My Ego Wants Me Dead?

[Subconscious94]

First i apologise for my title being a bit morbid, but its something i've come to realise about the thoughts that are simply not mine.

 

So i've been doing a little digging within my own mind and as i've been observing my thoughts, it seems like the ego within me wants me to die, or at least to be very unhealthy and unhappy. 

 

I'll explain: so basically i feel my ego wants me to die for some reason, it wants me to stay up late after 2 in the morning, sit down for long periods of time without moving, to eat the crisps or chocolate that is on the table, to indulge in unhealthy habits, to think negatively about myself and the world, to stop taking care of myself like showering or even wanting to groom myself, to stop socialising and engaging with people, to stop exercising etc etc.

 

Now i've had these thoughts and have engaged with them for years but what baffles me is why these thoughts have come about? i've had depression throughout my teens as well as having some troubling times when i was much younger (with difficulty making friends at school as for some reason kids didnt like me and i recall being told off all the time by the teachers for being myself between 4-7) and from that i'm sure thats where the perspective of myself shifted and it went down hill for me spiritually, however i want to know why my ego is like this, but for other its not.

 

Take Zlatan Ibrahimovic or even Cristiano Ronaldo who are one of the best footballers of all time, they both have very high egos, you can see it in them, however there egos push them to win and succeed, to constantly work hard and never miss a training session, to even make sure they go to bed at the right time for their own health and to always work on being healthy etc, they are of course millionaires as well.

 

The question that ive always wanted to know (And especially throughout my darkest depression days) is,why is my ego against me all the time? Why is it that my ego is programmed so to speak to want to hurt me? Wheres the love? Wheres the motivation and passion to be healthy and invent something like the lightbulb for example, however i know for others, as ive just explained have their egos working for them rather than against them.

 

Its only when i allow my ego to take control over my mind does my life immediately go in a downwards spiral where i have feelings of self-hate, apathy, procrastination, self-sabotage and seeking validation, i experience all of these feelings when my ego takes control, i just dont understand why.

 

Thank you for reading.

[Arkandeus]

the ego is violence, it's separation, it's hate. 

you can pat yourself on the back for your love is so strong that your ego directs all its violence inwards. 

what happens with out of control ego's in other people is that the violence is direct outwards, so they start abusing and hating other people, that is how you get murderers. 

You are by yourself containing all the evil that is the ego and you should be proud of yourself. 
The ego is a learned thing, it is not your fault, it is a result of thousand of years of human civilization, and when we're born we pick up on that subconsciously and get infected by it. 

The ego is losing the battle though as we get more and more loving and accepting as a society. 
What you feel is the battle of mankind, the struggle for evolution and it is happening in every one of us. 

To overcome is to first understand that you are not it, that it is an outside influence that has taken place inside you. 
You literally have a bundle of negative energy inside you, and it has nothing to do with who you are.
The battle happens on the level of identity.
If you believe that these bad thoughts are you, that this energy is yours, the ego wins because you then believe it can influence you. 

If you manage to stay true to your heart, you'll know that you are not this destructive energy. 

It's trying to pull you down, pull others down, don't believe in it, don't identify with it. 
Just do your own thing. Ignore the ego, do yourself. That's why it's important to know your identity. who are you really deep inside your heart and what do you want to do? if you can follow your heart, you'll know who you are and you'll know that the ego is not you. 

if you follow your mind, you will not be able to find your true identity and make a distinction. 
 

Edited April 11, 2017 by Arkandeus

[pluto]

The last thing in this world the ego wants is for you to die because it dies too lol. Subconscious on the other hand can be re-programmed.

Checkout Dr Bruce Lipton on Re-programming the subconscious mind.

[Subconscious94]

Thank you guys for your responses.

So then why is it that people who have become millionaires and 'successful' people, why then have they been able to achieve so much, surely their egos would have sabotaged their progress if the ego is so 'bad'?  But that cant be the case because you can see that these 'successful' people have really BIG ego's, so whats going on here.

As i've said when i allow my ego to take control i massively self-sabotage, in fact currently i have no life as of speaking because of the destruction my ego has put me through and continues to do so, every good thing that happens to me slowly and subtly is lost over time and i feel that if i keep this up i will die, its as simple as that, this is the path im going down but why is this so? Why cant i have the Egos of people say Cristiano Ronaldo or Kobe Bryant, why cant i have their ego's, why is mine so self-destructive, can someone please explain?

What im saying is you say the 'ego' is bad but that simply cannot be the case with so many people in this world who clearly have a large ego but they live such amazing and might i say happy lives something isnt adding up.

[JustinS]

Sit down,  close your eyes, and silently witness what's going on without trying to grasp on or change anything. Shine your awareness on it. If you keep quiet long enough you will be shown the answers to most or all your problems. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

Stop differentiating between mind and ego. It's the same. It's you (because you do very much identify yourself as a person(ego) inside a bag of skin).

Mind. Ego. Person. Self. All words pointing to the same: the false self. It's false because it truly doesn't exist. It's just a phony sensation that you exist as such a self that makes it seem real. When people say Ronaldo has a big ego, the word is used in another context than in non-dualism.

So you want your self killed.

You don't have an ego. You are the fucking ego.

"it seems like the ego within me wants me to die, or at least to be very unhealthy and unhappy. "

"Why is it that my ego is programmed so to speak to want to hurt me?"

Questions for you:
 

1. The ego within who exactly? You? Who are you?

2. Want to hurt who? Can you really be hurt? Only an ego can be hurt. You are that ego - or well, truth is you aren't, what you are is consciousness/nothingness/God pretending it's an ego - it's a fun game, everyone (consciousness in many forms) are playing it, some egos are aware they don't exist (i.e. that it's a game) and some (most egos, 99,99%+) are not aware and instead believe they were born as an ego and will die as an ego (ego= person/body/mind w/e).

 

[TJM1959]

On 4/11/2017 at 7:14 AM, Subconscious94 said:

i feel my ego wants me to die for some reason

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbj4nLOPN8o

Click on this link above, when the video plays, close your eyes and really listen, if need be, play it twice. You may receive some insights into what and why you are experiencing what you are, today. I listen his messages on a regular basis, amazing.

[Subconscious94]

Heres a question:

Take person A someone who is self-destructive, as in they continue to engage with negative habits which only make their life and health for that matter worse, they also have suicidal tendencies and self-harm.

Now take Person B who becomes a millionaire and he's also never read a book on self-development or Spirituality.

What would you say is the reason for that persons poor mental state compared to a guy who doesnt know any spiritual or self-development material and still becomes a millionaire?

Do both of these people have an Ego? As im sure the answer is yes, then why is person A unable to become a millionaire, but person B can?

[The Universe]

On 17/04/2017 at 7:47 PM, JustinS said:

Sit down,  close your eyes, and silently witness what's going on without trying to grasp on or change anything. Shine your awareness on it. If you keep quiet long enough you will be shown the answers to most or all your problems. 

Thank you so much... ! 

Edited April 20, 2017 by The Universe

[The Universe]

On 18/04/2017 at 9:34 PM, Subconscious94 said:

Heres a question:

Take person A someone who is self-destructive, as in they continue to engage with negative habits which only make their life and health for that matter worse, they also have suicidal tendencies and self-harm.

Now take Person B who becomes a millionaire and he's also never read a book on self-development or Spirituality.

What would you say is the reason for that persons poor mental state compared to a guy who doesnt know any spiritual or self-development material and still becomes a millionaire?

Do both of these people have an Ego? As im sure the answer is yes, then why is person A unable to become a millionaire, but person B can?

Because of Self-Discipline, power and arrogance.

[Subconscious94]

Interesting point, thanks for that!

[Toby]

6 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I have considered mentorship before. I work with kid and teenagers, so I have somewhat of a mentorship function. But it isn't in the same way as I'd be giving direct life advice or anything of that nature. I don't remember Annie off-hand, but I normally have a pretty good memory for people who comment. Can you describe her screen picture or the things she talked about in her comments?

I guess he might be talking about Annetta who in several threads here complained that she is "stalked" by him.

[Toby]

@My_Name_Is_Mud dude, are you just a friendly and caring guy or are you trapped in this delusion: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erotomania?

[Guest Annetta]

@Toby He's a troll.

[Guest Annetta]

@Loreena For sure, what's up?

[Guest Annetta]

@Loreena Oh yeah, when I got into with you a few weeks ago, I had said that I would ignore your posts so you didn't feel like you were being judged, you had mentioned concern about that.  One second.