How to improve sexual talk

[StarStruck]

So I’m getting better at direct pickup going straight for the prize. The problem is that I’m a fool when it comes to sexual talk. I do manage setting the right mood but  I notice I say the wrong things or fail shit test and it just doesn’t get off the ground. Sometimes it does but women just shit test the shit when it gets sexual and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m kind of second guessing, or not knowing the right thing to say or shooting blanks. 

[StarStruck]

6 hours ago, Jowblob said:

don't talk about sex

She brought it up

[Fernanda]

Praise her. Women like genuine  praise. From there, it can get sexual naturally. It will flow.

[flowboy]

18 hours ago, StarStruck said:

So I’m getting better at direct pickup going straight for the prize. The problem is that I’m a fool when it comes to sexual talk. I do manage setting the right mood but  I notice I say the wrong things or fail shit test and it just doesn’t get off the ground. Sometimes it does but women just shit test the shit when it gets sexual and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m kind of second guessing, or not knowing the right thing to say or shooting blanks. 

Yeah you're trying to please her, make it go well, do whatever she expects, "whatever works".

That's the wrong energy to be in.

She's shit testing you exactly because she senses that you're in your head: you're trying to say whatever works to make it work.

That's not what she wants, dude.

She wants authenticity.

Say whatever you feel.

Real sexytalk comes from what arises within you.

Regardless of how she'd respond.

You need to have that detachment from her reaction, in order to be authentic.

You're never saying "the wrong thing" unless you're saying something that your mind came up with in the hopes of getting a good response.

The only solution is to be more in touch with yourself and your feeling, and not be in your head while you're doing it.

Can't have good sex otherwise.

[StarStruck]

@flowboy

Authenticity alone is not good enough. If I tell I just want to fuck her (she is married and in an open relation so I don't have another option anyway), she would just walk away. I also wanted to be relatable and indeed give the answers she wanted to hear.

I'm aware of this authenticity issue I have. I'm working on it; a lot of time I don't feel anything. Sometimes I do and now that I look back, she went out with me because of my feelings behind my words but for some reason I messed up: it was too much out of my comfort zone. She wanted to dance freaky and such. That is just not me at this moment.

 

[Roy]

16 hours ago, StarStruck said:

She brought it up

If she brought it up you should neg/tease her, set a strong frame. When women do this you have to one up them and demonstrate competence/wit. Of course this is all context dependent, there is no one size fits all response.

As a general rule I would double down on how you're feeling and what your intentions are. Don't cow tow or try to please women by just going along and morphing to whatever you think will make them happy, that's an attraction killer.

Idk if any of this is helpful it's hard to give an answers without specifics.

[flowboy]

2 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Authenticity alone is not good enough. If I tell I just want to fuck her (she is married and in an open relation so I don't have another option anyway), she would just walk away.

Yeah, how about breaking that up into tiny little steps and describing those in detail?

Don't summarize for God's sake, that's a mood kill ?

[StarStruck]

11 hours ago, flowboy said:

Yeah, how about breaking that up into tiny little steps and describing those in detail?

Don't summarize for God's sake, that's a mood kill ?

I was so out of character.. She told me I was like a fish out of water couple of times during dancing and so on. But you are right. I should just have taken it slow, gave her more drinks. Now reflecting back on it: I was really in a hurry with her and that is not hot, lol.  The thing is it is easy to say to myself to take it slow; in that moment I just didn't know how to take it slow.

13 hours ago, Roy said:

If she brought it up you should neg/tease her, set a strong frame. When women do this you have to one up them and demonstrate competence/wit. Of course this is all context dependent, there is no one size fits all response.

As a general rule I would double down on how you're feeling and what your intentions are. Don't cow tow or try to please women by just going along and morphing to whatever you think will make them happy, that's an attraction killer.

Idk if any of this is helpful it's hard to give an answers without specifics.

My game is so bad. I think I need some old school game because this natural game doesn't work for me.

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by StarStruck

[flowboy]

20 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I was so out of character.. She told me I was like a fish out of water couple of times during dancing and so on. But you are right. I should just have taken it slow, gave her more drinks. Now reflecting back on it: I was really in a hurry with her and that is not hot, lol.  The thing is it is easy to say to myself to take it slow; in that moment I just didn't know how to take it slow.

I meant breaking the "I want to fuck you" up into tiny little steps and describing those.

What do you want to do to her first, or what do you want her to do, who is touching what, what do you want to feel, what do you want to make her feel, describe it using adjectives and storytelling, really draw it out.

As long as we're on the subject of sexual talk, that is what I would recommend.

 

In a sense, letting yourself get dragged into a situation where you're that uncomfortable to the point where you're not enjoying it, puts you in a weak position. You're only doing this because you want sex, and she knows it. You're being a play-thing.

I would take a step back and stay with a level of discomfort that you are still enjoying, and not completely out of your element.

Stronger to say no, or "let's stop dancing and do this", or let's do whatever else is still fun to you.

The setup is flawed if you're doing anything to give her a good time so she'll sleep with you. It shows a lack of healthy boundaries.

What I like to do, is stay present with my level of discomfort, and take a step back whenever I get too in my head. Then take a step forward when I'm comfortable again. Et cetera. This can put you into a nice flow state where anything can happen.

It starts with listening to your body and valuing yourself and your inner experience over the outcome.

[StarStruck]

@flowboy thanks

It really comes down to connecting yin and yang: thoughts (in the head) and emotions (in the body).

As an empath I'm not much connected to my own feelings but rather try to feel what others feel.

[hyruga]

There's some easy ways to get into sexual tension. It has somehow worked for me.

I am a Chinese though so I am not in a very open society like some of you are in. If you are interested, do pm me.

[Leo Gura]

If she brings up sex, you can just say, "Tsk, tsk.... You're a naughty girl." Wag your finger at her and then switch topics.

[flowboy]

21 hours ago, StarStruck said:

It really comes down to connecting yin and yang: thoughts (in the head) and emotions (in the body).

Exactly.

21 hours ago, StarStruck said:

As an empath I'm not much connected to my own feelings but rather try to feel what others feel.

Yes, so it will be more challenging, but it's also the solution and it can definitely be practiced in the way I described (build up slowly and take a step back to yourself whenever you lose track of what you are feeling)