyed moments of triumph and bliss while creating art and seeing the growth in my abilities. I thought my life purpose is to experience this growth and use it to offer something great to the world - but isn't that all just ego? Looking back I never really LOVED any of it, more like I was just bearing with the suffering to gain some kind of recognition or achieve a certain lifestyle. Isn't that enough though? How many people on this planet get to say they LOVE what they do for a living? I mean like 100% passionate, love every single aspect of it, get excited to wake up in the morning kind of love? Isn't that also the ego trying to make it about itself and be distracted by life? I don't even know what else I would rather do. On one hand it seems like I'm just in a depressed state and looking for a way out. On the other hand it feels like I'm just continuing with this farce because it's the only life I know and it's scary to consider anything else and admit that I should quit. If this is the 'resistance' or the ego backlash against me finally making progress in my skills and moving up in the world it's a bloody damn good one. I really have to tip my hat to the devil for this one because it's really the mother of all resistance to stop me dead in my tracks. This is not the first time I've had thoughts like this but I guess after all the things I've accomplished and all the growth I've made I thought that I wouldn't have to question myself like this.
  9. When I wake up in the morning, as soon as my brain starts spinning I immediately feel this sense of anxiety and dread wash over me, thinking about getting through another day and facing another battle with my mind. Will I be able to be productive today? Will I let myself down? Am I going the right path in life? Oh god I'm tired/cold/hungry why am I still alive etc... it's disappointing because I would go to sleep in a calmer state of mind, more optimistic about life in general. It's like everything gets reset and I have to spend all day to reach that state again (only to reset again in the morning) I've found so far Meditation is very good. Weed calms me down (wake and bake) and I go to workout in the morning. Still I wish that there is a way to carry over your state of mind at night to next morning when I get up without all the fuss. (Or is it inevitable and hence why meditation is so important)
  10. Did something happen in your life recently? Maybe you don't actually want to do those things
  11. Got a lot to think about from Leo's latest video on counter intuitive nature of life. Ones that jumped out to me in particular are on the subject of love; firstly I realized that I am definitely a love vampire. I want to take and take but very hesitant about giving love to people, because I've been the 'nice guy' in my youth and let people walk all over me. I guess I never really gave love to anyone just being nice to people hoping that they would return the favor which they never do. So where is the distinction? The second part which ties into the first part is I don't know how to love myself through my failures despite it seeming to be very critical to my growth. My only memories of childhood is being hit and scolded by my parents for my failures. I don't know where to draw this unconditional love from since I don't think i ever experienced it. I've gotten close to it a few times during my meditation but it just rings hollow when I tell myself I'm going to love myself. Any tips? Thanks
  12. @thehero i get it. Go suffer some more then come back to it
  13. watch some of Leo's videos on the subject. The ones that I like are: Distraction: ego's favorite defense mechanism, and dealing with loneliness while self actualizing. this idea that we are 'social creatures' is a bit of a fallacy in my opinion. Yes, low conscious people require other people to feel secure, same way animals need social groups to stay alive. As human beings we can elevate ourselves to not need such things. I was in the same boat as you but now I see outside validation as something worthless. Friends and relationships are nice spice of life, but are not necessary to live a joyful life. Don't listen to these people that tell you no man can be an island. You are stuck in a very low conscious state right now, but that can be remedied through more spiritual work.
  14. I guess the takeaway here is that Elon thinks he's changing the world. The world is the world. Nothing gets changed it just is. Or put it in another way, the world is constantly changing on it's own just fine @Shadowraix but i am interested in the length of the post, just not in the way you like
  15. ok, what is OP is trying to say