RickyFitts

Having a lot of difficulty healing my heart

89 posts in this topic

I'm experiencing thudding head pressure at the moment, my third eye and crown chakras appear to be active AF at the moment. Again it's interesting to notice the corresponding activity in my heart chakra - I'd had a realisation when I was having a desperately hard time a few years back that my head and heart were out of alignment, that my mind was basically estranged from my heart, and I seem to have undergone a process since then of bringing thought and feeling back into alignment. Interesting to observe how that dynamic plays out energetically and emotionally.

(As I'm typing, a song called 'Stubborn Love' came on my Youtube playlist, which feels very appropriate :))

Edited by RickyFitts

'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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I'm noticing more activity in the upper part of my chest at the moment, which is a new development as far as I can remember - it's the familiar dynamic of energy meeting resistance, which then stirs up feelings of upset, frustration, and anger. I've been feeling very irritable around people the past couple of days, I find myself wanting to snap at the smallest thing though thankfully I have just enough self-control and good sense to know that a) it isn't warranted, and b) it won't help matters (quite the opposite, it'll just create complications). I'd say I should invest in a punching bag to release some of the frustration, but that feels like too much effort at the moment quite frankly, I doubt I'd make a dent in it xD

Boy, trust really is such a big word I've found. It feels sometimes like armies are massing on the northern and southern borders of my heart, and it's been pretty well established by now that fighting a war on two fronts is a fool's errand, so it feels like I'm - hmm, what's the technical term? Oh yes, that's right - fucked.

I know there's no use grousing about it. Doesn't stop me, mind, but, y'know, I'm only human.

Edited by RickyFitts

'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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An interesting development I've noticed in the past few days is the resurfacing of childhood memories, most of them from around the first year of high school which is telling - that wasn't a very happy time in my life, I spent most of the year feeling very lonely and afraid (I was a shy, sensitive kid anyway, and being in an environment with all those older, pubescent kids felt... harrowing, to be honest) and I think it had a profound effect on me, left me with a lot of mental and emotional scarring. Not much fun revisiting that period of my life, obviously, though I think it's a positive sign that those memories are resurfacing, I think that's an almost inevitable part of the process of healing trauma and emotional wounding.

Energetically I'm very aware of blockages in the upper part of my chest at the moment, feels very heavy and sore at times. I did see the following video on the subject of heart-opening symptoms just before though, figured I'd share it whilst I'm here for anyone who's interested:

 


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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I've been very aware of my root chakra for maybe two-three weeks now, there appears to be a connection between that energy centre and my heart - actually, everything seems to come back to my heart in the end, the unresolved trauma I have in that area of my body seems to have a knock-on effect on the rest of my energy-system. I'm still experiencing a lot of head pressure, too, which always seems to intensify when I focus on my heart. But I'm getting there though, slowly but surely.


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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@RickyFitts An IFS perspective would that you have parts, rather than a single unconscious.

Your pain in your head would be part that want your attention, and, perhaps, also, have something they want to tell you. So, you can just ask them, wait, and they might tell you.

Re meditation, it may be that this is actually impeding the release of your emotions, depending on the type. Robert Schwartz (founder of IFS) says that traditional meditations that talk of a 'monkey mind', or 'mindless chatter', or thereabouts actually disrespect these parts and so can actually be damaging for us, and the parts won't feel safe to say release their burdens.

I like 'Do nothing' meditation in that respect. No control and it seems to allow parts to speak more freely, and thereby feel more safe/ respected.

Re the grief/ anger, I'd ask where you tend to cast blame. If you tend to cast it inwards then I'd suggest placing blame on other much more than you do, and if there is resistance to this, ask 'are there any parts restricting me from blaming others?'. If yes, perhaps, enquire why.

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of hard, meaningful work on yourself. Respect/ kudos for that.

I hope this helps!

Edited by Ulax
Removed a 'so'

Be-Do-Have

Made it out the inner hood

There is no failure, only feedback

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4 hours ago, Ulax said:

@RickyFitts An IFS perspective would that you have parts, rather than a single unconscious.

Your pain in your head would be part that want your attention, and, perhaps, also, have something they want to tell you. So, you can just ask them, wait, and they might tell you.

Interesting. The sensation in my head isn't really painful for the most part, it's just pressure - I first felt this not long after I started meditating about eight years back, I started to notice a pressure like someone was pushing their thumb into the centre of my forehead. I believe this indicates that my third eye was becoming active so I consider it to be a positive development, ultimately, though over time it's also forced me to deal with issues in other energy centres (all the centres are interconnected, after all) which has been challenging.

4 hours ago, Ulax said:

Re meditation, it may be that this is actually impeding the release of your emotions, depending on the type. Robert Schwartz (founder of IFS) says that traditional meditations that talk of a 'monkey mind', or 'mindless chatter', or thereabouts actually disrespect these parts and so can actually be damaging for us, and the parts won't feel safe to say release their burdens.

That's certainly a possibility, though I do actually practise 'Do Nothing' meditation (which you alluded to) so I think I'm all right in that respect. I had a serious issue with emotional repression so it's taken a long time to even begin to release those repressed emotions, but I'm making good progress with it.

4 hours ago, Ulax said:

 

I like 'Do nothing' meditation in that respect. No control and it seems to allow parts to speak more freely, and thereby feel more safe/ respected.

Agree completely, to date it's been easily the most effective approach to meditation that I've tried.

4 hours ago, Ulax said:

 

Re the grief/ anger, I'd ask where you tend to cast blame. If you tend to cast it inwards then I'd suggest placing blame on other much more than you do, and if there is resistance to this, ask 'are there any parts restricting me from blaming others?'. If yes, perhaps, enquire why.

I'll keep this in mind. Resentment seems to be more of an issue for me than blame (though I guess they're quite closely related), but I'm gradually working through it.

4 hours ago, Ulax said:

 

It sounds like you've been doing a lot of hard, meaningful work on yourself. Respect/ kudos for that.

Thanks, kind of you to say :) 

Edited by RickyFitts

'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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I was meditating a little earlier and started to feel a lot of discomfort and nausea in my solar plexus, holy fuck did it feel awful. :SInteresting to sit with sensations like that and just really feel into them, I noticed that there was a feeling of deep sadness lurking underneath the physical sensations - seems to me that the physical discomfort is a result of the patterns of emotional repression that I'd developed from quite a young age, which manifests as physical tightness and tension, and, as the body relaxes and those patterns start to release, first the discomfort is felt and then the repressed emotion can also start to surface. Not a whole lot of fun to feel these feelings and sensations, obviously, but I do think it's actually a good sign that they are being felt, as counter-instinctual and even perverse as that might sound -  'you can only heal what you can feel', as Teal Swan would say. And we're never really free whilst these emotions remain frozen inside of us.

Does make me wonder sometimes if it helps to have a bit of a masochistic streak, though, because boy can it be a painful process at times. xD 

Edited by RickyFitts

'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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@Raptorsin7 Cheers buddy, I'll check it out ?


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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