Starting To Hate My Major. What Do I Do?

[Dan Arnautu]

Some background info: Followed a formal music education in highschool. Been a guitarist for 7+ years and am still studying guitar under a mentor right now. This is my set path. I love it.

Problem: I applied for a scholarship to a foreign music conservatory, managed to get in the finals, but didn't get it. Contemplating taking a gap year and trying again or going to another university for a year and trying again. Chose the latter.

Figured out the conservatory won't have the same return on investment as studying under a mentor and that I could not afford the expenses anyway. So here I am in my sophomore year as a philosophy student in my own country. At first I loved it, but right now it doesn't resonate with me at all. I'm starting to hate it. I am a practical guy. I read a lot, but I can't imagine doing it 24/7 anymore.

It burns me out really bad. The courses we are starting to get into are goddamn excruciating for me. I don't care about them at all anymore. I need to retake exams for 4 courses (the ones I really hated). You can't choose your courses here.

My plan: To become an assistant teacher to my mentor in less than a years time, get experience, start my own guitar teaching business in my hometown (I have no competition) and a youtube channel, build my reputation, save 6 months worth of expenses and move the business in whichever city I like. After I get enough authority in my field to raise my rates in order to teach part-time hours and have a secure income, which lets me work on other projects (bands and whatnot). This way I feel happy and ecstatic doing what I love and doing everything according to my own desires and not someone else's.

Problem punchline: My parents are extremely resistant to me trying to drop out. I brought it up before but it was out of the question. I ”kind of” compromised with them to pay for my 4 meetings every month with my mentor (which are about 1200 dollars per year) in exchange for me to finish my degree. I've met my mentor only 13-14 times and my guitar playing and mindset skyrocketed and it will continue to do so for a period of time. But I feel I can't fulfill my part. 

I feel guilty because they pay to keep me in a very nice apartment here, pay for all my expenses + gym membership and whatnot and the mentor meetings, but I feel that I just can't do it anymore. It makes me feel miserable and feel like I am under their foot. I don't know what they would do if I actually decided to drop out, no questions asked.

2nd plan: Actions speak louder than words. If I would get some students to teach guitar and make a decent-ish income (that would mean about 10 students more or less) that would definitely prove them that I am responsible and able to handle my financial situation even without my degree (which they think helps a lot in a very vague, non-argumentative way) and let me drop out. But, my mentor advised me to wait for at least 1 more year until I become an assistant, do that for a while and then go on and do my own thing.

Any advice? I really want to solve the situation in some way. I just can't get myself to do schoolwork anymore, and I am not the lazy kind.

Edited April 11, 2017 by Dan Arnautu

[SLICKHAWK]

Boom.. I could blah blah blah or follow your heart.  Dude your parents dont fucking matter. 

This is your life. ☝ one life given. Live.

Seriously live your dream and you get to have that. Just shut everyone else down. Raise yourself up and move foward...

For real.  One. 1 life.

[Dan Arnautu]

@SLICKHAWK Thank you for the input. Sorry if the reading was too long. So how do I go about it practically?

Edited April 11, 2017 by Dan Arnautu

[AndreiC]

Think it over yourself. I mean your life one life blabla, that's not an excuse to make decisions which will actually damage you for the wrong reasons.

Examine your reason for wanting to stop, I mean,really, examine it. You may find it's not that good of a reason. Are you actually sure such a move will contribute to wherever you aim to end up, or is it actually just a way to slack off a bit.

Look within, give it some serious thought, and if you are sure that a,b,c,d, is what has to be, accept the consequences and move forward. If your decision is well thought out, you'll likely get support from your parents also.

Resistance from others, at least in my experience, flourishes on your ambiguity in decisions, if everything you plan out can be made crystal clear, others will listen. 

[Michael569]

I think what many of us face here is that once we identified out life purpose, we want to just drop every "sandback" and go all in 100% commitment. While that is great, you can't simply abandon all your obligations. Your plan is great and very realistic if you believe in it but the transition takes a while. That's why we get frustrated being in our current situation that is not fulfilling just because an all in transition could collapse catastrophically. 

There are few things you'll have to consider before cutting of your current lifestyle. 

* Will you be able to manage your life financially?
* Do you have a source of income? Will you have one if your parents cut you off? 

Teaching student is a fine idea but first do your research, maybe print out few posters, post them around school, talk to people, do your advertisement and see if anyone is interested. Building momentum takes years. Work hard but be patient. If that means sticking to your major for now but spending all free time, weekends and nights working on your life transition, than be it. 

Also you can already start building your reputation on You-tube.  If you are confident, make 2-3 videos, throw them out there and see how people react to it. 

Whenever you feel lost, revert back to your highest self, your top Core Values ( if you know what they are) often, that is a good guiding compass I find when in doubt. Your mind is good at coming with different options but your values will help you make a decision that generates happiness in your life. 

Start building habits like early waking up to give yourself the extra time to dedicate towards your mastery. 

If you really really want it and your vision is powerful, the law of attraction will bring you the life you want. Just be patient and avoid making a hasty decision. 

 

And one final tip: consider hiring a life coach if you have some extra money. Working with Life Coach opened my eyes and my mind to new opportunities and ways out. 

Edited April 11, 2017 by Michael569
missing word

[Dan Arnautu]

@AndreiC @Michael569 Thank you guys for the long, thoughtful answers. Adressing your input, @AndreiC , I know I am thinking of quitting for all the right reasons. Need to put it out there that I don't consider myself a slacker (nor do others), not one bit. I work from dusk till dawn (not all of it schoolwork though).

I really wanted this major to work, I put a lot of effort into it. I got very good grades on some courses, but it just became real soul draining work and I just can't do it anymore. It has very little alignment with what I want to do in my career aside from the communication skills I already got from it.

I could get many more things on my resume that would be of much more value to my career (playing in bands, actually teaching, doing social media marketing and whatnot) by doing my own thing rather than finishing this major. I just want my parents to see the situation from my POV. Tried it twice and it didn't work. They tell me to take it like a bitter medicine that will payoff later. I could see that in a way, but I JUST FEEL MISERABLE. If I hear one more thing about Kripke's Direct Reference Theory or Aristotle's Categories or the so obnoxious works of Anselm or other medieval philosopher I am gonna go fucking nuts.

My parents are also probably still bitter about the fact that my sister dropped out of college too, but now is in a high management position for an electrical distribution company, has a kid, and another one on the way, living in a nice house. They probably want at least one of their kids with a degree to brag about or something. I can't figure if their motives for resisting are genuine or not, selfish or not.

Now to answer @Michael569, I don't think my parents would kick me out of the house, but I would still have to live with them, which is not easy at all. All my usual (sucsessful habits) go right out the window when that happens. 

I need to make a call fairly quickly, as when I go home in the summer I usually get only half my stuff with me. If I drop out, I need to get all of 'em with me. I will try and ask my mentor tomorrow what would he do in my situation. He is one of the best guitar instructors in Europe and the currently the best in the country. It would be awesome if he would offer to try and knowck some sense into my parents, although I won't rely on that.

[AndreiC]

You know, the bitter pill train of thought has merit. It also sounds like in your case you have now a choice between bitter pills. If you think the storm that you're about to unleash is less troublesome than continuing your major, it's pretty clear what you need to do.

As @Michael569  was saying there's stuff to figure out, if you really feel you know the right decision to make, figure out as much of the details as you can, make peace with yourself for not picking the other one and get to work. Remember though the devil is in the details, and it's only you that can figure out all these things. 

[RossE]

@Dan Arnautu You could definitely teach right now bro. Within 7 years of experience and the passion you have, you could offer A LOT to other players. Here's a new scale, here's a new chord you didn't know, here's a lick, here's how to solo in D major. 

I say: fuck it, start advertising, get some students going and see where it takes you. Even if it's only part time while you figure the rest out.

As for your degree - if you're not interested and it's not gonna help you, why are you doing it? It makes no sense. If your parents really value your natural drives and desires, they'll come round to it. If they don't... well that says more about their attitude than yours. If you're a guitar teacher how much of the information will you really use? Ponder these things.

Edited April 17, 2017 by RossE