"how To Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You" - The Exercise And The Aftermaths

[Akeberg]

Leo posted the "How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You" video over two years ago as of now. Has anyone in here done the exercise in its full length?

I`ll be wrapping up my own challenge on december 2nd and would like to hear other people`s results from this.

[Extreme Z7]

@Akeberg Which exercise? Do you mean the one where you repeat to yourself "I am completely independent of the good and the bad opinions of others" for 5 minutes every morning for 90 days or the one where you stand in front of a line in a restaurant and pretend to be very indecisive about your meal, annoying the employees and the customers behind you?

I'm currently doing the former. I'm only at my 2nd day. Still very far from being able to show my results.

[Schulzy]

Google 'spotlight effect'

People actually dont care so much about you, they are focused on themselves.

[Frogfucius]

@Schulzy Interesting. All that tells me is that I need to be more rambunctious to get the attention that I deserve. 

[Akeberg]

9 hours ago, Extreme Z7 said:

Which exercise?

The first one, yes. My bad I wasn`t specific. As i said I`ll wrap up my 90 days shortly and would have to admit that the results are far from what I expected. I did not at all expect to be "cured" of caring about other people`s opinions, but I did have my hopes up for caring much less. What I found out is that yes, I care a LITTLE less about small things that can easily be "corrected". But in a much larger perspective I became even more aware of how much I care about almost EVERYTHING that happens in an interaction with another person. I also noticed that the whole feeling of "caring about other people`s opinions" were infinitely more nuanced and had so many more layers to it than I imagined. There`s a lot of stuff I believe is linked to my upbringing and early childhood, but I can`t yet put my finger on it.

So here you have it. I wanted to hear from someone who completed the challenge and discuss the matter, where can I go from here? This got me so curios I wanted to learn more about the mechanics behind caring in this sense. Any books I can read about this matter? I will probably continue with Leo`s second exercise, swinging the pendulum, and keep this challenge handy whenever I feel myself slipping into old habits.

Wish you all the best with rest of your challenge

4 hours ago, Schulzy said:

Google 'spotlight effect'

 

I am aware of this and have read a little bit about it. My struggle is that there`s a difference to knowing that people don´t really think about you and experiencing that you really don`t care. Again, any advice on what to focus on or look into would be highly appreciated.

[Schulzy]

Yes because when you are anxious your rationality is cut off and you cant even think about it even if you wanted to.
(maybe i made an assumption here thinking you have social anxiety)

I could patch you up with some words but whats the point? The point is for you to find the core issue that is causing you to feel this way.
I am pretty sure its low self esteem.

 

You can go read my post since it changed my whole life. I am pretty sure that if you go through the same process i did, this will get resolved in no time.

 

[The Monk]

@Akeberg I've been using this technique for a while, and it is helpful.  But, the thing is there are techniques that he suggests that are far more powerful.

 

A while ago, I purchased Leo's book list which had 140 books(try and save up to get it). The books provided within his list have some amazing insights into how to avoid criticisms and to not give a shit about what anyone says. I'm a schoolboy (17 years of age) I'm a minority in my school as I seek to get Actualized. Everyday, I got criticisms I would take them to heart and become sad, and frustrated. But, then as I utilised this technique along with others, such as Leo's other video on how to deal with trolls the most powerful question that aided me to do this was 'are you going to allow a figment of someone's imagination control you?' which is what I ask myself whenever something gets to me through criticism, which I then answer no, resulting in my sadness or pain disappearing. And, over the years I've become so used to using it, I don't even have to say it. I remain unmoved by any form of criticism usually. Because, I no longer give a fuck. 

 

[Akeberg]

On 11/30/2016 at 0:01 AM, Schulzy said:

Yes because when you are anxious your rationality is cut off and you cant even think about it even if you wanted to.
(maybe i made an assumption here thinking you have social anxiety)

I don`t classify myself as having social anxiety. But I did look up the definition of social anxiety and some of it, especially about the fear of being negatively judged by others, ringed true. Being highly introverted it drains my energy to be around (roughly) 75% of the people I know, so much that in a lot of cases I try to avoid contact. Even contact I know is necessary, e.g. business-settings or family-dinners. The fear is not always a "I´m afraid of being judged" but can often be a "I`m afraid of losing my energy to someone or something unimportant".

As you said, the point is to find the core issue. I`ll take a look at your post. Thank you for sharing.

@Aamir King Already got Leo`s booklist and loving it. Read around ten of them so far, none of which have helped me with this issue right here. I am currently reading psycho-cybernetics and picked this book specifically because it might help. You got any tips on other books from his list I should have on standby with this topic in mind? Don´t think I ever watched the video you`re mentioning, but I`ll definitly get to it. Thank you
 

[Callum Milner]

@Akeberg @Akeberg I found the affirmations useful, but a way more effective way not caring for me is using the Sedona method, and letting go of wanting approval. Here's a free PDF skip to the chapter on releasing underlying wants and do the questions on approval.

https://s3.amazonaws.com/Sedona.Method/Sedona+Method+Super+Course/SMCpartzips/Sedona_Method_ebook.pdf

 

By the way it's true that's a a general rule the less you care about people's opinions the more positive their opinions of you are. Not caring enables me to act the way I do around close friends with wnyone, occasionally I say seething weird but it's so much fun to express my authentic self. I've experienced more fulfilling friendships. Not caring will make people like you more yet at the same time it won't matter to you.

[The Monk]

@Akeberg find the one that says black in the title (not going to say the full name, or else others may try get it for free, without giving any form of credit to Leo) that book helped me out immensely, and many others. It's the best book in the book list to aid you with not giving a fuck about what people think of you. 

 

Good luck! 

[Schulzy]

Most people have low self esteem though.

[Afonso]

I've also struggled with this in the past. I still face some issues with it, but it got a lot better.

The thing I found most helpful was getting to a powerful realization. For me, this realization was that, ultimately, opinions of others reflect who they are, not who you are. Somehow, something in my mind clicked and now I'm much more grounded.

[Akeberg]

@Aamir King Will do! Thank you

[Shin]

On 09/12/2016 at 6:37 PM, Schulzy said:

Most people have low self esteem though.

Difficult to have a high self-esteem in a society that praise materialism ^^

 

 

[Schulzy]

Yes Exactly Shin