I decided to be a healthy player and I need advice

[Jenkins]

Hello group, so I've been in a toxic relationship for 2 years which left me with some repairs to do, so I decided that for a while (at least 6 mo-1y) I will date multiple women at once. I've done this in the past and I might consider as a lifestyle choice. So far I'm single for 2 days and I've had a few experiences. I want to be totally honest so usually after I consider the girl gets attracted to me enough that I would pull doing my exclusive-minded game, I tell her about my situation, that I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment. Also I tend to attract with more isolating tricks instead of fun and group oriented interactions. You have any tips for me? It's the right moment I tell that I don't want anything serious? (I don't want to hide at all with this, however I don't want to lose out on potential extra sex just because I'm not having the correct approach. Please let me know about what you think

[Federico del pueblo]

Please try to do a better job at formulating your questions and the entire post. It's barely readable. What exactly do you want to know?

Anyway, you can tell girls that you're not looking for anything serious, though this will repel a lot of girls, even if they are open for casual sex, it's not something that many girls will admit and they might feel cheap and slutty if the sex "didn't just so happen".

That's the whole problem with game. If 100% honesty was rewarded then most guys would be honest. Though this is not the case and therefore guys tend to hide there agenda and so on.

Girls will ask you soon enough what the two of you are after a few times sex (unless you really have a strong player frame), so you'll be able to tell them then and there what your intentions are.

[Jenkins]

@Federico del pueblo noted regarding the phrasing thing. Can't say I was close to sober when writing that, so after double checking I believe I did a decent job.

Don't you believe that after having sex a few times is already late to tell a girl about the player thing?

From what I researched some advice for after first time. However, I don't know what to say. I tend to tell them after I see that they're connected enough, like me and tend to display signs of wanting more than talking. 

This usually happens pretty fast.

In the past I've been a pretty decent player, however I used a very manipulative behavior and techniques.

Now I'm concerned to get good results while affecting as least as possible the persons I'm interacting with.

I would like to have your view on things, or anyone's who might have an insight.

Thanks

[Federico del pueblo]

@Jenkins

As I said in the first post, bringing up the fact that you're not looking for anything serious early (minutes to a few hours after approaching) will often lead to rejection. 

It screams "so he just wants to f#$k me" to the girl and therefore she may reject interacting with you rather early, or will put up many obstacles to sex.

Guys usually get laid by doing the opposite I.e. framing it like sex is a win for her.

You don't owe it to a girl to communicate your specific relationship intentions (or a lack thereof) so early. 

And when this issue comes up you can say "I'm currently in an episode where don't want to be committed and just enjoy my single life and explore what types of girls I like etc., if you want to we can keep this thing that we have going, but at the moment I can't offer more, it has nothing to do with you, it's just a lifestyle choice I made for myself, at least for some time" or something similar. 

[Jenkins]

@Federico del pueblo thank you, it makes sense to me, the way you put it

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2_g_zcuE4c

 

[FlyingLotus]

 

 

[FlyingLotus]

I remember watching a video from a PUA named James Marshall who said you should tell her what you can offer instead.  In Marshall’s case, since he wasn’t offering commitment or connection, he’d tell the girl that she could have exciting times, or he’d fulfill any sexual fantasies she had with zero judgments, total secrecy, no possessiveness and a high degree of skill.  (Sounds like an ad for a gigolo .  Write that on your Tinder profile.  No judgments, but it’s funny.)

Of course it’s unethical for a guy to make such claims unless he can offer all that.     

Since you're not offering commitment or deep connection, what are you offering instead?  From her POV, what’s in it for her?  Tell her the truth.  It would also help your case to say why she should invest energy in you.  If you can’t think of a good reason why she should, that’s also worth contemplating.

Edited November 23, 2021 by FlyingLotus

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

I remember watching a video from a PUA named James Marshall who said you should tell her what you can offer instead.  In Marshall’s case, since he wasn’t offering commitment or connection, he’d tell the girl that she could have exciting times, or he’d fulfill any sexual fantasies she had with zero judgments, total secrecy, no possessiveness and a high degree of skill.  (Sounds like an ad for a gigolo .  Write that on your Tinder profile.  No judgments, but it’s funny.)

Of course it’s unethical for a guy to make such claims unless he can offer all that.     

Since you're not offering commitment or deep connection, what are you offering instead?  From her POV, what’s in it for her?  Tell her the truth.  It would also help your case to say why she should invest energy in you.  If you can’t think of a good reason why she should, that’s also worth contemplating.

???

Great advice for anyone who wants to try some form of ethical pick up.

[FlyingLotus]

@Raptorsin7 You’re welcome!

 

This is a really important topic.  I think if good guys know how to have this conversation in an ethical way, they’ll take it.  It’s much much better for girls too so that guys don’t waste their time.

I had a guy friend who had this ONS screening line when he went clubbing.  He’d ask, “are you a good girl or a bad girl?  Because you look like a good girl, but I need a bad girl.” 

It’s a cheesy line for sure, and I have no idea how girls reacted or if it “works,” but full points to him for being honest and direct.  He was model-level handsome, outgoing and reasonably charming, so he had to screen girls quickly.  Maybe it just worked for his particular situation?   

Girls get upset when guys pretend they want a relationship and string them along or if they're evasive, but when guys are honest and classy about it, girls get it.  Unless you’re dealing with a girl who has a strong anxious attachment style or CPTSD.  They’ll pretend to be okay with whatever you’re offering, and then it'll blow up in your face, so it's better to just disengage compassionately.

Edited November 24, 2021 by FlyingLotus

[Federico del pueblo]

14 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

I remember watching a video from a PUA named James Marshall

Do you still have the link to that video? ?

[FlyingLotus]

He answers the specific question at 1h30m.  Pretty sure he has other videos on the topic, but that's the one I watched.  

 

[Lyubov]

It may be a bit unrelated to you but one blind spot of mine that I've sort of filled in recently is you have to let go of your models and beliefs about women. If you find yourself feeling angry at women because they have it easy, or slightly judgement or resentful even on a subtle level, explore those feelings. Put those emotion into writing and get clear on your beliefs about women and what is triggered when you get rejected. Women do pick up subtly on this. Beliefs like "the hotter she is the more crazy she is", "women are spoiled", etc. Let go of all your beliefs about women and approach each and every one with wisdom but also an intuitive curiosity that she is her own person and unique in her own way. Attune. Don't shoehorn her based on how hot she is or what you think women are like due to some pick up model that you saw in a youtube video. This can be very freeing and give you a level of presence around each woman that will greatly aid in your leadership, influence and fulfilling both your desires and helping her fulfill hers and share your love with her. And even if sometimes it feels like you do everything right, it may not go your way, and even sometimes when it feels like you did everything wrong, it may sometimes go your way still. Look at things from a large perspective and don't be afraid to make mistakes and address triggers when they arise with compassionate self reflection.

Edited November 25, 2021 by Lyubov

[Federico del pueblo]

7 hours ago, FlyingLotus said:

He answers the specific question at 1h30m.  Pretty sure he has other videos on the topic, but that's the one I watched.  

 

Thank you!!!

[Jenkins]

So yeah, I've tried since I posted and got much more positive outcomes than I expected.

Instead of a 10% rate of girls accepting such conditions which I expected, it turned out to be 80-90%. Simply this was a fuckup for what I believed was true and how girls react to such stuff.

For myself I established that telling that you are a player after you have sex is a little late. This might differ, however I would feel like hiding something and I don't want to do that.

So I would attract the girl and in 15 min - 1h time frame I would tell them what I'm up to in the most sincere and not cocky way.

By doing so I received one drink in the face, 4/5 feedbacks that led straight to sex, one cooled off and stopped talking to me and another 2/3 are in the middle, however on the warm side.

I've considered myself very skilled in dating for years and it's amazing to find out from time to time that your blueprint of how women see things still might be so wrong.

Kudos to everyone who helped me out with this topic

I wish you an awesome life and maybe well bump into each other on other threads

 

[Federico del pueblo]

Awesome.

I don't want to overly focus on the negatives, but would you mind sharing how exactly that one drink landed in your face? ?

[Jenkins]

@Federico del pueblo  :)) I based my game on radical honesty and told everyone whatever I was thinking, whenever.

One of the encounters was this girl who believed that she is high value and men who are doing what I'm doing are pigs. After a little nagging back and forth she got frustrated, threw the drink in my face and left. It was fun :))

The only thing that I got left is to decide whether I want to keep this lifestyle or try with a girl I met.

I am aware of the one-itis issue, however I'm pretty experienced and I know what kind of girls I like. 

I have met this one at a few parties and everytime I fell more and more into her. So far she's the warm kind I like, she's into personal development, she's beautiful and enjoys sex a lot.

I don't know what to pick between this and all the other awesome experiences I have planned / might encounter in the future, as the downside of choosing that girl would be an exclusive relationship most certainly.

Now I'm staying mentally on the fence for some time and couldn't decide.

The option I find to be working theoretically would be going to dates with her once a week for a while and experience awesome shit ahead, until I figure things out.

What's your view on this?

Any tips?

I am 23 and I would pick an exclusive relationship only if the girl would be amazing from many points of view, otherwise I don't see it being worth

[Federico del pueblo]

@Jenkins cool story

I can't really help you with that decision. You'll have to trust your own judgement.