Describing Feelings

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

Those coolers are wonderful hun 

Its such a simple idea, but it works perfectly it seems. You’re too cute my sweet peach ? 

[Marcel]

Today I finally decided to implement strong boundaries with my mother.

As soon as she starts talking about a second child / anything related to this topic or starts using one of the sentences she has repeated a billion times,  I will immediately cut the conversation off.

Im an only child and I’m sick and tired of her telling me that I shouldn’t be an only child and how shit everything is because of it and how desperate she feels yada yada yards etc. I feel like ripping my hair out just typing this stuff up

Done. No more of that stuff. I let myself be triggered and enraged so often and I just have enough now. I’m happy to talk with her about anything else. I love my mom, but this only child topic I’m finally once and for all fed up and done with. Enough is Enough.

It’s not my job to be her counsellor or therapist. It’s not my job to fix her. It’s not my responsibility to listen to literally anything she says. 

[Preety_India]

I have to keep boundaries with my mother as well. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel love. 

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

*Kuss ?

 

[Marcel]

I just had a bit of a breakthrough I think on why I go into resignation so easily.

This sounds a bit ridiculous, but when I feel uncomfortable or there is something that challenges me / requiring me effort my mind will go immediately “I’m just gonna kill myself” and I recoil, stuck in my comfort zone forever.

Now I’ve finally realised where this thought comes from, I picked it up from my mom, because she said it practically every day growing up to this day.

”I don’t wanna live anymore” “I want to die” “I can’t live with this” etc etc. all the sentences she repeated a billion times in my life really got stuck in my head and they keep popping up as if they were mine and it’s hard to let them go. 

It’s like the time I was massively suicidal. Where all my thoughts basically revolves around suicide and it was so scary to let it go because then the question becomes:

Who am I without suicidal thoughts? As now, the question Is “Who am i without these defense mechanisms? Without realising it I’ve got very attached them because they got related so often and I am emotionally connected with them.

So it feels like one big fight in my mind, to rewrite everything that has been programmed into me.

 I never really mention my dad I noticed. He made incredibly fearful of mistakes for a long time. Let’s say I’m clumsy and his reactions to it used to be very judgemental to the point where if we had to do something together, it usually ended in a big fight and I stormed away completely losing my mind.  He wasn’t understanding or considerate, never emotionally available and combined with all the suicidal behaviour of my mom it concocted the perfect cocktail for me to become depressed and Suicidal without any healthy coping mechanism.

It’s kind of a miracle for me I’m alive. 

 

[Preety_India]

*secretly wishes him valentine. 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel I love you. 

[Preety_India]

This is what happens to me when you're not around or gone for some time. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel for some reason I find this too funny lol. 

https://youtube.com/shorts/fBEuoun4umw?feature=share

[Preety_India]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 13, 2022 by Preety_India

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

My sweet valentine 

I wish I could fly by your window on a cloud. Just you and me over the clouds with our own cloud. Heavenly real state. Eternally bound to each other and I’ve never felt freer. You’re so adorable and sweet. My birdy sweetheart. United in eternal love. I wish I was with you so I could tickle you 24/7 I can’t get enough of your high pitchness. My queen. My princess. Everything about you is perfect 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel

I'm so happy with you my sweetheart. Together we will make it. 

Edited February 14, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Marcel thank you hun. 

 

 

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

*Dancing hearts with you 

Wonder why I don’t have arms but love the facial expression to death 

So good hun ?

[Preety_India]

Just now, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

*Dancing hearts with you 

Wonder why I don’t have arms but love the facial expression to death 

So good hun ?

My God I didn't even notice it. Why does it not have arms? Lmao 

 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

*Dancing hearts with you 

Wonder why I don’t have arms but love the facial expression to death 

So good hun ?

 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel this song is for you my sweet valentine. 

 

 

 

 

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

Sweeeeeeet song ? 

*Always has your heart and keeps it 

I hope the sun keeps shining though. I don’t have a flashlight presence like a certain person ?

[Preety_India]

On 14/02/2022 at 2:48 PM, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

Sweeeeeeet song ? 

*Always has your heart and keeps it 

I hope the sun keeps shining though. I don’t have a flashlight presence like a certain person ?

I love you.