Shane597

Understanding When I Am Ready To Be In A Relationship

57 posts in this topic

I have been having trouble with attraction. I tend to be too verbose and come off as not that funny usually. I am semi confident, but the reality is I am not super confident. I realize that you are supposed to fake it until you make it, but I can't. It is out of integrity with myself. Also, I have trouble being confident because the truth is that nothing is a concrete truth; meaning all principles can change according to the situation. Also, I realize that when you are too confident it leads to destruction because your ego get involved. I am not even sure if I want to meet a bunch of new girls every week anymore because it just is not that important anymore. I now value my life purpose and pursuing enlightment, plus I don't always attract them. Is this an area that I actually need to work on? Or should I just let it happen naturally? I am a fairly advanced student on actualized.org, but I still have trouble in this department, it seems as though it will never land in my lap and at the same time I don't care very much. I don't know what to do.

Edited by Shane Roberts

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you'll be ready for a relationship when you realize that you don't need one.


unborn Truth

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@Shane Roberts dont fake it till u make it. Contemplate why you have to fake it, get rid of what holds you back, and then you won't even think about it, but you'll make it.


Follow me on Instagram for quantum and energetic healing.

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5 hours ago, ajasatya said:

you'll be ready for a relationship when you realize that you don't need one.

This.

And when you'll break up, you'll realize that not only you don't need one, but that a relationship hinder your capacity to grow.

So unless you're self-actualized as fuck, and still think it's cool and nice to have a relationship, with someone who's also self-actualized as fuck,

There is litterally no need to be with someone, friendship are more flexible and more secure :)

 

BUT, if you never were with a girl (both sexually and in a serious relationship), you need to have at least one nice relationship (of several months),

Because if you don't, you'll always have a part of you that's thinking "oh well, maybe a girlfriend is what I need, maybe it will complete me somehow".

Don't think because you intellectually know that a relationship isn't needed that you'll really think and act like you truly don't care, it really doesn't work like that ^^

 

Edited by Shin

God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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I have been in a relationship before and it was not that great, so yes, I think I have for the most part transened that value.

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It lasted for two months last year. We did not have sex, but we did a lot. Meaning we gave each other oral sex and hand jobs. 

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It was a very undeveloped relationship too, after looking back. But I was as close to her as her brothers, she sincerely cared about me as I did too. It was a pretty serious. Then she found a more imatutre and underdeveloped guy to be with. So we broke up. 

Edited by Shane Roberts

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Nothing is serious. Romanticism is BS. You're attached to a concept, an ideal. You're mind-fucking yourself.

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Well, I was trying to make a point, it seemed serious at the time. But I know it realy wasn't.

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Also, the point I was trying to make was that I experienced a relationship, so I feel I can transcend to the next level. 

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You keep telling yourself that. There are people who stay in relationships their whole lives and never "transcend". Relationships have nothing to do with anything.

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@Shane Roberts The first most important rule is to be satisfied with what you are. Once that is fully done, then you can try, but if you truly don't care then you won't. But don't discourage yourself from trying, but don't take your failure to heart either, use them as learning experiences. 

 

 


"It is YOU that must change for all else to change." - Me.

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@Frogfucius Hey man. I don't wanna be rude but you are right now in a very nihilistic phase right now. It is just a phase, one of many, you will sure transcend it soon.
Be careful what advice you give to people. You give advice based on the phase you are in.

Thereby my suggestion - Isn't it wiser to give advice based on what the people you are giving it to are in?
Just food for thought, don't feel the need to reply to this post, if you wanna engage in a constructive conversation then by all means but right now talking your nihilism is just counterproductive for me. 
Have a nice day! :-)


Follow me on Instagram for quantum and energetic healing.

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@Martin123 Hahaha, oh the irony. There are no stages or phases in reality. You labeling me as a nihilist is your petty ego talking. You're too emotionally attached to concepts and ideas, and nihilism being one of them. What is here goes beyond concepts. It's called reality. I'm not a nihilist, I'm not this, that, or whatever you want to call me. You don't even know yourself, so how are you going to think you know me? If you don't like me slapping reality in people's faces, then by all means, just ignore me. If you want to continue in Lala Fantasy Land, then continue. But quit calling me your dirty, empty words.

Edited by Frogfucius

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@Frogfucius I don't know you, I only see the content you post. That is what I know. And I know that posts of this sort can cause more damage than good oftentimes. 


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@Frogfucius And yes there are phases.
Remember 2 years ago? Haven't you changed since then?
What about 1 year ago? 6 months? Change, change, change. Only that is constant. Keep an eye of how people change. That is the (in)famous phase.


Follow me on Instagram for quantum and energetic healing.

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4 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

@Frogfucius I don't know you, I only see the content you post. That is what I know. And I know that posts of this sort can cause more damage than good oftentimes. 

There is no damage being done here. What damage are you talking about? Am I hurting someone? Or am I just challenging your petty little ego, so much so you had to call me a Nihilist for no reason at all?

1 minute ago, Martin123 said:

@Frogfucius And yes there are phases.
Remember 2 years ago? Haven't you changed since then?
What about 1 year ago? 6 months? Change, change, change. Only that is constant. Keep an eye of how people change. That is the (in)famous phase.

Yes, I understand concepts of phases and stages. But they're merely thoughts. What changes in this universe is physical. Newer cells replace older cells, but even that is just atoms switching around. When you cling to concepts, that's where you sit in a position where you are right now: calling me out, calling me names, looking down on me for being in a "certain phase", writing people off because they're not in a certain stage. Typical ideological bullshit.

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@Frogfucius Im sorry you feel this way. I really don't look down on you. (In your language - you demonize me and put yourself in a position "me against the world" which is a normal reaction of a suppressed low self-esteem, I only know this because I have done exactly that, that is why you might think I look down.)
I wish all the best for you. May you reach happier and more joyful states of being.


Follow me on Instagram for quantum and energetic healing.

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@Martin123 Uhh, no, I'm just calling you out on your bullshit. Pretending you weren't being a jackass isn't going to magically mean you were not a jackass.

I do accept your well wishes however, and I wish the same for you.

Edited by Frogfucius

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@Frogfucius @Martin123 it's about unconditional love and compassion. it's always about valuing the human being over words or points of views.

and @Shane Roberts , it's also about growing up out of the dependence of external approval and sexual satisfaction.

for god's sake, this freestyle spirituality requires maturity and a huge sense of knowing why we're here. if we cannot access that just yet, we're better of committing to a single method. i'd recommend zen practice. ALL of it. the noble eightfold path, the five precepts etc.

this is a forum for consciousness expansion and we're having a hard time trying to help a human being who's having a hard time on his path because we're stumbling on our own intellectual penis. where is our practice?


unborn Truth

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