GabeN

@Leo Gura challenge accepted

After trying small and medium doses of Ketamine i felt like i was ready to try a higher dose, I made sure i was in a safe place, good mood, the powder i was about to ingest i already knew was very potent and clean, next i calmed my mind and meditated for a few minutes when i felt ready and clear minded i snorted the lines all at once, around 100mg o really good Ketamine powder. 10 minutes in i started to feel an intense rush of euphoria running in my body and chest, it started to get harder to see and i knew i was in for a real deep trip, i was excited but tried to calm down and observe what is about to happen next, my goal from this trip was to explore consciousness and see what a high dose of K can teach me. 25 minutes in My bodily sensations disappeared, i was loosing sense of my body, i closed my eyes and started feeling that I'm being lifted with bed in an upward direction, i felt like my bed is flying above the mountain and neighborhood i lived in, i usually do have a bit of fear of heights , but on K those feelings started were a bit different, the sensation of being very high in the sky felt pretty real, but there was no fear of falling or anything, at this point i still knew that i took Ketamine and I'm hallucinating this, the visuals were not vivid at all yet, but the tactile sensations were enough for me to imagine a lot of the "flight" 1 hour in I'm slowly loosing my Ego and even forgot that i even took Ketamine, the room i was in was quiet as it was also night, but there were a lot sounds i was hearing which are hard to describe, sort of like an engine running on low RPM in my head but not in an unpleasant way, at this point the hallucinations were visual but not very vivid, the tactile sensations were still going on as if I'm being moved either up or down, i found it rather amusing, 1:30 hours in I begin to feel like what i can describe as just being a point of awareness floating in a pool consciousness, now i don't remember having a self, i don't have a concept of being a human, in fact , i lost any concept of what we call life, i stayed in this state for a good 40 to 50 minutes, during those minutes i had flashes of who i was was and what is life, then i would forget again and just become only awareness with sensations and some visuals. the visuals were sort of Aztec like almost 3D shapes but not like DMT. This was the first time ever that i do not have a comprehension of what is the experience of life at all, i don't have eyes or ears or hands, in fact, it felt like i became reality it self but during those few minutes i still felt that i was "something" experiencing "something", but i did not call that "life" either. Having a life for us means that we have a story, we wake up in the morning, work, eat, do things human do and we all agreed this is what we call "Life", the Ketamine shattered all of that into pieces and showed me perhaps the infinite side of consciousness, in those deep 40 minutes of course, i did not have any Ego so there was no one to have any fear anyway, but this was one of the few times i experience absolute ego death, a whole world of its own... I'm not sure if i went into what's known as the K hole, but I'm pretty sure it was damn close.. After 2 hours or so i came back to this reality, it felt like i was brought back to my bed like a small baby being put to sleep by his mother, this is one of the few trips that truly changed me, i had less fear of death and more appreciation for this static dream we call Life. these are the few sentences i can come up with for a trip that is truly hard to articulate with words, but i hope it might help people have some kind of expectations of what can a high dose of Ketamine offer. cheers.

@UDT i tried a larger dose of acid on it, would be careful as acid can get more intense and trip harder to control, maybe it was just me, but i'm sure it's not the best idea, microdosing however seems interesting with it.

@Leo Gura I took it 5 days a week and took breaks usually on weekends (for me it's Fridays and Saturdays), I also didn't use it on days when i was off work/vacation as i didn't feel the need to. I did notice there was tolerance going on when I had a period of about a month or two that i took 200mg almost daily, during that time taking 100mg felt like the modafinil wasn't working as well, but then I got used to 100mg again and it's more than i need, it's probably because i got my sleep going better. i still keep the 200 mg for days i have less sleep the night before, but in short I personally didn't see a tolerance problem unless you take higher doses and then get back to lower ones.

So I'm imagining the past and the future all the time , and there's nothing but this present moment which many call eternal, can anyone who understands this deeply give me the tip of the rope to really grasp the profundity of this? The most logical understanding for me about this concept is that our life is like a film tape and we can't view all of it at once , so every moment existed for ever? I do realize that time is something we're imagining, and it gives the illusion of that we are experiencing life in a linear way, but isn't the present moment present because we imagine the difference of past and future? So what is meant when we say "eternal now"? Thanks

@Terell Kirby I see what you mean , so relative to my tiny ego I cannot be eternal، but the real self is?

Okay so this is a habit I've been doing that is making my mornings just so much better and gives me a boost of energy of almost 4 hours without needing caffeine. It's pretty simple: Your body has a Circadian rhythm gets manipulated by light, there are cells in your brain that exist only to tell the body what time it is so it releases the correct chemicals and hormones at the correct time , but the problem is that staying in bed at 8 am and looking through the window will most of the time not cut it, since you need more lux (a way to measure light) to activate the circadian rhythm correctly, what is recommended is actually going outside for at least 5 to 10 minutes, there's a huge difference between staying inside and going outside you'll have to try it yourself to see, and artificial light is not enough. After that I take a hot shower followed by a cold one , cold showers have been proven to be effective to release norepinephrine in the Brain and this energizing the body and releasing dopamine so that you get the motivation to hit the day. I like to delay caffeine after 2 hours at least of waking up, it helps prolong my focus time whenever without having a bad crash early. Good luck

@Leo Gura right! it also dreams up certain boundaries ;D

So Our relationship with time creates the illusion of continuation, human consicousness experiences what we call life in a way that resembles a film, each life is a unique strip that has the illusion of a watcher and the screen, without the screen the watcher wouldn't be able to know he exists since he will be everything (although it turns out he is ) and the mere concept of a screen of course implies a watcher, the watcher is merely a sense of self, this sense of self creates what we call experience because experience is a referential feature to consicousness, he hallucinates the screen, the notion of time, and his sense of existence. But what about this very moment ? Are we all watching our strips of film together? Or does God (as us) watches them one by one? for example I can say 100% that I'm experiencing something right now, and you can too, but is God seeing only the ones who are in our time frame (although you can argue that's relative to is now)? Or is he also experiencing people hundreds of years ago ex? Would like to hear your thoughts. Ps: will the film run once?

Embodying this insight as much as i can everyday is what makes me wake up in the morning! it's a fucking miracle, and i'm becoming very passionate about it the more conscious i become, i mean common, it created Actualized.org from nothing! are you kidding me? Please share your thoughts of what do you think is the most miraculous thing about life

A good documentary on a mostly blue small religious minority in Israel:

Not sure if this got asked, but are you still working on the same book about self-deception?

@cetusWhat a beauty! guess it wants to contemplate existence too

You might as well ask, how do I become directly conscious that I'm God? You need to have awakenings that will reveal to you that you have been making distinctions all the time in reality, even though it's all one (Non duality), and those distinctions are actually nothing (literally). What help me most was 5 Meo, but your path may be different.

Say you took a psychedelic and had an insight that every person you ever knew doesn't actually exist, if you are not ready mentally to realize and accept this idea, them you might get really confused and disturbed sometimes.

Incredible work! I've been searching for something like this for quite a while

Perhaps because you don't realize that your It! Like an eye that cannot see it self.

@VeganAwake hehhe yeah! The chain of events that led to your birth could be a few sips of wine love that video too

"You are throbbing, but the whole is throbbing through you – you are just an indicator, a heart. The universe throbs and beats through you. You are not, the universe is. And the universe is not a totality of objects, it is a subjectivity. It exists as a person. It is alive, conscious. It is not a mechanical arrangement, it is an organic unity." From Osho's book: "Hsin Hsin Ming The Zen Understanding of Mind and Consciousness" what do you think?

@Pookie I agree,did you watch the Netflix series about him ?

@dimitri hahahah I love that one.

@WaveInTheOcean i know what you mean, but beautiful non the less

@Username Hell yes, i found that my success rate increased 80% with 5meo when i tripped on an empty bowel.

@lostmedstudent I don't think anything can stop you, but why would you? we are hard-wired for survival, and feeling good and safe right?

One of my favorite episodes from Leo was "Life is a dream", in this episode Leo says something like "Reality is a dream, not only is it a dream, but it's every possible dream that could be dreamed". I tried rectal administration this time, I measured 25 mg using a measuring spoon, I ask the substance to show me "The Ox", and I hit it. Around 10 minutes my body starts to feel very heavy, , i'm good at calming my self but this was something else, a couple of minutes after I was in a state of incredible Bliss and awe, an incredible feeling of ecstasy, that was 100 times more euphoric than MDMA, I felt like someone woke me up from a dream which I've been lost in, and now I woke up from that dream to realize I was sleeping the whole time. I didn't want to get distracted by the euphoric feeling so around 17 minutes I started to contemplate, who am I? The answer I got was that I was a dream machine, a machine that can dream anything that could be dreamed, I also grasped implicitly what is Infinite Intelligence. I got very emotional and tears started dropping, I felt like I was incredibly lucky to be alive, but even more lucky that I could peek through this window, which millions don't even know exists, at this point, I started to lose the sense of me, it felt like a movie screen running with no audience, it's somewhat scary, but liberating, this movie screen is capable of dreaming up absolutely every possible dream because it cannot not do that... It's it was all consciousness, there was no "physical" world, it's a show running for infinity. This is where it shook me hard, my life is just one out of an infinite number of dreams, God dreams forever because he is infinite in nature.... because he is Infinite he also has the power to imagine everything. I also asked what will happen when we die, I understood that we don't die actually, because we were never born! Even though I grasped this concept a bit before, but this was a whole new level of understanding. I found that 5 Meo is an amazing tool for understanding things that are implicit in nature. My earliest insights on the magnitude of infinity were from this incredible website you might've heard of. "The Library of Babel" is a short story by Argentine author and librarian Jorge Luis Borges, conceiving of a universe in the form of a vast library containing all possible 410-page books of a certain format and character set" So yes, let's say that you could live forever, and you were given a task to sit on the computer your whole life. Your task is to type all the possible combinations of the English letters including spaces. at some point you will, of course, write Shakespeare or ever your own life, the things that you said, will say, or could have said are found in this library, the cure of cancer is found here too perhaps. In Reality, we are kinda living in the library of Babel and its books, swimming in the ocean of infinity. Of course, this is just the tip of the ice Berg when it comes to infinity as you are only confined to the English language and is limited to a couple of thousand characters, but give it a try, it's pretty cool. Also, check out the images section on the homepage, every image that can possibly be imagined is made from a certain set of colors and pixels. You can find a photo of you technically. Needless to say, infinity is a wild thing, after trying 5 Meo DMT and contemplating it, I could grasp a bit of what is pointed to when one realizes his Godly nature. Throughout the trip I was shouting: "Of course! Of course! it's infinite! How could it not be ?' " Please do share your stories of what would you describe infinity to be. The website of the Library of babel