How do I get better at texting game?

[Dlavjr]

I'm in my mid-twenties, and texting seems to be really important in the dating scene at this age. The attention span is so low so if there's not near daily interaction, people can't handle it. I'm fairly confident in my ability to read body-language and flirt in person, but over text there's so much room for misinterpretation, and people are going on about their daily lives, so girls are either not fully focused on responding to me or I to them. How do I make conversation engaging over text? 

I've been texting this girl that seems relatively interested in me, we've met in person and had sex and our conversations have been deep, but over text I just don't know what to say because I'm just going about my day, and I feel like just talking about my day is boring. She doesn't continue the conversations forward much, mostly just reacts to it in some way, usually enthusiastically but not with any effort to build on it. Yet she will still message me first, usually with a "good morning, how did you sleep?" or a "what are you doing?" and I'm essentially put in a position to carry a conversation when I have nothing to talk about. How can I develop my texting game? 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDl3Tx4qZAY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OZebLs6v7o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gANvvAD-3eM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDHYzukUwos

https://www.girlschase.com/how-to-text-a-girl

Edited August 23, 2023 by Raze

[toasty7718]

There are just sooo many complex rules when it comes to texting, especially when it's with a member of the opposite sex. You may be wondering things like "is it okay to double text? Triple text? Respond instantly? Take 15 minutes to respond?" But the thing to remember here is that nobody plays by the same rulebook when texting!

Fundamentally - communication is the act of sending and receiving signals, which goes both ways. Instead of worrying too much about how you should respond to the text or what you should send, try to read the text instead.  Analyze what they say critically. 
 

If they say something that upsets you, then take a step back and ask yourself what they really meant by sending this. Think for just a moment, analyze it critically, and try to give them the charitable interpretation. 
 

Trying to upset you may not have been their intention at all. Texting lacks tone, body language, sarcasm, emotions, etc. it's why emojis were invented in the first place.

 

What if they don't respond to your messages instantly? Realize that texting is solely about convenience. The point of a text is to send a message anytime that can be read or responded to at anytime. 
 

if you want an instant response, then call them, don't use texting.

 

What if they ghost you? Well, what's the length of time that is considered "ghosting?" One week, one month? Something may have happened in their life and they didn't remember to text you back. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt. 
 

Here's the main insight I'm trying to get at: you can't control anyone else's behavior. This is a futile effort that will lead to frustration, among other things. Try to stop the habit of texting to try to illicit a certain type of response. People have all sorts of rules that are geared towards getting a certain type of response from the other person, like not double texting and so forth. 
 

The goal of communication is to accommodate the other person but to also represent yourself and what you want. It's not about a certain outcome, it's about communication with another human being.

[ivankiss]

I'd not recommend texting during daytime in the early stages. Try to build a habit of texting right before bedtime or something like that. That's when you're going to catch more of her attention. Avoid texting before she's going out or while she's at a party, etc. Unless she shows strong interest and maybe is looking to bail the scene or secure a guy after the party has ended.

I guess it all depends on what your intentions are. Try not to do all the work. If she's texting back like she's bored to death and couldn't be less interested in you, then the last thing you should do is bombard her with compliments and cheesy paragraphs.

There has to be a pretty much even exchange of words. Tune into the vibe. Know when to take the convo deeper, when to make it sexier, when to make it funny or serious, etc. Try not to "play" her too much. It can be super annoying. Show her that you are a genuine, sane, interesting guy who is not afraid to make his intentions clear. 

[petar8p]

If you don't use dating platforms, avoid texting. Text just for logistics and to hear from each other when you're going to meet next. Don't give her attention online. She has this already. Give her value in real life and make her laugh --> this she doesn't have an abundance of. 

[evgn]

I think that texting game is a fucking cope that these dating coaches are trying to sell. If a girl doesn't find you attractive your text is irrelevant.