Father wounds

[Tudo]

Well, I grew up with an abusive father, he was never present in my life, and when he was, all he used to do was humiliate me and beat me up,  even nowadays, I find him a disgusting person. My mother was kind of controlling and neurotic too, but not that much. I feel this stuff fucked up how feel about my masculinity, feminity, and relationship with women. How can I heal all these wounds?

 

Edited September 16, 2021 by Tudo

[Preety_India]

How do you view women?. 

[Tudo]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

How do you view women?. 

Well, when I was a teenager I used to put women a lot on pedestal. And I was needy too. Nowadays, I try to see them more like normal human beings. I feel like I fixed some stuff.

But the fact that was so in lack of touch with my sexually and attracted to so many toxic girls. Still worries me a lot.

I never had masculine role models in my life, so my dating was extremely confusing when I started.

[Random witch]

@Tudo I feel you because my father is also very problematic, he is controlling and loved me conditionally.

All my life I seek for the man who is strong but warm, confident but vulnerable, smart and wise but without "all knows' approach.

I get jealous when I see kids with loving and caring father, but I'm happy for them and I want to see this more and more....

You can become the father that you never had, what do you think about it?

What is the ideal father in your eyes?

Which traits he has? 

You can integrate those traits to your personality.

 

Same with your mother, what your ideal mother look like?

(For me she's also strong but warm, confident but vulnerable, smart and wise but without "all knows'' approach).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Loba]

This is a pretty good stage yellow podcast that has a lot of great information on how to heal certain complexes.  I just went through about five of these over the past few days and have learned a lot - I haven't listened to this one but if it is anything like their other videos, then it will be packed with helpful stuff.

I found these two to be pretty good.

^ This channel shows you how to create your own inner safe space and how to heal and feel self love no matter what, it's not a well known channel but there are a lot of gems there.

Edited September 17, 2021 by Loba

[Tudo]

2 hours ago, Random witch said:

@Tudo I feel you because my father is also very problematic, he is controlling and loved me conditionally.

All my life I seek for the man who is strong but warm, confident but vulnerable, smart and wise but without "all knows' approach.

I get jealous when I see kids with loving and caring father, but I'm happy for them and I want to see this more and more....

You can become the father that you never had, what do you think about it?

What is the ideal father in your eyes?

Which traits he has? 

You can integrate those traits to your personality.

 

Same with your mother, what your ideal mother look like?

(For me she's also strong but warm, confident but vulnerable, smart and wise but without "all knows'' approach).

 

 

Yeah, I think you are right, thank you for these insights. 

[Tudo]

2 hours ago, Loba said:

This is a pretty good stage yellow podcast that has a lot of great information on how to heal certain complexes.  I just went through about five of these over the past few days and have learned a lot - I haven't listened to this one but if it is anything like their other videos, then it will be packed with helpful stuff.

I found these two to be pretty good.

^ This channel shows you how to create your own inner safe space and how to heal and feel self love no matter what, it's not a well known channel but there are a lot of gems there.

Thank you Loba, this content looks really good. It was exactly what I was looking for.

By the way, do you know that Loba means a female wolf in Portuguese?

[Loba]

@Tudo You're welcome, I hope it helps! <3

I did!  Well, I knew it meant female wolf in Spanish, but not Portuguese.  There are probably a lot of similar words, Spanish and Portuguese.
I love that everything has a female and male name for it, even colours!  We have a white can named Blanca.

[Tudo]

4 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Tudo You're welcome, I hope it helps! <3

I did!  Well, I knew it meant female wolf in Spanish, but not Portuguese.  There are probably a lot of similar words, Spanish and Portuguese.
I love that everything has a female and male name for it, even colours!  We have a white can named Blanca.

Yeas, Portuguese and Spanish are extremely similar. I can understand a native Spanish speaker without having never studied it.

And yes, we have gender for almost everything, even countries, kind of weird hahaha

Edited September 17, 2021 by Tudo

[hamedsf]

accept and love them.

accept and love your past self.

and now the world is waiting for you to smash the glass ceiling in practicing divine masculinity. 

I wouldn't say this to everyone but you could DM me, if you needed any help.

[Nahm]

On 9/16/2021 at 6:14 PM, Tudo said:

Well, I grew up with an abusive father, he was never present in my life, and when he was, all he used to do was humiliate me and beat me up,  even nowadays, I find him a disgusting person. My mother was kind of controlling and neurotic too, but not that much. I feel this stuff fucked up how feel about my masculinity, feminity, and relationship with women. How can I heal all these wounds?

 

Instead of introspecting, they projected. Dad judged others. Mom judged herself. The judge mental thoughts didn’t feel good to either of them. Neither willing to take emotional responsibility, kept the cycle going. Dad had low self esteem, and made himself feel better by holding himself as higher than, or above others. Mom, not introspecting, deeply believed happiness came from outside herself, and thus it was critically important to her to control what is outside herself. You internalized these aspects, absolutely innocently. By internalized I mean thoughts & beliefs like  ‘because of me’, or relating their issues to ‘how I am’. You’re in the exact same position every one of us is in. Keep the judgement alive in his place, or let it go. Love is greater, stronger, more powerful, more true and more real, than all of these things (thoughts). And it is always always always, in every single moment, in every possible situation, present and alive within you, if you will.