I'm lost, help please

[Gabith]

Hello, I don't know where to write this but I need your help.

For the past 3 weeks I have been opening my heart, smiling at people, loving people, being less judgmental and fearful.
I had a sense of inner peace that I carried with me and my desire was to be present & loving wherever I was.

I recently started training to become a masseur. Training that lasts 1 year, 3x a week. 

We are 12 to follow this training, I met 3 great person, very nice. 
But yesterday my instinct spoke and I realized that 2 of them are narcissistic perverts (a man and a woman) they focus on me because I appeared for them probably as the nicest and manipulable of us.

Fortunately I discovered quite quickly that they have bad intentions and feel hatred towards me because I represent for them what they hate the most: spirituality, love... or maybe they see me as the most vulnerable. 

Since I know they're not what they try to appear, I will be difficult to manipulate but I am afraid and I am lost because I will have to spend the rest of the year with them.
I'm going to distance myself and I know they will take it badly, I'm afraid they will try to hurt me by manipulating the other people in the class against me.
 

I don't know how to get respect if they try to disrespect me, besides the narcissistic pervert man is into combat sports and is physically stronger than me. 

On the other hand, they hide behind an image of kind & honest person etc... and I tell myself that maybe they are afraid to show their bad side by taking it out on me in front of others? 

Here I am lost and disappointed because I thought I discovered two beautiful people and they turn out to be very malicious towards me. 
I don't know how things will turn out but I don't want to pretend and keep talking to them/ sitting next to them in the classroom.

I want to distance myself as soon as I see them again but I am afraid of the consequences.
And telling the truth in front of others: that they are a narcissistic pervert and trying to prove it would only make things worse.
 

If you have an idea that could help me, I'd love to hear it. Thank you

 

EDIT: I think I projected a lot, maybe they're narcissistic pervert or not but they're people that I need to avoid for my well-being. I think the best solution is to avoid going intimate / sharing personal things with them. And just respect them like colleagues. 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Gabith

[Lila9]

Maybe try to play their game around them. I know you don't want to but it's the safest way. Be fake with them as they are with you, don't be too vulnerable and open. Share as less parts of your real self as you can, protect your world from them. Don't let them to cross your bounderies and be as distant as you can, both emotionaly and physically. You own them nothing. The most importent thing is your awarness, anytime you interact with them, be aware of your emotional and thinking process, notice how they manipulate you, what bottoms they press etc. Be aware of your body, hold your frame. Narcissists have very strong frame that 'vacuuming' people with weaker frames. Strengethen your frame and yes, you might find yourself upseting them because they don't expect it, it's ok because life is about you and your happiness and not about them and their need for energetic supply.

It's helpful to read and watch material about narcissists and to educate yourself about this phenomenon.

Make yourself a boring narsicistic supply 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Lila9

[Thought Art]

I’d say, focus on your school work and say less about yourself. Say less, show off less and focus on the school work. 
 

It’s often best in life to not show yourself fullly to people at school or work. No one knows you, no one needs to know you. 
 

Be kind and professional.

Then, allow your understanding of them to unfold over time. 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Thought Art

[Gabith]

@Lila9 Omg your message helps me so much... I'll do my best thank you  

Edited October 21, 2022 by Gabith

[Thought Art]

@Gabith The book “The Laws of Human Nature” has a good on jealousy and why it’s best to just say less. 

You can be present and loving still. Don’t stop that. Just, say less. 

[Gabith]

@Thought Art Thank you, I will read it ! 

I'm realizing that I'm very naive... seeing only the good in people 

[Tyler Robinson]

You're dealing with people who are not authentic. Cut them off. Speak less with them. Don't be attached to them 

 

Seek people who genuinely care about you. Such people will respect you. You need this thread. 

Look for green flags. The entire list of green flags is in this thread. 

Once you find such people, all your problems are solved. 

If the people don't show these green flags then boycott and avoid such people. 

 

 

[Gabith]

@Tyler Robinson Thank you, this topic will be very eye-opening
I'm awakening from the fact that I was in total illusion, seeing everyone too brightly, always thinking I'm the problem if someone dislike me, culpability etc... it's painful but I know it's here to help me grow 

 

[Tyler Robinson]

@Gabith also please don't entertain thoughts of suicide. It always gets better. Trust me. All you need is patience brother. 

 

[Gabith]

Thank you for you caring <3 

[Thought Art]

@Gabith Vernon Howard talks a lot about this. Pathways to perfect living is a good book on this. 

Dealing with sleepy people is challenging. 
 

Simply, become an apprentice of human nature. Look to understand them.

People are Good. But, they are also selfish, petty, envious, short sighted, opinionated etc. 
 

Masculine love means creating boundaries, not giving a shit about assholes and dealing with these types of people skillfully. 
 

Not everyone is gonna be your “friend” or “buddy”. People want YOU to listen more about them. Take interest in them. Say less about you. People will love you for it.

Edited October 21, 2022 by Thought Art

[Gabith]

@Thought Art Great, thank you for your help !

[Thought Art]

@peebz The problem is that he has to spend a lot of time with them. 
 

He’s best off trying to mitigate any worsening of a toxic school environment. 
 

He simply needs to shut up about himself. Take more interest in them/ just focus on his schooling. 
 

He may need to talk to a teacher and create space between them and himself. 
 

Saying less is a golden rule of work and school. 
 

Don’t make it worse by fighting them. 
 

say less, relax about it. Be kind. People change over time. 

[Thought Art]

@Gabith Focus on being calm, cool, quiet and professional as well. People don’t know you or care about you. Just be chill, don’t need anyone to treat you anyway. 
 

Definitely don’t call people perverts or whatever. 
 

If people are making you uncomfortable in this way speak to a teacher.

[Gabith]

2 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Gabith Focus on being calm, cool, quiet and professional as well. People don’t know you or care about you. Just be chill, don’t need anyone to treat you anyway. 
 

Definitely don’t call people perverts or whatever. 
 

If people are making you uncomfortable in this way speak to a teacher.

Okay thank you ! 

[Thought Art]

9 minutes ago, peebz said:

I have no objection to that. I'm not saying go to war at first. He may need to set some boundaries so their inappropriate behavior doesn't persist. However, if they continue and are abusive to him in any he's gotta back them down in someway.

Definitely.

The best thing though is not deepen any potential conflict. He’s already sort of paranoid about them. Just, really has to do it in a chill, calm, confident and friendly way. 
 

Setting boundaries I think should be done in a cool confident way. 

Edited October 21, 2022 by Thought Art

[Ulax]

@Gabith Hey dude, sounds to me like you're feeling quite distressed over this situation and how it might turn out for you.

Its my understanding to that you are confused about whether you're intuition about them is correct.

I personally would recommend trusting your intuition in this situation.

To my understanding, its possible that you dealing with some folks who would likely fit the criteria for a cluster b personality disorders.

To my mind, there are experts who have studied this demographic of people.

I'd say one of them is someone called, 'Doctor Ramani'. https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani

I would particularly recommend watching her video on 'Grayrocking', which is a technique for dealing with this demographic of people. I also believe she has videos on various other techniques .

I think it may well be worth your watching some of this series of Ramani's too: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3QtnfcMTMhEfRXN-Kk2vndn89nBZxKUj

[Gabith]

@Ulax Thank you I'm watching her videos tonight ! 

[Gabith]

@Ulax Your videos on grayrocking is a gift! 
It seems to be a great technique and it will help me for not being their cible anymore and also helps in the process to become more grounded

[Ulax]

@Gabith All g dude.