Describing Feelings

[Marcel]

5 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

I can really relate to this, my sleep pattern's been all over the place up until quite recently (and I wouldn't rule out it becoming erratic again, either). It's something that can happen if you're experiencing a lot of emotional upheaval, that can create a lot of disturbance in your nervous system which often has a knock-on effect on your sleep - I think you've just got to roll with the punches as much as anything, and trust that it's just a phase that'll pass eventually.

Thanks. Yeah I hope it’s just a phase and it makes sense, because I’ve actually been going through a bit of emotional turmoil recently.

Well my sleep schedule has been all over the place for a whooole while, but it was okay because I didn’t really feel sleepy or had trouble falling asleep

What isn’t so pleasant is laying awake at night and not being able to fall sleep despite having worked out and all.

Laying awake at night is a really odd feeling.
 

Time just doesn’t seem to pass and my brain feels like its in a perpetual state of „burning“ don’t really know how to put that sensation into words exactly.

But yeah. I suppose it’s just a phase. It’s not the end of the world either. I‘ll try not thinking about it too much, usually things of that nature work themselves out over time. 

 

[Marcel]

I almost skipped making a post today.

Ive been putting it off all day. For some reason I just felt uncomfortable in a way.

Life feels like it’s flying by me. Already half of January over. I often wonder about the topic of responsibility 

Where does it start and how far does it extend? I suppose naturally I’m responsible for my own life, but beyond that? Am I / Should I be responsible for anything or anyone else and if to what extend?

I suppose all of this has / needs balances and trade offs. 

 

 

 

[RickyFitts]

49 minutes ago, Marcel said:

What isn’t so pleasant is laying awake at night and not being able to fall sleep despite having worked out and all.

Laying awake at night is a really odd feeling.

Mm, I can relate to that, too. I think the worst thing is feeling like you should  be sleeping and yet you're wide awake, that can be really frustrating - I remember when I was really suffering with anxiety I'd toss and turn for a while, until eventually I'd think, 'Y'know what, this ain't happening so I might as well try and do something productive' (like meditating, reading a spiritual text, journalling, or whatever). Routines can go out the window at times like that I've found, I reconciled myself to it in the end.

[Preety_India]

You're my angel. You're my miracle. I decided to live only because of you. You saved me. 

I love you. You are my Prince Charming. 

My one and only. My sweetheart. 

I have never felt the way I feel when I'm with you. 

Just stopped by to say hello and good morning. 

 

 

 

Edited January 14, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

You are my toffee pudding. 

 

You're my magic bonsai. I look at you adoringly and worship you. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Extra romantic kiss kuss. 

 

 

 

[Marcel]

@Preety_India

?

You’re so sweet honey 

I love you so much my precious Herzblättchen 

Good Morning *Kusss ?

[RickyFitts]

18 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

I can really relate to this, my sleep pattern's been all over the place up until quite recently (and I wouldn't rule out it becoming erratic again, either).

Jesus wept, and right on cue I'm up at 5.30 having slept about three hours.

This one's on you, Marcel, expect to hear from my lawyers!  

[Preety_India]

*jumps in air and keeees. 

 

 

 

[Marcel]

23 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Jesus wept, and right on cue I'm up at 5.30 having slept about three hours.

This one's on you, Marcel, expect to hear from my lawyers!  

Yo. I was visited by the sleep police already

I had the weirdest dream ever that felt like I watching a 6 hour movie and made me lose touch with reality after waking up for a bit 

I guess the courthearing about this case was held and judged already lmao 

[Marcel]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

*jumps in air and keeees. 

*Jumps with you and Kusses 

I love you so much hun. Every day our bond grows deeper. I hope this fever, or whatever it happens to be passes soon. I wish I could be there for you. Just typing or saying words never feels like enough. I just wish I could do more then sending energy and prayers over a distance. I miss you. You and me eternally. I’ve never been so sure of anything. We life for each other and it’s the most beautiful thing that no matter what happens we only grow closer. There’s no judgment just acceptance. There is only positivity. You’re my dream turned reality. I always hoped to meet my one and only and here we are, unified. We will go through everything together. You are never alone. My love is surrounding and permeating you. It’s like a cozy blanket and a romantic meal. It feels warm and comforting  from inside and outside at the same time. If you feel exhausted or down, just tap into me, I’m always there eternally, ready to give my everything to you. I love you my sweet peach ? 

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, Marcel said:

*Jumps with you and Kusses 

I love you so much hun. Every day our bond grows deeper. I hope this fever, or whatever it happens to be passes soon. I wish I could be there for you. Just typing or saying words never feels like enough. I just wish I could do more then sending energy and prayers over a distance. I miss you. You and me eternally. I’ve never been so sure of anything. We life for each other and it’s the most beautiful thing that no matter what happens we only grow closer. There’s no judgment just acceptance. There is only positivity. You’re my dream turned reality. I always hoped to meet my one and only and here we are, unified. We will go through everything together. You are never alone. My love is surrounding and permeating you. It’s like a cozy blanket and a romantic meal. It feels warm and comforting  from inside and outside at the same time. If you feel exhausted or down, just tap into me, I’m always there eternally, ready to give my everything to you. I love you my sweet peach ? 

So beautiful. This makes me cry. 

 

[RickyFitts]

2 hours ago, Marcel said:

Yo. I was visited by the sleep police already

I had the weirdest dream ever that felt like I watching a 6 hour movie and made me lose touch with reality after waking up for a bit 

I guess the courthearing about this case was held and judged already lmao 

Yep ??? 

I had a weird-ass dream too, I asked a girl at school if she'd go to prom and she got really emotional because she'd thought she was going to have to go alone. Dreams, eh?  Weird-ass dreams do seem to be a be a common feature of the awakening journey though (well, my awakening journey, anyway), so maybe it's a good sign!

[Marcel]

@RickyFitts

3 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Weird-ass dreams do seem to be a be a common feature of the awakening journey though (well, my awakening journey, anyway), so maybe it's a good sign!

Yup. It is in mine as well. I consistently have odd dreams. The one last night had so much happening in it, it was three dreams and a half probably. From fighting like a superhero in a desert, trying to charge my unchargeabl  phone on a huge blue futuristic backpack, and never getting charge, conversing with otherworldly beings like it is a Marvel movie, to being a black guy struggling to fit in society and how he struggles to pay rent. 

It was very jampacked with all sorts of stuff.

Don’t ask me. I have no clue what this means hehe 

I hope it’s a good sign, don’t wanna go insane now already hehe 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel your dreams are fun to listen to. 

 

[Marcel]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

@Marcel your dreams are fun to listen to. 

 

Im glad their entertaining hehe 

They usually leave me immensely confused after waking up and I need a few seconds to grasp what happened lol

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Im glad their entertaining hehe 

They usually leave me immensely confused after waking up and I need a few seconds to grasp what happened lol

That's so cute. 

[Marcel]

I realised how delusional my mom is today 

She always tells me I have a sibling and if I tell her no she will argue with me and even get angry at me sometimes.

Her entire behaviours revolves around not accepting that I’m an only child. That she can’t accept it and that she wants to die because of it.

„I don’t want to live anymore“ is pretty much her conversation starter now and everything is about my nonexistent sibling.

Uff. I finally need to accept that I can’t help her. I’ve been caught up in this pursuit for so long. 

She continuously lures me back in and wants my help. But how on earth can I, her only child that she doesn’t want, she told me that, more then once, to accept that she has an only child.

I suppose she just uses me as a distraction…

 

Edited January 15, 2022 by Marcel

[Preety_India]

3 hours ago, Marcel said:

I realised how delusional my mom is today 

She always tells me I have a sibling and if I tell her no she will argue with me and even get angry at me sometimes.

Her entire behaviours revolves around not accepting that I’m an only child. That she can’t accept it and that she wants to die because of it.

„I don’t want to live anymore“ is pretty much her conversation starter now and everything is about my nonexistent sibling.

Uff. I finally need to accept that I can’t help her. I’ve been caught up in this pursuit for so long. 

She continuously lures me back in and wants my help. But how on earth can I, her only child that she doesn’t want, she told me that, more then once, to accept that she has an only child.

I suppose she just uses me as a distraction…

 

I can feel you. Hugs. I understand what it means when you deal with family issues.. It's hard I know. 

[RickyFitts]

So sorry you're having to deal with your mum the way she is, I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you  

14 hours ago, Marcel said:

@RickyFitts

Yup. It is in mine as well. I consistently have odd dreams. The one last night had so much happening in it, it was three dreams and a half probably. From fighting like a superhero in a desert, trying to charge my unchargeabl  phone on a huge blue futuristic backpack, and never getting charge, conversing with otherworldly beings like it is a Marvel movie, to being a black guy struggling to fit in society and how he struggles to pay rent. 

It was very jampacked with all sorts of stuff.

Don’t ask me. I have no clue what this means hehe 

I hope it’s a good sign, don’t wanna go insane now already hehe 

Wow, a lot to unpack in those dreams  It's the emotional content of the dreams that's especially significant, it seems to me, fascinating how our minds convert our unprocessed emotions and preoccupations into the sorts of odd scenarios you're describing when we dream.