Boyfriend being too cheap

[Princess Arabia]

20 hours ago, Squeekytoy said:

You don't think this is that level of silliness?

Who goes on a forum for advice because their significant other didn't share their chocolates.

Ok he's cheap, I agree. Everyone is something. This is not earth shattering dilemma.

You know we cool and all, but I have to say your comment here sounds a bit personal and biased. Sounds like something in her post either triggered you or reminded you of something in your past personal experience. 

You picked out the most seemingly trivial example of how she was explaining his cheapness and made a mockery of it, knowing well enough that that's not all she was concerned about. Seems a bit biased and picking out parts of her story to try to justify your undermining of her legitimate concerns that really had nothing to do entirely with the not sharing of chocolates. 

What happened, you didn't give some girl chocolates for Valentine once and she dumped you, is that it. 😜

 

 

[Raze]

2 hours ago, Lila9 said:

This is more emotionally violent to have a woman who loves you and not share with her a piece of chocolate.

It's not about money, it's about generosity, I don't care about money I have money and I can earn money. There are many ways generousity can be expressed and one of the ways is money. Usually the men who are cheap with money are cheap with everything, including love and sex. 

 

So you brought up sex as another example. Let’s say a man posts here saying his girlfriend doesn’t sleep with him that often and he asks her once and she says no because she’d rather eat a chocolate. Would you also tell him to break her chocolate and throw it at her than dump her because he deserves better? That she isn’t respecting his masculinity and doesn’t deserve a man because she isn’t giving sex?

[Lila9]

21 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I don't know about the sex part, that may be the only part he may not be cheap about.

My definition of being cheap in sex is men who act selfishly, only caring about their orgasms and pleasure without considering their partner.

24 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Overall, though, I agree with your response up top. I was trying to be a bit more diplomatic in my response because I was trying to be a bit sensitive towards her situation because it seems like she is in love with the guy. Usually, I'm blunt in what I have to say here and don't hold back, but you beat me to the cake with how you responded. 

If I wasn't holding back, my response would have been a lot worse, and given the feedback you're getting from some of these guys with your response, my third personality would probably have let loose on here and diplomacy would have flown out the window.

Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate it.

I read your comment to Barbella, and I find it very helpful and comprehensive. I don't know if it was diplomatic, but it's of high quality.

In my comment, I was deliberately blunt as a 'wake-up call', out of love for the feminine.

Usually, I prefer to be moderate but in that moment, I felt like it had to be expressed in a certain way.

It's as if the masculine inside me stood up for the feminine in me and for the feminine in all women in the world.

I wish all women, collectively, will be more loving towards ourselves and stop being so conscious and sacrificing for men who don't value us as much.

I apologize to Barbella if I came off as insensitive, my intention was to wake her up to her value and encourage her to put herself first.

I believe that no amount of love for a man justifies such treatment as he treated her. Women shouldn't tolerate disrespect just because they love someone.

I also expected some comments from guys here who probably have many insecurities around this issue, and I admit that part of me wanted to provoke them to make my message more effective lol.

[Lila9]

6 minutes ago, Raze said:

So you brought up sex as another example. Let’s say a man posts here saying his girlfriend doesn’t sleep with him that often and he asks her once and she says no because she’d rather eat a chocolate. Would you also tell him to break her chocolate and throw it at her than dump her because he deserves better? That she isn’t respecting his masculinity and doesn’t deserve a man because she isn’t giving sex?

Women are not giving sex but receiving sex. Men are giving sex.

If a woman wouldn't like to receive sex from a man there might be a reason to that. Can be hormones and it can be that he might be selfish in sex and not fun to have sex with.

 

[Raze]

Just now, Lila9 said:

Women are not giving sex but receiving sex. Men are giving sex.

If a woman wouldn't like to receive sex from a man there might be a reason to that. Can be hormones and it can be that he might be selfish in sex and not fun to have sex with.

 

I don’t follow, in sex both people consent, it’s usually the man expected to make the first move so it leans towards the woman giving because he’s asking. But generally it’s a mutual give and take from both sides. 

Anyway that is true, but notice how the same logic isn’t applied in the scenario where a woman isn’t getting investment from a guy, the conclusion is he is selfish and she shouldn’t have to improve his behavior, whereas when the man isn’t getting what he wants the conclusion is he should assume he plays a hand in it and alter his behavior to see if it changes her.

[Princess Arabia]

21 hours ago, Squeekytoy said:

That's all I'm saying.

Sometimes it's how we say things that matters. Your words were a bit condescending but your explanation showed more clarity in the point you were trying to make.

 

21 hours ago, Squeekytoy said:

The level of entitlement with @Lila9's post is off the charts. Don't you women always say men aren't entitled to sex and whatnot? And I agree. But now watch what happens when the roles are reversed. Just reread @Lila9's post and ask yourself how this would look if that came from a guy talking about sex. Yes some guys here do talk that way, and you don't approve of that either, do you. So how am I the biased one here?

When guys speak about not getting sex here, they are single and are not in a relationships. That's what I'm speaking on when I say they are not entitled. Meaning random women don't owe you sex and neither does any girl you're approaching or even trying to get with. Some of them act as if they are entitled to be having sex just because they exist without putting in the effort or work to make it happen, as if it should just fall on their laps. When I mention that, i'm speaking about men who expect it from women who they are not in relationships with. It's good if it happens without that, but don't complain about the lack of it if you haven't claimed any one as your personal girlfriend or wife. I'm not saying you have to be in a relationship or married, but don't feel entitled to it and complain about the lack of it if you're just looking to just sleep around with random girls. The OP is in a relationship, there's a difference.

 

21 hours ago, Squeekytoy said:

You'd tell them both to figure something out, wouldn't you.

Well, that was my aim in my response to OP. I gave her solutions that might help not tell her to go work it out on her own in a dismissive fashion.

Edited January 5 by Princess Arabia

[Lila9]

7 minutes ago, Raze said:

Anyway that is true, but notice how the same logic isn’t applied in the scenario where a woman isn’t getting investment from a guy, the conclusion is he is selfish and she shouldn’t have to improve his behavior, whereas when the man isn’t getting what he wants the conclusion is he should assume he plays a hand in it and alter his behavior to see if it changes her.

Usually, women are the ones who try to improve relationships with men, as if it's solely their responsibility to fix and enhance them, even when men don't meet their needs.

Society also socializes and encourages women to be more understanding, to teach, to be patient, and to sacrifice their own needs for the sake of harmony and men's needs. While this isn't inherently bad, it can be very unhealthy for a woman if she is the only one doing so in the relationship.

Men are less socialized to invest in and improve relationships with women or take equal responsibility. They are socialized to be more selfish and opportunistic, and if a woman doesn't meet their needs, they move on and seek another woman who will.

This is why advice differs for both genders. 

[Princess Arabia]

44 minutes ago, Raze said:

I don’t follow, in sex both people consent, it’s usually the man expected to make the first move so it leans towards the woman giving because he’s asking. But generally it’s a mutual give and take from both sides. 

Anyway that is true, but notice how the same logic isn’t applied in the scenario where a woman isn’t getting investment from a guy, the conclusion is he is selfish and she shouldn’t have to improve his behavior, whereas when the man isn’t getting what he wants the conclusion is he should assume he plays a hand in it and alter his behavior to see if it changes her.

You are missing the point. What she means is in the act itself. The act of sex is giving and receiving. Giving and receiving happens simultaneously but in the male/female sexual act, the woman is receiving and the male giving. The female is also giving and the man is also receiving but in a different way. The exchange then becomes more on an emotional level, while the normal sex act in itself is more on a physical level. Please try leave logic behind when it comes to these topics as it very rarely applies to emotional issues as sex can be. This has nothing to do with your logical explanation on investment from a guy. That's a whole different topic in this case.

Edited January 5 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Lila9 said:

I apologize to Barbella if I came off as insensitive, my intention was to wake her up to her value and encourage her to put herself first

No, not at all. It didn't sound insensitive to me; more like on a "tough love" level. I can't really go there too harsh on this topic because it will be too harsh because of how I view this issue and I'm aware of how sometimes I can get carried away on emotional issues that becomes personal to me.

How about this "you frigging bastards, how dare you treat the woman in your life this way. The woman who could potentially bear your children who will get your last name and carry on your imaginary legacy that you so think is you. The only thing you got that anyone could remember you by, not your egotistical accomplishments that could possibly burn up in a fire or a frigging tsunami. If you think a friggin' chocolate bar can supplement the love I can show you that you do obviously crave if you're holding unto a dusty piece of heavy-metal laced tooth-rotting piece of brown filth........need I go on.lol

 

Edited January 5 by Princess Arabia

[Yimpa]

This is what a healthy relationship looks like:

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/7-health-benefits-dark-chocolate

Edited January 5 by Yimpa

[Lila9]

13 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

How about this "you frigging bastards, how dare you treat the woman in your life this way. The woman who could potentially bear your children who will get your last name and carry on your imaginary legacy that you so think is you. The only thing you got that anyone could remember you by, not your egotistical accomplishments that could possibly burn up in a fire or a frigging tsunami. If you think a friggin' chocolate bar can supplement the love I can show you that you do obviously crave if you're holding unto a dusty piece of heavy-metal laced tooth-rotting piece of brown filth........need I go on.lol

😂😂😂

That's brilliant.

 

[Lila9]

9 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

This is what a healthy relationship looks like:

 

This is so nostalgic 😂

[Starlight321]

@Leo Gurawe are still waiting for your conscious communication episode

[Yimpa]

24 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

How about this "you frigging bastards, how dare you treat the woman in your life this way. The woman who could potentially bear your children who will get your last name and carry on your imaginary legacy that you so think is you. The only thing you got that anyone could remember you by, not your egotistical accomplishments that could possibly burn up in a fire or a frigging tsunami. If you think a friggin' chocolate bar can supplement the love I can show you that you do obviously crave if you're holding unto a dusty piece of heavy-metal laced tooth-rotting piece of brown filth........need I go on.lol

Let’s not forget this episode:

 

[Princess Arabia]

37 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

😂😂😂

That's brilliant.

 

I'm sure these guys won't think so. I'll probably secretly get a few haters after that rant, if I haven't already.

[Princess Arabia]

31 minutes ago, Starlight321 said:

@Leo Gurawe are still waiting for your conscious communication episode

He has already, SILENCE. He's indirectly communicating it by example.😇

Edited January 5 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

I'll never look at a chocolate bar the same again after reading this post. Hehe

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Throwing chocolate at somebody is not violence. Wouldn't stand up in court and that's a bit extreme. 

Chocolately violence.

[Yimpa]

On 1/3/2024 at 9:37 AM, Leo Gura said:

If he can see this, he will start to change.

Change is not just about money coins, it’s also about coining wiser ways to relate to loved ones.

Quote

Something a man should aspire to is to become so abundant in resources that he never again has to worry about sharing them freely with loved ones.

Just like your work with Actualized.org 

 

[Princess Arabia]

25 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Chocolately violence.

Lawyer: Your honor, my client is very distraught because his gf threw chocolate in his face.

Judge: 10yrs for the defendant for disrupting my courtroom with this nonsense, and $4 fine for the plaintiff for wasting food.