First timer takes 2x Heroic Doses back-to-back

[MaxSaris]

So I've never done psychedelics before, and a few days ago I decided to do psilocybin truffles (15g x2) while on a meditation retreat in Amsterdam. 

I have two separate trip reports because I ended up doing two heroic doses back-to-back, one on Friday, and the other on Saturday. 

 

Maybe not the wisest decision to do such big doses for my first time, and in such a short time span, and while I honestly think the trips were the worst experiences of my life, I regret nothing. 

 

I put the trip reports as files below, Here's some info on what they're about:

Trip report 1: 15g heroic dose - Who/what am I? dying and creating myself, becoming God

Trip report 2: 15g heroic dose - "Structurelessness", insanity, Absurdity, EGO, and fear of dying

[OBEler]

15 g fresh or dried truffles? 

[Thought Art]

Always recommend not taking large doses when first starting out as a harm reduction principle 

[MaxSaris]

16 hours ago, OBEler said:

15 g fresh or dried truffles? 

Fresh ones I think. I took one that was called Atlantis and then another one with a white packaging called Old Dutch

[MaxSaris]

16 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Always recommend not taking large doses when first starting out as a harm reduction principle 

Yea lessons learned... should've maybe had a trip sitter present as well, but I didn't know who to ask when it was my first time in the country.

[LSD-Rumi]

15g is not heroic. It is the average dose, as far as I know.

[OBEler]

@MaxSaris you need to know that dried truffles are 70% more potent than fresh ones. 

You took a normal dose of truffles, 15 g atlantis fresh is even not a high dose 

 

You write good Trip reports, Thanks for sharing. What Do you mean that what you experience within your ego perception is all there is? Does this mean the moon doesnt exist in the universe because it's not in your experience? 

Edited February 16, 2023 by OBEler

[MaxSaris]

16 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

15g is not heroic. It is the average dose, as far as I know.

I tried to research what would be a heroic dose for my body weight (68kg), and a couple of different sources said around 15 grams would be, but I don't know, I'm no expert on dosages.

[MaxSaris]

4 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@MaxSaris you need to know that dried truffles are 70% more potent than fresh ones. 

You took a normal dose of truffles, 15 g atlantis fresh is even not a high dose 

 

You write good Trip reports, Thanks for sharing. What Do you mean that what you experience within your ego perception is all there is? Does this mean the moon doesnt exist in the universe because it's not in your experience? 

Oh damn, so that was a normal dose? crazy.

 

And thanks! I tried to write it as authentically as I experienced it, right afterwards, without censoring anything.

 

And yes, the moon didn't exist in my perception, not even as an idea. Logically the moon does exist right? But in my direct experience, it didn't. I still have trouble understanding the metaphysics of other people also having experiences and the existence of those experiences, so I honestly don't know what to make of it. 

[OBEler]

@MaxSaris I ask me if the moon does not exist in your perception, does it still exist? I get it that it did not exist for your ego but you said you were God and everything. So can you conclude that there is more in the universe(moon, Planets) than what is in Front of you, what your ego perceives? 

[MaxSaris]

4 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@MaxSaris I ask me if the moon does not exist in your perception, does it still exist? I get it that it did not exist for your ego but you said you were God and everything. So can you conclude that there is more in the universe(moon, Planets) than what is in Front of you, what your ego perceives? 

I did not have access to anything else except what was in my perception at the moment, so I wouldn't be able to conclude anything outside of it exists without relying on belief. I do not perceive the moon right now, so I can't say it exists outside of my mind. Does a pink elephant exist physically right now? I don't see one so I can't say. 

[OBEler]

@MaxSaris Yeah some people here say also but I think there is a big difference in knowing that only that what you perceive with your ego exist in the universe and nothing else or not knowing if something else exist in the universe. 

Knowing and not knowing. You say you do not know, others say they know that nothing else exist

[LSD-Rumi]

2 hours ago, MaxSaris said:

I tried to research what would be a heroic dose for my body weight (68kg), and a couple of different sources said around 15 grams would be, but I don't know, I'm no expert on dosages.

No that's for magic mushrooms, not truffles. Truffles are much weaker per gram.

[MaxSaris]

3 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

No that's for magic mushrooms, not truffles. Truffles are much weaker per gram.

I used this to calculate it, as well as another calculator I can't find right now. It does say truffles. 

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, MaxSaris said:

I did not have access to anything else except what was in my perception at the moment, so I wouldn't be able to conclude anything outside of it exists without relying on belief. I do not perceive the moon right now, so I can't say it exists outside of my mind. Does a pink elephant exist physically right now? I don't see one so I can't say. 

By definition, only direct experience exists. you will never get out of your direct experience, because if you do, that will be your direct experience. If you go into full god mode and have direct experience of infinite povs simultaneously, that will be your direct experience. thinking whether others exist or not is a thought that is occurring in your direct experience. it is not true or false, it is a thought. real as direct experience, indifferent as to its content. we can speculate what we want, these speculations will be part of the direct experience, but we can never, in any case, get out of it, therefore, our direct experience is the absolute

[LSD-Rumi]

2 hours ago, MaxSaris said:

I used this to calculate it, as well as another calculator I can't find right now. It does say truffles. 

Yeah it is high but not heroic. Heroic would be 2 or even 3 times your dose 

[OBEler]

@Breakingthewall but still  there is the possibility that something outside your direct experience exist. You cannot know it, just assume. something outside my direct experience is also absolute. it is the not knowing absolute

[Breakingthewall]

8 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Breakingthewall but still  there is the possibility that something outside your direct experience exist. You cannot know it, just assume. something outside my direct experience is also absolute. it is the not knowing absolute

think that you are the absolute infinity, existence itself. This is the reality. and think that you can never get out of your direct experience. therefore your direct experience is total existence. can not it be a different way. crazy right? your direct experience is the infinity. It's very strange and i don't understand it mostly of time, just in some moments

Edited February 16, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[OBEler]

@Breakingthewall yeah I can undrstand that, but what about others who are existence itself, they cannot get out of their direct experience.

therefore my direct experience is just total from my pov but  from a meta pov, this is not total because of others povs 

[Breakingthewall]

7 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Breakingthewall yeah I can undrstand that, but what about others who are existence itself, they cannot get out of their direct experience.

therefore my direct experience is just total from my pov but  from a meta pov, this is not total because of others povs 

Yes, i understand what you are saying and if i start thinking i reach the same conclusions, but the reality is that this thoughts and conclusions are just ideas that appears in my direct experience. They have no meaning, just an experience that is happening.  The absolute is my direct experience. Nothing exist except this. The thing is like a trick. It's impossible to understand with the logical mind, at least i can't 

Edited February 16, 2023 by Breakingthewall