nikolay

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About nikolay

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    Newbie
  • Birthday 07/17/1997

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  • Location
    Bulgaria
  • Gender
    Male

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  1. I struggle with communicating with a group of people who are already friends. I started a new job and everybody in my new team have known each other for a long time and are friends. I am trying to become a part of this group of friends but I'm struggling with it because almost nobody is willing to talk to me because they can say whatever they have to say to their friend, they don't have to get out of their comfort zone to say it to me. And whenever I try to initiate a conversation it usually dies out after several sentences. Nobody seems to be interested in me and when I am interested in someone I can see in their eyes and tone of their voice that they are unwilling to talk to me and would prefer to return to talking to their friend. Here are some other details: - I am a strong introvert and sometimes I simply do not want to talk to anyone (these cases are not problematic, I want to deal with those cases when I actually want to talk but don't manage to) - I used to be shy (I've had a great progress here and this is no long the reason why I'm struggling) - most of the people are older than me (I'm 20) so they are on a different stage of their development which makes it even harder for me to connect with them The thing is that most of my current friends have been the active side. They have maintained the conversation and have organised meetings with me, while I've been the passive one, the listener. But in order to be more efficient in making friends one has to take the initiative. This is where I struggle. I can't have a quality meaningful long conversation with a group of friends. Thanks in advance
  2. Thank you all for the answers. She called and we went on a second date and had an amazing time. Things are going great. But I guess my neediness is still there and I've got some work to do long term. In future I'll have to expand my network so I'll have a wider variety of girls meet. I'll also find a way to make my happiness less dependant on the girls I date
  3. @Shin But she also suggested we see each other, twice. Could this be because she was just being nice or could she be really interested but has a wide variety of options (in which case I should find a way to stand out) and that's why doesn't respond?
  4. Okay guys it's a long story but bear with me So I met this awesome girl on Tinder and we had an awesome date. We haven't kissed but we have a lot of common and we really got along and I like her a lot. But the problem is that I can't get to a second date with her and I'm not exactly sure why. I think my communication with her after the date is somehow WRONG and I am somehow communicating neediness but I'm not sure. So here is our text interaction after the date (translated from Bulgarian): Me: Hey, it was nice talking to you on Sunday. Let's hang out again in the next 2-3 days Her: Hey, I'm free on Sunday Me: Okay, let's go to X club Her: What event is there at X club on Sunday? Me: Nothing, it's just a cool place to be at To which she didn't respond so I texted her on Sunday to see if she is still up for meeting and she said she was sick and won't be able to go out (idk how honest she was). A couple of days passed by and I texted her telling an interesting story that happened to me to which she responded and we had a nice convo. A couple of days later I invited her out (I texted her on Tinder even though she told me not to text her there because she doesn't use it as much) but she didn't respond to that (hopefully because she didn't log into Tinder). A week passed by and I texted her this: Me: Sorry for not being able to go to the swing dance workshop (we arranged that on the date but I had to go out of town) but next month we'll definitely go Anyway, how have you been, did you take your exams? The next day she called on the phone out of the blue and invited me out right at the moment (which gives me hope that she is interested) but I couldn't accept because I was at work so we postponed the meeting for another time. A couple of days later I called her out to an another swing dance workshop to which she said she wouldn't be able to go but she suggested we go to a movie (which again gives me hope) Later she texted me this: Her: If you like Y let's go to Y event (but Y event is going to take place in 20 days, I didn't want to wait that long, so I texted her this) Me: Sure, we'll go. As for this Saturday, let's watch Z movie? To which she hasn't responded and I'm not sure how to continue my interaction with her or whether to continue at all. I am very confused as to whether she is interested or not because she occasionally says she wants to hang out, yet sometimes she doesn't respond to me. I double texted her multiple times and I fear that if I text her again that would sound needy but in the same time I fear that if I don't text her, she'll forget about me or something. Any advice on how to proceed guys? It's been almost a month since the first (and only) date.
  5. The advice definitely works, you can be sure in that. Focus on action, talk to different people go to as many dates as you can, action is what builds confidence, not knowledge, not wisdom, not visualisations or affirmations (even though these could be helpful) I think the best way to implement Leo's advice is to stop wondering how to do it but simply do it. By constantly thinking "how?" you are procrastinating on the action. Just start TODAY. Do the thing that you want to do right NOW. There is no other way So for example if you want to become more confident with the opposite sex, text the person you like or go to a place where you can meet such person RIGHT NOW! Idk if this is the answer you were looking for but I hope it helps
  6. No offence but how is this relevant to personal development?
  7. Think about adding more authenticity to your conversations. Notice that when you are drunk you are being totally authentic! A thought comes up and you immediately blurt it out. Try to do the same when sober. This means that if you want to change the topic to a more interesting, funny or deep one you simply do it. If you want to throw a ridiculous joke or statement, simply do it. Improvement will come with time and practice (a couple of months or years) I also committed to working on my social skills and it's been 3 months since. One thing that I noticed is that the level of enthusiasm I can get from a conversation depends om my mood. Sometimes I don't really want to talk with people but the fact that I've committed to socialization makes me feel obligated to do so and in those situations I don't really get quality conversations. So my advice is to become mindful of when you really want to communicate with people and when you are simply doing it because of the goal you've set to yourself about improving your social skills. And when you notice you really want to connect with people, go for it, speak to them, challenge them, joke around with them, become the leader of the conversation, talk about sex, drugs, relationships, enlightenment, money... whatever you find interesting! I hope this helps
  8. Hello guys, I am very confused as to what field of study to choose. I am naturally a logical person who is good at maths and numbers so I started studying computer science but after the first year it became completely clear to me that this is not my passion and this is not what I'd like to do 8 hours a day for the rest of my life. However, I'm relatively good at programming and logic I know I'd make a fine career out of it and the salaries are so high as well On the other hand, the last few years I've been into personal development and psychology and I feel very passionate and interested in these and I know I could potentially make a career out of them so I am now considering enrolling into psychology bachelor. The thing is that salaries in this field are so low in my country (Bulgaria) and if I were to create my own business that would be quite hard. So my question is should I go for the high salaries in the IT field (being good at logic) or should I follow my passion (and potentially life purpose) in psychology. I am confused and afraid as to what to do with my life. I'm still saving up for the life purpose course which I'm hoping to give my huge insights on this issue but for the time being I'd like to hear from you guys, thanks in advance
  9. Hello fellas, I recently discovered the concept of self acceptance and I've been practicing it for a month using Leo's visualization from his The Power Of Self Acceptance video. I feel self acceptance is one of the most powerful techniques for happiness and fulfillment so I was wondering how other people have used and how they have grown internally through it. So if you want you can share you self acceptance journey here 1. How long have you been doing self acceptance? 2. Which aspects of yourself do you want to accept the most? 3. How exactly do you practice it? 4. How often do you practice it? 5. How has your life improved since you started accepting yourself? I'll start first: 1. A month 2. My shyness and my porn/masturbation addiction 3. Using Leo's visualization technique 4. Once a week 5. I stopped beating myself up for not talking to people when I'm in a group. I used to feel that I must talk to them in order to cure my shyness. But now I speak only when I want to and I'm okay with it. I also tend to worry less about the outcome of certain situations. For example if I fail at attracting a girl that I like I feel okay because I accept that part of myself that is not confident and funny Also if someone knows any other techniques for self love, please share
  10. No doubt this book can be used for manipulation but what if you actually wanted to show people that you genuinely respect them but you didn't know how exactly to do that? Well, this book tells you how to. And I suggest you apply those 30 techniques only to people you like and respect and want to be friends with.
  11. Tip: Eat in small portions but regularly. If you eat a huge meal the process of digestion will take up from your energy and make you sleepy and tired. So instead of having 2 or 3 huge meals per day try 4-5 smaller ones and get some snacks(line a banana or a piece of chocolate) in between those meals in case you feel hungry. This works for me, good luck
  12. How To Stop Being Jealous What is jealousy: A very subtle emotion that often acts without you noticing Examples: Relationship jealousy, Jealous of the status someone has The personality characteristics-confident, smart, charismatic... Jealousy tends to mask as other emotions(criticism, loneliness, frustration, anger, sadness) When you are jealous, your identity(ego) is threatened. This sense of self is all believes about yourself. You think it is important but it is not. For example, you think you are a funny and outgoing guy but in reality people don't laugh at your jokes and you feel frustrated. This makes you defensive. You become critical of yourself and of others. And this is disturbing your self image. For example when you are jealous of someone stealing your girlfriend it's because you are not happy on the inside and you are leaning on this person for emotional support. Do not try to go out and solve this problem with this person, status or whatever. The problem is on the inside, so turn inside and see what is going on with your ego and self image. Know that jealousy is an ego game. You are not actually threatened in any way. The problem with jealousy is that it blocks your personal development and does not allow you to do personal work on yourself The solution: Just notice it. Don't judge or interfere. Start writing down your jealousy. Try to picture your gains from jealousy. What is going to happen as a result? Is it going to make you happy? What are you going to acquire from jealousy? Is protecting your ego going to give you happiness? Let's say you are jealous of someone's car. You think that by acquiring that car you are going to be happy. You are not. Let's say you are jealous of someone's social status. You think that by acquiring that social status you are going to be happy. You are not. Let's say you are jealous of someone's girlfriend. You think that by acquiring that girlfriend you are going to be happy. You are not. Let's say you are jealous when your girlfriend is speaking to other guys. You think you are going to be happy when you manipulate her into stopping talking to other guys. You are not. Moreover, other people can't give you value. Real value can't be acquired from outside. You are going to enjoy external emotions if you are already happy from the inside Jealousy can be cured by mindfulness, the practice of observing yourself without judgement. The moment you are jealous, identify it, don't try to stop it, just watch it without interference. Keep jealousy log. If you do this on a regular basis, it will eventually disappear. When you notice you are being jealous, analyse what exactly is happening. Why are jealous in this particular moment. What's gonna happen if you are not jealous. Why do you feel threatened? What is this thing that you are trying to preserve. Another thing you can do is to stop criticising and do the opposite: admire what you are being jealous about. For example if you are jealous of the other guy's car try to admire and compliment it
  13. I notice myself being quite judgemental about people, situations etc. I want to stop it so I started using the following technique: When I notice myself judging things as good or bad I simply observe myself and answer this question: "What would I be doing in this situation if I wasn't judgemental?" So my question is how useful would this technique be for permanently overcoming judgement? Has anybody used it? If someone has more experience overcoming this issue of judging, please share how you did it
  14. Hello, you could try with "I will pass my test". Say it for at least 5 min straight twice a day, in the morning and in the evening. Although this might help you, it won't magically make you pass the test. You have to actually sit and study for it. A trick which I find effective for taking action is the 3, 2, 1 trick: Whenever you feel lazy, try this trick. I works pretty well with me. If you combine it with the affirmations, you will succeed. Good luck