Fear of awakening

[lizz_luna]

On one of my recent mushroom trips, I had a profound experience. I grasped more the awareness of -this is everything that is happening. This is it. This is the absolute- however It felt so profound and ungraspable that I totally blacked out. Basically I don’t remember that part of the trip. I remember it was profound and pointed me towards deep understanding of truth but also my mind did not understand and blocked it from its conscious experience. 

After that, having deep conversations about existence triggers some strong emotions. When questioning the idea of self, extreme fear of death comes up. Part of me -the ego- feels so threatened yet another part of me knows there is a deeper truth. 
My chest starts to get tight, I get scared. I start to feel anxious and that I am about to die. 
one time I was shaking so much I had to tell myself I’m not ready and try to calm down and not think about it. It is a deep fear that I continue to experience. I am able to intuit that this is taking me somewhere I just don’t know how to push through this stage. I feel an awakening of some kind coming I just don’t know why it is so scary and how can I handle this at all? 
Any suggestions/work that can be done/deeper understanding that needs to be studied/concepts that will beneficial to know deeper etc all welcomed! 
thank you!

Edited September 1, 2022 by lizz_luna

[Consilience]

One of the most helpful resources you can have with awakening is inner peace, learning/developing a mind capable of abiding in being and the formless bliss that results from such development. Daily meditation is where Id start. If you already have this practice in place, learning how to develop shamatha, shamatha meditation. This not only develops concentration, it brings unification and harmonization to the mind, both of which are indispensable for deeper levels of awakening. 

Edited September 1, 2022 by Consilience

[Leo Gura]

Do 100 more trips and you'll be fine.

[King Merk]

Yup, that’s survival in action.

I think it just takes time. As Leo said it’s just getting the reps in. Whenever you desire truth more than you desire to live then you’ll be willing to yield into nothingness. 

Keep it up!?

[Breakingthewall]

 

your ego has just found out that awakening is something it really hates. It will not leave the prey easily. He need to gradually assume the situation, understand what it is, what his place is. this is a process. do it intuitively, with love and consideration for yourself. but without leaving it. your ego needs to be guided and convinced to let go. meditation, psychedelics in moderate doses that put you on the verge of dissolution, identify fear. get acquainted with him. do not force the ego until it is ready