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About nikolay

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  • Birthday 07/17/1997

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  1. @NoSelfSelf I couldn't have made a move earlier. She had a boyfriend up until recently.
  2. Here is what happened. Since my girlfriend was out of town I was unable to break up with her (I didn't want to do it on the phone) so I went out with my friend because I didn't want to wait, I tried to kiss her and she rejected me saying she didn't have the same feelings towards me but wants to remain friends. @JohnnyBravo You were right, turns out I've misinterpreted her signs that she likes me. A couple of days later I broke up with my girlfriend. I felt bad for getting rejected for some time but I'm moving on. Thank you all for your answers!
  3. One year ago I met the most amazing girl I've ever met and I instantly liked her but it turned out she was already taken so we've been close friends since then. I dated many other girls during that year and eventually found a girlfriend, we've been together for 5 months but our relationship is not as stable as it should be, I'm considering breaking up with her. Last week I learned that my friend that I have a crush on had broken up with her boyfriend and this is finally my chance to be with her. There are many reasons we'd be a good couple: - we have extremely much in common - many people have seen us together and thought we are a couple - our hobbies and many of our interests and beliefs overlap - we have very good laughs together - and I'm almost 100% certain she also has feelings towards me The thing is she doesn't know about the problems my girlfriend and I have and she also doesn't know about my intentions. So my questions are: 1. Should I break up with my girlfriend and then try my luck with my friend? 2. Should I kiss my friend or tell her my feelings towards her and if that succeeds then break up with my girlfriend? 3. She broke up with her boyfriend a little over a week ago. Should I wait for her wound to heal? Even though she says she is already looking for another guy. 4. If she rejects me, how do I keep my friendship with her (because it's a strong one and I certainly want to keep her in my life)? What would you guys do in a situation like this? 🤔
  4. My biggest piece of advice is don't try to be funnier than you actually are. A mistake that I made was that I used to say to myself in the middle of conversation: "Okay, switching to funny mode, let's start looking for the funny in every part of this conversation" and from there I would start saying things that are remotely funny (or not funny at all), expecting people to laugh to these things. This would produce awkward moments and it's not the way you grow your sense of humor. So in order your humor to be genuine, start small. Make jokes once a conversation or even once a day and don't force it! If you don't have anything funny to say at the moment, don't say anything, that's okay. People will respect you more if you say nothing rather than if you say a stupid joke. Also, these exercises, I find them a waste of time, I used to do them for 6 or more months but the biggest gains came 2 years after I quit them. To me the biggest boost to your sense of humor is being happy. A happy person will naturally joke about stuff, therefore you should concentrate on the stuff that will make you happy - your life purpose, your friends, your intimate relationship etc. Sense of humor on its own WILL NOT make you happy imho!
  5. I struggle with communicating with a group of people who are already friends. I started a new job and everybody in my new team have known each other for a long time and are friends. I am trying to become a part of this group of friends but I'm struggling with it because almost nobody is willing to talk to me because they can say whatever they have to say to their friend, they don't have to get out of their comfort zone to say it to me. And whenever I try to initiate a conversation it usually dies out after several sentences. Nobody seems to be interested in me and when I am interested in someone I can see in their eyes and tone of their voice that they are unwilling to talk to me and would prefer to return to talking to their friend. Here are some other details: - I am a strong introvert and sometimes I simply do not want to talk to anyone (these cases are not problematic, I want to deal with those cases when I actually want to talk but don't manage to) - I used to be shy (I've had a great progress here and this is no long the reason why I'm struggling) - most of the people are older than me (I'm 20) so they are on a different stage of their development which makes it even harder for me to connect with them The thing is that most of my current friends have been the active side. They have maintained the conversation and have organised meetings with me, while I've been the passive one, the listener. But in order to be more efficient in making friends one has to take the initiative. This is where I struggle. I can't have a quality meaningful long conversation with a group of friends. Thanks in advance
  6. The advice definitely works, you can be sure in that. Focus on action, talk to different people go to as many dates as you can, action is what builds confidence, not knowledge, not wisdom, not visualisations or affirmations (even though these could be helpful) I think the best way to implement Leo's advice is to stop wondering how to do it but simply do it. By constantly thinking "how?" you are procrastinating on the action. Just start TODAY. Do the thing that you want to do right NOW. There is no other way So for example if you want to become more confident with the opposite sex, text the person you like or go to a place where you can meet such person RIGHT NOW! Idk if this is the answer you were looking for but I hope it helps
  7. No offence but how is this relevant to personal development?
  8. Think about adding more authenticity to your conversations. Notice that when you are drunk you are being totally authentic! A thought comes up and you immediately blurt it out. Try to do the same when sober. This means that if you want to change the topic to a more interesting, funny or deep one you simply do it. If you want to throw a ridiculous joke or statement, simply do it. Improvement will come with time and practice (a couple of months or years) I also committed to working on my social skills and it's been 3 months since. One thing that I noticed is that the level of enthusiasm I can get from a conversation depends om my mood. Sometimes I don't really want to talk with people but the fact that I've committed to socialization makes me feel obligated to do so and in those situations I don't really get quality conversations. So my advice is to become mindful of when you really want to communicate with people and when you are simply doing it because of the goal you've set to yourself about improving your social skills. And when you notice you really want to connect with people, go for it, speak to them, challenge them, joke around with them, become the leader of the conversation, talk about sex, drugs, relationships, enlightenment, money... whatever you find interesting! I hope this helps
  9. No doubt this book can be used for manipulation but what if you actually wanted to show people that you genuinely respect them but you didn't know how exactly to do that? Well, this book tells you how to. And I suggest you apply those 30 techniques only to people you like and respect and want to be friends with.
  10. Tip: Eat in small portions but regularly. If you eat a huge meal the process of digestion will take up from your energy and make you sleepy and tired. So instead of having 2 or 3 huge meals per day try 4-5 smaller ones and get some snacks(line a banana or a piece of chocolate) in between those meals in case you feel hungry. This works for me, good luck
  11. How To Stop Being Jealous What is jealousy: A very subtle emotion that often acts without you noticing Examples: Relationship jealousy, Jealous of the status someone has The personality characteristics-confident, smart, charismatic... Jealousy tends to mask as other emotions(criticism, loneliness, frustration, anger, sadness) When you are jealous, your identity(ego) is threatened. This sense of self is all believes about yourself. You think it is important but it is not. For example, you think you are a funny and outgoing guy but in reality people don't laugh at your jokes and you feel frustrated. This makes you defensive. You become critical of yourself and of others. And this is disturbing your self image. For example when you are jealous of someone stealing your girlfriend it's because you are not happy on the inside and you are leaning on this person for emotional support. Do not try to go out and solve this problem with this person, status or whatever. The problem is on the inside, so turn inside and see what is going on with your ego and self image. Know that jealousy is an ego game. You are not actually threatened in any way. The problem with jealousy is that it blocks your personal development and does not allow you to do personal work on yourself The solution: Just notice it. Don't judge or interfere. Start writing down your jealousy. Try to picture your gains from jealousy. What is going to happen as a result? Is it going to make you happy? What are you going to acquire from jealousy? Is protecting your ego going to give you happiness? Let's say you are jealous of someone's car. You think that by acquiring that car you are going to be happy. You are not. Let's say you are jealous of someone's social status. You think that by acquiring that social status you are going to be happy. You are not. Let's say you are jealous of someone's girlfriend. You think that by acquiring that girlfriend you are going to be happy. You are not. Let's say you are jealous when your girlfriend is speaking to other guys. You think you are going to be happy when you manipulate her into stopping talking to other guys. You are not. Moreover, other people can't give you value. Real value can't be acquired from outside. You are going to enjoy external emotions if you are already happy from the inside Jealousy can be cured by mindfulness, the practice of observing yourself without judgement. The moment you are jealous, identify it, don't try to stop it, just watch it without interference. Keep jealousy log. If you do this on a regular basis, it will eventually disappear. When you notice you are being jealous, analyse what exactly is happening. Why are jealous in this particular moment. What's gonna happen if you are not jealous. Why do you feel threatened? What is this thing that you are trying to preserve. Another thing you can do is to stop criticising and do the opposite: admire what you are being jealous about. For example if you are jealous of the other guy's car try to admire and compliment it
  12. Hello, you could try with "I will pass my test". Say it for at least 5 min straight twice a day, in the morning and in the evening. Although this might help you, it won't magically make you pass the test. You have to actually sit and study for it. A trick which I find effective for taking action is the 3, 2, 1 trick: Whenever you feel lazy, try this trick. I works pretty well with me. If you combine it with the affirmations, you will succeed. Good luck