• Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by kingroboto

  1. It's the end of the day, you are already tired from lack of proper sleep from the previous night, but you somehow managed to get through it. You've meditated, you've done your best to clear your head of negative thinking. There's a stressful work to be done the next day but you are willing to face it head on. For that you need sleep and a clear head so you head to bed. You tell yourself you are going to have a full day so you need this sleep. The tiredness washes over you and you finally drift into sleep hoping to wake up refreshed. Then you wake up and check the time - you've only gotten 4 hours of sleep. You still have that sick feeling of fatigue and want to go back to sleep but your mind says no, fuck you. You are not going to have a good day. You are not going to be at your best to handle the work needed to be done to make your life better. Toss and turn all you want but im not letting you rest. Try all the positive thinking you want but Your physical body will be tired and you will have to suffer through another day. I'm not going to help you. How do you show love to yourself in this kind of situation?
  2. Do you really think all of those people are happy? and you're hardly alone in feeling this way. There's a reason why suicide rate skyrockets in holiday seasons
  3. Most college graduates would laugh at your 25k debt. Most household today probably would love to trade your debt with theirs. Does that make you feel better?
  4. Your hubris of thinking that you conquered your depression and will NEVER get depressed again is what is hurting you. Just accept that life is going to throw curve balls at you constantly and learn from each experience.
  5. @Hello from Russia I guess the cliche answer is as I mentioned above, something you would get excited to do the moment you wake up, something you would want to do even if you weren't paid for it, so on and so forth...i was just fantasizing about this hypothetical job i could be doing that would give me everything I want in life in one neat package: money, fulfillment, social life, love, health, security for future, etc etc.
  6. so there I was sitting at home working on an illustration for a client and had this realization hit me like a brick: "I don't like doing this". I don't mean just that particular job, which was boring and not turning out so great, which I was only doing for the pay, but just what I do for a living in general - drawing, illustrating, designing, I didn't care for any of it at that moment. Sitting in front of the computer for hours, making chicken scratch motion with my hand to create images on a screen to be sent off in exchange for dollars. Having to constantly second guess myself and having anxieties about if the image or design will turn out right, if the client will approve and I get to continue my lifestyle. This is coming at a time when I've hit some major breakthroughs in my art and started to gain a following on social media. I've enjoyed moments of triumph and bliss while creating art and seeing the growth in my abilities. I thought my life purpose is to experience this growth and use it to offer something great to the world - but isn't that all just ego? Looking back I never really LOVED any of it, more like I was just bearing with the suffering to gain some kind of recognition or achieve a certain lifestyle. Isn't that enough though? How many people on this planet get to say they LOVE what they do for a living? I mean like 100% passionate, love every single aspect of it, get excited to wake up in the morning kind of love? Isn't that also the ego trying to make it about itself and be distracted by life? I don't even know what else I would rather do. On one hand it seems like I'm just in a depressed state and looking for a way out. On the other hand it feels like I'm just continuing with this farce because it's the only life I know and it's scary to consider anything else and admit that I should quit. If this is the 'resistance' or the ego backlash against me finally making progress in my skills and moving up in the world it's a bloody damn good one. I really have to tip my hat to the devil for this one because it's really the mother of all resistance to stop me dead in my tracks. This is not the first time I've had thoughts like this but I guess after all the things I've accomplished and all the growth I've made I thought that I wouldn't have to question myself like this.
  7. When I wake up in the morning, as soon as my brain starts spinning I immediately feel this sense of anxiety and dread wash over me, thinking about getting through another day and facing another battle with my mind. Will I be able to be productive today? Will I let myself down? Am I going the right path in life? Oh god I'm tired/cold/hungry why am I still alive etc... it's disappointing because I would go to sleep in a calmer state of mind, more optimistic about life in general. It's like everything gets reset and I have to spend all day to reach that state again (only to reset again in the morning) I've found so far Meditation is very good. Weed calms me down (wake and bake) and I go to workout in the morning. Still I wish that there is a way to carry over your state of mind at night to next morning when I get up without all the fuss. (Or is it inevitable and hence why meditation is so important)
  8. Got a lot to think about from Leo's latest video on counter intuitive nature of life. Ones that jumped out to me in particular are on the subject of love; firstly I realized that I am definitely a love vampire. I want to take and take but very hesitant about giving love to people, because I've been the 'nice guy' in my youth and let people walk all over me. I guess I never really gave love to anyone just being nice to people hoping that they would return the favor which they never do. So where is the distinction? The second part which ties into the first part is I don't know how to love myself through my failures despite it seeming to be very critical to my growth. My only memories of childhood is being hit and scolded by my parents for my failures. I don't know where to draw this unconditional love from since I don't think i ever experienced it. I've gotten close to it a few times during my meditation but it just rings hollow when I tell myself I'm going to love myself. Any tips? Thanks
  9. @thehero i get it. Go suffer some more then come back to it
  10. watch some of Leo's videos on the subject. The ones that I like are: Distraction: ego's favorite defense mechanism, and dealing with loneliness while self actualizing. this idea that we are 'social creatures' is a bit of a fallacy in my opinion. Yes, low conscious people require other people to feel secure, same way animals need social groups to stay alive. As human beings we can elevate ourselves to not need such things. I was in the same boat as you but now I see outside validation as something worthless. Friends and relationships are nice spice of life, but are not necessary to live a joyful life. Don't listen to these people that tell you no man can be an island. You are stuck in a very low conscious state right now, but that can be remedied through more spiritual work.
  11. I guess the takeaway here is that Elon thinks he's changing the world. The world is the world. Nothing gets changed it just is. Or put it in another way, the world is constantly changing on it's own just fine @Shadowraix but i am interested in the length of the post, just not in the way you like
  12. lmao I'm sorry but kid, you are 14. You are too young to be talking about missing the past. 10 yrs ago you were a toddler. Is that what you want to be? Perpetually living like a baby? It's good that you are being conscious of things at such early age but bro, many people here including myself started their spiritual journey very late in life. Don't stress and just know that you have time to fuck up and figure things out.
  13. reminder: clean your own room before coming up with your grand plans to change the world. The world is bloody complicated - Jordan Peterson
  14. So this is a constant struggle I have with myself daily. I've decided that I'm going to be good to myself but i don't know what being good to myself actually looks like. I do my best to eat healthy but i sneak in that occasional donut or an Ice cream bar as a treat to myself. Am I being good to myself for offering external pleasures or am I just being over indulgent and ruining my health? Am I being good to myself for allowing myself to just lounge around at the end of a long day or am I being lazy and denying myself of a better future by wasting my time away? Some insight would be appreciated
  15. @Pilgrim where are you planning to become this pure being connected to nature? Are you going to become a sage in the woods? That wouldn't be an easy life at all
  16. For me it was early JRPGs like the final fantasy series. I miss those days of gaming when graphics were bad but because studios needed less budget they were allowed to run wild with their imaginations and create these fantastic worlds that were much richer than today's big budget games with amazing graphics. Now every game needs to go through a dozen focus group and make sure it doesnt offend anybody. What you have in the end are pretty looking games that are hollow inside. Or maybe Im just old and jaded.
  17. Seems like just normally low motivation to me
  18. @Leo Gura well it's good to know that it isn't suppose to be easy. I will check out those videos, thanks ?‍♂️
  19. I will try this for a day, seems like fun
  20. There's nothing quite like facing a major setback in life, pop some mushrooms, have an existential crisis, then turn on a self video to put everything back into perspective. You are this bald floating wizard head that appears in my life's darkest times and help me pick myself backup yet again. I'm sure you have that effect on a lot of people and I'm sending good vibes to you wherever you are.
  21. Ever since I've been doing meditation and mindfulness work, I started to see that I was living a life of pursuing endless series of shallow pleasures, be it food, entertainment, sex, relationship, or other forms of drugs that are found in our day to day reality. I also saw that despite all the positive changes I made in my life and the hard work I put into improving my life situation, I was ultimately still doing it to win the validation of others, more specifically the members of opposite sex. I never thought much of MGTOW other than that they are a group of bitter old alt-right white males and 4chan trolling virgins hating on women on the internet, but since I stumbled onto some of their materials online and looked into it at more depth, it seemed to me that they are quite compatible with some of the philosophies of being a self actualized person. From what I understand, the core principle of MGTOW is to become a self reliant man who doesn't need to seek the validation of a female to be happy or be bound to the need for constant sexual gratification. It's about fundamentally rewiring the brain to undo the social programming we were subjected to from birth. Society tells us, "you must be in a relationship in order to be fulfilled. You must have children for your life to mean anything. Sex is great and your position in the social hierarchy is tied to how many sexual partners you've had. Having more sex means you are more alpha. Finding "love" should be your ultimate goal and you should work like a dog everyday just to have a chance at it. (And then pay for it to keep it going) if you dont aspire to this kind of existence then you are either gay or a loser." I began to question these messages as i kept doing mindfulness practices. I was able to find brief flashes of Inner calm and peace. It was a much cleaner and more stable form of happiness than what I would get from an intimate relationship. It was enough of a clue for me to understand that everything that society told me regarding the topic was a lie, and that it is in fact possible to be happy and feel content without any external conditions to be met first. It makes sense to me to adopt this mode of being as a man since being indifferent and uncaring is more attractive to women anyways, and sadly social media and technology has fundamentally altered the social dynamic of men and women without anyone realizing it. It's not about fear or running away, rather it is about simply being content with yourself and accepting the reality that yes, all women are fundamentally deceitful and self serving, and that the usual checks and balances that were in place to keep them in line have been destroyed by introduction of feminism, birth control, tinder, and social media. Its about surrendering to reality regarding men's place in western society today. What's the opinion of others who has done research on this topic? Is it just toxic or is it a practical mode of being for men in 21st century?
  22. @Emerald something tells me you desperately want men to be unhappy, that's why you construct imaginary visions of suffering men in your head, to make yourself feel a little better about your life. I also like that extremely long winded personal story you forced in to basically portray yourself as a well put together, accomplished woman who is revered by a lowly man, to boost your ego a little on a internet forum. Maybe reflect on why you pick that particular tale if it even happened at all.
  23. @Emerald Thank you for the chuckle no wonder I've never encountered psychologically healthy women my whole life, they must've smelled me and were circling me from a thousand mile radius this whole time!!!