Javfly33

From what I read, being "nice guy" is really just trying to appear (very important word) nice in order to cause a good impression on the girl and trying her to like you. Notice that the self decepcion is so strong that you probably are not even aware of it and you probably think you really are angel and not a devil. If you are being "nice" as an strategy to mate, it won't work for women since they are pretty smart to call out this fake behaviour. The reason why in other common social situations you can get away with it is since the implications are usually not so heavy. In mating the woman has much more at stake so it takes serious your devilry and notices it quickly. Here's what I mean, you just said "becoming a confident man" it's what you think it would be the key to your success. Well I agree, too. It's not 100% but it's definitely one of the most important parts. When you approach a woman, why you are not 100% confident? Surely because you are trying to hide some aspects about yourself to her. Surely with this attitude you need "an strategy" in order to show her some aspects of yourself but not others. Do you call this being "nice guy"? Or you can consider you are maybe lying to yourself? Some questions to make you think before anything. Note that most of this information I took it from a famous pick up book and part of my own experience, but I could be biased in some aspects. Take what you think it could be true and put it into the real world to see if it's true for you.

Yeap, I guess I'll have to have more patiente and let it sink

Holy cow I'm so happy for you.

Wow that inspired me. You seem very wise. Much thanks for the words.

Beautiful and powerful. I hope you learn much from the experience.

This might be a retoric question, because I "think" it´s the only one. But hear me out coming from a yet spritual newbie: So I am experimenting something interesting this last months I´ve really trying to heal myself in areas like relationships, confidence, my self-love (or lack of)...etc. I have seen that I what I did saw some years ago as clear diferentitations between reality: -What you can see/experience in Meditation --What you can see/experience with Psychedelics -What you can see/experience in Therapy (Psychology approach) etc... Were obvious clear to me. Specially since I did study 1 first year of Psychology Degree. After discovering meditation and did a couple of trips on acid I thought Psychology while being useful on some sense, it was "materialistic" approach and my recent worldview in altered states of consciousness made me very much skeptick in what therapy would do to me. However, I am discovering it all just might be interconnected. I am working on and off in the three approaches and It seems like with more Healing I do, there comes unevocally, a change in self. Like literally I´m starting to observe that I can´t do healing in any of my personality unless there´s this activity of a somebody being Consciouss letting go of beliefs. And where you actually let go of the belief or either you clearly see its not true then Healing gets done. This days It doesn´t matter where my "change" is coming from, it seems it comes from only one direction: it seems everything has to be related to my beliefs, the more consciouss, the less beliefs. The less beliefs, the more healing I am experiencing.

My point is, I started to learn about pickup and all of this "mating-theory" stuff that I'm still very suspicious if it's bs, about 5-6 years ago. Yeah I met some women but I by that time I didn't love myself one bit, well I loved myself but in a fake way, in an egotistical grandeur way but then I would get anxious with a girl for the most stupid thing At one point I realized all of this theory, jerarchy, "you have to behave this way", "don't be needy", "don't be this", "be that", "interpret social cues"...etc was making me GREATLY ANXIOUS. I was wtf im done with this shit. But recently I realized I'll have to start meeting women of I'll get sick, I'm sooo sick of porn I could die. So I started talking to women recently, but totally in an opposite sense (although still ego tries to protect its image) I'm just being totally vulnerable, if I can behave like a needy bitch I will, if in that moment I want to be like a cute loser I will, I feel totally free and trying to accept myself 100% fully, basically doing the opposite of what a pick up book would tell you. The result? Ive only got started and already met two very attractive girls, and I feel almost 0 anxious around them, very confident. Because I don't have to protect any image, I have nothing to lose and I'll end up meeting more women this way if I try to behave like X. So you might say now, yeah but what about getting laid? Well I am not still sure about that lmao, did I just fucked up by behaving in an authentic way (even if its needy) with this women? What I know if that I haven't changed my approach I would be paralyzed to do anything. And I'm basically tired as hell of destructive behaviour like porn addiction and overall not loving yourself. Advice will be very appreciated. Don't mind if you crush my ego since this stage of my life my evolution is all about this..lol. but please don't tell me I gotta do pick up again, that I have to behave "confidently" even if in the inside in this moment of my life I AM NOT. Let me be authentic. Please tell me I can make it this way, God. For one time it does feel alright .

DM and Recommend some high-consciouss porn please lol I need to purificate my porn habits in the meanwhile i try to cut down of use...

Show i posted a similar post on reddit but I consider this forum way more advanced (not offense, reddit) and particularly in regards to nofap will be way more imparcial. I´ve been doing / trying NoFap for almost 2 years. With the main focus of quitting porn (but I´m starting to notice this might have been a self-deception, Im still have to be more mindful) And yesterday I finally have noticed very clear that I feel shame after I relapse/ejaculate. I wonder where the fuck this shame comes from, I get you might be feel a down in energy, but the emotional pain, I think it shouldn't be seen as normal. So since i´ve been more receptive to emotions lately (never been in my whole life, for a protective mechanism) and I saw why i felt shame. I noticed my mind has this attitude of fapping makes me less valid human being. I´ve started to consider the reason of why I have been doing nofap if to feel more "sexually valid" and more valid as a human being..now I see that that is indeed ego trying to feel superior because naturally it feels inferior (lack of self-esteem). I basically very very confused about my sexuality. I now pretty clear that using porn numbs a lot my sexual drive and motivation to meet women. However in the process I would want to know what is real and what is not. NoFap can be used as a self-deceptive mechanism so freaking easy. After this insight im not sure in fact that ive made any progress in the last 2 years. Just doing nofap streaks to feel that mania and confidence that now i just see as fake. I guess really my only question is... So Humans beings are NOT measurable by material things / achievements? Is not that I am not less valid for my sexual life but rather than sexuality or any other material/achievement stuff doesn´t tell anything about the value of a human being right?

Right, I was the one who didn't understood right then. I see what you are saying, OP definitely should be doing what he might feel drawn into. I don't agree that stimulation and adventures gives you happiness, but obviously if you are mature enough to do calm/still practices and live a life that way (I'm not including myself in there, but I hope I will be some day) then yeah you should go out to have fun. But it's usual that going out or doing any kind of random adventure or party stuff doesn't make people happier or satisfied, that's why people end up having calmer lives. But yeah I agree with you in that you have first to realize it.

Well shit, it doesn´t take a ** genius to see that depression might be an effect of all the things you listed there. You probably feel helpless of all of the baggage you gotta clean and that´s why depression. My advice is go one by a time. Focus in one single tick of that list and get it solved. I would advice self-esteem since In my opinion is the most important and solving that will solve probably the anxiety or lack of socialization. So when you have decided one item. You have again to break it little parts. Because you just don´t "fix self-esteem". People usually fix self-esteem by: - Going to the therapist - Reading books related to self esteem ETC. Don´t fall into the rabbit hole of implementing a shit ton of healthy changes in your life and expect your life to go 180º. Shit just don´t work that way and you will end burn out. Just pick one item and start working on it. When you feel tired relax. Dont burn out. Also if you want to talk related to this you DM. (I´m also working on my self-esteem). But i´m older than you (24). Trust me take this seriously. You are "lucky" by being consciouss and honest of all the things you have listed there. I only became consciouss like 3-4months ago and trust me the shock you get it´s brutal. I say to you from my heart that your effort will be worth it.

LOL. The OP is saying that he suffers/fears of having missed out social/stimulating stuff and you just say to him that actually that part of life was the most fun and amazing of your life. I think you got his post wrong. He is not looking for motivation but rather help in not suffering from missing out.

Madrid is a more serious city. Barcelona is kinda more fun. Both have plenty of interesting job opportunities. Both are good options to be honest.

Tell us more. What you mean with second paragraph?

Careful, can be specially self-deceptive the longer you go on it, because the mania. As long as you don't see it as the magic pill or use it as a self-deceptive mechanism (very difficult until you see it for yourself) I agree no fap makes your life brighter, less anxious, more grounded. But remember that NoFap "it's just" an aid. You should strike to feel as secure and confident normally as you would do in No Fap. This is coming from someone who made it 110days of NoFap, and yeah was "amazing* for feeling grounded and confident in social interactions. However I discovered porn/jacking off was not the problem. NoFap helps as for example a drug works, it can make you feel alright but beware that it's sold to be against it (porn/jacking off) is not really the origin which cases the illness. Hard pill to swallow but the soon you got this the soon you will actually transcend it. Having said that , I try to schedule my life I'll masturbate the least I Can. Never really a lose of energy and focus feels right so fapping it's really just a representation of a inhability to use or transmute the energy of your root chakras.

If you have working on putting a career, or you are going to have a kid...etc. I seriously don't see the point in trying to awaken. I do see the point in just becoming more conscious, since a lot of your neurotic and selfish behaviour gets away as you get more conscious. But what about being really awake ? Because you can be really awake. It's not a very difficult thing. The difficulty thing is maintaining that state since your ego has a total plan ahead of life to keep working on. For example I am a 24 years old guy, I am working on getting a dev job in the industry (in the future being an entrepreneur also excites me), and also trying to actualize to finally fix my social habilitaties, etc (I just want to have some sex before enlightenment to be honest lol) But this weekend I got really awake. Not a full enlighment because if it would have been that I wouldn't be writing this. I'll be enjoying non duality, but a serious fucking shocking beautiful mindfuck, since yesterday I've been soooo shocked about how all my life has been a story. I got so much work in front of me in the conceptual world, but my heart , for what it has seen, what it wants it just to let go of everything and stay in silence just admiring how blind I've been. And of course live now from that position, from a position far from being driving in the front seat, but rather in the back seat (I hope this metaphor gets understood) But I won't, this state of so much awareness I am probably will be faded because I am going to let my internal monolog gets increased and attach to it since I gotta do a bunch of material stuff so my ego can develop itself. So I am not sad, what it happened this weekend will probably accelerate the cure of my neurosis and anxieties, but to be honest, when you have touched the sweetest thing, it feels like a treason to go back to material world. To summarize, I don't see enlightenment or a high level state of consciousness regular to be difficult to achieve, but because people really are attached (and want to) to its goals and material lives, you are just going to go back to ego. At least this is my experience and now I understand more why so little people are awakened 24/7. You have to say good bye to any ego desires you wanted and that seems...wow, radical. (Even though you have saw ego is a concept) I guess you have to see it more a more times to actually one day finally let go without any doubt

That's far from the truth. If you were right, half of society wouldn't be on all kind of distractions, medications and in general they wouldn't have any kind of neurotic illnesses.

Thank you for your words, friend

I am totally sober right now but it just feels somebody else is typing this words not me. Who am I? I just went for a walk. Took 32.5ug of acid, my usual dose for introspective, social-anxiety self inquiry since I'm trying to solve that. But I was tired of my "stuff" I just put leo last video. And while self inquiring about stuff, it just "clicked me" when I noticed there was something "in the back" while I am talking, having thoughts ...etc. IT started giving the authority to this "back position" instead of the "front position" (here the one who is talking I am at the front) Again, it feels now I "going back" to normal self. I can go back to normal self but there is THIS SADNESS INSIDE THAT I am going back to a life of chains. But if God stays where it's at it is not grounded, it doesn't know where to attach itself if I stop existing. And again, who the fuck is writing this words. The thing is , I know I have to go back the Monday to my normal life, Tring to get a job etc. But now I just want to let go. Well not me. IT wants to let go and it feels the right thing to. But it just feels it's going to pass 20 years of my life to just come back to this moment I am having right now.

So about 2 months ago a had a tough (but also enlightening) psychedelic trip where I discovered one of my biggest problem in my life. Low self esteem, and I wasn't never conscious of that. I realized all my life I created a whole story (and stories) in my head in order to feel "superior" to others (I guess to protect my ego). Notice that this is not a metaphor, I REALLY thought those stories were 100% real, for my whole adolescence I didn't have a clue that I had "low self esteem" or "social anxiety" (this is what they call it, right?). Anyway, so I discovered the trick to actually transcend all of this. My lack of confidence, anxiety, etc... Just completely let go of my ego. But how realistic this is? Please help me do this. I had a following trip in where I learned that if I became totally vulnerable (instead of defending an image of myself) I HAD 0 ANXIETY around people! This sensation remained at least 1 week. But then I start to feel again more in my old self. My ego Vs the Wolrd. I can't let go and be vulnerable because it feels it's going to hurt me. It feels like it's going to destroy me and life 'its going to win'. It feels like it definetely is going to prove 99% of what I believed was wrong. The Pilar's in which I built my identity (from not liking my city of residence, not liking to go out, and particularly critizising this and that) was all to serve my stories. And now I have to recognise ALL OF THAT WAS WRONG. Years of beliefs. I would say almost a decade. I have the tool to self actualize. To just let go. After my last trip is very easy for me to know what to do in a social interaction to not feel anxiety: to just let of and feel totally vulnerable, do not defend anything. But holy shit it feels totally frightening after you start doing this and you realize is actually working, that if you keep doing this everything you have believed in regards to this "problems" that you had was so so so wrong and suddenly nearly all people and social interactions you criticized all of your life, all critizising was to protect yourself and to try to feel superior. 10 years of a fake story you now have to let go of. So after some weeks after the last trip my ego feels again it has something to lose if he actually lets go and surrender it self: im starting again to "defend myself", it just feels so annihilating this and particularly that I am not getting anything in return (because who wants to feel with 0 anxiety and free around people when in return you have to let go of your belief system of your whole life! That's poison for ego) There has been easily since 12-13 years old to my twenties being a FUCKING DEVIL. I don't say this is a bad way, it's just I've done. I've being all my life making differences in my head around people, inventing stories to feel superior, and then believing 100% that I was a victim (because of course if you think you are a confident guy but you accomplish so little in life then the incongruence starts to get so big it start to get noticed at some point!). My plan is to make another psychedelic trip with set and setting of purely instrospection, very low dose so I don't get distracted with much mindfuck, and then going out socialize. But if I don't want to feel any anxiety when I am socializing then I have to accept and feel totally ok feeling vulnerable and letting go of my image. Is this wise to do this? Really, I ask because sometimes i think "what the fuck is going to happen if I keep doing this, will I get annihilated". But at the other hand it's true that I am more relaxed and 0 anxiety with people (but as I said, it doesn't last a lot). Advice please, will it traumatize me if I go to hard and realise that I was 100%bullshit? More I do this work more it seems I don't have nowhere to grasp myself. I look everywhere and all its ingrained in the identity of low-self esteem/try to feel superior that I invented. Try to destruct that and you are basically destroying "your" life.

Basically fasting numbs most of the emotional distress you might be going through which in most cases is the worst thing you could have to be productive or get stuff done. I usually do from Monday to Friday one meal a day. (+ Some exercising in the morning, which seems to accelerate fasting mental benefits through the day once the hours pass). And Saturday and Sunday I let myself go a little bit and try to eat more in case I ate below my normal calorie intake during the workweek. In this kind of fast you don't have to be concerned about electrolites and that shit as long as you have a good diet. But if sometimes you feel a little down in energy , be sure to drink water with a little salt (don't go over 3gr of salt). 24hour fasts are not going to be spiritual nor particularly cleansing but sure as hell will make you more productive and get stuff done. Well, at least in my case it does. Try it for yourself and see how it goes for ya.

I did that in the past (some pick-up here and there) but I had to be honest with you, it didn't solve this. It gave me confidence, but didn't ground me really in self-love or real confidence. (For other people it might, I'm just talking my particular experience). Also I've been socializing all my life, so I've been in that "out the comfort zone" for years. In this sense it has to be noted that there are degrees of social anxiety. For some people they have to take some steps as you said. But then go other people when you already had made those steps a long time ago and still you are not grounded (because if you would, socializing in any situation wouldn't be any out of the comfort zone") then you have to consider going deeper.

Beautifully written. I congratulate you and wish you well in the future. I hope I can purify myself enough too so I can reach higher level of consciousness soon

By the way, you say you relate with this. In what stage you would say I am? Like by your words "it can feel different realities" does that mean that there's a point in where you experience the "collapse" of this two? Wtf are you serious lol? And I imagine to arrive there, you have to be in the state I was, not minutes of hours but days or months?

I already had this experience 1 year ago but with less duration. It also caused a lot of sadness. You think the I needs to be purified in order to the selfless eternity finally let's go and stays in it's true place for ever? Sometimes I m not sure if it's wise to 'pursue' this path without before having totally sorted out my life (the life of I and material stuff). On the other hand it seems the story of "when I sort things out" is another story. Because no matter how much I accomplish in life when the IT have the opportunity to let go it's scary and it doesn't do the decision because there's no ground no whatsoever if "I" stops talking. (I is me, the one who is writing this, but maybe not my deepest ground hmf) It seems that decision, that courage, will be of the same test of what it was today. (Right now I am accepting IT is back to my chains)